Incoming! screamed one of the Nathans as one of those damned robots came around the corner. The entirety of NERO-Gamma had run out of ammo about five minutes ago. The mission was a disaster. They hadnt even got past the first floor before the robots had ambushed them.
We need to get out of here now! screamed one of the eight Nathans who had jumped on the robot, trying desperately to disable it with sheer force and failing miserably. Nathans were getting pushed back by the force of the bullets and disappearing like all of the clones do when severely injured. The real Nathan was starting to become disoriented from all of his deaths, which was never a good sign.
I think theres a toilet back here! shouted Gita as she pushed her two teammates towards the other end of the corridor. Suddenly, another robot rolled around the corner and aimed its gun at them.
NOPE! shouted Gita as she pushed the nearest door. In her head, she was repeating the words its a toilet, its a toilet, its a toilet. But unfortunately, she could not convince herself it was a toilet, it was actually a janitorial closet. Then the nearby robots opened fired on the group and packed their bodies full of lead.
Jacob sighed and jumped back in time half a minute and pressed the emergency stop button. The SHIVs all powered down with a splutter and the trainees gritted their teeth in frustration.
You were all KIA, said Jacob Get to the extract point for debriefing. He turned off the radio, the next five minutes of radio chatter would just be his students blaming each other on their own failures. He felt like he was acting out some cliché scenario in some stereotypical action film. All of his team were doing well in their classes, worked well by themselves and all had decent grasp on their powers. But for some reason, when they attempted to work as a team they just couldnt get it together. They were better than they were before, but unlike those stereotypical action films, Jacob wasnt sure that they had the time to get their together. Even the live ammunition exercises (which, even though they are completely safe because of Jacobs power, simulates the fear of death that one has on the battlefield quite accurately) werent pulling them together. Jacob was starting to think that Richard Swift was wrong, it wouldnt be the first time and it wouldnt be the last.
Jacob entered the main room for a debriefing on their mission. He came into the room in the middle of an argument between Nathan and Gita, with Juan sitting in the corner looking downtrodden. Just as expected.
thats big coming from Mr I cant make more than sixty-four clones without passing out and start throwing up at half of that Askov! shouted Gita
Sixty-four is a perfectly reasonable number! Nathan responded angrily Only being able to teleport through toilet doors is completely unreasonable! Jacob was about to interrupt the argument to start the debriefing, but before he could an unexpected voice interrupted them.
Actually, its not that unreasonable. said Doctor Simon Fitz, Pine Gaps head of research who had just walked into the room. For some reason some superhumans have unusual psychological restrictions on their power, it is perfectly natural. For example, we had a guy here once who could move dangerously close to the speed of light without suffering from any negative physiological effects, but only if he was hanging up the washing. I spent months trying to decouple his power from this restriction, but to no avail. There was a program in China that managed to do it a couple of times, Im sure that their methods were unethical at best so thankfully I am not allowed to replicate them. Im fairly sure that their mistreatment of superhumans is what led to the Mandate Crisis anyway
Simon stared off into the distance as if he was trying to remember something.
Simon, asked Jacob after a brief pause If you dont mind, I need to debrief the cadets.
AH! shouted Simon suddenly I have a perfectly legitimate reason to be here! Simon started fumbling around on the lock of a large containment bag. Jacob braced himself. Simon was a true Renaissance Man (or Polymath, as he insisted on being called), he was an expert in almost everything. In any field you can imagine he was extremely knowledgeable, having spent at least six months intense study (or as he would call it, dottering) on the subject. With the sole exception of botany, due to his extreme allergies. Due to his ability to run around like a kid who has just discovered red cordial, he still managed to find time to bother the entirety of Pine Gap about his latest inventions.
After a long struggle with the bag, Simon undid the clasps in a cathartic victory. But that didnt stop Simons energetic exposition.
I was feeling bored, he continued So I decided I would emulate Galadriel and give you all special gifts that compliment your abilities for you many future journeys. Simon rushed over to Nathan and pulled a long staff out of the bag.
As the limitations on your cloning abilities make firearms unfeasible for you, said Simon I decided to create a meele weapon that would more suit your abilities. I would dare to say that this is the finest staff in the existence of mankind! Perfectly ergonomic and adjusted for your height and physique! It even has this. Simon pressed a button on the staff and a little electric rod burst out of the top of the machine. Nathans eyes widened in excitement, then they narrowed in confusion.
