Not-So-Useful units, buildings, GPs and wonders

Iron Mine
6+:hammers:
1+:food:

ehm.. wtf?

norwegian warrior
unique unit for noone because noone wants them.
110% against cod (fish)
0.1:strength:
0.1:move:
always seems happy
 
Offshore Bank
Can only be built on a 1-tile island belonging to a totally independent civ (not a colony nor vassal) which has not more than 4 cities.
Takes 10% of the :gold: per turn produced by all other civs. This gold disappears as soon as the building conditions are violated.

(Should be fun on an archipelago map with lots of civs !)
 
Two Party Political System (Not-so-useful Wonder)

Can only be built in Representation or Suffrage
+2 production all cities
+50% corporate HQ revenues
-1 happiness all cities (The Ann Coulter effect)
-3 health all cities (The McDonalds/Philip Morris/Anheiser Busch effect)
Can never change civics again....ever.
 
Random ( Great something)
+5:crazyeye:
7+:coffee:
1+:xmastree:
1+:hide:

Iron Mine
6+
1+

ehm.. wtf?

norwegian warrior
unique unit for noone because noone wants them.
110% against cod (fish)
0.1
0.1
always seems happy

Don't post here if you don't have anything to say.

Real United Nations (not-so-useful wonder)

+1 :rolleyes: in all cities
Replaces UN resolutions with three new options:
1.No Nothing
2.Embargo
3.Blame Israel
 
2012 (Not-so-useful wonder)
Requires: Hollywood.
+1000:gold: when built (in city with Hollywood).
+2:mad: in all cities in every civ, +100:mad: in 2012.
Obsolete in 2013.
No effect in Maya Empire, they know better.
 
UU - Patrol B20

No sight range
Liable to be captured when entering enemy lands, giving you 2 SAS Book resources (+1 :) in all cities)
Reduces strength of all units by 10% because of the book releases
 
Not so useful religion I wont tell who they are but you can look them up in the Guinness Book of World Records. There was only 6 members left in 2004!

+1 :) in all cities it is present in. At first...
Cannot build missionaries after 10 turns.
-25% of population in all cities it is present in due to its belief in celibacy.
+1 :mad: for all other religions in their cities.
Eventually dissapears in most cities and its shrine stops producing money.
+6 :cry: when it ends up in the Guinness Book of World Records.

The Shinnano (not so useful aircraft carrier)

Can be used when its only 80% complete.
Cannot be promoted.
Automatically loads 8 of your air units, sets sail, and is destroyed in its first battle.
+1 [pissed] for every other naval and air unit for 5 turns.
+1 :) in the enemy civilization.

The White Star Line (not so useful corporation)

Speeds up immigration to another country reducing the population of yours and 3 of your neighbors.
+1 :) for people leaving your country.
5% chance of one of its ships sinking every turn.
-30% of current :science: when ship sinks for investigation
+1 :mad: and :cry: when ship sinks.
Stops producing gold for 5 turns when ship sinks.
Increasing amount of :hide: and :huh: as each ship sinks.
At somepoint it will build the Titanic. :eek:
 
Since I bagged on Rush (the weiner), turnabout is fair play


Michael Moore (Great in his own mind Person)
-1:strength:, -1:move:
Requires: Mass Media, Liberalism

+10:science: for every city with a Broadcast Tower (+20 for the Eiffel Tower )
+1 :mad: for every city where a Corporation is present (+10:mad: for HQ's)
+1:mad: for every city where Infantry or Marines are present
+5:yuck: per every city with a hospital (+10 if it's an HMO)
+5:culture:
+10:food:
-10:religion:

All bonuses disappear after 1 turn if under Theocracy, Police State, or Nationhood
 
Poland (not-so-useful civ)
+90% chance to get invaded by its neighbour
in that case, will reborn after 20 turn
Unique Unit: Whiner (not-so-useful unit)
can do nothing except complaining about the lack of poland in the civilization series

there's a localised version for Canada, polynesia and Austria

No offense to my poles, canadian, polynesian and austrian friends
 
How can a unit have -1 movement, or -1 strength for that matter.

Also I would really like it if most of these items came with some sort of explanation on why they act the way they do.

For example I am totally confused by the Apple Computer (not so useful corporation) generates negative culture and negative gold.

I am actually fairly confused by this entire thread. Are we making "not-so-useful" wonders as the title suggests? Or we making satire's of real world people and events (seems like the most fun and intelligent)? Or are we making totally stupid, pointless useless wonders that would never even be considered (which is REALLY easy to come up with)?

A little of each I suppose?

I prefer the social satire.
 
Chernobyl (not-so-useful event)

When you found a city, it may be randomly named "Chernobyl."
The city automatically starts out with a nuclear plant
City explodes 10 turns after founding it

You Lose (not-so-useful event)

Causes you to lose the game
 
We Hate the King Day (Not so useful event.)

Nobody works, three city buildings are torched, all units in the city disappear and the upkeep for the city is thrice the usual. Also, the computer plays the kind of music you really hate (it has found out telepathically what that is) for thirty minutes and refuses to stop even if you reboot.
 
Donald Duck Takes Control of Your Empire (Not so useful random event.) For 10 turns, all your instructions turn into gibberish and the AI responds completely at random to them. It affects building orders, terrain improvement orders, unit movements, diplomatic negotiations - everything. Donald may quack unspeakable things to Isabella or Victoria.
 
Stuka Divebomber (Not so useful unit if your at war with Germany)

Can only be built by Germany
+50 against ships
+50 against tanks and modern armor
+25 against siege weapons
+25 city bombardment
-25 against fighters
25% morale loss in your troops if one successfully attacks within 2 tiles for 1 turn.
Causes :run: in any attacked city and slows prodution in half for 1 turn.

Slipknot (not so useful band)

Randomly tours through your cities causing +3 :mad: while its there.
+2 :mad: in any city with broadcast tower.
When in a city 10% of the population commits suicide.
-1 :hammers: for every citizen who does like them. (Dont worry though, there isnt many.)
-2 :culture: for every city with a broadcast tower.
+3 :mad: in a foriegn city near one of your own that has a broadcast tower.
May cause some of the following with other leaders, :faint:, :ack:, :dubious:, :scared:, :wallbash:, :aargh:, :shake:, :thumbsdown:, :hide:
 
Rick Astley (Great Artist)
Rick can be settled in a city like any ordinary Great Artist.
He can also make his "Great Work", "Never Gonna Give You Up".
If he does, all your cities get +2 :) until the creation of The Internet. When this effect expires, another effect starts working: Every day, you get a "Rick Roll" resource. This resource can be disguised as any resource or tech. It doesn't do any effect to you other than:
-1 :mad: "We keep getting RickRoll'd!"
(but it changes into +1 :) "We keep Rickrolling people!" if a Great Troll specialist settles in a city)
In all your cities
However, it has another purpose. You can trade that resource or tech and it will be disguised as any tech/resource of your choice. However, once your opponent gets it, a movie pops up as if he built a wonder, but he will be treated to "Never Gonna Give You Up" video instead. He can't turn it off until it finishes.
It's certainly an useful way of extorting techs and resources out of civilizations, but every use gives you the following effect with the Rick Rolled civilization:
-3 :mad: You have RickRoll'd us!
HOWEVER! It's not in vain for the poor Civ. The Rick Roll tech/resource stays with the civilization and he can pass it on for more Rick Rolling fun!
 
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