Let the Zulu Bashing Begin!

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

Well, here it is, loyal AZC members. Vent your frusterations at will.

I'll get the ball rolling with my new Signature. More to follow!

------------------
Inocent Lurker: So, have you seen this new Alliance that's starting up?
Inocent Newbie: Yeah, I'm going to join! It's pro Zulu, and I'm a total Zulu!
Inocent Lurker: Oh, me too! I'm going to register, then join in the fight to have Zulus respected around here!
Inocent Newbie: Okay! I'll go apply to Leowind, Leader of this fantastic group!
Leowind: Oh my. I'm sorry to say kids, but I'm not the one you have to talk to. Our secret, hidden leader, the every Glorious Champion of the Zulu Empire, Sir MIG21 is the one you need to speak to! Also contact him through CEO HARDMAN. I answer to those tawp dawgs, know?
Inocent Lurker: Wow. Someday, I wish to be as they are!
Vladmir_illych_lenin: HEY! Biyatch! What the #*(# ya think your doing? Get the #*($ off my site, Newbie. Go lurk with that *#(*$ Austin or something.
Hippo: Yeah. Get the #*($ out of here!
Inocent Lurker: AHH! Help! MErcy mercy! I'm just a pathetic Zulu, you know?
Hippo: Yeah, we know, now take this and shove it...
A of A: Whoa whoa, C. Don't be using cuss words around here. Big man TF might get O fended and take the side of the ZULU!
Hippo: Yeah. So lemme just say to all you Zulus out there, get the (#*$& W($#%*&%@#(*#$&
Thundefall: Okay C. THat's enough. Off my site. Now.
Hippo: You might stop me, but you can never silence the AZC! AZC FOREVER!

The Saga Continues.

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

Here, I dug this out from a thread way back in early January. Note that one of the coolest people once around here, SpacemanSpiff, laughed at SHaka right after this:

Their thinking (Zulus) goes something like this: Huh, maybe me need robotics. huh, huh. Shaka go to Cunobelin of Celts, dee-manduh robotics. Shaka bring fire. Shaka bring toilet paper leeaves for long walk. Shaka ride trusty donkeyman. Celts give me robotics I make howitzers and break alliance and kill them! Huh, huh, uh. If no me give robotics, me break alliance anyway. Me say "Begone from my territory at once." Zulu nation need no help from dum dum Celties.Huh, uh. Me very happy,yes yes, me very smart. ME IS SO SMART, Ess, Emm, Arr, Tee. ME IS SO SMART, Ess, Emm, Arr, Tee. He heh heh. Oh man, where is leaves when you need thems?

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

Somehow with his busy schedule, President Vladmir found the time to listen to a futuristic Zulu High COuncil meeting, similar to those practiced by the Zulu Alliance. It sounded like this:

Hahoo!
"rattles" Dooodooooodooodoodooooo
Dooooodooooodoodoooooo "drums"
DoooDoooooDoodooooodooooooodoodoooooo "drums and rattles"
Doooo doo "drums and rattles in background" dodoo
Ho...Ha! Ho!
Doooodooo Doo Doo DOoooooDooo Ahho! Dododoodooooo "rattles" "drums"

(chorus)

(high screech)Heeeyyyha!
Hey Ha ho hey ho ha!
(high screech)Heeeyyyha!
Hey Ha ho hey!
Dooooo"drums"doodoooo"rattles"
(high screech)Heeeyyyha!
Hey Ha ho hey ho ha!
(high screech)Heeeyyyha!
Hey Ha ho hey!

Dooodoooodododoooododoooodododoooo
Hey!
Doodoodooo
Dododooooooooodooooodooooooodoooooo
"rattle and drums in the background"
DoodooodoooooDodooodooo"rattles"
Heyha!
(solo) Heyhaawayhaaahaaawayaaweaaaho.
Weeyha!
Weeyha!
Dooododododo!
Dooododododo!
Dooododododo!
Dooododododo!
(bird chirpping)
Dodo!

