Random Rants ΠΑ: That's a paddlin'

[Takhisis]

I can only go by what I've seen, lol. As much as I love my husband, when I first went over to his apartment I found nothing but pre-packaged "foods" in his kitchen, and a literal laundry pile on the floor in his closet. Every man I've also met doesn't seem to have sufficient visual acuity necessary to spot dust

Even if it is so (I've never met Mr. KB) that does not mean that it is your fault and you cannot be held responsible for it. Get him to shower twice a week, OK, and he definitely sound like a slob (I cook) but it's not your function in life to take over the mothering.

Edit: this still stands, of course.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

We can spot dust, we just don't care.

And there's the reality.

My gf is frequently upset by the state of my clothes. When I get up in the morning and set out to pour concrete I am very likely to put on the same filthy jeans I wore the day before while digging the trench we will be pouring concrete in, and I'm likely to wear them the next day too. I wear a fresh shirt every day, but if it is a work day then by nine in the morning you'd never know it. When I work, which I try to keep as infrequently as possible, that's the way my life runs, so I really don't get heavily riled up about a bit of dust.

On the food front...cold corn from a can doesn't sound too appealing. I tend towards frozen veggies thrown into ramen with shredded cheese. Twice or three times a day, depending on my energy output. But that's my comfort level. I'm also willing and able to cook pretty much whatever anyone I am with wants so long as they fund the shopping and I don't consider that an indicator of "high maintenance" unless they go on some sort of "I never want the same meal twice" program. My gf runs happily enough on an occasional "hey this looks good" recipe she runs into on the internet and our consistent rotation of burritos or tacos, chile, meat loaf, steaks, hamburgers, and grilled cheese sandwiches. An example of maintenance requirements is that she really likes tacos, while I look at a burrito as a taco in a much easier to make form and would likely never make tacos again given the chance, but that's a pretty small point.

 

[Takhisis]

I have a strong suspicion that Mary will soon be inviting all her girlfriends to a special seminar titled ‘men as explained by men’ if we keep on with this.
(self-illustratingly as well as -deprecatingly, I'm off to play videogames for a little while)

 

[Lexicus]

My gf cleaning my room has guilted me into doing it (most of the time, anyway) so she doesn't have to, but my own standards for when I need to clean are much lower. And since I'm always the one cooking for us she insists on doing the dishes.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Since I do all the cooking I also do the dishes so that I know where they are.

 

[Lexicus]

Since I do all the cooking I also do the dishes so that I know where they are.

I have roommates, so even if I did all the dishes (and I do do the dishes when she's not around) there's no guarantee anything will be where I left it.

 

[MaryKB]

@Takhisis I think these guys are making a point, it's possibly a standards thing ... men seem to be willing to live in conditions that I don't feel comfortable with, and what am I supposed to do? I'm not just going to let it happen. I also find that men need an incredible amount of emotional support, which can be very taxing sometimes.

@Timsup2nothin to be honest, I've never dated a guy who worked out of doors XD But if I did, I'd make sure you left with clean clothes every morning, even if you're not going to stay that way at least you can start off your day right.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I've been accumulating rants:

Rant one, spoilered for length:

Spoiler :

The advent of smart phones as a ubiquitous appendage has gigantic downsides. I was at the Home Debt-Spot getting material for a job and stopped to take care of some business of the kind that courtesy and good business practice prevents doing at the customer's house. Now, a public restroom isn't intended to be a peaceful private oasis, and my expectations are not really high. Stall walls don't go all the way to the floor so there may be some anonymous feet there with you and that's always just been part of life. But now...

I'm sitting there trying to get peacefully on with what I am there to do, and the anonymous feet on my left are apparently streaming a football video that I deduced was some sort of Leonel Messi's Greatest Goals compilation. Announcer after announcer after announcer screaming

Messi! Left foot! Goooooooalllllll!!!!!
Long pass! Messi! Gooooooallll!!!!
Messi! <whoever>! Back to Messi! Gooooooallll!!!!!

I dunno if it was the echoing nature of an all tile environment, the tendency of announcers to scream, or whether the guy really had the volume cranked for eleven because he wanted to go deaf in the process of whatever he was doing over there.

To my right another pair of anonymous feet was defending itself by finding either a streaming radio station of a series of YouTube videos featuring mariachi music, also playing at max volume.

C'mon people. Some things aren't meant to include entertainment.

Rant two. Even longer so also spoilered.

Spoiler :

I have this 25 watt bulb of a helper. We're at this jobsite and I needed to go get some materials for the next phase of the job, which is a full addition from foundation to roof. We had been putting up the last pieces of sheathing, most of which still needed nailing off, so I give the helper a three item list:

1) Finish nailing off the sheathing. This was first because it is what I really needed to be done with yesterday.

