LINES-World of Magic
- Thread starter Lord_Iggy
- Start date
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Yawn. I'm bored and I don't feel like writing another story, so I'll create a mod-aid instead.
Stories between Update 11 and Update 12:
Silver Steak - Azash - Gladinia - Contempt - Silver Steak - Erik - TerrisH - Strategos.
Stories after Update 12 (most recent):
Erik - Azash - Erik - das - Erik - Erik - Azash - Erik.
Iggy, can you kindly get around to updating the story bonuses before the next update rolls around?
Stories between Update 11 and Update 12:
Silver Steak - Azash - Gladinia - Contempt - Silver Steak - Erik - TerrisH - Strategos.
Stories after Update 12 (most recent):
Erik - Azash - Erik - das - Erik - Erik - Azash - Erik.
Iggy, can you kindly get around to updating the story bonuses before the next update rolls around?
Karthage's army is concentrated in central Italy, Southern Italy, and Sicily.
Done.
Ship is now in the stats as a 2 turn project. But your story will finish it early.
Story update will be done after school for me.
Trade route fixed.
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Yay! Persistence pays off!! 
I suppose doing stuff for the benefit of the mod can't hurt either
If you like, I'll create a similar index of the updates, with mini-summaries, that you can post on the front page.
Eeep!
(Karthage, you just read my entire military placement, so fair's fair.)
I suppose doing stuff for the benefit of the mod can't hurt either
If you like, I'll create a similar index of the updates, with mini-summaries, that you can post on the front page.
Essentially the only place I still have troops apart from Rhodes?
Eeep!(Karthage, you just read my entire military placement, so fair's fair.)
Silver Steak
The Ghost of SS
@Erik: Umm, I've kind of let you hire(kidnap) my mages and make them enchant your Bringer of Wrath and all that. I'm not sure if I missed a meeting, but as far as I recall, there was no agreement of this service(rape). What's happening here? Would you let it pass if I tugged away some of your Awakened Ripples to perform a river dance on the Republic Day Festival in Timboktou? You're getting a story bonus by abusing my mages! What you deserve is a story penalty!
Iggy! Make evil Erik stop!
Iggy! Make evil Erik stop!
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Stop whining, Silver. And don't be silly.
Ten of your non-governmental mages (i.e. not the ones in stats) were privately hired for a week by Meremmor. Neither of our governments were involved in it.
I could have written a long, verisimilar explanation on how chaos magic makes a ship fly. Since you started the Flying Fortress, though, I changed my mind, because I thought it made the story better.
If you decide that there are NO other mages than the ones in your stats in all your nation, I'll have to change my story.
You can certainly try to hire Awakened Ripples, but they tend to warp whatever they come into contact with. Also, since they're specially created, the ones in the stats ARE the only ones in Elgovia.
Feel free to include a chaos mage or two at the Republic Day Festival, though. I'm sure it'll be fun.
PS: "Rape" is far too loaded a word. Please refrain from abusing it that way in the future.
...
Edit: WTH, Iggy? Who are you talking to?
And don't be silly.Ten of your non-governmental mages (i.e. not the ones in stats) were privately hired for a week by Meremmor. Neither of our governments were involved in it.
I could have written a long, verisimilar explanation on how chaos magic makes a ship fly. Since you started the Flying Fortress, though, I changed my mind, because I thought it made the story better.
If you decide that there are NO other mages than the ones in your stats in all your nation, I'll have to change my story.
You can certainly try to hire Awakened Ripples, but they tend to warp whatever they come into contact with. Also, since they're specially created, the ones in the stats ARE the only ones in Elgovia.
Feel free to include a chaos mage or two at the Republic Day Festival, though. I'm sure it'll be fun.
PS: "Rape" is far too loaded a word. Please refrain from abusing it that way in the future.
...
Edit: WTH, Iggy? Who are you talking to?
The Strategos
Thanatos
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Messages
- 1,175
Wait a minute here, how come Erik can change his project mid-completion to something else and have not lose the counter? He was building a Victory Monument over Karthage, and I want to see him have the gall to finish it. You can't put a eco point into building a monument and then suddenly decide that it wasn't a monument but a flying ship that you meant to put it towards just because you suddenly realize your victory isn't as complete as you thought. He should either have to finish his monument or tear it down and loose everything he put towards it so that he can build this ship instead.
