uat2d
ಠ_ಠ
isn't ped an abbreviation of pedestrian?
#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
- Thread starter Abaddon
- Start date
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obliterate
Warrior Monk
Or pedophile.
Ansar
Détente avec l'été
Nah, that's why we have pedo.Or pedophile.
obliterate
Warrior Monk
Ped is an abbreviation of pedo.Nah, that's why we have pedo.
Deep Thought
S.A.G.A.P.O
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about global warming:
Ansar
Détente avec l'été
Abbreviations for abbreviations?!Ped is an abbreviation of pedo.
THIS IS MADNESS!!
Love
Deity
obliterate
Warrior Monk
Abb is an abbreviation of abbreviation.Abbreviations for abbreviations?!
THIS IS MADNESS!!
Thorvald of Lym
A Little Sketchy
One upon a time there was a man who was very Irish, and very drunk.
Said the bartender: "OK, I think you've had enough."
The man replied, "No, I'd know if I've had enough. If I can walk to the door, I'm okay."
So he stood up, and fell flat on his face.
"Well, hold on. Let's see if I can make it to the door." So he hauled himself across the floor to the bar door.
"Well," said the bartender, "I'm still not sure."
The man said, "OK, I'll try walking to my house." So he stood up, and fell flat on his face.
"Well, hold on. Let's see if I can make it to the streetlight." So he hauled himself across the ground to the streetlight.
"I'm still not sure," said the bartender.
"Well," said the man, "Let me see if I can walk home." So he stood up, and fell flat on his face.
"Wait, let me try to get home." So he dragged himself along the sidewalk until he finally made it home.
He said to himself, "I'd better not let my wife know I was out drinking." So he stood up, unlocked the door, and fell flat on his face. Then he hauled himself up the stairs, into bed beside his wife, and fell fast asleep.
The next morning he awoke. His wife was awake in bed, and asked him, "You were out drinking to hell last night, weren't you?"
"How did you know?" he asked.
She replied, "The bartender phoned. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
Said the bartender: "OK, I think you've had enough."
The man replied, "No, I'd know if I've had enough. If I can walk to the door, I'm okay."
So he stood up, and fell flat on his face.
"Well, hold on. Let's see if I can make it to the door." So he hauled himself across the floor to the bar door.
"Well," said the bartender, "I'm still not sure."
The man said, "OK, I'll try walking to my house." So he stood up, and fell flat on his face.
"Well, hold on. Let's see if I can make it to the streetlight." So he hauled himself across the ground to the streetlight.
"I'm still not sure," said the bartender.
"Well," said the man, "Let me see if I can walk home." So he stood up, and fell flat on his face.
"Wait, let me try to get home." So he dragged himself along the sidewalk until he finally made it home.
He said to himself, "I'd better not let my wife know I was out drinking." So he stood up, unlocked the door, and fell flat on his face. Then he hauled himself up the stairs, into bed beside his wife, and fell fast asleep.
The next morning he awoke. His wife was awake in bed, and asked him, "You were out drinking to hell last night, weren't you?"
"How did you know?" he asked.
She replied, "The bartender phoned. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
Veritass
Emperor
Abb is an abbreviation of abbreviation.
No, "abbr." is the abbreviation of "abbreviation", and "abb" is the abbreviation of "abbr."
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud
pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for
a push.
Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the
morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is
pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't
you remember about three months ago when we broke
down, and those two guys helped us? I think you
should help him, and you should be ashamed of
yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out
into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still
there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.
pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for
a push.
Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the
morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is
pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't
you remember about three months ago when we broke
down, and those two guys helped us? I think you
should help him, and you should be ashamed of
yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out
into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still
there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.
Dann
Green bug
Translation (I guess this conversation is from a farming family):
Mother: You eat so much yet can't perform a chore when I ask you to. You shameless bum!
Son: When our pig eats a lot you're happy. Who's your son really? Me or our pig? Jeez Mom! Don't be like that!