Wait, he asked Wouldnt my cloning defeat the purpose of the taser doo-hicky by making it explode?
Usually it would, answered Simon If me and my team didnt painstakingly design a design that would be uniquely resistant to your abilities! We estimate that the electrical device should work within acceptable parameters approximately 87.92% of the time! It also has multiple settings, ranging from being able to stun someone to being able to fry their intestines, so be extremely careful with it! Simon shakily handed the device over to Nathan.
Thanks Doc! said Nathan with a grin, as he played with his new toy.
Now for you, young master Juan. said Simon as he pulled out a heavily modified sniper rifle. I noticed that you much more proficient in a sniper rifle than the standard M4A6, so I created a new model from scratch. This one should have reduced recoil than a standard sniper rifle. The scope should also compliment your camera abilities, allowing you to extend the effective range of your photovision by approximately 17.2 meters. Additionally, the side compartment here will allow you to store and retrieve film extremely quickly.
Thank you very much! said Juan enthusiastically.
Let me guess, said Gita sarcastically I get the normal looking gun? Yay me.
Not quite, said Simon While I did base your weapon on the standard MA46 and while it does not have as much combat modifications as Simons, I did put quite a lot of work into the GPS system. This system has the location of every public bathroom in the parts of the United Commonwealth that are not currently warzones. Im sure you can appreciate effort put in by the USIO agents who pretended to be toilet inspectors for the last couple of months. Also, it ties into an international database in case you are overseas, but Id imagine that would be less reliable. Gita nodded happily, which is about as close to thank you as you could hope from her.
Simon, asked Jacob Shouldnt you be preparing for your presentation with the director?
Pfft, responded Simon jovially The presentation isnt for another two-or-three days, Ive got all the time in the world!
Actually, said Jacob while looking at his watch Thats more like two-or-three hours.
No, it couldnt possibly
said Simon as he looked at his watch Its the twenty-third already! Son of a
uh
bye children, Simons just got to go off and
er
.yes! Simon ran out of the hallway in a flash. Jacob allowed a small chuckle to escape his mouth, Simon might be a genius, but his organizational skills left much to be desired.
****************
and as you can see, said Simon All of our labs are operating at peak efficiency. Not that they are ever not running at peak efficiency mind you, I was merely making an observation. Richard lowered his sunglasses.
You know I dont care about any of that, said Richard Now, for the third time, can I please see the device. Simon smiled nervously and looked towards his assistant gleefully.
Ah! said Simon Yes! Of course! It is ready now! Not that it wasnt ready before, just I wanted to show you all of that extremely interesting stuff! Yes! Simon pushed open two large metal doors, into an observation room which oversaw a firing range. Inside the firing range was a scientist who was aiming a rocket launcher at a small testing dummy.
Thats Joe over there, said Simon SAY HI JOE! Joe smiled and waved at the two people.
Wed usually let the grunts test these things, Simon whispered to Richard But we dont want them breaking anything, you know what grunts can be like. Richard, visibly unimpressed, made a soft mmm noise. Simon then continued with the presentation.
As you know, said Simon Alien technology is extremely difficult to research, because most of the time we have no damned idea what does what. Luckily we were able to identify what appears to be a miniature shield generator. We believe it was only used by their high ranking officers, as the only one we obtained was from that time when Demolition Ro-Major Natasha managed to capture one of their leaders. ACTIVATE THE SHEILD GENERATOR! A device which was the size of an iPhone was attached to the dummy.
FIRE THE MISSILE JOE! shouted Simon as he put his goggles on I do love this part. Joe fired the rocket launcher at the dummy, a few centimetres away from the doll the rocket collided with a force field and exploded.
Marvellous, isnt it? asked Simon rhetorically Our testing believes that it could take at least two more missile shots within the span of an hour before the generator overheats. Unfortunately, mass producing these devices is out of the question at the moment. The device uses some strange renewable power source that we havent cracked just yet, we have tried replacing it with solar generators, unfortunately that makes a device that was the size of a backpack, is heavier than the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica and can only block one pistol bullet before exploding.
