#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#

[Dann]

Saw this in a local newspaper's comics page:

Boy: "I wub you... "
Boy: "I will love you till the end of the world..."
Girl: "That's not too far away! " *uppercuts boy*
Boy: "......" (nursing a broken nose)
Conclusion: Ever since global warming and our freakish weather some old lines don't cut it anymore.

 

[trader/warrior]

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Thank you. That was funny.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"So... I hear you've been seeing this 'Telly Vision'. Who's she, then??"

 

[Deep Thought]

A poem about love (Directly translated from Swedish):

What is love?
When it bubbles in your body like a soft drink. (Kolsyrad dricka)
When your giggling like a little girl. (Flicka)
When you feel something you "Can't deny". (Quoted originally spoken english)
"When eagles fly over mountains high." (Same as above)
When all problems are like blown away and disappeared. (Försvunnen)
When Simba returns in The Lion King. (Lejonkungen)
When you just say something to avoid struggling. (Krångla)
"My dad is rich, you want to make out?" (Hångla)
When you fully open your eyes and looks behind with your head outside. (Huvudet ut)
Then you look so crazy. (Galen ut)
It doesn't belong to this. (Hör inte hit att göra)
It's the only thing you can do. (Göra)
When I danced with Elin a summer night long. (Lång)
We sat ther on a park couch, I was in love and she drank rum. (Rom)
When Elin said to me I am the most beauty there is. (Som finns)
She looked into my eyes and vomited on my jeans. (Jeans)
Dare to steer like a captain, dare to fall like a leaf, dare to take the risque and see how it goes.
What is cowardly, what is courage, "What is love? Oh, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more."

Written by the swedish comedican Björn Gustafsson

 

[KaiserElectric]

First, read these lines aloud.

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is a cat.

This is way cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is a cat.

This is total cat.

This is moron cat.

This is busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is thirty cat.

This is seconds cat.


Simple right?

Spoiler :

Now read every THIRD word in each line aloud.

 

[salty mud]

I feel for it...

 

[ggganz]

That's not fair! It took me a while to figure out that you meant to read the 3rd, 6th, 9th.... instead of the 1st, 4th, 7th........

 

[obliterate]

That's not fair! It took me a while to figure out that you meant to read the 3rd, 6th, 9th.... instead of the 1st, 4th, 7th........

Me too. We must be idiots.

 

[ParadigmShifter]

this is This cat way is This cat a is This cat busy is This cat seconds???

EDIT: I thnk you mean evry nth word, where n modulo 4 is 3.

 

[obliterate]

this is This cat way is This cat a is This cat busy is This cat seconds???

EDIT: I thnk you mean evry nth word, where n modulo 4 is 3.

Yeah, or every 4th word starting from 3 in English.

 

[classical_hero]

The point of the spoiler is for you to read every third word of every sentence. So every third word gives this sentence. "This is a way to keep a total moron busy for thirty seconds." It seems to be given some total morons more trouble that what it was designed for. I got it in under 30 seconds, so I am not a total moron. Now read this out loud.

 

[uat2d]

Now read this out loud.

Spoiler :

i am so faking stupid!!! (i know it's not faking, i know it is *******...)

 

[obliterate]

i am so faking stupid!!! (i know it's not faking, i know it is *******...)

Shouldn't that be "I'm so faking stewped"

 

[ParadigmShifter]

The point of the spoiler is for you to read every third word of every sentence. So every third word gives this sentence. "This is a way to keep a total moron busy for thirty seconds."

You don't say! I never realised that

The interesting thing about integers of the form n == 3 (mod 4) is that a prime number is a sum of two squares if and only if this is FALSE. (so 1 = 1*1 + 0*0), yet 3 isn't a sum of 2 squares, 5 is (5 = 1*1 + 2*2), etc.).

Of course, any integer is a sum of two squares if and only if the exponents of primes which are congruent to 3 (mod 4) in its prime factorisation occur only to an EVEN power.

Thanks Pierre de Fermat! (This theorem of his isn't quite as famous as his other one).

OK, on with the funnies...

 

[KaiserElectric]

Me too. We must be idiots.

You're not idiots. I just worded that wrong.

 

[uat2d]

Yo mama so fat, she don't need the Internet - she's already world wide!

 

[zxcvbnm]

First, read these lines aloud.

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is a cat.

This is way cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is a cat.

This is total cat.

This is moron cat.

This is busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is thirty cat.

This is seconds cat.


Simple right?

Spoiler :

Now read every THIRD word in each line aloud.

It took me 10 seconds, so I'm 33% total moron

The point of the spoiler is for you to read every third word of every sentence. So every third word gives this sentence. "This is a way to keep a total moron busy for thirty seconds." It seems to be given some total morons more trouble that what it was designed for. I got it in under 30 seconds, so I am not a total moron. Now read this out loud.

I'm not sofa king, stupid

 

[Dann]

Now read this out loud.

*reads out loud* One AM. Sofa. King. Stew. PeeYeeDee (because there is no such word as "ped").

So? It doesn't make any sense at all. Just a random mix of words.
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You're not gonna get me that easily.

 

[Deep Thought]

*reads out loud* One AM. Sofa. King. Stew. PeeYeeDee (because there is no such word as "ped").

So? It doesn't make any sense at all. Just a random mix of words.
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You're not gonna get me that easily.

Now that, is a REAL joke.
You failed to "phail".