Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[NinjaCow64]

"Yes Rin I am still holding. What's that sound? Oh, just smiting Chirstos, the great enemy of Saber, in holy gunfire, no biggie."

 

[CivCube]

"You're gettin' there, Cube..."

"You're gettin' there."

 

[Omega124]

I casually invite Christos over for tea

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I immediately force choke the APC gunner that's shooting me.

7 (7): Which one? There's like a dozen.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (14): You manage to Force-dodge the barrage.

That effing hurt! Leave me alone!

3 (2): Thinking you're into BDSM (in the Eternal Kingdom, "no" means "yes"), the crew whips you for 9 damage.

"Yes Rin I am still holding. What's that sound? Oh, just smiting Chirstos, the great enemy of Saber, in holy gunfire, no biggie."

11 (10): You miss.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (11): You're grazed for 6 damage.

"You're gettin' there, Cube..."

"You're gettin' there."

9 (9): Could get there a little faster, though.

I casually invite Christos over for tea

3 (3): Mr. Christos is currently predisposed but he sends his regards, along with a nuclear missile.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6 (10): The missile is intercepted at mid-altitude, spreading radioactive fallout over the area that deals -1 hitpoint/turn to everyone in Pennsylvania for the next 10 turns.

The Eternal Kingdom redoubles its efforts in Afghanistan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (1): The Afghans raise their Defence by 3 as the Monarchists are routed once more. The South African cell tries to finish off Mozambique.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6 (1): Another bloody loss, and the stronghold toughens 3 Defence. The American cell continues to push into Canada.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (10): Unprepared for the demands of polar warfare, the offensive literally freezes in its tracks. The Somali cell muscles in on Sudan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (4): Unable to penetrate the border, the invaders watch helplessly as the country fortifies 2 points.

 

[JohannaK]

But I am into BDSM. That's not how consent works tho.

 

[CivCube]

I hold ACA* up to the sunlight.

*jesus christ

 

[Omega124]

I install star wars so that no one can nuke me anymore >:c

 

[NinjaCow64]

"I'VE GOT YOU IN MY SIGHTS!" *continues to lay gunfire into Chirstos*

 

[GenMarshall]

I force crush the nearest APC in my vicinity.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

But I am into BDSM. That's not how consent works tho.

3 (2): All the crew hears is the first sentence, whipping you again for 8 damage.

I hold ACA* up to the sunlight.

15 (15): And lo, the light did reveal the TRUTH, and thus was the heretic Cleansed a further 12%.

I install star wars so that no one can nuke me anymore >:c

1 (4): You invest all your state funds plus several hundred million dollars' worth of loans into a Cold War-era strategic defence scheme that doesn't even work. You're left with a national debt of $600 million, but at least you think you've bluffed the EKNC.

"I'VE GOT YOU IN MY SIGHTS!" *continues to lay gunfire into Chirstos*

19 (18): You open up a salvo dealing 26 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (11): You're clipped again for 4 damage.

I force crush the nearest APC in my vicinity.

17 (17): You knock out 15 hitpoints from the unit and reduce its morale by 1.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (8): You take 8 damage from all the other ones.

The Eternal Kingdom continues the annexation of Mainland Japan China.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (8): The death of the King only serves to strengthen the resistance, thwarting further advance. The South African cell moves to steamroll Zambia.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (16): The eastern front cracks, reducing national Defence -1. The American terrorists muscle in on Barbados.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (1): The invasion is an unmitigated disaster, and the island raises 3 Defence. The Somali cell tries to finish off Eritrea.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (13): The country is overwhelmed.
Eritrea has been defeated by the EKNC!

​

 

[Omega124]

I, uh, don't do last turn's action after all...

 

[NinjaCow64]

"JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" *continues laying gunfire into Chirstos while shouting Overwatch quotes very loudly*

 

[GenMarshall]

I force push the wrecked and crushed APC to the nearest APC that's shooting at me.

 

[JohannaK]

Stop this. Now. Or you'll all get assigned to hull cleaning duting without pressurised suits.

 

[CivCube]

I continue holding Cube-ba up.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I, uh, don't do last turn's action after all...

4: "SORRY NO REFUNDS" laughs the military-industrial complex as it bee-lines the bank.

"JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" *continues laying gunfire into Chirstos while shouting Overwatch quotes very loudly*

20 (19): You deal 27 damage and wound him for -1 defence.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (19): Leaping into the helicopter, Christos stabs you in the chest for 16 damage, inflicting a gaping wound that bleeds out for -4 hitpoints/turn!

I force push the wrecked and crushed APC to the nearest APC that's shooting at me.

4 (2): lololol it;s 2 fast 4 u!!1 Blinded by rage, you lose situational awareness, lowering your defence by 2.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (3): An APC drives right over you for 16 damage, causing internal bleeding worth -2 hitpoints/turn.

Stop this. Now. Or you'll all get assigned to hull cleaning duting without pressurised suits.

14 (13): You're over South Africa now, so they get back to manning the weapons in preparation for the attack order which you have to give or you'll probably die next turn (just sayin').

I continue holding Cube-ba up.

16 (16): Another 10% is knocked off his evil-O-meter.

The Eternal Kingdom thrusts further into Kazakhstan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): The spearhead is encircled and shattered, and Kazakhstan restores 3 Defence. The South African cell tries for the Rhino Socialist Paradise again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): After a long and bloody battle, Monarchist forces are forced to withdraw, and the country fortifies 3 points. The American cell invades Trinidad and Tobago.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (1): It's like Barbados but south; the defenders muster 3 Defence. The Somali bandits go for Oman again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (9): The attack is effortlessly repelled.

 

[CivCube]

I throw Cube up into the air, giving him that last bit of sunshine.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Now that I'm off call, Saber intervenes and heals me back up so I can smite her enemies once and for all.

 

[JohannaK]

No, I would rather die than be enslaved to these monsters.

 

[Omega124]

Wait, did they say.... Bee line?

As IOT's resident bee afficando, I use my status as best bee to claim that bank, and all of its resources, as mine.