And if he does build this ship I think half of N. America should blow up because of the interferance between his magic, the magic of the ship, and the magic of the warp portals, with the way magic is set up in this world, a functioning magic ship should react with a functioning magic gate of a different type of magic.
Edit: Because tone doesn't carry over very well, the above was said tongue in cheek. Though of course if you take it seriously, I wouldn't complain either
And if he does build this ship I think half of N. America should blow up because of the interferance between his magic, the magic of the ship, and the magic of the warp portals, with the way magic is set up in this world, a functioning magic ship should react with a functioning magic gate of a different type of magic
.Edit: Because tone doesn't carry over very well, the above was said tongue in cheek. Though of course if you take it seriously, I wouldn't complain either
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Iggy arbitrarily ignored my project, so I arbitrarily changed it.
And there's no way in hell I'm going to use the warp gates with that ship. The ship is going to fly over to Europe.
Also, the enchantment is on the ship. It's not going to be activated, and I'm not going to enchant it further.
And there's no way in hell I'm going to use the warp gates with that ship. The ship is going to fly over to Europe.
Also, the enchantment is on the ship. It's not going to be activated, and I'm not going to enchant it further.
Silver Steak
The Ghost of SS
Well, all mages of Songhai are trained in Timboktou, under the strict tutilage of the Order. This means all mages have their past tied to the government, since the Order is just the magical subdivision of the military. But this doesn't mean there are no mages outside the Order. Maybe some of them retired, or became politicians as is the most common reason for mages to leave the Order. Being politically active is not forbidden for mages, but the duties of mentoring novices can be neglected, and is therefore not encouraged.
The problematic part of you hiring Songhai mages is the fact that they are practicing the nation's signature spells. Songhai mages know indeed how to make objects levitate, but the act of performing these incantations outside the country where others might study it is prohibited by the Republican Law. This proves that, at least, the mages are outlaws and criminals, wether or not Meremmor knew about the ban. Now I have to write a cool story describing how the mages actually were part of Songhai's diplomacy to better relations with Elgovia, or a story describing their punishment for betraying their country...
Hey, I could write how they were seen by a Chaos Mage who recognized them! Then they would try to shush him down as he continued to praise them for their wonderful aid in the making of the Bringer of Wrath. Gradually, the room becomes awkwardly silent, and the Chaos Mage notices something's amiss...
The problematic part of you hiring Songhai mages is the fact that they are practicing the nation's signature spells. Songhai mages know indeed how to make objects levitate, but the act of performing these incantations outside the country where others might study it is prohibited by the Republican Law. This proves that, at least, the mages are outlaws and criminals, wether or not Meremmor knew about the ban. Now I have to write a cool story describing how the mages actually were part of Songhai's diplomacy to better relations with Elgovia, or a story describing their punishment for betraying their country...
Hey, I could write how they were seen by a Chaos Mage who recognized them! Then they would try to shush him down as he continued to praise them for their wonderful aid in the making of the Bringer of Wrath. Gradually, the room becomes awkwardly silent, and the Chaos Mage notices something's amiss...
From: Vol'Kiss
To: Mongols and China
We apologize; we have but recently contacted Kojaro, and were therefore not aware of it's immediate or long-term past. We withdraw our demands and offer our apologies. However, we will not leave the newly colonized land we found completely empty.
OOC: There was some space where Kojaro had not gained influence, and I settled there. Sorry about that, I haven't followed the updates much, spare whatever concerns me, jalapeno and south america.
@Steak: Ever heard of live impaling? I think that's what Vlad the Impaler used to do. And don't forget the Kojaran water torture!
To: Mongols and China
We apologize; we have but recently contacted Kojaro, and were therefore not aware of it's immediate or long-term past. We withdraw our demands and offer our apologies. However, we will not leave the newly colonized land we found completely empty.
OOC: There was some space where Kojaro had not gained influence, and I settled there. Sorry about that, I haven't followed the updates much, spare whatever concerns me, jalapeno and south america.
@Steak: Ever heard of live impaling? I think that's what Vlad the Impaler used to do. And don't forget the Kojaran water torture!
