The LAMEST jokes you can think of...

[The Person]

Q : Why don't you walk through the jungle at 5:30 PM?
A : That's when the elephants jump out of the trees.

Q : Why are pygmies so short?
A : They walk through the jungle at 5:30 PM.

Shame on you, you took my jokes!

Oh, who cares, here are a few more.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
A: You open the door and put it in. (That's old, I know, but read on.)

Q: How do you get an ostrich into the refrigerator?
A: You open the door, take out the elephant, and put in the ostrich.

Q: In a running contest between the elephant and the ostrich, who will win?
A: The elephant. The ostrich is in the refrigerator, remember?

And don't forget, this is a LAME JOKES thread, not an ELEPHANT JOKES thread. Luckily, most elephant jokes are lame.

 

[LLXerxes]

This one will work kinda like the quizzes. I ask the joke, you answer it. THen we get back to our normal thread.
How do you sneak an elephant into safe way?

Hint: Take the S out of safe, and the F out of way.
Got it?

 

[Dabomb18359]

Well it's obvious there's no F in "way", so how is it supposed to be funny?

 

[the mormegil]

Got it?

Nope...


(This bit is to make the message longer than 10 characters so that it will allow me to post - bloody annoying little feature isn't it)

 

[Pariah]

Knock knock!

-Who's there?

Poo.

-Poo who?

Can't you even sob in proper English?!

 

[Pirate]

Well it's obvious there's no F in "way", so how is it supposed to be funny?

Are you being sarcastic or dense? You said the punchline but didn't get it (ironic) or you said the punchline and I didn't get that you got it (my bad).

Anyway, if anyone didn't get it, say it out loud: "There's no F in way". So there is no f***in' (censor yourself and say "effing") way to sneak an elephant into Safeway.

 

[Tavenier]

A long one...

A young couple moves from the big city to a small countryside town. After a couple of months the husband wants to get to know the local men better. He goes into a pub and starts talking with a guy at the bar. Then another guy comes into the bar, very happy and greeting everybody, buying drinks. The husband asks why he is so happy.
The guy at the bar says: He is so happy, because he is the postman.
Husband: What is so happy about that?
Guy at bar: He gets every woman in town except for one.
Husband: Wow, indeed that makes one happy!
Then he goes home and the next morning he talks to his wife. He says that the postman was so very happy because: He gets every woman in town except one.
Wife: That must be that boring redhead from accross the street!

 

[LLXerxes]

Are you being sarcastic or dense? You said the punchline but didn't get it (ironic) or you said the punchline and I didn't get that you got it (my bad).

Anyway, if anyone didn't get it, say it out loud: "There's no F in way". So there is no f***in' (censor yourself and say "effing") way to sneak an elephant into Safeway.

Yeah. He got it. My friends big sister made it up.

 

[Zukatah]

I'm the king of dead baby jokes.

What's the difference between a truck of dead babies and a truck of rocks? Have you ever tried unloading rocks with pikes?

 

[Choicest One]

Well if you REALLY want LAME jokes... (apologies before hand to all Irish out there, it's ANOTHER one of those Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman jokes. LAME)!

There was this Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman and they were driving in the desert when their 4WD broke down. So they took whatever they could salvage from the wreckage and continued on to look for civilization (no not the game, actual civilization!). A few days later and they encountered a Bedouin caravan that offered to direct to the nearest town. The survivors thanked the Bedouins and continued on their journey. Along the way the caravan leader was curious as to what the survivors brought with them to ensure their survival in the hot desert.

The caravan leader first asked the Englishman: "Excuse me Englishman. I noticed that you brough an umbrella with you, how does that help you in the desert?"
To which the Englishman replied: "Nothing like an English brolly to keep the sun out of your eyes, what!"

The caravan leader nodded in approval. He then asked the Scotsman:

"Excuse me Scotsman. I noticed that you brought a flask with you. What does it contain that ensures your survival in this harsh land?"
To which the Scotsman replied: "Och! Nothing like good ol' Scottish whisky to keep a man's heart content, laddy."

The caravan leader nodded in approval. He then looked at the Irishman, frowned and then asked:
"Excuse me Irishman, but how does the door of the motor vehicle aid you in surviving the harsh desert heat?"
To which the Irishman replied: "Well, whenever it gets too hot I can simply wind the window down, of course!"

Come on surely that was the lamest of jokes!

