Schmutzig was the son of a Minoan pig farmer, and as such did not like to take frequent baths. In fact, he was afraid of just plain water. Consequently, he was well known for his foul-smelling odor and uncouth manner; a perfect candidate for the Minoan emporer. He ascended the Minoan throne because of an invitation to court by Meldor. When Schmutzig appeared in court, his smell, combined with jungle-heat and cramped quarters, killed or brain-damaged Meldor and all his advisors. The people of Minos, impressed with Schmutzig's odious (and odorous) nature, immediately called for him to be instated as absolute ruler.
Since not many could stand his smell, the first thing Schmutzig did as emporer was to found his own private residence - Foul Odors.
There, an entire population of unwashed cretins (yes, that's spelled correctly
) found their home.
Schmutzig's reign was also notable for the training of the "bull rider," a mighty beast capable of completely leveling entire cities with the flick of a tail. With these mighty creatures, Schmutzig envisioned the destruction of all neighboring "cultured" civilizations, with their "temples" for "worship." The only worship Schmutzig knew was the worship of the ruins of towns (well, that and the skunk-god to whom he payed homage
)
Schmutzig also oversaw the training of many citizens to settle distant lands, including some that would settle an area in which "silks" could be found to pacify the Minoan people. There was a brief period of time where it was feared that the Russians would violate the silks with their blasphemous temples, but Schmutzig stood upwind of the Russian settling party and drove them to the desert, away from the precious silks (actually, I used blockade tactics, but you get the point
).
Schmutzig's apparent "death" came quickly and suddenly. His son, Schmutzigchen, played a prank on Schmutzig by locking him in the royal closet. When the closet was finally forced open, it revealed an comatose Schmutzig, knocked unconcious by his own smell. Schmutzig never reawakened from his coma, and he was stored in a skunk burrow in Foul Odors, awaiting his reawakening.
Miscellaneous notes:
Right now we only have three bull riders. However, just a few more will make a formidable force. I never realized until I used them, but the bull rider might be too powerful - that extra movement and the fact that they can blitz is really huge. I think a force of six or seven of them (maybe even less!), if used properly, could almost destroy an entire civ at this point (at least one without swords and none of the civs closest to us have iron hooked up).
The Egyptians and Russians signed a military alliance against England - not good since they will be concentrating on military, making our job harder.
The Chinese started the Pyramids - but unfortunately for them, we are 10 turns away.
Oh, and also about the capitol: did we decide that it could build any cultural buildings, or just limited wonders?
I've got several cities building settlers, but a few can be changed to bull riders. I'd prefer that most of them build the settlers, though, since there is still a lot of land to expand to. Also, there's a settler on the way to the Russian silks. Luxuries are going to be especially important to us without any other happiness modifiers like temples.
Here's the roster.
Sirian
Charis
Arathorn
Jaffa
Meldor
Schnarrd (nope, not Schnaard - still waiting for Charis to realize that there aren't two a's in my screen!
)
Warstrike << up
Xrang << on deck
By the way, if you don't understand the joke behind the name "Schmutzig," it's a German word that means - well, actually I don't want to spoil it. If you've got a spare minute, look it up on a translator.
And remember, the more cities we found, the more units we can support.
Perhaps a good prep for both war and infrastructure is Monarchy. We're almost there with Polytheism anyway.
Well, anyway, got it.
![[pimp]](/images/smilies/pimp.gif "Pimp [pimp]")
If anyone has a problem with this, let me know and I'll just bow out and save my brownie points up for the Romans.