 

[Alcibiaties of Athenae]

The only good Zulu city is a dead Zulu city!

How do you get a one armed Zulu supporter out of a tree? Wave to him!

How many Zulu supporters does it take to make popcorn? 5: one to hold the pan and four to shake the stove!

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[Smash]

You are not truly alive without love in your heart.

Hug a Zulu today.

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

We're not allowed to hug Zulus. Our scientists indicate that their lack of hygenic prowress is a risk to our whole AZC society!

Zulu, you units reek like gas-o-line!
Zulu, your outhouses are unclean!
Zulu! Oh mister Zulu! Whipping boy extraordinaire, we know you care!

Zulu, I nuked your Bronze age wonder,
Zulu, does it get any funner?
Zulu, oh mister Zulu. You know we'll get you, don't run that way - a nuke is on the way!

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

The saga continues! dun duh duh dun!

------------------
LEOWIND: Hey! Blitz! How's recruitment looking for the Zulu Alliance?
BLITZ: Aw, you know its going good. We're gonna take down that #$(&#$ Russian communist and his (*#$&(* of a Hippo associate.
LEOWIND: I hear ya. Lets roll over to HARDMAN's site and make some secret plans!
LURKING POLICEMAN: Awright you two. Busted, as busted can be. Hand over the narcotics.
BLITZ: Aw man! We ain't done been tokin' wit dees leaves, know G? We was usin' em take wipe our undersides cause here is Zulullia, we ain't done got no TP.
SHOTS RING OUT IN THE BACKGROUND! SHAKA HIMSELF APPROACHES!
What's happin' my dawnkees? Seen that (*$#&@ hippo lately?
HIPPO: Seen your mom lately?
VLADMIR: Oh, cause I saw her five minutes ago. At Blitz's hosue!
SHAKA: What the *(#&$@ 's this Blitzy? You been #@#$)#@($...
LEOWIND: WHoa, whoa Shak-dawg. I seen Blitz the whole time,he didn't do nuthin. The Hippos tryin' ta get in your head! Ya heard me, tubby.
MR BOND APPROACHES FROM THE REAR. MORE SHOTS, LEOWIND DIVES FOR COVER AS SHAKA's LIFELESS FRAME DANCES ON THE GROUND!
Mission accomplished, ya #*($&@.
VLADMIR: #*($@ boys! Lets go!
LEOWIND: I'mma get ya, hear me! *#($ Y'll! Death to AZC

The Saga COntinues. Shaka is dead, who will rise in his place?

 

[Blitz]

Telecommunications intercept from the AZC;

Lenin: I know Comrades! Let us have a revolution, let us fight the capitalist.. er, Zulu oppressors!
Cunobelin: Yeah, seeming as we're not real generals, let's pick on the weakest, most innocent people around!
Alcibiades: Let's make some t-shirts!
Cunobelin: Sure, just wait for me to come down off my fantastic rocket ship!!
Lenin: Yeah, and when we win, I'll lock up all my most loyal supporters and put them in Siberian concentration camps!!
Alcibiades: Let's invite James Bond [sighs], he's such a lovely man....

Blitz

Note to AZC - Personality assassinations against fascist AZC members are based purely on political grounds only, and should in no way be taken personally. Feel free to defect to our noble cause at any time. Join the Anti fascist Zulu Alliance!!

 

[Kev]

Secret recording from the "Zulu love-fest" kickoff meeting:

Leowind: I would like to thank both of you for coming to the Zulu love-fest kickoff meeting. All hail Shaka.
Loaf and Blitz: All hail Shaka
Leowind: I would like to first propose myself as despot.
Blitz: No, I shall be despot and in spite of your disrespectful attitude I will spare you an attack from my mighty army.
Loaf: No, I shall be despot and I grow tired of your insolence.
Leowind: No, I shall be the all-mighty despot. You have both crossed me for the last time. PREPARE FOR WAR!
Blue Monday: Um, excuse me. Is this the anit-Mongol meeting?
Blitz: No it is not. Remove yourself from our territory at once or our mighty army will remove you.
Blue Monday: I should really look into that AZC thing.
Leowind: I have a great thought. Let us observe Vlad's and Hippo's postings. We can basically just sit around and then go and steal their ideas, and barring that we can probably TAKE them by conquest.
Blitz and Loaf: Great plan!!
Leowind: OK! Group hug!

