Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[GenMarshall]

I locate an RPG and use it against the APCs, destroying the entire division entirely!!!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I throw Cube up into the air, giving him that last bit of sunshine.

11 (11): He is now completely purified, and will no longer aggress you unprovoked.

Now that I'm off call, Saber intervenes and heals me back up so I can smite her enemies once and for all.

7: Saber helps those that help themselves.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (4): You boot Christos off your ride, dealing 18 damage in the fall.

No, I would rather die than be enslaved to these monsters.

20 (14): Bluffing the crew that you intent to extract him, you set the ship on a collision course with Mr. Christos. You'd call this ironic, but CivGeneral is too far away to notice.

Wait, did they say.... Bee line?

As IOT's resident bee afficando, I use my status as best bee to claim that bank, and all of its resources, as mine.

4 (9): You don't control enough of America to nationalize it.

I locate an RPG and use it against the APCs, destroying the entire division entirely!!!

15: You find an armed launcher and 3 spare warheads.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (17): You roundhouse kick an oncoming IFV for 15 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom renews the invasion of Uzbekistan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (5): The salient overextends and is soon torn apart, raising national Defence by 1. The South African cell tries for Mozambique again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (1): In a shamefur dispray of the worst possible implementation of wave tactics, the attackers are completely destroyed. The South African cell will be unable to attack for 6 turns! The American cell continues the drive toward the Namibian front line.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (10): I know, right?? The Somali cell takes over in Tanzania.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (11): Shinyanga Region is conquered by the Monarchists.

​

 

[Omega124]

Fine. I control the rest of America to nationalize it >:c

 

[JohannaK]

I free my old crew from the brig and kick these EKNC goons in the butt.

 

[CivCube]

"You are now 100% purified, after a decade of being an evil jpeg. What are you gonna do with your newfound goodness?"

 

[GenMarshall]

Taking aim with an RPG, I deliver a final blow to the APC and decimate the entire division in the process.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I respectfully show Saber that I am helping myself, thus gaining her blessed healing. I did just smite Christos out of a helicopter after all.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Fine. I control the rest of America to nationalize it >:c

16: You seize Ohio and what remains of the Eastern Seaboard in the name of Namibia.

I free my old crew from the brig and kick these EKNC goons in the butt.

2 (1): What they lack in constitution they make up for in numbers. You'll have to fight your way through.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (1): Nearby deckhands promptly tackle you for 5 damage, constricting you for -3 mobility.

"You are now 100% purified, after a decade of being an evil jpeg. What are you gonna do with your newfound goodness?"

9: He's still winded from the fight. It might take him a while to recover his wits.

Taking aim with an RPG, I deliver a final blow to the APC and decimate the entire division in the process.

7 (7): You miss.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (15): In a fit of rage you fire off the remaining rounds willy-nilly, and when you've cooled down enough to actually see again, you don't see anything moving.

I respectfully show Saber that I am helping myself, thus gaining her blessed healing. I did just smite Christos out of a helicopter after all.

8: What was that? She was busy reading the IdIOT update log.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (1): Christos lobs another grenade at the helicopter, but it bounces off the landing ski and explodes in his face for 30 damage.

The EKNC rushes China. Again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (8): And continues to fail. The American terrorists continue the drive into Canada.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): Not knowing how logistics work, it tries to rush the Canadian Shield and gets bogged down in dense woodland where invading forces are torn apart by local partisans. Canada raises 3 Defence. The Somali retries for South Sudan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (9): The Genocide Odds are not in the Kingdom's favour.

​

 

[NinjaCow64]

Saber reads the IdIOT logs and this pleases her, so she heals me with her holy light.

 

[CivCube]

Oh yeah, Christos. Hi, buddy--*commences firing again*

 

[JohannaK]

I am not bound by the rules of physics, though.

 

[GenMarshall]

I use the force to seek out the last remaining APC and it's driver and force choke him and the driver to death!

 

[Omega124]

I turn the banks into my personal hive

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Saber reads the IdIOT logs and this pleases her, so she heals me with her holy light.

19: You're back to full health in a flash.

Oh yeah, Christos. Hi, buddy--*commences firing again*

12 (16): You remind him that you are the boss to surpass Big Boss and become the Biggest Boss BOSS BOSS BOSS—! 23 damage inflicted.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (16): Christos knifes you for 18 damage, inflicting open wounds worth -3 hitpoints/turn.

I am not bound by the rules of physics, though.

13 (9): Damn son, that blood loss is really taking its toll.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (11): You manage to rough up some of the crew for 3 damage.

I use the force to seek out the last remaining APC and it's driver and force choke him and the driver to death!

1: Oh hey look, it's the 80th Mechanized.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): Fresh APCs lay down area-of-effect suppressive fire, dealing 22 damage.

I turn the banks into my personal hive

8 (10): You're gonna need to get some construction crews in to stitch all the buildings together.

The EKNC launches its own invasion of Japan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (15): An amphibious invasion seizes Hokkaido and strips the country of 1 Defence. The American cell goes for the mainland states not conquered liberated by the Bluecapes.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (1): It would've been comedic if it wasn't so tragic. America toughens up 3 Defence. The Somali bandits retry for Oman.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (13): The Interior Governorate falls to the horde.

​

 

[NinjaCow64]

While I am in communion with Saber, I humbly ask her to remove the taint of Tzeentch from my soul.

 

[JohannaK]

What blood? It's music in my veins, baby.

 

[Omega124]

Well, to, um, keep this anology going.....

I... Uh, give birth to the crew

 

[GenMarshall]

Screw this, I hijack a Victory-Class Star Destroyer and make my get away.

 

[CivCube]

I fire at Christos more than anything! I believe in myself and listen to my heart!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

While I am in communion with Saber, I humbly ask her to remove the taint of Tzeentch from my soul.

*TZEENTCH'ED*
15 (12): One point knocked off the penalty.

What blood? It's music in my veins, baby.

1 (1): In that case you're gonna sing... sing like a cana-a-ary!
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (2): You're treated to a fresh throttling of 11 damage.

The Space Oddity will impact in 1 turn!!!

Well, to, um, keep this anology going.....

I... Uh, give birth to the crew

6: Whoa man, this is getting way too kinky for me. Maybe you should try the IOT crowd.

Screw this, I hijack a Victory-Class Star Destroyer and make my get away.

1: Dark Side? More like Dark LIED! Your delusions of power sap 2 SAN, while your complete disregard for the battlefield grants the 80th a +3 attack bonus this turn!
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (7): They blast you for 9 damage.

I fire at Christos more than anything! I believe in myself and listen to my heart!

15 (19): You treat him to a broadside worth 30 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (18): Christos drives in close for another knife attack, dealing 14 damage and worsening the blood loss by -3 hitpoints/turn.

The Eternal Kingdom continues the drive into Afghanistan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (3): Another humiliating defeat buys time for the Afghans to fortify 2 Defence. The American bandits retry for the Marshall Islands.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (8): Overstretched and undersupplied, the fleet is swiftly routed. The Somali terrorists go for Uganda.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (2): I think you know this story. Uganda raises 2 Defence.