Lying-flatism

This is a nice and informative thread, Gori. I've learned another interesting term as well, "negative hedonism". The definition might fit well with this category. It's about lying flat and refusing to participate in the societal status race, resisting social pressure, and instead indulging in the minimum free and affordable things, which might come close to the definition. But I think the key point of the article is the declaration of being adamant about remaining "single" and refusing to participate in the competition for worldly success and whatever comes after that, which usually includes a girl/woman/partner of interest.

I think the combination of a reality or belief, that for heterosexual men, your significant others are only interested in you if you're economically stable, goes hand in hand with the idea that women are hypergamous by nature. Hence, if you want to get yourself a woman, you'd better prove your worth materially and get settled. This is also culturally reinforced in Asia by the older generation, who usually advise their daughters to look for a stable life and to look for a man with a good income, a vehicle, and a dwelling. I imagine that these individuals who prefer to "lie flat" just feel too tired to participate in the competition and instead choose to settle and satisfy themselves at the minimum, indulging in more affordable or even free desires.

Instead of trying to climb the social status ladder, working their way up and struggling so they can attract or attain a girl/woman and have a sexually active life, they choose to make themselves content with pornography, still achieving sexual satisfaction. Instead of having enough income and saving for a holiday in exotic places to entertain themselves, they can entertain themselves far more cheaply with Netflix, or even for free by binge-watching YouTube. The idea is that they just want to lie down in their flat and own every moment they have, not doing anything that stresses them out in order to achieve a "better" lifestyle. It's some sort of combination of minimalism and hedonism, which actually sounds like a mild case of hikikomori, in essence it's a form of escapism and rebellion against social pressure.

One thing that has been confusing me lately is the idea that women are hypergamous by nature. Speaking from the perspective of a heterosexual man, I believe I mostly target girls/women who are "out of my league", if that makes any sense. So, the way I view dating is not about trying to elevate myself to the highest tower and then cherry-pick any girl I want below me. I mostly aim for someone that I think I don't "deserve", the better they seem to be, the better it is, and I see lots of men doing pretty much the same. They are aiming for their crush, whom they think is somewhat better than them, not the other way around at least from their perspective (talking about an ideal partner). Unless we're talking about individuals like Mao Zedong or Soekarno, I always think people mostly share a similar perspective to me.

For Stoicism, I understand the frustration how it's often misquoted due to its popularity nowadays, however I don't think that should deprive the school of thought, I think stoicism is based over something that's purely rational in its core it's not all about not to give up control over something that's beyond our control, but also the concept of accepting our condition, limitation and STRUGGLE (not passivism) without or with minimum mental complain, not to be a tall strong tree who will got tumble and fell by a strong wind, but to become a grass to follow along every wind/resistance and still prevail. Stoicism is not about to achieve worldly wealth and success with discipline and hard-work (which many have misquoted), but it's to be able to see events and phenomenon with mental clarity and able to see things passed the bullcrap that society try to decorate around it. As Aurelius' stated:

"Like seeing roasted meat and other dishes in front of you and suddenly realizing: This is a dead fish. A dead bird. A dead pig. Or that this noble vintage is grape juice, and the purple robes are sheep wool dyed with shellfish blood. That’s what we need to do all the time—all through our lives when things lay claim to our trust—to lay them bare and see how pointless they are, to strip away the legend that encrusts them."
 
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I thought this topic might elicit thoughtful posts. Thanks, H4run (and all you other slackers as well).

One of the poets I like is a 17c devotional poet named George Herbert. In a poem written when he was very young, he applies Aurelius' principle to women and says "Open the bones and you shall nothing find, In the best face, but filth." (vs God who reveals more beauty the deeper you go). Harsh even by the misogynistic standards of the day.

Yeah, you're right competing for women is part of society's status rat-race that flat-liers are opting out of.

I guess another side of me would want it to be that if you're turning away from materialism, that's so that you can turn toward people.
 
Yeah, you're right competing for women is part of society's status rat-race that flat-liers are opting out of.
In most places there are enough women for any man who wants a mate/partner/friend/lover to find one. Men and women create the competitive aspect because of our humanness. I think that they are opting out of the effort it takes to find and maintain a relationship and substituting video games and all the other modern days distractions. Men can be awfully lazy.....
 
