NEB1: One Thousand and One Ways to Die

[Thlayli]

COBRA announces that we are immediately deactivating the shield in our possession. We have become convinced that this technology may be influencing the threats of the 'Overseer' alien faction.

From: COBRA High Command
To: Overseer 121

We would prefer that you delay your use of weaponry upon the planet. We offer to you this artifact in our possession as a sign of our good intent.

Please respect our wish that only Soldian weaponry be used against the Opposing Faction.

From: COBRA High Command
To: CGC and other COBRA support units

Based on the input you have received, we may be able to strike a crushing victory over all enemy factions using the new project. However, the construction of a second unit will require 9$. Would all commanders be willing to pool our resources in order to accomplish this?

 

[Angst]

To: COBRA High Command
From: Snow Brigade Commander

Although we are a bit unsure about the lives of our units in the southeast, this is for a bigger picture. The Kangaraptors will be dealth with. I will send you the resources I have collected along the road. I must ask you, however, to send a sole support unit against the Kangaraptors to safeguard my Snow Commandos, that they do not rout or die.

Hail COBRA!

 

[Daftpanzer]

@Charles Li, I sent you a PM!

Diplo:

From: Overseer 121
To: COBRA High Command

Greetings. It is pleasing that you signilify your willingness to relinquish the specified Artefact. Our projections estimate this object is likely to enter Type-19 Anti-Harmonic Phase Resonance in the near future, becoming a ball of plasma which could melt though several hundred miles of the planet's surface before detonating with enough force to violently rupture all your planet's tectonic fault lines. While this is not for certain, an alternative to this outcome would belong to more of the preferentialness.

We are willing to delay deployment of Super-Quantum Resonance Cascade Weaponry for an undeterminified time period.

 

[Thlayli]

OOC: Daft, you can send joakim the main details of the project. Anything other intel that he requests from me I'll copy him on. Also, nice purple Pikachu.

From: COBRA High Command
To: Snow Brigade Commander

We have just been informed that the crashed Space Pirat transport will supply parts worth 4$. This should cover our expenses, so you may keep your current funding. Also, we promise to send further support units to aid against the Kangaraptors. Our snipers will continue to aid from a safer distance, while light fighters will strafe the jungles from above.

Your rocket artillery vehicle in the south will likely be needed on the southern front to support COBRA units. Commander Tuxedohamm should be able to assist you in the south, while I will move north to deal with this alien threat...personally.

From: COBRA High Command
To: CGC

We request 1$ from you this turn. This plus funds from the transport and our existing income should allow us to build the second 'unit'. We are considering placing it under CGC control. Send us your response under high security. (OOC: PM)

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Cobra Co-Commander Two awoke one morning from troubled dreams to find himself transformed into a monstrous vermin...

"GAH!"

Cobra Co-Commander Two awoke one morning after having the insect dream again.

"I hate the insect dream!"

The penguin slid out of his spartan bunk, pulled on his lab coat, and wandered into his lab. The structure had a vast roof fading off into darkness, and was overloaded with extraneous machinery. Illuminated within a central point (if any point in the chaotic maze could be declared central) was an immobile Kangaraptor suspended in a viscous blue gel, hooked up to several electrodes and life support systems.

"Hello there." commented the Co-Commander idly. The comatose beast did not respond.

"Leon!"

The small robot handed CCC2 a Piña Colada and began to massage his feet, while the penguin carefully examined his work.

Solutions for the Kangaraptor Problem

Heritable infertility virus -Failed. Conceptual problems
Love and Tenderness -Failed. I forgot that I had removed these capacities from their brain.
Sharks w/ Lasers -Failed. Accounting didn't take it seriously.
Appeasement of our Kangaraptor Overlords -Thlayli doesn't seem to like the word.
Engineer something new to kill off the Kangaraptors -Note: The proposals committee just gave me a strange look, which I still don't understand. Maybe I should ask again.
Send a bunch of humans to die meaninglessly in a fight against genetically engineered creatures -Note: Oh wait, that's what we're already doing.
Time Machine -Note: Request Budgetary Increase to Anything more than Zero.
Hugs? -No Leon, they are incapable of feeling love. Bring me a smoothie.

OOC: Cobra Co-Commander Two is not the same person as Iggy- is Cobra Co-Commander One Thlayli, or someone else?

I can't see the spoilers, but I'll try to get better internet soon.

 

[Terrance888]

OOC: I believe Thlayli is Cobra Commander.

 

[Daftpanzer]

@Lord_Iggy, great story (+10 eco point ) BTW if you would like some $ to spend, just say so. I didn't see the point in allocating funds if you're not going to spend them!