Silver Steak
The Ghost of SS
Story. Read post #1270 for intro.
Galadus, Chaos Mage and diplomatic envoy of Elgovia, sighed as he watched over the courtyard from his suite. His stay in the Hall of the Republic had extended far beyond the original schedule, and the day of his planned arrival back in Elgovia was due. He longed for the trial to be done, and to be on his way back. The memory of the Republic Day Festival flashed back vividly as he closed his eyes in dull resignation.
Eh... What's with the sudden silence? Was is something I said?
Indeed, it was something he had said, namely the involvement of Songhai mages in the enchantment of the Bringer of Wrath, Grandmaster Meremmor's new personal war vessel. They had been crucial to the construction, and their pay had been extravagant as well. Now they were going to pay back for their arrogance.
He remembered only vaguely the pandemonium that ensued as some of the mages involved tried to burst out of the Hall by calling great gales with their magic. The banquet was completely razed, and several of the foreign guests were injured before the rampant escapees were seized and arrested. He himself had been flabbergasted by the sudden and invisible forces of the wind, and was knocked out cold as he flew headfirst into the marble wall. He still felt a bit dizzy when waking up in the mornings.
Then the outlaw mages were escorted to the Tower of Judgment, and their trial began. Being mages, they had to be locked in cells with (former) colleagues as guards to dispel any attempts to break out with magic. The Festival was of course cancelled, and all the guests were humbly asked to be overbearing of the slight, and also politely adviced to prepare for the journey back to their respective nations. All but Galadus, who had to stay and witness in the court.
He was bored by the whole affair, and did not want to stay even for the reparations promised for the delay. The only reason he stayed was to fulfill his diplomatic duties of maintaining good relations between Elgovia and Songhai. Even that was endangered as this scandal was a matter involving Meremmor and thus greatly strained Songhai's attitude towards Elgovia as well.
Galadus muttered a curse, and stepped away from the arched veranda and back to his bed chamber. His head swirled a bit, and he let out a groan as he slumped down on the rumpled sliken sheets. A while later he called for breakfast to be served, preferably by some of the maids offering "extended services". If he was forced to stay, Galadus thought, he was going to make the best out of it.
Galadus, Chaos Mage and diplomatic envoy of Elgovia, sighed as he watched over the courtyard from his suite. His stay in the Hall of the Republic had extended far beyond the original schedule, and the day of his planned arrival back in Elgovia was due. He longed for the trial to be done, and to be on his way back. The memory of the Republic Day Festival flashed back vividly as he closed his eyes in dull resignation.
Eh... What's with the sudden silence? Was is something I said?
Indeed, it was something he had said, namely the involvement of Songhai mages in the enchantment of the Bringer of Wrath, Grandmaster Meremmor's new personal war vessel. They had been crucial to the construction, and their pay had been extravagant as well. Now they were going to pay back for their arrogance.
He remembered only vaguely the pandemonium that ensued as some of the mages involved tried to burst out of the Hall by calling great gales with their magic. The banquet was completely razed, and several of the foreign guests were injured before the rampant escapees were seized and arrested. He himself had been flabbergasted by the sudden and invisible forces of the wind, and was knocked out cold as he flew headfirst into the marble wall. He still felt a bit dizzy when waking up in the mornings.
Then the outlaw mages were escorted to the Tower of Judgment, and their trial began. Being mages, they had to be locked in cells with (former) colleagues as guards to dispel any attempts to break out with magic. The Festival was of course cancelled, and all the guests were humbly asked to be overbearing of the slight, and also politely adviced to prepare for the journey back to their respective nations. All but Galadus, who had to stay and witness in the court.
He was bored by the whole affair, and did not want to stay even for the reparations promised for the delay. The only reason he stayed was to fulfill his diplomatic duties of maintaining good relations between Elgovia and Songhai. Even that was endangered as this scandal was a matter involving Meremmor and thus greatly strained Songhai's attitude towards Elgovia as well.
Galadus muttered a curse, and stepped away from the arched veranda and back to his bed chamber. His head swirled a bit, and he let out a groan as he slumped down on the rumpled sliken sheets. A while later he called for breakfast to be served, preferably by some of the maids offering "extended services". If he was forced to stay, Galadus thought, he was going to make the best out of it.