I guess another side of me would want it to be that if you're turning away from materialism, that's so that you can turn toward people.

Why would they do that when most friendships are oftentimes based around material status (ie. social class)?

Men also have difficulty making new friends past a certain age, it's simple biology.
 
Extending your personal experience to being an inherent component of all human biology seems logically spurious.

It's quite sound. I've heard of other people with similar experiences, therefore there must be some intrinsic similarity or rather "biology". That is we are all descended from the same group of ancient primates.

Illegal or not, it is still happening just about everywhere.

Not sure how to solicit any without getting busted in a sting operation.
 
It's quite sound. I've heard of other people with similar experiences, therefore there must be some intrinsic similarity or rather "biology". That is we are all descended from the same group of ancient primates.

Well, at least you're in the right thread for finding out that this "similarity" is imposed on you by a weak society that pressures a gender to live down to a certain image. Emotional unavailability and an inability to reach out aren't inherent to us.
 
It's quite sound. I've heard of other people with similar experiences, therefore there must be some intrinsic similarity or rather "biology". That is we are all descended from the same group of ancient primates.



Not sure how to solicit any without getting busted in a sting operation.
I've highlighted the flaws in your first statement.

As for the second, your inability to do something has no impact on the many thousands who seem to be quite capable to do that very thing on a daily basis.
 
In most places there are enough women for any man who wants a mate/partner/friend/lover to find one.

While that's true generally, with China specifically, because of the one-child policy combined with a strong preference for baby boys over girls, leading to a disproportionate number of girls being given up for adoption to foreign countries or just aborted, there's rather notoriously a massive gender imbalance among Chinese people below around 45 years old, and as a result, there really aren't "enough" women for every man to find a partner there.
 
I've heard about "lying-flatism" for a while, and I also associate it with hikikomori and quiet quitting. I think, in and of itself, it's just an old way of resisting injustice in the social relations of production - what people would call "slacking off on the job" or "being a bum". Probably predates the iron age. But as for the age-old wisdom that this 'movement' seems to be diametrically opposed to - the idea that hard work will be rewarded - well, I have contrasting personal experiences on that. And they may relate to love and relationships too.

Let's start with some context. Culturally, my country has a lot of similarities with China - not least because we share the same ancestral Sinicism. So I get where "lying-flatism" comes from. I think to convey it succinctly, traditional Sinic culture is pretty much ultraconservative without the religious fundamentalism. So the notions of hard work and grit that your grandparents might have prattled about are all there, and very strongly so.

But there's more. Of course, the drive for economic growth and maintaining that growth is a big thing in post-Maoist capitalist China. But aside from that, there's also the traditional sense of obligation in relationships, especially familial relationships. So you work hard not only to get rich, but to provide for your family - because if you love someone, you'd want to give them the best. Therein lies the rub when it comes to relationships and the accumulation of material wealth. The resulting idea is that the best relationships have a strong provider, and in a patriarchal society, that provider is the man. This is not entirely alien to the West, of course, but keep in mind that there's that extra dimension of obligation. It's not just bi***** and simps today - most people here, male and female, still buy into this to some extent.

I was lucky enough to have avoided this dynamic. I met my wife in university, where we both led a lying flat lifestyle, filled with PC games, generally being lazy, and doing the bare minimum of coursework. There was no concern about whether I'd be a good provider. We just assumed that since we're in a good enough university, everything will work out. And it did. But that's partly because she's not actually like that as a person.

As a worker, I've pretty much continued with that way of living. I'd rather indulge in my interests in theory and culture - things that don't translate into well-paying work - than working overtime. I avoided toxic jobs that would drain me of spare time and energy. I'm not climbing a ladder. I'm walking up a gentle slope. And as the years passed and I figured out what I really want to do in life, I've become more and more content with that. And my own experiences at work do lend weight to the idea that hard work is not necessarily rewarding. I've spent half my working life in dysfunctional organisations and with crappy managers, where there's just no hope of getting anywhere if you stayed. So my life so far is a realisation of the ideas behind "lying-flatism".

