Lance armstrong confirms comeback.

[philippe]

Lance Armstrong comes out of retirement!
Friends, family, Sheryl Crow heave collective sigh of relief
Just when you thought it was over...
Photo ©: Sirotti
Austin, TX, (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) - Less than six weeks after winning what was presumably the final race of his career, Lance Armstrong today announced in a hastily-called media conference that, as widely rumored, he is coming out of retirement.

Said the rumpled, unshaven seven-time Tour de France champion, "Uh, I guess I'll be racing the Tour de France next year." Then, after pausing for a few seconds while exchanging glances with Sheryl Crow, Armstrong continued, "I'll also be racing the Giro d'Italia." Another five silent seconds elapsed, after which Armstrong finished, "And the Vuelta a Espana."

Armstrong concluded the media conference abruptly by saying, "No questions. I have to go ride my bike now."

Crow gives the Go-Ahead

Chicken soup, anyone...?
Photo ©: Sirotti
Rock star Sheryl Crow, fiance to Armstrong, explained his decision. "He's racing again because I was going to completely lose my mind if he didn't get out of the house and do something. I swear, if he isn't at Home Depot buying new power tools or downstairs playing Halo - I haven't yet told him Halo 2 has come out - he's catching up on seven years' worth of television. Yesterday, he watched the entire second season of 24. You know how long that took? All day and all night."

Crow took a deep breath and continued, "Back when he was preparing for the Tour, Lance and I used to talk about how great it would be when he was retired and he'd have time to do nothing but relax. I had no idea he meant that so literally."

At this moment, Crow stopped and took three deep breaths before continuing, "So, yeah, he's going to start racing again."

Neighbours enthused for Armstrong comeback

Time to start relaxing
Photo ©: Roberto Bettini
Armstrong's next-door neighbour, James Scott, reports being pleased with Armstrong's decision to re-enter the peloton. "A few weeks ago I was washing my car and Lance comes over, wearing pyjama bottoms and and 'I won the Tour de France 7 times and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' shirt."

"We start talking about the Tour," said Scott, "and he's helping me wash my car. Nice guy, really. And then I realise he's rubbing down my car with one of his yellow jerseys . I told him he should be protecting them for posterity and he says, 'Oh, I've got a million of 'em. You want it?' And of course I said 'yes.' I mean, who wouldn't want one of Armstrong's jerseys?"

"That was nine jerseys ago," continued Scott. "Now anytime I go outside to water the lawn, trim the hedge, whatever, he's out there with an excuse to talk about glory days and try to unload one of those jerseys. I've started avoiding him, if you want the truth."

Armstrong reacts

I've heard of the rock'n'roll lifestyle, but...
Photo ©: Sirotti
"I'm ready to get back into the routine," said the record-holding Tour winner when reached for comment. "At first, it's fun to be a full-time dad, but after a couple days you find yourself trying to remember which of the twins always wants to wear purple and which wants to wear pink, and how you're going to get Luke back home from soccer practice when it's the girls' naptime, and there are still dishes in the sink from two days ago."

"And have you ever been forced to watch "Dora the Explorer?" asked Armstrong, his face growing animated. "Now, there's a time trial for you. And they want to watch the same episode like three times per day. I swear, if I hear that 'I'm the Map' song one more time..."

"There've been times when I'm making three different kinds of soup for lunch," continued Armstrong. Grace likes chicken and stars (with the chicken bits taken out), Isabelle wants cream of chicken, and Luke wants cream of tomato, unless he changes his mind after I've made it and decides he wants Spaghettio's. That's when I think, 'OK, who's the domestique now?' So no, I'm not too upset about having to get back on the bike."

Asked about his plan to race all three grand tours in 2006, Armstrong said, "Can I win all three? I have no idea. That's not even the point. I'm just doing what I'm told."

And when will Armstrong retire permanently? "I dunno," says Armstrong. "When will the twins be in school full time?"

holy poop, him back on the stage! That was unexpected...

 

[dionysos2048]

I just hope they finally catch him on drugs and send his friend G. W. Bush to the tribunal in The Hague.

 

[azzaman333]

Jerk, let the others win.

 

[pacesplace]

At least for the first time since he retired will the winner have truly deserved the yellow.