I have a bad habit of not finishing stories and completing them 'in a moment'
'I discovered that, when evoking the earth and Gaia, we actually evoke the souls of departed Geomancers.' He raised his hand yet again as the room was filled with angry mumbling. 'I understand the way you feel. But you must understand, that whatever you consider it, geomancy, spiritism or necromantic volcanism, it is in effect geomancy - as it always has been. We have changed it, and it is good we did, for I doubt mother Gaia would tolerate us much should we practice the ancient geomancy. We simply don't have the patience of nature mages and druids.' There was some nervous smiling.
OOC: The Vol Coven is, for the moment, just a loose federation of the archmages. But who knows what might happen?
----------------------------------------------------
'I discovered that, when evoking the earth and Gaia, we actually evoke the souls of departed Geomancers.' He raised his hand yet again as the room was filled with angry mumbling. 'I understand the way you feel. But you must understand, that whatever you consider it, geomancy, spiritism or necromantic volcanism, it is in effect geomancy - as it always has been. We have changed it, and it is good we did, for I doubt mother Gaia would tolerate us much should we practice the ancient geomancy. We simply don't have the patience of nature mages and druids.' There was some nervous smiling.
Hephae, one of the more young mages present, raised his arm, and as the Sharen nooded in acknowledgement, he spoke. 'So, we have solved the mystery of our magic, and discovered our new weaknesses. But there is another matter. I actually have an apprentice of my own, too, and he was recently stationed in the new colonies south of Kojaro. It seems the Mongolian-Chinese alliance has refuted our demands of the southern islands of Kojaro. They have been at war with Kojaro long before we arrived.' One of the mages to his left swore loudly, and the Sharen looked intently around the hall.
'So. We have no choice but to comply; our own honour prevents us from interfering. Also, by beginning the war, they truly gained the right to all Kojaran lands, should they succeed in invading. We are still drained by our exploits in South America, and the after-effects are felt by many still. But tell your apprentice to inform the Mongolian-Chinese pact that we founded our new settlements in unclaimed land.''Very well.' Hephae's gaze turned distant as he called upon his mental link to his apprentice.
'Now, only one matter remains.' The gathered volcanists eyed each other curiously and returned to their seats. 'The Vol'Kiss Geomancers grow strong. My intention has for long been to establish a hidden council to rule the casters. Who supports this decision?' All of the mages, including Hephae who had just snapped back into full consciousness, raised their right hand and muttered, "Aye." 'Then it is done. Now we must only choose our titles and all shall be complete.' The Sharen withdrew a great piece of parchment and a quill. Without further ado, the members of the new group called out their titles, and they were written down. As they had finished, a pact of secrecy was formed, and strong enchantments to keep that pact were laid upon the scroll. And without hesitation, malevolent or cunning grins on their face, the members of the Vol Coven marched out, through the hidden magma tunnel, through which only accomplished Geomancers could pass.------------------------------------------------------
Spoiler the Vol Coven :
OOC: The Vol Coven is, for the moment, just a loose federation of the archmages. But who knows what might happen?
Typo time again! How does one 'nood in acknowledgement'?
EDIT: Steak, here is what I was talking about. Read about the turkish invasion on his lands. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vlad_III_Dracula
EDIT: Steak, here is what I was talking about. Read about the turkish invasion on his lands. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vlad_III_Dracula
Silver Steak
The Ghost of SS
Lovely. Who wants a limb-on-a-stick? Anyone?
Gladinia
Well, who else
Economy: Growing (5/0/6)
Education: Above Average (4/5)
Army: 6 thousand infantry
Navy: 30 Galleys
Magic: 50 Evil mages,
+1 to economy
+2 to education
+2 to to my Arnemenn.
I will say what they are soon.
Education: Above Average (4/5)
Army: 6 thousand infantry
Navy: 30 Galleys
Magic: 50 Evil mages,
+1 to economy
+2 to education
+2 to to my Arnemenn.
I will say what they are soon.
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Sending orders now. I don't know how much time I'll have tomorrow, so new orders (and a sixth story) may appear then.
Disenfrancised, will you make sure Iggy knows about Azathoth's Shadow?
Disenfrancised, will you make sure Iggy knows about Azathoth's Shadow?