For my wife, though, it's completely different. She doesn't mind the overtime. In fact, once she's on a task, it's hard for her to stop. Work is most of her life now, but she's not unhappy. She's a great product of the system. Our relationship is her only form of rebellion. I exert a bad influence, taking her away from work and often pressuring her to engage in leisure. Am I talking about her tendencies negatively? Yes, and no. Yes because I'm spiritually opposed to them. No because she's actually successful because of them.

Now, both of us acknowledge that she has the fortune of having had managers who appreciated and rewarded her hard work. I've seen enough evidence to the contrary to know this. So I think it's fair to say that hard work can be rewarding, but it's not necessarily going to be. Maybe you could add that if you're not prepared to work hard, then you can't expect to reap the rewards. And I'm happy to take that deal in my work life because I'm a pessimist. Now, I'll work hard at what I want to - for reasons other than making money - but it's because I want to, not because I want to be paid more or because I'm expected to.

But, then again, there's always that suspicion of a self-fulfilling prophecy. How much of my experience with work so far has been shaped by my own tendencies? The traditionally-inclined would certainly preach this. I know the universe is more chaotic and random than that, but it's a difficult suspicion to shake.

I'll end with another thought and some questions. At the back of my mind, there's also the nagging thought that I wouldn't be able to do what I've been doing and be so comfortable if I didn't have a good deal of support now and previously. My wife earns a lot more than me, and my own family isn't poor. If circumstances were different, can I really be doing this in this society? How much of resisting the social relations of production can legitimately arise from your own privilege? Or are you just a dirty capitalist like any other in enjoying the fruits of someone else's labour? I feel somewhat conflicted on this, so I'm gonna go and do what I normally do - lie down and think more about it.
 
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I work REALLY HARD to anticipate where your online viewing is going, and I get up PRETTY EARLY IN THE MORNING to post threads that might correspond to that online viewing. Not like this younger generation of "lying-flatters."

Anyway, the movement seems

Anti-careerist
Anti-materialist
Anti-consumerist
Against letting society dictate what's going to count as success for you.

And further seems to be a way of positively calling out the premises of capitalism. All to the good.

I wish the lying-flatters all the success in the world. Or whatever.

Anti-careerist -> Check
Anti-materialist -> Probably check
Anti-Consumerist -> Check
Against letting society dictate bla bla -> Check

I think I am ideolically quite close from these people, however I can not match the singleness, my wife is my soulmate, I could not imagine myself being complete without her.
 
let people be people

I’m not in the business of telling people what to do or what their values should be.
 
I think I am ideolically quite close from these people, however I can not match the singleness, my wife is my soulmate, I could not imagine myself being complete without her.
The being single and give up on dating is at the perceive notion that they are not willing to compete economically and socially to attract the opposite gender, they are not willing to risk frustration and rejection on date apps or whatnot, they just want a quite leisure life and refuse to acquire the achievement that the society set, it's something involuntary as oppose to voluntary.
 
One of the poets I like is a 17c devotional poet named George Herbert. In a poem written when he was very young, he applies Aurelius' principle to women and says "Open the bones and you shall nothing find, In the best face, but filth." (vs God who reveals more beauty the deeper you go). Harsh even by the misogynistic standards of the day.
Interesting, but same thing can be apply to the most handsome face as well, I don't think it's meant to be misogynistic it's just to see thing at the essence, and this can't be always be understood literally every times, like take for instance intercourse while in actuality if we use the same principle and define the technicality of it might seems like a pointless silly act, but there are lots of thing attach that makes it way more than what it appear to be and that cannot be shrug off as mere illusion, two among those things are emotional attachment and hormones. But the spirit of it remain it's to be able to attain mental awareness so we can be conscious on what is truly matters.
 
It's the first I've heard of the "lying flatism" movement. Would any of you characterize yourself as flat-lyers?
It’s the first I’ve ever heard of the term. No, I don’t necessarily characterize myself as a “flat-layer”.
 
The being single and give up on dating is at the perceive notion that they are not willing to compete economically and socially to attract the opposite gender, they are not willing to risk frustration and rejection on date apps or whatnot, they just want a quite leisure life and refuse to acquire the achievement that the society set, it's something involuntary as oppose to voluntary.
I even suspect, one of the reason not the sole reason that give birth to this new phenomenon is the redpill movement, they are convinced by it but instead to participate to the rat-race they are instead reacted with "Well screw all of these then, I don't need woman as well, I'm content with who I am and I don't need them to make myself happy, how about that?", their confidence is destroyed, but they deny and reject the desire to coupling as a way to cope/accept the situation.
 
