Paranoid about snatching?

[anandus]

If a girl is 'snatched', she chooses for another man, then the relationship wasn't meant to be or would've ended anyway in the end.
So per definition one shouldn't be afraid of snatching, because if it happens it's a good thing.

Also I find the term quite misogynic, but that's on the side.

 

[Akka]

*Of course they are, I am not saying that my choices are morally correct, but they are for the greater good, of him, her and me.

I'll just let you re-read this sentence so you can realize how absurd and self-contradicting it is.

The "greater good" would simply for her to grow some spine and actually do the right thing - ditching him, fair and square.
Everything else is just immature attempts at avoiding responsability.

Not to mention, all is fair in love and war, yada yada.

The only part of this saying I find actually somehow valid is that being a jerk in love will indeed risk to bring you war.

Do you really think anyone wants to be on their death bed thinking about how they could have wooed "the one" away to them?

Man, if what you would think on your deathbed is not "have I been a good man ?" but "damn, I could have shagged this girl and didn't", it just doesn't make the picture any prettier...

 

[Elta]

............

 

[Kozmos]

I don't see the big deal with snatching unless someone is married. Sometimes people are in a bad relationship and don't know how to end it. The 'snatcher' can serve as an added incentive to do the hard thing sooner.

 

[Bestbank Tiger]

I don't see the big deal with snatching unless someone is married. Sometimes people are in a bad relationship and don't know how to end it. The 'snatcher' can serve as an added incentive to do the hard thing sooner.

Doesn't have to be married for it to be immoral. Nobody would like to have that done to them, so they shouldn't do it to anyone else.

 

[GenMarshall]

Doesn't have to be married for it to be immoral. Nobody would like to have that done to them, so they shouldn't do it to anyone else.

This is basically my line of thinking.

 

[Kozmos]

Doesn't have to be married for it to be immoral. Nobody would like to have that done to them, so they shouldn't do it to anyone else.

I didn't see it like that. At first I was feeling pretty low. Then I saw the guy was uglier than me. So it must have been my annoying personality. Still it made me feel better. Bottom line if the man/woman in question could be snatched...it wouldn't have worked out. Despite however you feel about the man/woman in question the snatcher is doing you a favour.

 

[Terxpahseyton]

Nobody would like to have that done to them, so they shouldn't do it to anyone else.

I don't like to get speeding tickets as well. Yet I would not really want to abolish them. Point being: maybe there is a greater good here. Namely: More flexibility enabling more effective change of partners. Come one, this is in itself a good thing. More experience, greater chance to find the one, whatever. Yeah, it comes at a cost, but I say, be mature about it as long as it is this snatching (sudden breakup for the competitor) and not cheating (no break up, still competitor). With mature I mean respecting the free will of the partner to change partners when he or she wants to. Not saying it is fun, but to me it feels right. Well, not personally when in the situation, but you know what I mean

 

[Quintillus]

To answer the original question: Yes, I suspect it would make me at least somewhat paranoid.

But, I think it depends on what actually happened. If she was already clearly unhappy with the previous relationship; it would be a lot less likely to cause paranoia than if the previous relationship were happy. In the latter case, I think paranoia is quite likely.

And along with the happiness of the previous relationship, how it ends is also a factor. Assuming an unhappy previous relationship, if the previous relationship didn't end first, that's more reason to be paranoid (and also a more morally questionable situation, as already mentioned by others). I'm assuming that the new relationship at least started quite soon after the previous one. I don't personally think that's the best way to start a relationship, since it could have some sense of "rebound relationship". But, if Elta is pretty sure that she's a lot happier now than in the previous relationship, and if the transition wasn't too questionable, I could see paranoia not being required - even though I have no idea whether Elta would truly win a Most Charming contest.

All hypothetical, though.

 

[Akka]

I didn't see it like that. At first I was feeling pretty low. Then I saw the guy was uglier than me. So it must have been my annoying personality. Still it made me feel better. Bottom line if the man/woman in question could be snatched...it wouldn't have worked out. Despite however you feel about the man/woman in question the snatcher is doing you a favour.

The point is not "it would have work out". The points is that it's rather anti-social to come and shake the commitments made between two other persons. Normally, you let people sort their own problems, you don't fan the fire so that the following clashes benefits you.
If someone is in a bad relationship, the good thing is to deal with it first, and only afterward look for someone else. The other way is just being a self-serving and disrespectful jerk.