2) Put up these fascia boards. I went over this in detail, from "switch to the finish gun..." on because nothing can be left unsaid with this guy. This was just in case he surprised me and actually finished the nailing off and felt like he needed something to keep busy while getting paid.

3) Get all the stuff that we leave at this jobsite into the garage and all the stuff to go on the truck stacked over here so we can throw it on quick when I get back. "If I make you wait I'll buy lunch on the way to our other job." This was motivational.

So, I get back. He's stretching and rubbing and as soon as I'm close enough complaining about his back as an excuse. But the nailing off is done, so that's cool. The finish gun hasn't moved and by all appearances he has either just finished nailing off or quit in place as soon as he was done, but that's still cool. Fascia boards next time, we need to throw off the materials I just brought and load up the truck and get to the other jobsite. I'm obviously gonna have to do most of that since he is still stretching and moaning. Keep in mind that part about the finish gun having not moved and absolutely no indication that he ever made the least start towards doing the fascia boards.

I toss all the materials into the addition, load the tools from my established workspace onto the truck, stand the plywood I used as a table against the garage and prop it with the attendant sawhorses, pile up some cut but not totally down to scrap pieces from the sheathing work (he helped a bit there), toss some actual scrap onto our pile (again with minor brief help)...the usual.

There's two extension ladders leaning against the building. Why I have no idea since I had made it pretty clear on the way to the job that he would be the one working on the roof and I would be working from the ground, but he set up both when we got there as if we would be running races. The only ladder I had touched all day was a standard stepladder that I could stand on inside the addition for a couple of minor struggles we had to get through. I get the extension ladders into the garage and go back for the stepladder, last seen around the far side of the addition where I had been pointing out one piece of the fascia that I did NOT want him to put up because there's some issues where it ties into the existing structure. Not that the ladder was part of that discussion, it just happened that was the last place I'd used it.

I turn the corner. Ladder is right where I last saw it. There is nothing it could contribute from there to any fascia board installation, since the only piece within reach would be the piece I said not to put up. There is still no indication that he ever gave a thought to starting the fascia boards, since the finish gun is still in the case and swapping out the guns would be the first thing to do, right? So I grab the ladder and...

Get hit on the head by the eight foot one by six that has been balanced on the top of it.

Apparently his idea of the first (and only) step on the path to putting up the fascia boards was not getting the gun ready. It was also not moving the ladder to a place where a fascia board was actually going to get put up. His first step was to grab a board and set it on top of the ladder.

Why do I have help?

 

[Synobun]

Messi kicking a ball into a net is the motivation that man needed to get the job done, Tim.

RE the whole men and living spaces and stuff discussion: I mean, y'all have personal relationships, right? If one party is ahead of the other on something, they typically feel inclined to help the other catch up. If you're intending to spend your private time with someone and create a home with them, you can hardly just shrug your shoulders and go "Meh." when they throw their dirty socks everywhere and think peeing in the sink is the way to go.

And it's absolutely true that men are typically conditioned to be "behind" when it comes to living as an adult. They shouldn't be, but they are. And if you live with a man who falls in that category, it's not a winning strategy to just let them sink because they will inevitably take you down with them.

I haven't lived with a single person, man or woman, except for my best friend, who knew the concept of cleaning, let alone maintaining a space, not being destructive, etc. The men especially are completely unaware because they've lived their entire lives just letting their mom do everything for them. I've lived with people older than me, bordering on their 30s, who are just now leaving the nest and have literally never cleaned, done laundry, or... anything. They're used to living as they please, walking away from the mess, and then returning hours later to find the mess magically cleaned. You know that comedy skit where the man shows his wife how whenever he leaves dirty stuff laying around it gets magically cleaned, and he's so excited about it? That, but unironically and not as a joke. Just painfully unaware that their actions have consequences and that if they don't do anything about it, they leave it for someone else to deal with.

 

[MaryKB]

So this conversation we've been having makes me think of a rant I have from the weekend ...

I was at my cousin John's place, and Rose (his fiance) and I are making dinner. John is sitting on his couch watching television and playing video games. He literally does not a thing to help ... not even dishes (Rose and I made a great team with washing and drying) Later, as we're working on sides, he comes over to inspect it. Well we've been coordinating with other relatives who are bringing dishes (someone is bringing mashed potatoes), and Rose decided she's going to make yams. John asks about scalloped potatoes, and when we say there won't be any he starts getting all huffy (albeit in a playful way) about how dinner's ruined, and we might as well just get takeout. I wanted to smack him.

Then on Sunday, I'm visiting a family friend. My friend Kim is making sides for her family's thanksgiving dinner, and she's working on three things ... and of course her husband (Mark) is outside vaping and getting high. He of course comes into the kitchen and whines about "when's everything going to be ready?" and talking about what "we" are bringing ... I asked him which dish he made. He then talks about "this is our family contribution to dinner!" Well if it's a joint contribution, why is she doing all of the work?

