#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#

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Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
 
salty mud said:
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
Click to expand...

:eek:

I almost lost my lunch!

:vomit:
 
DEFINITION OF OUTDOOR BARBECUING

When a man volunteers to do barbecue cooking, the following chain of
events is put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store.

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is
lounging beside the grill, drinking a cold beverage.

4) The man places the meat on the grill.

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women.
 
One from a similar realm...

Spoiler :
B.B. King's wife decides that she is going to make his birthday especially memorable this year. So she goes out and gets B.B.'s initials tattooed on her ass, one letter on each cheek.

After his big birthday dinner with friends at a fancy restaurant, they go home. As soon as B.B. sits down in his favorite chair, his wife walks up to him and says, "I have a big surprise for you."

With that, she turns around, pulls up her dress, drops her panties, and bends over.

"Happy Birthday, B.B."

B.B. stares for a moment.

"Who the hell is Bob?"
 
:cringe:
That's just disturbing.
And I found it funny! :eek:



What's the difference between a politician and an onion?

Spoiler :
No one cries when you cut a politician in half.
 
During his visit to Georgia, Obama notices three local hillbillys on Mississippi, sweating in a little rowboat. Towed behind them, a black kid is waterskiing.
"What nice guys!" exclaims Mr President to his aide. "Looks like we've really become one nation now!" He waves the men over and invites them to dinner in the White House.

Next week, the trio leaves from dinner held in White House in their honor.
"Gee, he is really nice guy, that Saddam!" says one of the guys thoughtfully to others.
"Yeah, he'll make a decent President for a Muslim, you betcha!" agrees another, shaking keys to the gift they received, a brand new scooter.
"So what?" shrugs the third. "I'm positive he does not know the first damned thing about gator-catching..."
:mischief:
 
Ewww....

Here's a kinda lame joke I heard:

What do you call a person who speaks three languages?

Trilingual.

What do you call a person who speaks two languages?

Bilingual.

What do you call a person who speaks one language?

American.
 
uat2d said:
even though you posted that joke with spoilers, that's very racist and very offensive... you should remove it before a mod sees it
Click to expand...

oh im sorry i didnt realize i was on poltically correct fanatics forum.:rolleyes:

how is racist anyway? saying jews are greedy and have big noses, is racist my joke was funny and not racist.
 
We can't cry about the holocaust forever. We do have to move on.

Back OT:

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.
 
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