 

[Kozmos]

I don't agree because life is complicated and sometimes it just happens, even if you take precautions to avoid it. There is nothing anti-social or immoral there, the exception being if there is a marriage involved because then you are ruining multiple lives instead of just one. (you are licensed to temporarily ruin just one life during such things)

 

[Akka]

I don't agree because life is complicated and sometimes it just happens, even if you take precautions to avoid it.

Bullcrap.
Acting decently isn't that hard.

There is nothing anti-social or immoral there, the exception being if there is a marriage involved because then you are ruining multiple lives instead of just one. (you are licensed to temporarily ruin just one life during such things)

I don't see how a marriage changes anything.

 

[Kozmos]

Bullcrap.
Acting decently isn't that hard.

I don't see how a marriage changes anything.

- It is easy to be a saint in paradise. I used to be of the same mindset. Then I saw how much bullcrap goes on the scenes and behind them. Now I can understand why people sometimes 'fail' to be perfectly moral, upstanding citizens.

- Aside from the legal, closer and extended family and possible children issues involved? I'm not a big fan of homewrecking if it can be avoided. Relationships are not the same thing.

 

[Akka]

- It is easy to be a saint in paradise. I used to be of the same mindset. Then I saw how much bullcrap goes on the scenes and behind them. Now I can understand why people sometimes 'fail' to be perfectly moral, upstanding citizens.

I'm not talking about being a "saint", I'm talking about being "decent". If being merely "decent" looks like being a "saint", I'm baffled at the low standard of behaviour from people.

I'm not saying you should never even look at a girl involved in a relationship, I say you should not try to be a jerk for your self-interest, and at the VERY LEAST, you should at least requires things to be resolved before flirting.
If you say "leave this guy, he's bad for you" and you believe it, it's maybe not nice but it's not unethical (again : if you believe it, not just in you try to break the relationship for you benefit).
But having fun in his back ? That's just low.

- Aside from the legal, closer and extended family and possible children issues involved? I'm not a big fan of homewrecking if it can be avoided. Relationships are not the same thing.

Seems you're confusing "marriage" with "serious relationship". They tend to correlate, but they are far from the same thing.

 

[Terxpahseyton]

Akka, got to say that you have a tendency to seem obnoxiously self-righteous. True, that is not uncommon on the webs and I am not resistant to this temptation either. But in your case is just particularly hit me. Take it constructive if you can.

 

[Farm Boy]

Eh, going to have to go with Akka on this one. It's one thing to indicate your interest to a lady who happens to be in a relationship, that's fine. It's another to screw around behind somebody's back with a her if she's "still in" that relationship. That would make her a not so nice person at it would make you the same. In that situation I would say you would definitely deserve it when she eventually does the same thing to you.

 

[Akka]

Akka, got to say that you have a tendency to seem obnoxiously self-righteous. True, that is not uncommon on the webs and I am not resistant to this temptation either. But in your case is just particularly hit me. Take it constructive if you can.

I am strongly principled, yeah. And I tend to see it as a virtue, not a sin. I don't see how it is not a good point to expect people to act decently, and I tend to think that people on the whole would be better off if everyone was a bit more mindful about principles in general and a bit less about their own benefit at the expense of others.
I don't see anything to be ashamed about expecting people to uphold the Golden Rule.

 

[Lay_Lay]

A snatcher typically does not want the target to have a long single phase. He wants to try to limit her opportunity to be out banging lots of guys or falling in love with someone else before he gets his chance to trick her.

 

[Elta]

.............

 

[Akka]

I never mention the guy, ever. In fact I pretend he doesn't exist, unless he is in the room. So bad mouthing is not an issue. He's already dug his own grave sort of speak.

I don't see where I was talking about badmouthing. I was talking about messing with a relationship for your own benefit, which is exactly what you seem to do.
You certainly didn't wait for the situation to be resolved before closing in and having your fun in the back of the guy.

For all the affirmations about how he's the one who dig his own grave, what you seems to do actually tells more about you and the girl than about him.

As far as the flirting thing Wha????
I flirt with dozens of women every single day. Doesn't everyone? I don't even think about it when I am doing, it's like a reflex.

Somehow I'm not surprised.