On Parent and Child Expectations

[Grisu]

1. Certainly. While they are living in your house, they should abide by your rules, and if that involves waking up early to go to church on Sunday, life's tough.

would you then in turn be ok, if atheist parents forbid their children to go to church? I think this is just silly, if children want to go to church they should, if not, they shouldn't be force to. At least not once they're old enough to be left alone at home for the time the parents go to church.

 

[silver 2039]

Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?
Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?
Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

1. No religon is nonsene and it cannot and should not be foreced upon anyone even your own children
2. Wel lI suppose if you look at it legally but would most parents do that? I hope not
3. Well yah obviously. I mean diffrent for diffrent ages though.

I've actually given this topic a lot of thought recently. It came about because of a situation in my personal life when I accidentally lost my car keys at my friend'd house. My mother had the spare, I called her after searching the house. Suddenly after this my mother decided not to trust me anymore. No longer can I use my car without consulting her with more than a day's notice. This is at the time of my life when I've been getting the best grades, doing the most things right and screwing up the least. I've also been the most social I've ever been but this should be nothing to be afraid of. I think my mother has way too high expectations. She says we don't talk or do things together. I disagree, I think we have a great relationship, probably a lot better than average. Why must my mother insist on the perfect son?

Your mother's Indian isn't she? I think its an Asian thing.

 

[Dann]

Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?

Depends on the parent's faith. For small children, religion helps in instilling discipline and teaching morality. Once they reach questioning age, however, forcing religion upon them actually becomes counterproductive.

Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?

Yes, of course. Even if they can't pay, they have their hands don't they? Small kids can do all sorts of chores around the house like dishwashing, sweeping, taking out the garbage, etc. Older kids can wash the car, take care of their younger siblings, go to town to buy groceries, etc. etc.

Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct?

Yes, of course. For me this is the ideal parent-child relationship: Children --> <-- Parents

If so at what age should it stop?

Before I answer, what age do you consider your offspring to not be children anymore?

When they're already making enough money on their own to support themselves AND their parents.

 

[Syterion]

Your mother's Indian isn't she? I think its an Asian thing.

Yeah, but she's been a lot more liberal than most Asian parents are in my area. She let my sister go to a *gasp* liberal arts school! She lets me date...let me finish... white girls! And she doesn't ask me much at all about my grades, she just insists on good ones, and I comply. She doesn't even make me go to the mosque. And suddenly I'm having the time of my life, probably because of newfound ability to drive and she takes it away. I'm assuming she thinks it's making me go out of control, but if she knew how well she raised me (I'd never consider getting drunk, doing drugs, or anything bad), she might realize her fallacy, but I don't think she'd believe me anymore. Even though she has absolutely no reason to doubt me.

I don't like to complain about trivial things, but it really makes me mad.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Just curious, there are lots of underage/dependent posters here and I want their perspective.

What are your thoughts around what should parents have a right to expect from their children and what do you consider to be out-of-bounds and why.

For Example--
Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?
Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?
Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

I'm very much an adult, but here's my perspective.

1) No, children should not be expected to go to church, because parents should not encourage superstition in the 21st century. If a child chooses to immerse himself in a religion which he was formerly not interested, parents should be on the lookout for a cult.

2) Depends. If your child is working towards a career, it would help if the parent allowed him to concentrate on that, without having to worrying about survival. If your kid is just mooching, though, he should be taught that nothing in life is free, and made to pay rent.

3) Age 18, but that depends on what rules you mean.

 

[shortguy]

For Example--
Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?
Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?
Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

1. Yes. It's perfectly natural for parents to attempt to impress upon their children things that they believe to be important. While this can have its downside--say, if parents are fanatical racists--in this case it seems reasonable enough.

2. Depends upon the situation.

3. Of course.

 

[Ayatollah So]

I'd hope that any children I might have would start being mature at age 10, because that's when I'd start making them responsible for things. I think the whole "immature rebellious teenagers in puberty" thing is a social construct, and an insultingly stupid one, which only exists because children get the message that it's acceptable to behave horribly during the teenage years.

My 15-year-old daughter just finished vacuuming her room, and get this, it was her idea I think my wife is some kind of parenting genius. Luckily she twisted my arm and made me get off my lazy butt and invest lots of thought and energy in the early years, and now I live on easy street. So ... yeah. Adulthood comes by degrees, and you place more and more freedom and responsibility on your kids as they grow into it.

