Suleiman's Harem

[Flouzemaker]

July 2040:

hi, Suleiman! Stop trading with Suryavarman! If you keep doing it, he'll win the game!
And if I keep doing it, maybe I could win the game!
Also a bad thing.
No. That's possibly a good thing. Farewell.


Jan 2041:



Catherine has captured Durnovaria.
Cool! Since it's so close to Edirne, maybe it'll culture-flip, now.
Nah. Boudica is totally taking it back in two to five turns.



July 2042:

Suleiman sends a spy to forment revolt in Durnovaria, she succeeds.

What are you doing?
I'm making Durnovaria flip to our side.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
No, you're just making it revolt. Not culture-flip.
So I've been wasting Spies and Spy points for three turns, now?
Totally.
DANG IT! Why can those [BLEEP]s sabotage my improvements, destroy my factories, poison my waters, and basically do what they want, and WE can't do cool stuff with spies, huh? That sucks!
Welcome to the world of Espionage, Manny-bear.
[BLEEP] the world of Espionage. What's the score like, then?
Suryavarman has 4152, we have 4100.
Man! It suddenly got close, didn't it?

 

[Flouzemaker]

Jan. 2044:

The VP rings...

Yeah?
Stop trading with that slutty tramp Catherine!
Jeez! I can't stress enough just how fundamentally annoying you people are with those moronic "stop trading" requests! No! No. And just in case you feel like calling again for that reason again later, it'll still be NO!
Do as you wish, but you'll regret it later.
No, I won't. Goodbye!

Dearest Sultan, can I have a word with you?
Um... sure?
For the last few turns, you've been building Life Support, Thrusters, Casings, an Engine, and now a flipping Docking Bay!
I know! Our Space Ship is cool, huh? We're so totally kicking Cyrus' butt in this Space Race!
There is no Space Race.
Yes there is.
No. There isn't. There isn't enough time left in the game for a Space Race.
What?
Not. Enough. Time.
[BLEEP]! What am I supposed to do, then?
You're supposed to get enough points to win with a Time Victory. We've had Modern Armors for a little while, and nobody else does. Edirne has already amassed a nice little stack of them. And if you stopped building useless Ship parts and had the rest of our cities participate, you'd have a hell of a Stack o' Doom in no time!
Alright, alright. What's the score at?
Suryavarman has 4147, we have 4107.

 

[Flouzemaker]

July 2044:

Suleiman dials the VP...

Celtia, Queen Boudica speaking.
Hey, my sweet little angel! I was just wondering...
Yes?
How you... um...
Go on, don't be shy.
How would you enjoy going to war.
I'm already at war, at the present time. Oh, you mean you'd like to side with me in my war?
No. I mean, ~sigh~, you've been so nice this is really quite hard... I mean I'm declaring war on you, dear.
Beg your pardon?
I'm declaring war on you. You should be losing Tolosa in just a few moments...
First, you drop our Defense Pact, and then, you betray me like a gutless, immoral, degenerate snake?
I was hoping you'd take it a little better, here...
Is that what you were hoping? You're a [BLEEP]! A First class, backstabbing [BLEEP]!
Well, there's no need to be such a baby about it, it's not personal!
[BLEEP] you!


Moments later... A Stack of Modern Armor goes on the offense...



WOOT! What's the score now?
Suryavarman has 4147, we have 4113.

 

[Flouzemaker]

July 2044:

My dear Sultan. We've taken a few defenders here and there, and amassed them around Durnovaria. Shall we claim that [BLEEP]y little town?
Hey! Three extra points are three extra points! I have a feeling this one will be close!



WOOT! Score update?

Suryavarman: 4147
Suleiman: 4134
YEAH!


Jan. 2045:

YAY! Norbert Rillieux has been born in Ankara!
Have that Great Engineer sleep. Maybe we'll get another GP to start another Golden Age.

Suleiman dials the VP

Yes?
I need me some money, and you're frikkin' rich! How much will you give me for Ecology?
Would 830 gold be enough?
It'll have to do, Hatty. Thanks!

Hot dang! Only ten turns left! Wish I could speed this up somehow...


Jan 2026:

YAY! Henry Bessemer has been born in Edirne!
Another Great Engineer? Dang. No Golden Age then. Oh! I know. Have them bioth help research Robotics!
Why?
That way, we'll have another Tech before end-game. And an extra Tech gives a few extra points. It's gonna be close, and we need every single little point we can milk out of this!