 

[Serutan]

He quit while he was ahead, now...

 

[kronic]

Since every other serious contender was caught he might very well win it again.

It would be funny though if he finally got caught.

 

[Volum]

he wont get caught. No way would he be stupid enough to use anything. Everyone would be watching, every french doping hunter will be looking to get him.

Not saying he used anything at all, he was never caught.

 

[Azale]

I just hope they finally catch him on drugs and send his friend G. W. Bush to the tribunal in The Hague.

Yea, let's execute half the field while we're at Sore loser much?

 

[pawpaw]

The tour wants him back real bad--not

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20080911.LANCE11/TPStory/Sports

Tour de France organizers are hardly thrilled at the prospect of Lance Armstrong returning for a shot at an eighth victory in cycling's showcase event.

Race director Christian Prudhomme said yesterday the door is open for Armstrong to compete in the 2009 Tour, but he was cool on the idea and stressed the 36-year-old American must meet stringent new anti-doping standards to clear up the suspicions that dogged him throughout his career.

Armstrong, who won the Tour a record seven consecutive times from 1999-2005, announced Tuesday that he is ending a three-year retirement and aiming for another Tour victory in 2009. It is not yet clear for which team he'll ride.

Less than 24 hours after Lance Armstrong announced his return to professional cycling, BetOnline.com is already listing Armstrong at 8-to-5 to win the 2009 Tour de France - not bad odds considering the fact that he's been retired from the sport the last three years.

Prudhomme told The Associated Press that Armstrong and his team must follow all the drug-testing rules "that are much more strict than they were before.

"If Lance Armstrong is at the start of the Tour de France, it will be the same thing for him and for his team, of course," he said. "I can't say anything else. There won't be any exceptions."

Armstrong's ambitious comeback plans aren't being met with sweeping enthusiasm from the cyclists he hopes to race against.

Several riders competing at the Spanish Vuelta yesterday gave a lukewarm reception to Armstrong's plans to return to racing in 2009 following a three-year layoff.

"Why is everybody so impressed? I'm surprised in a way that I don't know what he's got to win from it," QuickStep rider Tom Boonen told The Associated Press after crossing the line behind stage winner Oscar Freire. "If somebody feels like racing just let him race. [But] I wouldn't do it, I think."

Earlier, Astana team boss Johan Bruyneel suggested that it was only a matter of time before the seven-time Tour de France champion signed with his team. Armstrong said he would only make a return bid under Bruyneel, for whom he rode at U.S. Postal Service and Discovery Channel.

"He has to know by himself whether he wants to come back. But I think for his career it's better to stay [out], to quit with it," Silence-Lotto rider Greg van Avermaet said.

Astana team leader Alberto Contador said Armstrong's arrival could create a rivalry within the team as it bids to return to the Tour after being banned this year for prior doping offences.

"Sure, the two of us would like to win the Tour and some kind of complication could develop, but to arrive at that point would be a race in which different factors would come into play," said Contador, last year's Tour champion.

Another Astana rider, Levi Leipheimer, seemed soured by talk of riding with Armstrong again. "I don't want to talk about it," said Leipheimer, who rode alongside Armstrong for one season at U.S. Postal Service.

Many things still need to happen for Armstrong to actually make it to the starting line next July, Prudhomme said. "You have to remember we are in mid-September and that much water will run under the bridge until the Tour de France departure in Monaco," he said.

The Tour director also noted the doping speculation that dogged Armstrong when he was at the top of his sport. "Suspicion has followed Lance Armstrong since 1999, everyone knows that," Prudhomme said.

Armstrong has never tested positive and always has maintained he was clean, having passed hundreds of drug tests during his career. Since his retirement, rules and anti-doping measures have been further tightened in France and in cycling. Noting that four of Armstrong's former teammates later "got caught" for using banned substances, Prudhomme told reporters, "It means the anti-doping fight has really made progress."

 

[Masquerouge]

I have mixed feeling about this.

On the one hand, I have great respect for athletes able to go out at the top of their game.
On the other hand, if he comes back and wins again, that would be stupendous.

Then my opinion of professional cyclists, the whole lot of them, is that they're all doped, so...

 

[Rik Meleet]

"Pain is temporary, it may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

Forever ??? Not !!!