I even suspect, one of the reason not the sole reason that give birth to this new phenomenon is the redpill movement, they are convinced by it but instead to participate to the rat-race they are instead reacted with "Well screw all of these then, I don't need woman as well, I'm content with who I am and I don't need them to make myself happy, how about that?", their confidence is destroyed, but they deny and reject the desire to coupling as a way to cope/accept the situation.
I suspect another element is people not giving up on relationships but giving up on and/or delaying commitment/marriage/having children.
If your employer is pressurising you to work long hours, not take holidays or sick days, you can't afford to buy a flat/house and childcare is expensive the traditional get married, buy a house, start a family route that previous generations went down doesn't look very viable.
 
I suspect another element is people not giving up on relationships but giving up on and/or delaying commitment/marriage/having children.
If your employer is pressurising you to work long hours, not take holidays or sick days, you can't afford to buy a flat/house and childcare is expensive the traditional get married, buy a house, start a family route that previous generations went down doesn't look very viable.
That's an interesting take, I believe there's another aspect we need to consider: the pressure of societal expectations and the perception of life as a continuous race. It's not as simple as people choosing to delay settling down because of economic realities and harsh working conditions. There's also the societal benchmarking, particularly in highly competitive societies, that imposes a timeline of accomplishments on others/themselves "At 28 you still haven't got and done X and Y? you better catch up or you are screw" "You're already 35 yet you don't have this and that? if you don't run now then it's going to be too late" "This guy already achieve this and that at the age of 21, yet I'm here regressing", these measurement are use to measure how close one is to achieve the check-point to be able to settle-down, as it measure their worth in dating market as a husband material, and that is a marathon race that you can't be slacking off, many believe those are not something that you can set aside now and achieve it 3 years later. And some youth, seeing how bombastic, hard and tiring the long and winding road is, they just went "screw this, I'm laying at my flat".

I find that hardly to be true though, my wife is way out of my league in many variables, she's very prestigious, successful on academic, known to be very beautiful, and all of that, but she like me because of me, she like when when I was unemployed, no clear future, no car, no apt, I got nothing but myself, yes not all women reflect those preference, but to say that all woman are hypergamies by nature is a bullcrap I think, I struggle more with her to convince her family to entrust her to me. And we are almost 10 years together as husband and wife and alhamdulillah super happy. I believe she's into me because of some traits that I have that make me who I am, but it's definitely not the Ferrari or a cool apt flat and shining career that many personalities currently love to picture, lol.
 
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I suspect another element is people not giving up on relationships but giving up on and/or delaying commitment/marriage/having children.
If your employer is pressurising you to work long hours, not take holidays or sick days, you can't afford to buy a flat/house and childcare is expensive the traditional get married, buy a house, start a family route that previous generations went down doesn't look very viable.
The average homeowner age in the UK is something like the mid-to-late 30s now (last I checked). My wife and I are 34 and have given up all hope of seeing a house in the near-to-medium future (didn't help that one of our cats just cost us several thousand pounds, but what are ya gonna do).

We put off both getting married and having kids, eventually chose one, and then a few years later was able to do the other (it was a small wedding though, literally just us and our young son). And while we waited to have kids, a lot of my friends and people in the same age range as me have been waiting even longer. Most are only starting to have kids now, and that includes the well-off folks that have been in finance for a decade or so.
 
I'm shocked that so many people who have racked up tens of thousands of posts on a computer game forum would strongly identify with a slacker way of life.

Anyway, this is a fascinating thread and I'm always interested in the specific ways new generations reflex against the old norms. I'm firmly in the camp of questioning the mainstream and figuring out my own path. Lots of posts here resonate with me. I am, however, mindful of @Birdjaguar 's warning that relationships are work. They really are! I'm not sure that either the romanticism of the west or the traditonalists that @aelf describes in the far east adequately equip young people for the reality of a healthy relationship. It doesn't sound like the tang ping movement (I am absolutely not calling it "lying-flatism", ffs) does any better at it, but I do think that "romantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness" is a good place from which to start that journey.
 
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