Pacal's (Ball) Court

[Flouzemaker]

After the moderately acclaimed "Gilgamesh's Court," and the somewhat heralded "Suleiman's Harem," Flouzemaker (that's me) presents...

Pacal's ( Ball ) Court!

You, the poor, unsuspecting reader, shall be able to, well... read this possibly tall tale of triumph, glory and/or humiliating defeat, provided that you do indeed possess the arcane knowledge of reading English.
Furthermore, you'll eventually be reading this potentially (though probably not) spectacular saga in "real time."
When the story finally reaches the date of 1 AD... that's where I'll be in the game! You, for the first time, shall be able to enlighten me with your wisdom (gawd knows I need it) and, for once, I'll actually be able to use your counsel.

For now, however, you'll only get the starting location at 4000 BC. I have some leaders to draw, so it'll take some time until I reach 1 AD...

Still, we might as well proceed.

Our game looks like this:

A small, rocky, big & small map with Island mixed in, low sea level and normal speed. Actually, I wanted "epic" but forgot to put it at epic... so we're at normal. Too lazy to restart another game.

In addition, we have "diplomatic victory" turned off, eliminating the Apostolic Palace and the UN.

We'll be competing against nine other A.I.'s, so I expect we'll be packed rather tighly. Just in case that doesn't generate enough conflict, our beloved barbarians shall be raging.

And who is our potentially heroic leader? Just in case you didn't notice the subtle hints, it is:

Pacal II, the soon to be Great!

PACAL! After years of wandering around aimlessly, your people, the Mayans, have accidentally made YOU their leader!

Me?

Yes, you!

Wow. Sucks to be the Mayans, huh?

Fear not, young Ahau, for I shall grant you a lifespan of at least 6050 years!

SCORE!

That is, of course, only if some other Civilization doesn't wipe you off the face of the earth.

Oh. Sucks to be the Mayans, huh.

Of course, you cannot be expected to wisely lead your people without some sort of council. Meet your first adviser:

Lady Zac Kuk

MOM?!?!

Where did you put you cape, child?

My cape?

You'll catch a cold!

I guess I didn't want to trip on it or something. What are you doing here, mom?

I'm here to help my little boy, of course! I'll be taking charge of science, culture, and religion. And my good little boy'll listen to mommy, right?

~sigh~

 

[Flouzemaker]

Of course, one adviser cannot be enough.

Obviously.

And so, you'll also be counseled by the newly appointed War Chief...

Kan Bahlum Mo'

Dad!

It's an honor, son! I am wise in the ways of war, young Ahau. Heed my words and we shall thrive.

Sure, dad.

We cannot trust the enemy. Always remember that.

Whatever.

Do not take diplomatic matters lightly, son!

Right. Can I see our starting location, now?

Certainly!

Oy! I hope no one is allergic to sea food!

I certainly hope we're not on a tiny little island...

Even if we are, though we might grow and produce a little slowly at first, the sea will provide us with ample food and science. This is a good place to found Mutal.

Mutal? No. We're founding Lakam Ha first! I'm the Ahau of Lakam Ha, and as such, Lakam Ha shall be our Capital! We'll research Fishing to get working on our Crab sources ASAP. Meanwhile, I'll send our Warrior, Scroll Zero Bird, to the North-East. I know I could pop that hut, but I'll let our cultural borders do that later on.

And so, while I busily draw a few leaders, you may have fun with the start save in 4000 BC. If you do choose to play it - please refrain from posting "spoilers" about future neighbors and stuff.

 

[Ozbenno]

Already looking forward to this!

That's a lot of seafood you've got there. Good for the whip. Bronze Working would be a priority and a granary (Pottery) for all that whipping.

Good luck.

 

[Peng Qi]

Be glad they added the Moai Statues to the game.

 

[Qwack]

Flouzemaker, you have a great series going here. Ive read both of your previous games, and looking forward to this one also.

 

[Flouzemaker]

Be glad they added the Moai Statues to the game.

Speaking of which... can I whip a National Wonder?

 

[obliterate]

Speaking of which... can I whip a National Wonder?

Course you can. You can whip anything.

 

[Killroyan]

OMG OMG OMG OMG HE IS BACK!!!!!!

All together again:
1
2
3
FLOUZEMAKER!!!!!!

Totally subscribing again. Lets get the family feuds start.

 

[RockTheCazbah87]

Pacal re-united with his mom and dad!



Subscribed!

 

[e350tb]

Reading on.

 

[Guardian_PL]

Flouzemaker, You've just made my day

 

[Ozbenno]

Speaking of which... can I whip a National Wonder?

You can but it costs more population to do so.

 

[Flouzemaker]

3800 BC:

My sweet little boy's going to be happy! The cultural borders of Lakam Ha have expanded... popping the nearby hut!

Whadda we git? Whadda we git?

60 gold.

Oh.

Ah, but son, Scroll Zero Bird has been exploring, and he'll visit a barbarian village as well!

OOOH! Whadda we git? Whadda we git?

We get...

I, Darius I, welcome Pacal II, ruler of the upstart nation of Maya.

I get an ice cream salesman?

Do not be confused by the crown. It might look delicious, but it hides the world's most dangerous weapon!

The rattiest, filthiest most unsavory wad of balding hair?

No! My brain, of course! Shall we have peace?

