If you don't have Attention Deficit Disorder, imagine having binoculars that wont stay in focus; you constantly have to refocus them because they go out of focus almost as soon as you get a clear image. I can pay attention well when something, like a political treatise or a photo of Titan, is stimulating, but I cannot pay attention well when something is boring or overly cursory. This leads other people to believe that, unlike more disciplined, responsible people, I only pay attention when I want to. For example, my mother's partner almost always tells me to complete the task when I get sidetracked while doing a chore, as if I get distracted because I'm inconsiderate. I understand where her frustration comes from and do not see ADD as an excuse to not do what Im supposed to, though I do not get distracted out of choice. Instead, my mind latches onto something else.
As a result, ADD can be very frustrating. When reading, Ill suddenly stop and stare at the page for a little while until I snap back to reality and remember that Im supposed to be reading. The same thing happens during lectures; my ears quit hearing the teacher and my mind drifts off into space. Everyone has moments like these, but mine are frequent enough to significantly disrupt what I'm doing. And, unlike people without ADD, I cannot will myself to focus better. Compounding the problem, teachers occasionally call on me when they know I'm not paying attention, making me the focus of the entire class's amusement until the teacher resumes his or her lesson. I feel ashamed, ostracized, and even stupid when it happens. This is not the only situation where I've unintentionally drawn negative attention to myself; however, this negative attention is usually a direct result of my actions as opposed to someone else seizing an opportunity to humiliate me.
Despite these setbacks, I've turned my ADD into a strength. Though named Attention Deficit Disorder, ADD can be more accurately described as Attention Variability Disorder: I can hyperfocus beyond the abilities of normal people. For example, Ive been so focused writing this essay that I only noticed that an entire soccer team has entered my schools computer room when one of my friends on the team said hi and stood between me and the computer. If my general level of attention is the set of binoculars that doesn't stay focused, hyperfocusing is a high-powered telescope that produces a crystal-clear, high-resolution image only of what I want to look at; no distraction can enter my field of view.
This metaphor is especially poignant to my AP US History exam. Our exam started late, around 8:40. As a result, lunch started before the exam ended. This meant that I was not in a quiet area for much of the exam. Unlike many of my classmates, I was so intensely focused on my exam that I barely noticed the noise and was not distracted by it.
However, my ADD hasn't always been a strength because I haven't always exploited, or even been aware of, its advantages. When I was younger, I wasn't cognitively aware of my ability to hyperfocus. I recall hyperfocusing, but I had little or no control over it and could not understand it conceptually As I've aged, I've come to know myself better and as a result have gained some control over entering and exiting hyperfocus. Because I've learned to live with my ADD and use its positive aspects, I haven't accomplished less because of it.
