Onionsoilder
Reaver
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2007
- Messages
- 3,173
#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
- Thread starter Abaddon
- Start date
- Status
Dreadnought
Deity
Three women were trapped on a desert island. During a search of their surroundings, they come across a magic lamp. They rub the lamp and before their eyes a genie condenses from a screen of smoke and says;
"Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In return, i will grant you each one wish."
The first woman thinks for a while and replies;
"I wish i were a hundred times smarter."
The genie grants her wish and she realizes that with some stamina and endurance training, she would be able to swim back to the mainland; so she trains up and swims to safety.
Seeing this, the second woman turns to the genie and says;
"I wish i were a thousand times smarter!"
The genie grants her wish too, and she realizes that, with the dense vegetation on the island, she could build herself a raft and paddle herself back to the mainland. So she gathers the necessary materials, puts together a serviceable raft, and sails to safety.
The third woman, after watching her friends escape back to civilization, says to the genie;
"Yeah, well screw those guys, i wish i were a MILLION times smarter!"
The Genie fixes her with a skeptical look;
"A million times smarter?"
"Thats right, you heard me, a MILLION times smarter!" She retorts.
The third woman then turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
awesome!
Warning, the joke below is pretty racist.
Moderator Action: deleted
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Yes, Ma'am!
Will improve my behavior and shall readjust the joke.
So:
A person of hereby undisclosed race and gender walks into bar with a white mouse sitting on his/her shoulder.
"Whoa! Where'd you get it?", asks the bartender.
"Bought from the market," replies the mouse...
Moderator Action: deleted
posting racist material is against forum rules
warned
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
Yes, Ma'am!
Will improve my behavior and shall readjust the joke.
So:
A person of hereby undisclosed race and gender walks into bar with a white mouse sitting on his/her shoulder.
"Whoa! Where'd you get it?", asks the bartender.
"Bought from the market," replies the mouse...
Bigfoot3814
Deity
A guy's mother-in-law collapses at his house, and he rushes her to the hospital. Later after she is taken care of, the doctor comes out to talk to the guy.
"Your mother in law has had a massive stroke. She's going to be fine, though. She'll probably live another 20 or 30 years. I have good news and bad news.
"The bad news is, this stroke has made her unable to walk or speak. She just makes horrible screeching noise like a parrot now. She can also no longer feed herself, so you're going to have to hand-feed her baby food from now on. She's also been rendered incomtinent so you're going to be changing her diapers 3 times a day, every day for the rest of her life."
"Sheesh, what's the good news doctor?"
"I'm just messin' with ya, she died."
"Your mother in law has had a massive stroke. She's going to be fine, though. She'll probably live another 20 or 30 years. I have good news and bad news.
"The bad news is, this stroke has made her unable to walk or speak. She just makes horrible screeching noise like a parrot now. She can also no longer feed herself, so you're going to have to hand-feed her baby food from now on. She's also been rendered incomtinent so you're going to be changing her diapers 3 times a day, every day for the rest of her life."
"Sheesh, what's the good news doctor?"
"I'm just messin' with ya, she died."
Love
Deity
Warning, the joke below is pretty racist.
Moderator Action: deleted
posting racist material is against forum rules
warned
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
Yes, Ma'am!
Will improve my behavior and shall readjust the joke.
So:
A person of hereby undisclosed race and gender walks into bar with a white mouse sitting on his/her shoulder.
"Whoa! Where'd you get it?", asks the bartender.
"Bought from the market," replies the mouse...
It is still racist.
Onionsoilder
Reaver
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2007
- Messages
- 3,173
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Slight language, read at your own risk:
Slight language, read at your own risk:
Spoiler :
classical_hero
In whom I trust
Very naughty but also very good.
Now here are two letters from a son to his father and the father's reply.
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply cannot think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can just $end me a card, a$ I would to to hear from you.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOur student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOlledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Now here are two letters from a son to his father and the father's reply.
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply cannot think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can just $end me a card, a$ I would to to hear from you.
Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOur student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOlledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Your Dad.
Bigfoot3814
Deity
That's a good one!
crazyunits
Warlord
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2008
- Messages
- 116
Two lawyers are meeting at a cafe. They each bring out their own sandwich and begin to eat them. The waiter comes by and says, "Hey! You can't eat your own sandwich here!" So the lawyers look at each other and exchange sandwiches.
Ziggy Stardust
Absolutely Sane
holy king
Deity
i'm one of them now... i mean really, not even a big mac?
http://www.amazon.com/review/produc..._dp_hist_1?_encoding=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar
A church is having problems with a mouse infestation. They try everything, from pest control, traps even a pied piper...NOTHING works.
So they have meeting trying to get ideas on how to get rid of the mice.
One member says, why dont we bapise them? Make them members of the church?So they do...
Now, the mice only show up at Christmas and Easter.
So they have meeting trying to get ideas on how to get rid of the mice.
One member says, why dont we bapise them? Make them members of the church?So they do...
Now, the mice only show up at Christmas and Easter.
Bigfoot3814
Deity
Can we tell knock knock jokes?
SS-18 ICBM
Oscillator
Knock yourself out.
Bigfoot3814
Deity
Knock Knock!
Bigfoot3814
Deity
Nunaya.....
Bigfoot3814
Deity
NUNAYA BUSINESS!!!
Spoiler :
Deep Thought
S.A.G.A.P.O
A priest and a professional golfer was on a golf field.
When the golfer made his first boogie, he said "Damnit! I missed!", the priest replied with "If you swear once more, God will punish you for your sins". So they went on.
Three holes later, dark clouds started to cover the sky. Now, the golfer made another boogie, and yet again, he said "Damnit! I missed!". Suddenly, a lightning stroke and it hit the priest, which caused his death. Then, the golfer heard from the sky "F#@%! I missed!"
When the golfer made his first boogie, he said "Damnit! I missed!", the priest replied with "If you swear once more, God will punish you for your sins". So they went on.
Three holes later, dark clouds started to cover the sky. Now, the golfer made another boogie, and yet again, he said "Damnit! I missed!". Suddenly, a lightning stroke and it hit the priest, which caused his death. Then, the golfer heard from the sky "F#@%! I missed!"
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