Certainly! By the way, you've got something, there, on your chin... better wipe if off, dude.

Beg your pardon? Where? Did I get it?

Yeah! You just pulled on it!

What, my beard? Its only decorative facial hair, son! When you'll be old enough, you'll have one too.

No I won't. See you 'round!

 

[Peng Qi]

Hah! Despite your attempt at cliffhanging, I can see what the goody hut gave you in the picture!

 

[Flouzemaker]

Hmm... I don't know why, but it feels like I'm forgetting something. I was looking forward to something, and then was rudely interrupted...

The hut, young Ahau.

HOODY HOO!!!

There's a party going on right heeere... a celebration to last throughout the years!

Right.

So bring your good times, and your laughter too! We gonna celebrate your party witchooo!

What are you doing, dad?

We're gonna have a good time tonight!

Ceeeeleeebration!

We're gonna have a good time tonight!

Ceeeeleeebration!

STOP IT!!!


3760 BC:

We've discovered Fishing, my little shield!

Groovy.

I highly recommend we research Polytheism. After all, since I preceded you on the throne, and your father, bless him, is only a noble, not a royal... founding a religion would help legitimize your rule.

I follow your logic. But... nobody founds Hinduism if Polytheism isn't the first tech you research. I mean, it happens from time to time, but it's a long shot.

What a smart little boy I have! Yes, that's why I'm not even suggesting Meditation, child. Odds are, someone's almost done discovering it. But even if we don't get Hinduism, which I'll admit is likely, we can still vie for Judaism afterwards. Now that we have both Fishing and Bronze Working, there are no other pressing technologies we absolutely need to acquire immediately.

Alright. Sold.

 

[Arlborn]

Wow, he now have pictures of expressions!

I can't wait!

 

[Flouzemaker]

3720 BC:

Buddhism has been founded in a distant land.

Is it an evil land?

Logic says it is so.

Well, so be it. Buddhism has been founded in a Distant Land of Evil.

Oh. By the way, Sun Zero Bird, our warrior, has slain a pack of wolves.

Yippee.


3560 BC:

Sun Zero Bird has stumbled upon another goody hut, young Ahau!

Whaddaweegit? Whaddaweegit?

42 gold.

Uh. Well... they can't all be winners.


3400 BC:

Oh! I'm so proud of my little boy!

HOODY HOO!! Totally unexpected!

Shall we convert to Hinduism?

Hinduism? No. No no... we just founded Cosmology!

But it says...

I SAID WE FOUNDED COSMOLOGY!

So shall we convert to Cosmology, then?

Not yet.

 

[Flouzemaker]

Unfortunately, son, there's no Bronze ore anywhere in the area. May I suggest we take this opportunity to research Hunting? That way, we can at least train our Holkans, and eventually Archers as well.

Yeah, sure. Sounds good to me.


3320 BC:

Sun Zero Bird has slain a lion pride!

Whatever, dad.


3280 BC:

Hunting now holds no secrets to our people.

On to Archery...

And Sun Zero Bird has slain a pack of panthers.

Right. Look, no offense or anything, dad, but unless a Bear eats some of our troops, I don't care about fights with animals.

But all those fights earned Sun Zero Bird a Medic promotion!

Sweet!


3160 BC:

The great Native American people welcome you, Pacal II.

Yeah. I'm Pacal II, Ahau of the glorious Mayan people.

Would it be politically correct to offer you a peace-pipe? I guess I should rather ask if you are of legal age...

Legal age for what, I'm frikkin' immortal!

And my headdress has more feathers than yours.

Well that's just my casual headdress, see? The ceremonial one is, like, way bigger, dude. Besides, it's not the size that counts, it's what you do with it.

Are you going to do peace with it?

Yeah. Sure. Why not? See you 'round!

 

[Flouzemaker]

3120 BC:

We have discovered Archery.

Great news!

What shall we research next?

I don't know. Randomly pick something for me.

Let's see... and the winner is: Sailing.

Hm. Yeah. Maybe the coastal trade routes'll help or something.


2840 BC:

We've disc-

Sure, mom. What next?

Well, I suppose we'll be planning for our next cities, soon. And such plans begin with knowledge of the Wheel.

Sold. We -

May the heavens rain down blessings upon you, Pacal II! I am Mehmed II, wise and benevolent ruler of the Ottoman Empire!

Well met. I'm Pacal II, most groovy Ahau of the Maya.

Feel free to begin showering me with tribute at your convenience.

And please note that the date of my convenience is: never.

You're a funny little man, aren't you!

I assume that was a rhetorical question.

I suppose we may as well have peace.

Indeed. See you 'round!

 

[Flouzemaker]

2680 BC:

We've discovered the Wheel.

You know, son. It occurs to me that the Work Boats you're building in Lakam Ha are taking some time to train, here. It'd go a lot faster if we adopted slavery and whipped up production a little.

But that's inhumane!

When a problem comes along...

You must whip it!

Before the cream sits out too long...

You must whip it!

When somethings going wrong...

You must whip it!

Now whip it! Into shape... Shape it up... Get straight... Go forwards... Move ahead...

STOP THAT! We're not adopting Slavery. Not yet, anyways.

Can we at least research Meditation so we can build Monasteries and spread Cosmology?

Yeah. I guess we can do that...