 

[BrianJ]

Aaarrrggghhh the suspense! hehe. Great story!

 

[Flouzemaker]

My dear Sultan!
Yes?
Do you remember when you wished for something that could speed things up?
My memory is bad, but it's not THAT bad. I just said that last turn.
Well, we just build an ICBM in Edirne...


Less than a second later:




BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAArk! It had been sooo long since I'd nuked anything! Awesome!



July 2046:

Score?
Suryavarman: 4196, Suleiman: 4196!
A tie, huh? ATTACK BIBRACTE!
Right away!



WOO! Man, nukes make taking Capitals so EASY! What's the score now?
Suleiman: 4223, Suryavarman: 4196
We're in the lead! We're gonna win! WOO HOO!
It's a thin lead, my dear Sultan. We should take a tad bit more.
I agree. Taking Bibracte was so easy, we can split our Stack in two: One goes to Vienne and liberates it, the other goes to Camulodunom and does the same!

 

[Flouzemaker]

Jan 2047:

What the score be?
Suleiman: 4229, Suryavarman: 4203.
Are we ready to take two more cities?
Affirmative.
DO IT!





HE SHOOTS HE FRIKKIN' SCORES!! Speaking of Scores...
Suleiman: 4277, Suryavarman 4203!
And a generic Great General was born in Pusan!
Make him build an Academy in Istanbul. Almost seems pointless now, but troops trained faster are in vogue, these days!
I concur.
Well, girls. Congratulations. We did it. I really didn't think we could pull it off, quite frankly, but we'll get our well deserved Time Victory.
Although we cheated to get it.
A minor detail.
Many wouldn't agree.
If it doesn't involve using the World Builder, it's not really cheating, OK? I'm sure people reload all the time! Get real!
Because other people doing it suddenly makes it right.
At the very least, it makes it less wrong. Although we'll win, it's by an uncomfortably thin margin. I say we seal the deal. Lemme call Boudica!

 

[Flouzemaker]

Suleiman dials

What do you want, you filthy [BLEEP]?
As you can see, I'm totally gonna win this game. So you might just as well become my vassal.
I'm not becoming your Vassal, Suleiman. I can't. I'm still Churchill's master. So, [BLEEP] you!
It can be one of the perks of being a Vassal, yes. But... I still don't get why you can't be my Vassal.
I can't be a Vassal while I still have a Vassal of my own. But now that I'm as weak as he is... When you press "return," he'll become a Free State, thanks to you.
Oh, so if I ask you to be my vassal next turn, then you'll agree!
We'll see.
Talk to you soon, toodles!


Suleiman presses "return" and...

Churchill becomes a Free State!
WOOT!
Suryavarman and Isabella declare war on France!
WOOT!
Suryavarman and Isabella declare war on Egypt!
WOOT!
Suryavarman and Isabella declare war on Russia!
WOOT!
Suryavarman and Isabella declare war on the Ottoman Empire!
WOOT! Wait... what?
Finally, Boudica becomes Suryavarman's Vassal.
What the [BLEEP]??

 

[Flouzemaker]

July 4047:

What the [BLEEP] is going on here?
Suryavarman has nuked Lyons and made weak attacks on Vienne and Tolosa. We still safely hold those cities, of course.
Not that, the other that!
Boudica became Suryavarman's Vassal, and so he was obligated to declare war with on all of her attackers.
[BLEEP]! But wouldn't that change the scores?
Yes, it would. The Score is now: Suryavarman 4381, Suleiman: 4284.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO! [BLEEP]!
I understand.
[BLEEP] the [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP] straight up his [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP]!
There, there. There, there.
I was gonna win, Dangit! I was gonna win!
Maybe it's not too late...
Is it? How many turns are left?
Five.
[BLEEP]! What the heck am I supposed to do in five [BLEEP]ing turns? HUH?
We have enough time to conquer one city for sure. Maybe even two. It'd be real close, though.
Alright. So be it. I'm tired of reloading, anyways. Let's get this thing over with, no matter how humiliating it'll be to lose a frikkin' Time Game! Send our Stack towards that last Celtic city on the continent.



2048 AD:
I just thought of something, Manny-bear! Boudica may have become Suryavarman's Vassal, but Churchill didn't. What if...
You're a genius, Sarila!!