** Tape mercifully runs out.

 

[Leowind]

the saga continues...

LEOWIND, BLITZ, and LOAF WARDEN, sitting around a table in a darkened room...

LEOWIND: The AZC has once again shown their true, treacherous colors in assasinating our beloved leader in cold blood, with the aid of their paid-off policeman.
BLITZ: What shall we do?

A strange, warm light begins to fill the room. A voice speaks, the voice of Shaka himself!

SHAKA: Do not fear, my children. They have taken my body, it is true, but I shall ever be with you. Remember all that I have taught you. There is more to this world than flesh, blood, cities, and weapons. Stay true to the higher enlightenment you have learned as honorable Zulus. The infidels will persecute you, they will kill you without provocation, they will nuke your cities, rape your womem and children, force your old men into hard labor, raze and destroy for the shear enjoyment of destruction, as they have always done. They will malign you, attempt to destroy your reputation, and speak all manner of evil against you, as they have always done and continue to this day. Stand strong against the darkness, my friends. Your sacrifices will not be in vain. In time, the infidels will see the light and learn to walk the higher path of true Zulu enlightenment. Stand firm, my friends...

the voice fades, the light dims.

LOAF WARDEN: Then there is still hope? The light may yet penetrate their darkened minds.
LEOWIND: Where the true spirit of Zulu enlightenment exists, there is always hope, my friend.

The saga continues...

 

[Kev]

All AZC members try valiantly to hold back their giggling while listening in.

It would seem that the hallucinogenic drugs slipped into the Zulu-lovers' food by Mr. Bond has caused them to begin worshipping a simple table lamp.

------------------
Diplomacy - the art of
saying "Good Doggie"
until you can find a rock

[This message has been edited by Kev (edited March 21, 2001).]

 

[Håkan Eriksson]

This is not the place for this! Peace!
<IMG SRC="http://home.swipnet.se/~w-92087/bilder/fagel.gif" border=0>

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<IMG SRC="http://w1.316.telia.com/~u31613053/sign.gif" border=0>

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

"Aw Lisa, it doesn't mean anything! Its just one of those words, you know? Like 'rabadabadingdong', and 'give peace a chance'."

Homer J Simpson

The Saga continues. With Shaka now making not-of-this-world appearences to his loyal comrades, the COMMUNIST governing body of the Zulu Alliance, giving them a distinct underworld advantage, the AZC decides to bust up a volunteer so that he can go harass Shaka as a ghost!

Hippo: Yo vlad! I got us a volunteer!
Vladmir: Yeah? Good. I still don't see why we can't just run up on them Zulus with a 22 and (*$#@& blow *(#&$@#*($@# them.
Hippo: Naw, see, casue they got an underworld presence we need to dispose of. PENVZILA! OVer here.
Penvzila: Okay guys, but y'all ow me big for ...
Vladmir: Man, shut the *#$&(@ up and stand still. We ain't gonna kill ya, just give ya this halluncination drug that'll let you go bust up Shaka.
Penvzila: (*&$#@ modern (*$#@# medicine! If I die, I'mma haunt you like a dog!
Hippo: Cram it. Now, have a nice sleep...

The Saga continues. Watch your @$$, Shaka.