About rebellion - my wife tells our daughter she should rebel more Which is a joke, but only half so. At some point your kid figures out that their parents, however brilliant , are fallible. Depending how rigid you are, and how big a revelation this seems, serious rebellion might be about the only way out of the cave and into the light. When parents blame their kids for going too far in rebellion, I don't know whether to laugh or cry, the irony is just too much. Then there's "rebellion" against parents who are too lax to provide any rules or guidance - but that doesn't quite deserve the name.

@Syterion: Your mom doesn't trust you because you lost your keys? Maybe she's stressed out by work or family, or something like that. Or else she's just now started going insane - most parents would be lucky to have a kid as mature as you. (Just now started, because if she had been crazy all along, you probably wouldn't be where you are now.)

 

[Hitro]

I'd hope that any children I might have would start being mature at age 10, because that's when I'd start making them responsible for things. I think the whole "immature rebellious teenagers in puberty" thing is a social construct, and an insultingly stupid one, which only exists because children get the message that it's acceptable to behave horribly during the teenage years.

Interesting that you say that, I think the same about it. My parents always treated me with respect and from very early on as an equal in some areas which got more and more over the years. They were strict on some things but never in an authoritarian "father knows best" sort but always with enough patience to explain everything. Hence I never had the slightest reason to even think about "rebelling" against them, mostly because that would just have been utterly stupid. From about age 16 or so (can't fix that on a day as it was an evolving thing) it turned into much of a de facto flatmate living situation. One in which they of course paid the rent.
Seriously though, they managed to raise me in a way that never made me a rebellious teenager but instead a good and reliable friend of theirs. I think that is a brilliant accomplishment that I would aspire to follow if I had children. No idea if it would work out as that simply also depends on individual personality aspects that are hard to influence directly, but at least I'd try.

 

[Elrohir]

would you then in turn be ok, if atheist parents forbid their children to go to church? I think this is just silly, if children want to go to church they should, if not, they shouldn't be force to. At least not once they're old enough to be left alone at home for the time the parents go to church.

Interesting question. I didn't think of it that way. I'd like to slightly modify my earlier answer: I think you should have to go to your parents place of worship, (Or your parents should have veto power whether you go, legally speaking) until you are of an age to make decisions for yourself. I'd say this is probably around 15-16 in our society. Then it should be your choice.

I don't know why you would discourage your kid from going to church if you were an athiest, though. Even if you think it's false, what's the worst that could happen? They become a Christan and live a moral life; no killing, stealing, or sex before marriage. Can a parent truly object to those results, even if they think the reasons for it are false?

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

I don't know why you would discourage your kid from going to church if you were an athiest, though. Even if you think it's false, what's the worst that could happen? They become a Christan and live a moral life; no killing, stealing, or sex before marriage. Can a parent truly object to those results, even if they think the reasons for it are false?

Religion doesn't make you a good person.

 

[Elrohir]

Religion doesn't make you a good person.

Not necissarily, no. But it doesn't make you a bad person either.

 

[Pyrite]

Just curious, there are lots of underage/dependent posters here and I want their perspective.

What are your thoughts around what should parents have a right to expect from their children and what do you consider to be out-of-bounds and why.

Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?

Eh, my folks go to church, but I sure don't, haven't since I was 13. I see why some parents do, and I guess it keeps the kids (sometimes) more under control and more like that, but whatever. Sundays are days of rest in my bed not some day of rest in an odd wooden one with lecherous lewdies hah.


Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?

What? yes of course how could that be allowed"

Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

If you live in a house, you follow the rules of the household. It's all voluntary, don't like the rules, run away! When you realize running away sucks, go back and be comfy! We all been there.

"no killing, stealing, or sex before marriage. Can a parent truly object to those results, even if they think the reasons for it are false?"

Well, I for one would not be happy. Kids should be smart about sex, either not having it because THEY don't want to, or doing it safely. Not resisting urges on the behest of Jesus. The no stealing thing, well it's all a bit much. Stealing does have it's place I'd say, killing too, not that I have, but absolute moral declarations ultimately fall short of reality, and I'd rather my kid (thank bog there isn't one!) not be exposed to those sorts of things. Well, exposed just not believin in em. Thanks!

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Not necissarily, no. But it doesn't make you a bad person either.

No, but it offers a convenient way of excusing bad behavior.