 

[Flouzemaker]

Moments later...

I said NO! Over my dead carcass!
Come on, dude, be a sport!
I FINALLY have FREEDOM, and I'll enjoy every turn of it!
Four turns. We're talking four turns, pal.
I'll take what I can get! I am most certainly not becoming anyone's vassal! No way! It's not going to happen.
You're being a sore loser!
Correction: you're being a sore loser. Suryavarman's going to win thanks to YOUR warmongering efforts, and you're having a fit over it. Well, grow up, chap! Be a man!
Why you uppity little...
You can't touch me! You don't have the time to come all the way over here and do something about it. That's what real freedom is, Suleiman! I can insult you, and you can't do anything about it! Ha! Ha!
I can hang up, so there!


[BLEEP]! This is not going well. All of this wasn't part of the plan!


Jan. 2049:

We're ready to take Gergovia. It should only require a maximum of Five Modern Armors. We could send the rest towards KrongChaktomuk. That'd give us five Modern Armors to take it.
Good idea. Send all available Destroyers to bomb it's defenses before we get there! We'll need every advantage!
And now... we've liberated Gergovia. Apparently, someone was too angry to take a screen shot of the event.
Whatever, I don't even care anymore. This sucks.

 

[Flouzemaker]

July 2049: The Last Turn.

What's the [BLEEP]ing score?
Suryavarman: 4387, Suleiman: 4346. I'm sorry.

Our Modern Armors have made it to KrongChaktomuk and are ready to attack. But there's a problem...
Surprise, surprise.
Six of our Modern Armors can attack this turn, this last turn. However, even if they all attack twice and win... KrongChaktomuk will still have enough defenders to keep the city.
[BLEEP]! So that's it, then? We've lost?
It appears so. I'm sorry.
Then, let's make sure Suryavarman doesn't get to enjoy it. Is the ICMB we were building in Edirne ready?
Yes.
Then, PRESS THAT RED BUTTON! Have fun enjoying THIS win, Suryavarman!



Well, I still have a chance if Churchill becomes my Vassal. Let's at least give it another shot...

Later...
You're giving me Ecology just to make peace with Churchill? Certainly!

Later still...
Peace? Certainly! And you're giving me Biology, too? Fantastic, old chap!
Groovy! So, will you be my vassal?
Not in a million years!
[BLEEP]!!! Alright. I lost. Are you all happy, now? HUH? HUH?

 

[BrianJ]

DOH! Well it was close, sorry for the loss..

 

[Flouzemaker]

Depressed, Suleiman presses "Return" for the last time...

WTG, Suryavarman, you ugly [BLEEP]!

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What?
YAY!
Joy!
Well done!
What the hell? I'm supposed to have lost here? Did the game shart?
It's the nuke on Ysodharapura, dearest Sultan! It damaged the Khmer Capital so heavily that Suryavarman instantly lost points when you pressed return!
I WIN!!! I WIN!!! Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty!
As you wish!
Just a figure of speech, Beste. Put the saw down, and walk away. Slowly.

 

[Hackapell]

Hilarious! to you!

 

[feldmarshall]

Congrats and good story, thanks!

 

[BrianJ]

Haha! Brilliant! You got me Congrats!

 

[Underdawg]

Awesome Story.

What a close one.

 

[yena]

Great story, great comeback, and what's a few reloads between friends? Thanks for taking the time to write it.

 

[Flouzemaker]

Wow. Nero. My worst win of all time, all expansions included.
Well, a win is still a win.
Once, I ranked as Louis XVI, and I hid in my bedroom for a week out of shame!





So. Think you can do better? Honestly, it shouldn't be too hard. Just don't waste time building Space Ship parts like I did. Should help a lot, lol!
Hint: Should you plan on taking on De Gaulle, be ready to invariably lose Thebes, no matter how many units you put there. I just didn't want to lose Thebes, even if only temporarily. But it could be part of a better winning strategy to do so.

Yes. The Saved Game is added as an attachment.
It's from January 2020 (I think).

The score could definitely be improved if Boudica was betrayed sooner, for example. The options are limitless!

Have fun! (If that's your bag)

 

[Flouzemaker]

Oh!
About the save game.
I don't know if it matters, but I was in BTS (obviously) with patch up to 302 and Solver's Unofficial. I did not install patch 303.
Just in case it matters.