 

[Leowind]

Penvzila drifts into sleep. What seems like ages later he awakens in blackness. Sitting up, he peers about. His mind seems to be swimming. "*&^&%# commie friends and their stupid #$# drugs," he thinks to himself. "Where did they leave me?" He cries out, "Anybody there?" His voice sounds dead and strangely muffled. Something brushes past his arm, and he suddenly realizes that the blackness is not just dark, but seems to be swirling and moving. Cold breaths brush against his arms and legs. Muffled voices can be heard coming from the darkness. "He is not ready." "Why is he here, it is not his time." "We should take him now and not let him return, lest the light have time to claim him."
"I seek Shaka of the Zulus," he cries out, frantically looking about.
The responding screech makes him hold his ears in pain. "Shaka, the leader of the light!?! The enemey of the dark! Can it be that this mortal is already corrupted by the light? Away with him. Let him return only when his soul is truly dark..."

Slowly Penvzila awakens. His head is pounding, he can barely see straight. "#$& commie friends and there *&$#^ drugs," he swears to himself, then slowly realizes they are standing around him.
VLADMIR ILLYCH LENIN (communist leader of the AZC): Well, did you bust up Shaka?
PENVZILA: Shaka wasn't there, wherever I went. Find yourself another stooge for your next experiments. Give me a beer and about a week to sleep off this headache.

Meanwhile, in another part of the underworld, the great spirit of the Shaka sadly watches this unfolding drama in the mortal realm. "Penvzila, there is still time for you. Oh that you could see the joy that awaits you in the light."

The Shaka is untouchable.


------------------
Founder of Zulus Unite!
Fighting that ALL may be free from oppression
Join us at Zulus Unite! thread and make the (Civ) world a better place!

 

[vladmir_illych_lenin]

Flash! Video camra recorded this around the Zulu campfire:

Loaf: It sucks to be Zulu!
Leowind: I know I know!
Loaf: It sucks to be Zulu!
Leowind: I know it's true!

Shaka: I'm a bastard if it's true
If the thing she did to me
Is what I did to you
I'm a bastard if it's true
And I guess it's true


I hate to break this to you Leowind, since there's so much happiness and enlightenment, but Shaka is not god! he would not survive in heaven because there are not outhouses to poop in and no treaties to break!

 

[Cunobelin Of Hippo]

THE MINUTES OF FIRST EVER SUMMIT OF ZULU FORCES:

Representing the ANTI ZULU CULT: vladmir_illych_lenin, Cunoeblin Of Hippo, Fisheads, Mr. Bond, Willamvanoranje, Alcibiates

Representing the ZULU ALLIANCE: Leowind, Loaf Warden, Smash, Blitz, ShakaZulu,

Moderating: Hakan Eriksson, BlueMonday

Hippo:"Treacherous Zulu Alliance: Prepare yourselves for a message from our glorious leader, Vladmir_illych_lenin!"

Vladmir:"We shall grant you an audience, but do not waste our valuable time."

Loaf:"Oh treacherous leader of the infidels! Our glorious leader, Leowind, has a message for you!"

Leowind:"We will not enjoy this tete-a-tete, as we have other, more important things to do, like build outhouses and train donkeys."

Hakan: Okay guys. Lets hear the problem. First you, Zulu Alliance.

Leowind: Well, we were just minding our own business building wonderous city improvements and giving tithes to our small friends when all of a sudden these radicals from the West show up and start abusing us for no reason!"

BlueMonday: Any proof of such doings?

Blitz: Yeah. Hippo himself calls himself "Director of Anti-Zulu PROPOGANDA!

Hippo: #*($ you. All of you can (*#$&@ and #*$&*( my...

BlueMonday: Whoa, whoa, there Hippo. Don't have PMS! Are these accusations true?

Hippo: #*$$@* yeah! What the (#&*$ is wrong with propoganda? I be promoting my side of the story!

Smash: *($# you!

Fisheads: *(#$&you too!

Hakan: HEY! Calm down everyone! Can't we all just be friends!

Vladmir: Not if they continue to befoul territory that is rightfully ours!

Williamvanoranje: Yes. We have many serious charges to lay against the vile scum of the Zulu Empire: They occupy our territory, preventing the harvest of crops. They Sneak attack our caravans with calvaly, kiiling many innocent children. They are a menance to Civ Society, with their lack of knowledge, dangerously unstable personality, and insistance that green is great!