 

[LLXerxes]

Why did the chicken cross the road, to get to the other side
Why did the chicken cross the road, to be with the other chicken
Why did the Hypnosist cross the road, he thought he was a chicken
Why did Micheal Jackson, he got his, stuff, caught in the chicken's mouth
Why did the chicken cross the road, to be with the other chickens
Why did George Bush cross the road, it's the Only way to Iraq

 

[nonconformist]

The lone Ranger and his Indian friend, Tonto, are sitting in a saloon. Suddenly, a cowboy comes in and says "Who does the horse outside belong to?" To which the Lone Ranger replies "Mine. Why?" The cowbgoy replies "The horse has fainted in the sun".
The Lone Ranger and Tonto leave the saloon, and, sure enough, the horse has fainted. They throw water over it, and the Lone Ranger says to Tonto "Run around the horse to circulate the air, like a fan. While you are doing that, I will finish my Ice Water.".
Back in the saloon, the Lone Ranger is sipping his water. A couple of minutes later, a cowboy enters and says "Who does the horse outside belong to?"
The Lone Raner says "Me. What is wrong now?"
The cowboy answers "Nothing. It is just that you left your Indian running"!

 

[puglover]

The lone Ranger and his Indian friend, Tonto, are sitting in a saloon. Suddenly, a cowboy comes in and says "Who does the horse outside belong to?" To which the Lone Ranger replies "Mine. Why?" The cowbgoy replies "The horse has fainted in the sun".
The Lone Ranger and Tonto leave the saloon, and, sure enough, the horse has fainted. They throw water over it, and the Lone Ranger says to Tonto "Run around the horse to circulate the air, like a fan. While you are doing that, I will finish my Ice Water.".
Back in the saloon, the Lone Ranger is sipping his water. A couple of minutes later, a cowboy enters and says "Who does the horse outside belong to?"
The Lone Raner says "Me. What is wrong now?"
The cowboy answers "Nothing. It is just that you left your Indian running"!

To make it funnier you say your "injun" running.

 

[puglover]

Apparently, this is the Year of the Monkey in the Chinese calendar. I suppose that means John Kerry will be elected as president. (I made that up)

 

[LLXerxes]

Apparently, this is the Year of the Monkey in the Chinese calendar. I suppose that means John Kerry will be elected as president. (I made that up)

EHy, he's better than bush!

 

[Dabomb18359]

Are you being sarcastic or dense? You said the punchline but didn't get it (ironic) or you said the punchline and I didn't get that you got it (my bad).

Anyway, if anyone didn't get it, say it out loud: "There's no F in way". So there is no f***in' (censor yourself and say "effing") way to sneak an elephant into Safeway.

lol I said the punchline but didn't get it. I must sound stupid. O well, now I know.

 

[LLXerxes]

lol I said the punchline but didn't get it. I must sound stupid. O well, now I know.

YOu do kinda sound stupid, but we all know your not stupid. I took me a minute to find the punchline. I'll never understand 15 year old girls .
So this is not considered spamming,
If Dad's cow is in the barn, where is Maw's cow?
IN Russia.
This was a joke my geography teacher told us!
Very lame!

 

[Dabomb18359]

Ok Ok. This ones kinda long but funny.

A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his grandmother, "grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weigh"? The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!
The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all the information will be there.
The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her, "you weigh 130 pounds, and you are 65 years old". Then the little boy in a bashfull way whispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex".

 

[LLXerxes]

A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his grandmother, "grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weigh"? The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!
The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all the information will be there.
The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her, "you weigh 130 pounds, and you are 65 years old". Then the little boy in a bashfull way whispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex".

Heard it!

 

[Dabomb18359]

K? Well post something else so its not spam. Like this:

Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!
and
A couple cannot wait to be married. They are driving home and hit a patch of ice, crash, die and go right to heaven. Appearing before Saint Peter, they tell him, "Saint Peter, we couldn't wait to get married, Could you get us married here in heaven ." Saint Peter pauses and says, "I'll see what I can do." Time passes and Saint Peter calls the couple to his office and tells them, "I have some good news, you are going to be married." They are married and are so happy. As time goes on, they go back to see Saint Peter. They tell him, "we want a divorce. This marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We can't stand it." Saint Peter responds,"give me a break, it took me 10 years to find a priest to marry you, it will take me forever to find you a lawyer."
and
A boy came home from school one day and his mother said that the office had called her and that he had been distracting the class all day long. So the mother takes her son upstairs to his room and looks at him sternly. Then she sighs and says: "okay, Johnny, Take off all my clothes. And I mean ALL of them." Johnny says: "Mom, do I have to??" and the mother says "yes." So Johnny takes off all her clothes and then the mother says: "Now you must promise never to wear my clothes to school again, John ny."