You see, your argument is this...anal sex/oral sex is just as safe as vaginal sex if you wear a condom. No, its not. Why? Condoms fail. And the acts of a/o sex, by their very nature, are going to be much harder on a condom than vaginal sex.
...I don't want to sound patronising or to beat around the bush, but suffice to say that by using certain products it's possible to make them pretty much the same when it comes to wear and tear. And anyway, it's still only changing the failure rate from something like (numbers guessed) 0.1% to 0.2% - it may double it, but it's still ignorable.
To be frank, if I'm allowed to be psychoanalytical it sounds like you're trying to rationalise the instinctive 'yeuch' reaction, really.