"In the days before the war, the world was a happy and shining place. People were kind to each other, food and water were plentiful, and nothing was scarce except for want. It's too bad that all had to come to an end for some reason, isn't it?" - Hieronymus Ischyros
EXPOSÉ: HIERONYMUS CAIAPHAS ISCHYROS, President and Chief Executive Officer of TransLuna Corporation
We here at Ad Astra had the privilege of sitting down with *the* one-and-only Hieronymus Ischryos: the man, the myth, the legend. Liberal commentators have called him a "wannabe Musk." Socialist commentators have called him an unprincipled bourgeois merchant. Conservative commentators have called him "soulless." However, for 20 years now, the 54-year old Ischryos has led TransLuna as CEO, and the Board of Directors have made no indication of desiring to replace him.
Ischyros invited me on an orienteering trip with him to conduct our interview, at the end of which we'd be favored with lunch. "I love being out in nature," he told me. "It'll be fun. And then we'll have freshwater mussels. Have you ever had mussel?" He is pictured here with his vintage 'binoculars', contemplating the surrounding terrain.
We ventured out into the wilds of upper Tyrol, a place of otherworldly majesty, thronged with alpines, steep cliffs, hills, and peaks. Mighty rivers of crystal-clear water swirled down waterfalls of transcendent beauty to crash against white rocks and raise a surf in rivers further below, mists of steamy water lurking out into the valleys around. We began our trip by hiking up a short slope that quickly rises into a steep set of narrow stairs, bringing us to the edge of a cliff and a valley.
Hieronymus gets out his binoculars and points out at the forest, while his companion, Nadia Hesteria, unfolds her map and starts whistling to herself. "Look," says Hieronymus, guiding my vision to a distant peak. "Our destination is on the other side of that mountain. It'll be harder to see once we're down in the valley, but that's why we have this stuff." He holds up his binoculars and his vintage liquid-magnetic compass and flashes a grin.
"North and east, I think," says Nadia, looking up from the map and checking her own compass. "We should hit a creek and then we'll bear due west. Fatty Rock should be around there."
"Hup to it, then," Hieronymus declared cheerfully, and we were off again.
Most of Mr. Ischyros' most renowned ambitions involve nature: observing it, understanding it, and learning to live with it. On these points he could be confused for many an extremist-naturist, such as the kinds from Zion or the Verditas or the Estado Novo, but he firmly defines himself as a naturalist, not a naturist.
"Nature is fun to explore, to discover," he tells me, stepping over a gnarly root, "I call myself a philosopher of nature, a naturalist, for that reason."
"Not a naturist?" I asked him.
He laughed heartily. "Oh, heavens no. Naturists are putting the cart before the horse, if you ask me. A 'state of nature?' To which we must 'return?'" He laughed again and helped me over the root. "Humanity has defined itself by running away from nature, don't they realize that?"
"But look where that's gotten us," I challenged him, as I stepped next to him. "Would't you say that there's been a lot of suffering?"
His grin descends into a soft and
almost neutral smirk. "Where
has it gotten us?"
As I thought about my answer, and he waited, I realized he was talking about where we were standing, at that moment. "It got us to this... valley."
"Exactly," he said quietly. "Alive, well, and healthy. Orienteering in a valley where the air is fresh and the water is clean and the birds continue to chirp... a testament to nature, would you say -- or a testament to us?"
I hesitated for a moment, but nodded. "Yeah. A testament to nature."
Hieronymus chuckles and turns around, looking around the forest, at the nature, and breathing in the sight like a lion king might breath in the sight of the savannah. "Do you remember why you asked me for this interview?"
"Yes," I said, at once, though I was a little unsure what he was getting at. "Because of your comments about colonizing Mars at last weeks' press conference on the State of the Moon. You mentioned a new long-term objective for TransLuna: the colonization of Mars."
"Yes, a major aspect of which will be making Mars suitable for human life. Giving Mars nature, you might say, like we have here," he said.
As I thought about these words, something struck me suddenly. "Where are we?"
"Tyrol," he said.
"Yes, but which... I mean...
where in Tyrol. What's the name of this valley?"
"Oh, it doesn't have a name yet," he said. "It's rather new."
"New?" I blinked. "But how can that be?"
He looked around the valley with a contented smile, and then back at me with a smirk. "Well, Christ, do I really have to say it?"