On Parent and Child Expectations

[spankey]

Just curious, there are lots of underage/dependent posters here and I want their perspective.

What are your thoughts around what should parents have a right to expect from their children and what do you consider to be out-of-bounds and why.

For Example--
Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?
Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?
Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

 

[blackheart]

Before I answer, what age do you consider your offspring to not be children anymore?

 

[Xanikk999]

Yes to the last two.

All children should follow the rules of the house if you expect to raise good children. Obviously you dont want them to break stuff or throw temper tantrums.

 

[El_Machinae]

I figure that until they pay back the $200,000 I put into them, I own them!

(kidding!)

 

[spankey]

I figure that until they pay back the $200,000 I put into them, I own them!

(kidding!)

Good point though....

 

[spankey]

Before I answer, what age do you consider your offspring to not be children anymore?

From my standpoint, I will go with the legal age in the US-- 18 years old for a child.

For the point of this posting though, I would say if you are still living under your parents roof, regardless of age

 

[Corlindale]

Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?

No. Religion is a personal thing, and I generally do not think children should be exposed too much to it before they are old enough to make their own decision on the matter. After all, if you are brought up religiously, I'd argue that your faith loses value, simply because children can be indoctrinated to believe in anything, no matter how crazy. Rather let their spirituality(if any) be the result of an informed decision made at adulthood.

Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?

Depends on their income and their parents' income, I guess. Not something I'd be against on principle.

Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

Depends. Of course all parents impose certain rules on their children, and as long as they are within reason, I see no problems. It should stop when they come of age, I guess.

 

[Tycoon101]

I believe that my children always must follow the rules of conduct that I set. They must also pay their dues.

They don't have to go to Church, because I feel that they are entitled to non-churchgoing.

 

[downtown]

I think that a parent who is religious has the right, if they wish, to raise their family in that religion. When I was little, my parents brought me to church (even though, if given the choice, I would have rather watched TV or something), and I was taught the basics of my religion. By the time I was 14, I figured I had enough social connections (as well as a testimony in our church) to go for its own sake. If I really didnt want to go anymore, I'm sure I would have had long talks with my parents and our bishop, but I suppose my parents would have let me. I think they would be in their rights to make me go to church until I was 18 though.

I'm allowed to live here for free until I finish my first degree....if I want after that, I have to pay rent. I think thats pretty fair. Theres no way I can afford my own appartment in Washingon now, even though I work 50 hours a week.

And of course kids ought to be subject to rules....and when I live in my Mother's house, I am expected to follow those rules (although many are relaxed the older I get...I dont have a curfew anymore, for example). It would totally in a parents right to have rules even if the guy was 24, if he was living at home. After they move away, so ought the rules

 

[Syterion]

I've actually given this topic a lot of thought recently. It came about because of a situation in my personal life when I accidentally lost my car keys at my friend'd house. My mother had the spare, I called her after searching the house. Suddenly after this my mother decided not to trust me anymore. No longer can I use my car without consulting her with more than a day's notice. This is at the time of my life when I've been getting the best grades, doing the most things right and screwing up the least. I've also been the most social I've ever been but this should be nothing to be afraid of. I think my mother has way too high expectations. She says we don't talk or do things together. I disagree, I think we have a great relationship, probably a lot better than average. Why must my mother insist on the perfect son?

This is of course not the type of expectations this thread is talking about. But I still think it's relevant. At what point in a child's life should the parent begin to allow autonomy? Or at least more autonomy? What justifies taking it away?

 

[spankey]

Let me ask another point, with an observation. If the parents have young children and want to go to church, are they supposed to get a babysitter?

 

[Elrohir]

Just curious, there are lots of underage/dependent posters here and I want their perspective.

What are your thoughts around what should parents have a right to expect from their children and what do you consider to be out-of-bounds and why.

For Example--
Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?
Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?
Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

1. Certainly. While they are living in your house, they should abide by your rules, and if that involves waking up early to go to church on Sunday, life's tough.

2. Out of what school? I think after you're 18, you should either enter the workforce or go to college. If you're not doing one of those things, they need to kick you off your lazy butt and go do something. If you out of college and living with your parents, then sure, why not? You'd be paying rent if you lived somewhere else.

3. Your house, your rules. It stops when they move out.

 

[Turner]

Just curious, there are lots of underage/dependent posters here and I want their perspective.

What are your thoughts around what should parents have a right to expect from their children and what do you consider to be out-of-bounds and why.

For Example--
Should children be expected to attend church with their families-why or why not?

Easy. We don't go to church. As I stated in another thread, if they had reliable transportation to the church of their choice, with appropriate chaparonage, That would be fine with us.

Should children (if out of school) be expected to provide rent/upkeep for the exchange of living at home?

Yes. Possibly in school. As I have no children currently of (legal) work age, I'm not sure how we'll handle it.

Shoukld children be subjected to rules/codes of conduct. If so at what age should it stop?

Yes, and as long as they are living in my house. However, we will not expect the 20 year old to have the same rules as the 12 year old.

 

[A'AbarachAmadan]

I think parents should be able impose lots of rules, such as going / not going to church, who your friends are, what you can watch / listen to / play / etc.

If you are a minor or still in high school, parents rules. If you still live with your parents, their rules (if you aren't a minor you should be paying rent also). If you are in college and financially dependent upon your parents, their rules. If you are in your 20's and still financially dependent upon your parents then you are an idiot and should really be under their rules because you haven't figured out how to support yourself.

I worked hard and became financially independent at 18, so I have no sympathy for those who don't. The richies who came to college with their parents money used to get on my nerves with their constant whining about their parents. To lazy to get a job, but thought they shouldn't have to live with their parents rules.

I think a good parent will teach their children good morals and decision making and provide a loose framework of rules, letting them make their own mistakes; but I'd give them that latitude.

 

[Sims2789]

Children learn to obey authority; teens learn when to disobey authority.

By disobeying authority too much and just for the sake of rebellion, teens learn to respect authority more, but also when it shouldn't be respected.

 

[Tenochtitlan]

The parents should teach their kids skills, a good moral conscience and become a good role model for them (and play with them too). No need to force religion on them.

 

[Sims2789]

The parents should teach their kids skills, a good moral conscience and become a good role model for them (and play with them too). No need to force religion on them.

If I were religious, my kid would not question religion until adolescence because I'd raise them to respect authority more. You get liberals by raising teans to question authority; you get brats by raising children to.

 

[Sims2789]

The parents should teach their kids skills, a good moral conscience and become a good role model for them (and play with them too). No need to force religion on them.

Well, that too.

 

[Erik Mesoy]

Before I answer, what age do you consider your offspring to not be children anymore?

I'd hope that any children I might have would start being mature at age 10, because that's when I'd start making them responsible for things. I think the whole "immature rebellious teenagers in puberty" thing is a social construct, and an insultingly stupid one, which only exists because children get the message that it's acceptable to behave horribly during the teenage years.

 

[Ecclesiastes]

1. I would make them go until I felt they were ready to make the choice themselves.

2.no, what kind of parent would I be to charge my own kid?Now if hes like 28, and still at home....well.....then .....thats different

3.Yes they should, do they have to follow it strictly?No, I understand that they are sinners like the rest of us. I'll be mad sure, but I wont lose it on my kid.