I was ready to give up on the project, said Simon I thought that the generator was decades ahead of our technology. But it was merely a problem of scale. After the Prime Minister decided to shift our technological focus onto the Navy, I thought of this project and then I had an idea. BRING OUT THE SECOND SHEILD GENERATOR!
The wall that Simon and Richard were looking at slowly elevated, revealing a naval vessel. It was small for a navy ship, half the width of your typical destroyer. On the top of the ship was a large satellite dish facing towards the roof. It was located quite far away from Simon and Richard, Richard had to look at it from
Shes a beautiful ship, said Simon lovingly Shes named the
CSS Joseph Rogerson. Shes actually named after Joe down there. Simon pointed to Joe then cleared his throat.
FIRE THE SECOND MISSLE JOE! screamed Simon again. Joe aimed at the ship a fired off a missile, yet it collided with another force field before it came anywhere near it.
Introducing the
Rogerson Class Shield Generating Naval Vessel. said Simon Joe down there was the guy who managed to find a way to regulate the Xenotron Particles when in contact with high levels of sea water when
well thats not important. What is actually important is that this shield generating vessel will easily provide anti-missile and anti-torpedo systems for our carrier battle groups alongside already existing systems. Additionally, we believe it will block approximately 6.37% more missiles than existing systems, this percentage will only rise once we work out how to manipulate the
well, Im sure you dont want to hear the technically details. Simon held his breath in anticipation of Richards response.
Im impressed. said Richard. Begin production as soon as possible. Simon let out a huge gust of air in relief. Then he noticed that Richard had started to walk away.
Um
sir, Simon began timidly I noticed that there were a lot of protests about black budget military projects and, well, since we are the black budget military projects area I assumed that more resources would be devoted to us. But were barely getting 10%. Where is the rest going?
To increase the capability of our armed forces. said Richard stoically.
A military buildup? said Simon But sir, the Balkan War is over! Sure, Indonesia is a bit chaotic but we dont need all those resources to blow up a few Other worshippers. Richard took off his sighed.
Si vis pacem, para bellum. said Richard.
Oh, thats pretty pessimistic. said Simon Wait, you know Latin? Richard took off his sunglasses and looked Simon directly in the eye.
I used think like you, said Richard I was convinced, like everyone else, that humanity would finally find common ground after the Other attacked. And I was still convinced that the worst of humanitys conflicts were over, apart from a few local tensions caused by the chaos of the invasion. ONeil convinced me that a time of peace was coming. But as country after country was torn apart from civil war, I started to lose hope. The Balkans War was the last straw. Humanity will always find a reason to start kill one and other, usually over something completely pointless. ONeil is a great man, but he is wrong. Weng is right, this is not an era of peace, the status quo has been torn town and now millions will die trying to build a new one. Simon sat down and lowered his head, while Richard solemnly walked out of the room.
I know what you mean sir, said Simon sadly My hope died with ONeil. Richard smiled.
You have misunderstood me, said Richard My hope isnt dead, not yet. World peace is achievable, its just going to be more work than we thought. If anyone could pull it off, it would be ONeil.
Sir, said Simon He cant make world peace from the grave. Richard paused.
Yes, said Richard irritably I know that. I mean his legacy, this country. ONeil knew how to organize people in the right way. Although we may never see it in this lifetime, as long as we all keep doing our jobs to the best of our ability then this country will do great things. I can feel it. Richard confidently walked out of the room and into the vast halls of Pine Gap.
****************
Mr Blimey was sitting in a ruined terrorist camp in the middle of the hot Ferio desert. Three months of dead ends and fake leads, the ever elusive Systems Analyst seemed to be ten steps ahead of him. Eventually Mr Blimey realised that the Analyst was taking him along for a ride, which became especially apparent after this incident.
Mr Blimey had infiltrated (and by infiltrated he meant became de facto leader of) some minor Islamist terrorist group in the middle of this nowhere. Minutes after he arrived, a Maghrebi drone strike blew up the base and killed everyone in except for him, leaving him stranded and alone in the middle of bloody nowhere with no transportation, no food and no water.
If the Systems Analyst wanted him dead, then they could have just got someone to shoot him. No, the Systems Analyst wanted him here, alone in the middle of the desert for a reason. And that reason wasnt to kill him or make him incredibly stuffy inside of his cardboard box head, that even here he did not take the risk of taking off.