@Thlayli, its not a Purple Pikachu its an Alien Being OK!?

PM's sent.

Also, I destroyed the spoilers as they displeasedeth me.

Also, I realize I mispelt lord_joakim's name

 

[Matt0088]

To: Aliens
From: Red Crusade

We declare war on you for your heresy. Prepare to die.

OOC: There! Now you have evidence Daft. So please re-send the PM, leaving out the Aliens response though.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

l_j doesn't seem to have a problem with that spelling, as he's adopted it for the character.

 

[Matt0088]

To: Everyone
From: Red High Command

Guess what everyone? Us and SEF are allies again, and COBRA, we weren't allies from turn 14 through 17 due to the obvious(Hint: 6 letter word), so you can shut up before you say any BS that indicates otherwise. Good Day!

 

[Daftpanzer]

OOC: when y'all want an update?

From: The Canbrian Commonwealth
To: The Red Crusade

Your words are promising, however it is your actions that interest us. There is little more we can say...

Perhaps we should remind you, that the International Task Force will not enter Soldia unless there is an agreement on the future of Soldia. We will not risk all against the Alien menace, only to become pawns in the fighting between Soldian factions.

Otherwise, we can perhaps send some limited help, but first we will still need to see your words made good by your actions.

 

[Thlayli]

What madness is this? Red soldiers openly slaughtered thousands of civilians, feeding them into those alien monstrosities! Their sudden change of heart is almost comical in its' opportunistic posturing.

 

[Matt0088]

I was never fully with the aliens in the first place, plus, I was constantly feeding DarthNader with information about them and was originally trying driving the UFO towards G7 just so you could shoot it out of the sky. Anyways, it was the damn volunteers that were harvested and, unlike you, we're going to redeem ourselfs.

 

[Daftpanzer]

when y'all want an update?

When y'all want an update?

 

[Thlayli]

Deadline Friday, update Sunday?

 

[Thlayli]

From: The Cobra Commonwealth of Soldia
To: The International Task Force

We request and require your immediate intervention in the center of Soldia. The final offensive against this alien menace is upon us. Following such an intervention your forces are invited to withdraw to their former peacekeeping positions in the northwest.

This is not the time for diplomatic posturing. It is time for ACTION. HAIL COBRA.

 

[DarthNader]

I was never fully with the aliens in the first place, plus, I was constantly feeding DarthNader with information about them and was originally trying driving the UFO towards G7 just so you could shoot it out of the sky. Anyways, it was the damn volunteers that were harvested and, unlike you, we're going to redeem ourselfs.

Tis true as far as we know. We had many an AIM conversation about this stuff.

Deadline Friday, update Sunday?

I second this.

 

[Thlayli]

I'd like input and/or orders from the CGC and Snow. My orders are in progress regardless.

 

[Thlayli]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Central Soldian News, reporting live from the Capitol, where Chairman of the Commonwealth of Soldia, Field Marshal Thlayli, has prepared an address for the Soldian people.

Speech Transcript:

Thank you. Thank you.

The Combined Orbital Barometric Resistance Armada, originally constituted from anti-Anarchist military units serving on the Gondwanian border, has served you ably during these months of brutal combat. Despite the chaos of war, we have begun large-scale rebuilding efforts, expanded the new Soldian capitol, donated generously to civilian charities, and gained international recognition for our efforts.

Our goals are threefold: The establishment of a stable regime offering peace, security, and high-technology social reform to the Soldian people. The destruction of anti-Soldian factions seeking to undermine the authority of the Commonwealth. The complete purging of hostile, inhuman invaders that target not simply our nation but our planet.

Today, the brave volunteers of COBRA go forth to fight for our very humanity. Once, we sought to destroy the chaotic 'absolute freedom' of the Anarchists, that led to the nuclear destruction of the old Imperial City.

But today, we oppose a menace that will seek to incorporate our bodies in their xenotechnological monstrosities, and obliterate our spirits in subjugation to a dark presence that masquerades as a god.

*choreographed overflight of air units*

From the land, the ocean, and the skies, we will deliver a crushing blow to these monsters.

*artillery fires blanks*

With every weapon at our disposal, with our very fists if need be, we will overthrow this inhuman presence. The rebuilding of Soldia begins with the TOTAL DESTRUCTION of the alien monstrosity!

*SPECIAL_UNIT_001 appears silhouetted behind the podium*

This nation will be ours once more. I thank the people of Soldia for their loyalty and support. May we all survive this final test.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Hail Cobra!!!