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
@ Lord_Iggy: I really need an answer to these things before I can send orders... Also, I sent you a PM.
jalapeno_dude said:
The Strategos
Thanatos
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Messages
- 1,175
WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS AN EXTREMELY IN CHARACTER STORY. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BELOW ARE NOT THE OUT OF CHARACTER OPINIONS HELD BY THE AUTHOR (ME) BUT DO EXPRESS THE IN CHARACTER OPINIONS HELD BY AT LEAST ONE CITIZEN OF KARTHAGE (THE FICTIONAL AUTHOR). BY CONTINUING TO READ YOU ARE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY WITH NO BASIS IN REALITY AND WAIVE YOUR RIGHTS TO BE OFFENDED. SO IF YOU STILL COMPLAIN, THE AUTHOR (ME) WILL STICK HIS FINGERS IN HIS EARS AND SING LOUDLY. THANK YOU.
Meremmor: A Comedy
Unknown Author
Act IV Scene 1
Scene: Somewhere in Southern Italy. The stage is empty. In the background one can hear noise of fighting. From the left a solitary figure appears. He is wearing robes two sizes to big for him and has a giant bowl on his head. In one had he is carrying a chain which leads off-stage.
Meremmor: (waves arms about expansively) Isnt it just a grand day for a walk my fine Hydroboian friend? (Glancing around he notices the Hyperborean isnt beside him. Looking cross, he yanks on the chain in his hands. The chain is connected to a collar worn by a nervous looking man dressed in green) Whats wrong with you Hyperdoreans? Cant you appreciate a fine jaunt through our recently conquered Italy?
Hyperborean: My lord, its a fine day to be sure but but
Meremmor: (Giving the chain a shake) Well what is it man? Spit it out now!
Hyperborean: Isnt that sounds of battle I hear close by? Perhaps we should investigate?
Meremmor: Battle? Battle he says, Ha. And who pray tell would fight the combined might of Elgovia and Superborea and .and oh you know, a bunch of other guys? You must be hearing the roar of the crowds, singing our names in adulation. I can here them now, Elgovia, Elgovia they says Before you our bowels loosen, and slosh their contents down our legs like a river. Like a nice yellow river with pretty boats and trees on the seashore and fish, lots and lots of fish for us to catch and eat wrapped in leaves, and baked with yummy green spices
(A messenger appears from stage right. His head is bandaged and he is panting heavily)
Messenger: My Lord! The Karthaginians! They are everywhere. Lead by their general Hannibal they have broken through our lines!
Meremmor: (Looks cross at being interrupted) Karthaginians? Hannibal? You must be mistaken lad. And no wonder, running through the woods with a head wound like that. Is it any surprise that youve been hallucinating? As I was telling our Lighterborean friend, Karthage cant be attacking us, weve already beat them. Why right this very minute were building our victory monument with us standing nobly with our allies worshipping our greatness and Karthaginians scattered around being beat by us with great beatings .(At this moment another Elgovian staggers in before collapsing, an arrow through his back. To the left you hear a great shout) Why its the Karthaginians! (grabs messenger by the neck) Why didnt you tell me they were attacking? Fools! Incompetents! Am I the only one who knows anything around here? Come! To our headquarters where I will plot with great plottings to beat back the Karthaginian barbarians who refused to listen to us when we told them they were beat. (as he walks off, you can hear him faintly berating the Hyperborean) This is all your fault you know. You and all our other worthless allies. Must we do everything around here
Act IV Scene 2
Setting: Inside a tent. Four figures are hunched over a map in the center, three Elgovians and one Hyperborean. Meremmor bursts in, followed by a Hyperborean wearing the chain)
Elgovian 1: My lord, this is an unexpected pleasure. We generals were just now formulating a plan to deal with this unexpected turn of events.
Meremmor: (walks up to the map, shoving aside two of the Elgovians in the process) Yes, yes, finally someone besides me whos thinking. Whats your plan?
Hyperborean General: The Karthaginians have broken through our lines here and here. As you can see, they are threatening to cut us off and surround us completely. Our only hope is to retreat to here and construct a new defensive line.
Elgovian 1: Yes thats our only hope
Elgovian 2: Good plan
Elgovian 3: Couldnt have put it better myself.