A Of A: They impose mental cruelty on the Chieftains of the world! Their nonsensical aggression when we are young leaves us no choice other than to come back and beat their *(#$@ @$$@S down later!

Vladmier: And they #*$@&( our (#*$&@ cause (#$&&@! They stole my (*$#&@ donkey!

Leodwind: We love everyone! We give money to everyone, and trade tech with whoever wants to!

Hippo: Yah! "We cannot your offer to trade Nuclear Fission for Pottery because all or our great minds are busy building an obsolete Hanging Gardens" is what you sound like.

Smash: Man, go #(*$&@.

Hippo: R*@(#$ you too!

Hakan: Okay, well, here's my solution. HANDS ALL REPRESENTATIVES A PIECE OF PAPER:

Vladmir: What the $#*&@ is this?

ShakaZulu: *#$&@# you!

Mr Bond: *R(# you! BANG A SHOT IS HEARD! SHAKAZULU CRUMPLES TO THE FLOOR!

Loaf Warden: AHH! See you #*($#@#* later! BANG BANG BANG BANG! THE ZULU LETS FORTH A BARRAGE OF STONES FROM HIS POUCH!

The Saga Continues....

 

[Alcibiaties of Athenae]

NEWSFLASH:Ulundi Scientists are baffled by the strange disease which has inflicted the followers of the Zulu Nation. it takes on the delusion that lamps and coat hangers are the physical representation of the now dead Shaka-Zulu. At least four murders have been reported of people who tried to hang their coats, and were hacked up by fanatic Zulu followers. Some scientists postulate that the total absence of women in the Zulu ranks (or anywhere else in their lives) may be the root of their dimentia. In an unrelated story, Zulu live-stock seem to have become bow-legged. Vets are baffled by these strange developments. As reported by Wolf Spritzer, ZNN

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[Kev]

Hey Hippo:

Why didn't I get an invite to the summit? After all, I was the one behind the secret taping of the "Zulu love-fest" kickoff meeting. I posted the results about nine posts earlier.

------------------
Diplomacy - the art of
saying "Good Doggie"
until you can find a rock

 

[vladmir_illych_lenin]

Sorry, must have forgot about you

. We are kind and caring to our brothers and sisters, unlike the DIRTY SCUM SUCKING ZOOLOOS! THEY FORCE MEN TO CUT OFF THEIR MEMBERS!

CELIBATES!

 

[vladmir_illych_lenin]

SECOND SUMMIT OF THE ZULU/AZC LEADERS
0800 Zulu time.
Same people.

Leowind: Fellow Zulus, I am very disappointed to say that our AZC friends are rising in power, and are about to crush our puny and pathetic tribe!

Hippo: Ahahaha! *shoots a spitball which lands in Leowind's coffee.

Vladmir: Zulu's, we plan an attack against your puny village of Ibabanago and killing their cow lusting citizens!

Kev: Mwahahaha!

A of A: Don't forget ferrets and cheerios!

H&aring;kan: Let's not lose our manners, gentlemen.

Fishheads: #*$## that! *head butts H&aring;kan

Smash: WTH! *punches Fishheads but misses, and smashes his fist against the wall* AaaahhAAAAAAH!

Kev: Take this $%#$#$#)%(! *takes a pistol and caps Blitz

Hippo: Ahahaha! Hey Vlad, let's gang up on Leowind!

Vlad: Okay!

Leowind: uuhh, shouldn't have eaten all that cow dung ***let's out a thundering fart***

AZC: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Blitz, Smash, Loaf: Hmmm... this smell reminds me of home, good ole' Umfozoli.

Leowind: Omigod! I lost five pounds with that smacker!

The AZC escapes. The surrounding 8 tiles are covered in pollution.

Zulu's unite: Home sweet home, with the crisp smell of dung in the air, the rolling brown hills of knee-deep manure, and the only thing missing is to portable outhouses towed by donkeys.