Not helping at all is bad enough, but there's something about the flaunting of it that really rubbed me wrong. Then too after dinner, it's really obvious how all the men just go and sit with drinks and expect everything to magically take care of itself.

 

[Lexicus]

Depression destroyed my motivation to clean up after myself pretty much entirely for years on end. I would only clean up to keep my computer clear of clutter or if people were coming over and I couldn't let them see how I really lived.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Perhaps it's not expectation, but a question of timing.

As usual, I have a related anecdote.

Spoiler :

When I was married to my first wife her parents came to visit. As background, I somewhat regrettably was my usual self when I married this girl and never even considered any sort of "traditional" behaviors. Skip any sort of "talk to her father" business. We had been married a reasonable length of time before I ever even met her parents. Anyway...

We sit down to dinner, which tbh was not something we regularly did anyway. Our dinners were sort of 'on the go' affairs organized primarily around feeding a baby. It was nice. When eating was concluded wife and I gather the dishes into the sink and sit back down to conversation and drinks, which seemed to be going well. I freely admit that I seldom had much to do with cooking or the actual doing of dishes in those days. My wife did such dishes as we used generally next morning after I went to work.

So...conversation...all good. Mom-in-law at some point says "aren't you going to do those dishes?" somewhat pointedly to my wife, who bless her heart stands up for herself and says "yeah, in the morning." Conversation rapidly steered back on topic, but there's a bit of strain in the air.

Then mom-in-law gets up, heads into the kitchen, and starts doing dishes. Wife has passed her stand up for herself limit and follows along but is clearly irritated.

I tap dad-in-law on the shoulder and head down to the family room in the basement.

"I understand that is your daughter, but she is my wife and this is her house. She gets to keep it however she sees fit and if that somehow isn't good enough for your wife you need to either put her in check or take her somewhere else. If she keeps making my wife uncomfortable and you can't manage her, I will."

They got a motel.

Dishes get done when they get done, which may or may not be at the time someone not doing the dishes might expect.

 

[Lexicus]

Dishes get done when they get done, which may or may not be at the time someone not doing the dishes might expect.

My roommate is the absolute worst at doing dishes. He leaves the sink clogged not just with one or two dishes, but with a pile of dishes and a goddamn frying pan for days on end! I refuse to clean up after him, but I think my other roommate (I have two, so it's three people sharing the living space including myself) does clean up after him from time to time. Now, I'm not some sort of weirdo who needs the sink to be spotless all the time, but I will never leave so many dirty dishes in the sink that other people can't use it. And, incidentally, what I said about depression in my last post applies only to my own room - I still felt obligated not to leave the common areas messy and would clean up after myself in the bathroom and kitchen.

This roommate who can't clean up his dishes spent a bunch of time in the Army! You'd think spending time in the Army would sort of force you to be clean but nope...

 

[Timsup2nothin]

People in the military live spartan, and have very little experience with cleanup. When you live in a barracks room and aren't allowed to cook, or even have food there for that matter, you don't learn much about dishes.

 

[MaryKB]

Oh Tim, you didn't offer to do the dishes yourself??

 

[Synobun]

My gym teacher in high school was a big army guy and had us do some of the things they do in Basic. During the written portion of PE he'd have us study military procedure. I'm sure it was an extremely weak bastardization of it, but it seemed more routine/discipline-oriented than anything resembling critical thinking and understanding the theory behind "if dirty, then clean," so I can understand how someone from the army wouldn't be any better at cleaning than a civilian counterpart.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Oh Tim, you didn't offer to do the dishes yourself??

Not on your life. My wife did the dishes as she pleased and if she wanted my help I'd give it freely. But no one is going to come into her house and dictate when or how she does anything, period. me jumping up to fulfill mom-in-law's power fantasy wouldn't have improved the situation at all.

 

[Ferocitus]

On the food front...cold corn from a can doesn't sound too appealing.

Quite excusable when a man is "busy".
When my partner came home one day and found me eating cold spaghetti from a tin with a plastic protractor, she looked at me as if I was weird.
I just stared back until she sighed and went into the other room.
That pretty well sums up how we have "argued" for the last 35 years.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Am I the only one here who knows that you can set a tin can on a stove burner so there's really no reason to eat stuff cold as long as you aren't living out of doors?

 

[Synobun]

Am I the only one here who knows that you can set a tin can on a stove burner so there's really no reason to eat stuff cold as long as you aren't living out of doors?

If you'll go to the effort of heating the stove for a tin can, surely you'd go to the effort of putting the contents of said tin can into a pot?