Meremmor: Fools! What are you trying to do, destroy us? Look, here and here, did you not notice these?
Hyperborean General: (Leans in closer to observe where Meremmor was pointing. Looks up uncertainly) My lord, what does Ur and Avalon have to do with this?
Meremmor: (Looks up triumphantly) It means It means it is time to execute Plan Anorgoraticismnotionallization!
Elgovian 1: Brilliant!
Elgovian 2: Plan Anagor..Anoga..Anogr Why didnt I think of it?
Elgovian 3: The Karthaginians wont know what hit them!
Hyperborean General: (with a worried look) I was not informed of this
Meremmor: (claps him on his shoulder) Quit worrying so much Diceaborean, and prepare to watch in awe
Act IV Scene 3
Setting: Midst of the battle. A group of Elgovians and Hyperboreans are gathered around Meremmor
Meremmor: Behold, our salvation! Plan Oforgazimoralingly! (the Hyperborean on the chain looks like he is about to say something but is silenced by a look from Meremmor. From within his robe, Meremmor pulls out a small white object. The gathered group comes in closer to see better. A subdued murmur of awe sweeps around the group. Meremmor looks around with a smug look on his face)
Hyperborean: Ummmm .what is it?
Meremmor: (with a condescending smile) This my dimwitted Hyperjollian is the Toenail of Israthagorazor. The army that follows its standard will not, nay cannot be defeated. (A group of Elgovian soldiers run by, fleeing the front) You, you there, stop! You cannot run away, I have the Fingernail of Azathoth! We are invincible! (One fleeing Elgovian bumps into Meremmor, causing him to drop the toenail/fingernail/other. Falling on his hands and knees, Meremmor searches frantically for any sign of it. Sensing it is a lost cause, he gets up and runs towards the assembled officers) Curse those Karthaginians, they must have the Tooth of Borastrozar, the only thing able to break our spell of invincibility! Quick, we must execute Plan Flimorak before its too late!
Hyperborean: (Panting, trying to keep up with the fleeing Meremmor) And what is that my lord?
Meremmor: We must strategically withdraw, but not immediately, first we must feint retreat to make them think we are going to retreat, but we have to make it obvious that its a feint, so that theyll know were just feinting a retreat so theyll think were really not going to retreat. Then all of us will quack like ducks so that the Karthaginians will think were just a flock of ducks and will be busy searching everywhere to see where our army has disappeared to. (Slaps the Hyperborean on his head) Quick man, a duck! A duck! (The Hyperborean and Meremmor run off stage, quacking like ducks and waving their arms like wings)
Exeunt
Meremmor: A Comedy
Unknown Author
Act IV Scene 1
Scene: Somewhere in Southern Italy. The stage is empty. In the background one can hear noise of fighting. From the left a solitary figure appears. He is wearing robes two sizes to big for him and has a giant bowl on his head. In one had he is carrying a chain which leads off-stage.
Meremmor: (waves arms about expansively) Isnt it just a grand day for a walk my fine Hydroboian friend? (Glancing around he notices the Hyperborean isnt beside him. Looking cross, he yanks on the chain in his hands. The chain is connected to a collar worn by a nervous looking man dressed in green) Whats wrong with you Hyperdoreans? Cant you appreciate a fine jaunt through our recently conquered Italy?
Hyperborean: My lord, its a fine day to be sure but but
Meremmor: (Giving the chain a shake) Well what is it man? Spit it out now!
Hyperborean: Isnt that sounds of battle I hear close by? Perhaps we should investigate?
Meremmor: Battle? Battle he says, Ha. And who pray tell would fight the combined might of Elgovia and Superborea and .and oh you know, a bunch of other guys? You must be hearing the roar of the crowds, singing our names in adulation. I can here them now, Elgovia, Elgovia they says Before you our bowels loosen, and slosh their contents down our legs like a river. Like a nice yellow river with pretty boats and trees on the seashore and fish, lots and lots of fish for us to catch and eat wrapped in leaves, and baked with yummy green spices
(A messenger appears from stage right. His head is bandaged and he is panting heavily)
Messenger: My Lord! The Karthaginians! They are everywhere. Lead by their general Hannibal they have broken through our lines!