A few minutes later he realised what the System Analyst had wanted him to be here for. He could see in the distance two small objects flying in the sky, he hid behind some rubble to avoid whoever they were from mistaking him for a survivor. Poking his head over the rubble, he could make out what the flying objects were.
Great, muttered Mr Blimey Superheroes. Wulfram Wasp and Horus landed on the ruins of the camp.
Im not picking up anything out of the ordinary here, said Claudia Holzer in German Magrebi bombs, architecture reminiscent of Islamist cells. I doubt this has any connections to the Ivory Coast. How about you? Horus just shook his head.
No, said Horus But I doubt I could be able to find anything your sensors
wait, do you smell that? Horus recoiled in disgust.
What smell? said Claudia. Mr Blimey grimaced, he knew what Horus was smelling. Must be his alien nose.
Whatever it is, said Horus It isnt normal. And Ive never smelled anything this horrible before.
Hang on, said Claudia Let me run some filters
oh, thats interesting. Im detecting anomalous pheromones from behind that piece of rubble. Claudia pointed her hand cannon at the ruin which Mr Blimey was hiding behind and Horus aimed with his staff.
Whoever you are, said Claudia Come out from out from behind that piece of concrete and put your hands up. Very slowly. Mr Blimey complied with Claudias request.
What on earth? asked Claudia. Mr Blimey attempted to explain in broken and heavily accented German, but he gave up quickly.
I apologise for having to switch to English, said Mr Blimey I can understand it, but I usually find someone to translate my words into it, I am out of practice of actually speaking it.
No wonder, said Claudia in English According to my analysis you would be able make anyone who gets a wiff of this stuff head-over-heels obsessed with you, including me if it werent for this suit. Except for Horus apparently.
It only really works on humans, said Mr Blimey.
Who are you and what are you doing here? said Horus. Are you working with those filthy Rhamaists? Or the Ivory Coast?
I am a man who is wearing a disguise to protect my identity from a world who is not ready, but you may call me Mr Blimey. He replied.
You are saying you are a superhero? asked Claudia.
Thats one way of putting it. replied Mr Blimey.
Oh great, muttered Horus Weve got another one of those mysterious types. Gah.
Said the kettle the to the pot, said Claudia. Whats got you so irritated?
If you had to endure Mr Stinky over here, replied Horus You would feel similarly.
I apologize, said Mr Blimey I have no control over this power, if I could turn it off I would have long ago.
Right. said Claudia sceptically. That brings us to our next question, what are you doing here?
I have been tracking down a villainous influence known as the Systems-Analyst. said Mr Blimey I believe that he, or it, is behind the assassination of late United Commonwealth Prime Minister John ONeil. I was investigating unusual phenomenon in this region as I believe that the Systems-Analyst is influencing events around here. I infiltrated the Islamist base, just as I was going to get some useful information a Magrebi drone killed everyone. Then you came not fifteen minutes later, I have no doubt that this meeting has been arranged by the Systems-Analyst.
Claudia tilted her head, looking like she was pondering. Then she started speaking in a very strange language, Horus responded in the same language. Mr Blimey realised that this must be Horus native language, they were obviously intentionally excluding him from the conversation. They continued, Claudia maintained her slow monotone pronunciation of the strange alien words while Horus responded angrily. Eventually Horus backed down and agreed to whatever Claudia was proposing.
Okay, said Claudia as she lowered her arm cannon I dont trust you, but leaving you here would be a death sentence and dropping you off somewhere populated would be dangerous for the population. Additionally, you seem to be interested in investigating the Ivory Coast and your powers could be extremely useful. So you are going to come with us, however if you try any funny business I will shoot you. Understood?
Crystal clear replied Mr Blimey.
Good. said Claudia Can you fly? Mr Blimey shook his head. Okay then, Im going to have to carry you. It will be terrifying for you, my advice to you is to keep your eyes shut. Also dont squirm too much otherwise I will drop you.
After a few minutes of preparation, the three flew off into the sky. A small UAV hidden in the rubble recorded the three of them flying off into the sunset.
Excellent, said the person behind the computer as they cracked a devilish grin Just as planned.