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2007
- Messages
- 3,461
Back in the 1500's, there was this pirate ship sailing the seas when the guy in the crow's nest cries, "Enemy ship on the horizon!" The captain says to his assistant, "Bring me my red shirt!" The assistant is confused, but he gets the shirt for the captain. The captain puts it on and the battle commences, and not a single man was lost fighting the enemy. The assistant later asks, "Captain, why did you need your red shirt?" The captain replies, "Well, lad, I wanted the shirt so that if I was wounded to the chest and bleeding, the crew wouldn't notice the blood and continue to fight on." The assistant is very impressed with the captain's logic. The next day, the man in the crow's nest cries, "TWENTY ENEMY SHIPS ON THE HORIZON!!!" The captain says to his assistant, "Bring me my brown pants!" 
mythmonster2
BEC NOIR! RUN!
There's an American scientist, a British scientist, and a Japanese scientist.
The Japanese scientist says, "Our medical procedure so advance, man had lung transplant and was looking for job within a week!"
British scientist says, " Our medical procedure is so advanced a man had a heart transplant and was looking for a job within a week!"
American scientist says, "Well, we put a guy from Texas in the White House and everyone was looking for a job within a week!"
Another!
A pirate, a dentist, and a humpback whale walk into a bar.
Pirate says, " Arrr, give me some rum!"
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't have rum here" and the pirate leaves.
Dentist says, "I say, I could use a glass of milk."
Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't have milk either" and the dentist leaves.
Humpback whale says, " Oooohaawoooooooooahhhh."
Okay one more.
A penguin, a toucan, a lamb, and Adam walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "Get the hell out of here, I hate these kind of jokes!"
The Japanese scientist says, "Our medical procedure so advance, man had lung transplant and was looking for job within a week!"
British scientist says, " Our medical procedure is so advanced a man had a heart transplant and was looking for a job within a week!"
American scientist says, "Well, we put a guy from Texas in the White House and everyone was looking for a job within a week!"
Another!
A pirate, a dentist, and a humpback whale walk into a bar.
Pirate says, " Arrr, give me some rum!"
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't have rum here" and the pirate leaves.
Dentist says, "I say, I could use a glass of milk."
Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't have milk either" and the dentist leaves.
Humpback whale says, " Oooohaawoooooooooahhhh."
Okay one more.
A penguin, a toucan, a lamb, and Adam walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "Get the hell out of here, I hate these kind of jokes!"
Thorvald of Lym
A Little Sketchy
I know where that's from!mythmonster2 said:
Deep Thought
S.A.G.A.P.O
If you throw a ball at an American, he sues you.
If you throw a ball at a Japanese, he apologizes you for standing in the way of your ball.
If you throw a ball at a Swede, he ignores you and the ball. Next day, he skips work claiming he has migraine.
If you throw a ball at a Japanese, he apologizes you for standing in the way of your ball.
If you throw a ball at a Swede, he ignores you and the ball. Next day, he skips work claiming he has migraine.
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2007
- Messages
- 3,461
mythmonster2
BEC NOIR! RUN!
I know where that's from!
If you're thinking it's from that creationist museum photo collection, you're right!
Thorvald of Lym
A Little Sketchy
Good times...
"I heard Yo Mama's playing at the symphony tonight!"
"Yo-Yo Ma, dear."
"I heard Yo Mama's playing at the symphony tonight!"
"Yo-Yo Ma, dear."
KaiserElectric
Total Freakin Besties
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2007
- Messages
- 3,461
I think it's neccesary that someone should put this joke here...
Back in the early 1900's, a new British company began to manufacture Helman's Mayonaise. (Sorry if I spelled that wrong.)
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
Eventually, Britain opened trade with Mexico to sell the mayonaise and sent the new ship Titanic over with 20,000 crates of Mayonaise for the Americans to deliver from New York to Mexico City.
When the ship sank, many Mexicans were distraught at the loss of this coveted product. Consequently, the Mexican government issued a National day of mourning for the Mayonaise.
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Back in the early 1900's, a new British company began to manufacture Helman's Mayonaise. (Sorry if I spelled that wrong.)
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
Eventually, Britain opened trade with Mexico to sell the mayonaise and sent the new ship Titanic over with 20,000 crates of Mayonaise for the Americans to deliver from New York to Mexico City.
When the ship sank, many Mexicans were distraught at the loss of this coveted product. Consequently, the Mexican government issued a National day of mourning for the Mayonaise.
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It was known as....
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Spoiler :
![[party]](/images/smilies/partytime.gif "Party [party]")
Happy May 5th!- Status