Meremmor: (Looks cross at being interrupted) Karthaginians? Hannibal? You must be mistaken lad. And no wonder, running through the woods with a head wound like that. Is it any surprise that youve been hallucinating? As I was telling our Lighterborean friend, Karthage cant be attacking us, weve already beat them. Why right this very minute were building our victory monument with us standing nobly with our allies worshipping our greatness and Karthaginians scattered around being beat by us with great beatings .(At this moment another Elgovian staggers in before collapsing, an arrow through his back. To the left you hear a great shout) Why its the Karthaginians! (grabs messenger by the neck) Why didnt you tell me they were attacking? Fools! Incompetents! Am I the only one who knows anything around here? Come! To our headquarters where I will plot with great plottings to beat back the Karthaginian barbarians who refused to listen to us when we told them they were beat. (as he walks off, you can hear him faintly berating the Hyperborean) This is all your fault you know. You and all our other worthless allies. Must we do everything around here
Act IV Scene 2
Setting: Inside a tent. Four figures are hunched over a map in the center, three Elgovians and one Hyperborean. Meremmor bursts in, followed by a Hyperborean wearing the chain)
Elgovian 1: My lord, this is an unexpected pleasure. We generals were just now formulating a plan to deal with this unexpected turn of events.
Meremmor: (walks up to the map, shoving aside two of the Elgovians in the process) Yes, yes, finally someone besides me whos thinking. Whats your plan?
Hyperborean General: The Karthaginians have broken through our lines here and here. As you can see, they are threatening to cut us off and surround us completely. Our only hope is to retreat to here and construct a new defensive line.
Elgovian 1: Yes thats our only hope
Elgovian 2: Good plan
Elgovian 3: Couldnt have put it better myself.
Meremmor: Fools! What are you trying to do, destroy us? Look, here and here, did you not notice these?
Hyperborean General: (Leans in closer to observe where Meremmor was pointing. Looks up uncertainly) My lord, what does Ur and Avalon have to do with this?
Meremmor: (Looks up triumphantly) It means It means it is time to execute Plan Anorgoraticismnotionallization!
Elgovian 1: Brilliant!
Elgovian 2: Plan Anagor..Anoga..Anogr Why didnt I think of it?
Elgovian 3: The Karthaginians wont know what hit them!
Hyperborean General: (with a worried look) I was not informed of this
Meremmor: (claps him on his shoulder) Quit worrying so much Diceaborean, and prepare to watch in awe
Act IV Scene 3
Setting: Midst of the battle. A group of Elgovians and Hyperboreans are gathered around Meremmor
Meremmor: Behold, our salvation! Plan Oforgazimoralingly! (the Hyperborean on the chain looks like he is about to say something but is silenced by a look from Meremmor. From within his robe, Meremmor pulls out a small white object. The gathered group comes in closer to see better. A subdued murmur of awe sweeps around the group. Meremmor looks around with a smug look on his face)
Hyperborean: Ummmm .what is it?
Meremmor: (with a condescending smile) This my dimwitted Hyperjollian is the Toenail of Israthagorazor. The army that follows its standard will not, nay cannot be defeated. (A group of Elgovian soldiers run by, fleeing the front) You, you there, stop! You cannot run away, I have the Fingernail of Azathoth! We are invincible! (One fleeing Elgovian bumps into Meremmor, causing him to drop the toenail/fingernail/other. Falling on his hands and knees, Meremmor searches frantically for any sign of it. Sensing it is a lost cause, he gets up and runs towards the assembled officers) Curse those Karthaginians, they must have the Tooth of Borastrozar, the only thing able to break our spell of invincibility! Quick, we must execute Plan Flimorak before its too late!
Hyperborean: (Panting, trying to keep up with the fleeing Meremmor) And what is that my lord?
Meremmor: We must strategically withdraw, but not immediately, first we must feint retreat to make them think we are going to retreat, but we have to make it obvious that its a feint, so that theyll know were just feinting a retreat so theyll think were really not going to retreat. Then all of us will quack like ducks so that the Karthaginians will think were just a flock of ducks and will be busy searching everywhere to see where our army has disappeared to. (Slaps the Hyperborean on his head) Quick man, a duck! A duck! (The Hyperborean and Meremmor run off stage, quacking like ducks and waving their arms like wings)
Exeunt
