The Person
Deity +2
boobah, you're the king of lame jokes. Hats off to you.
The LAMEST jokes you can think of...
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Tavenier
King
Just for the lameness of it, not to insult other races:
An African, an Arab and a Latino are in a car.
Who is driving?
The police!
An African, an Arab and a Latino are in a car.
Who is driving?
The police!
Tavenier
King
Talking about Dutch, and lameness:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Wooden shoe like to know!
General Porkins
World Champ Mountain Man
sorry if these are repeated...i didnt take the time to read every post.
What do you call someone else's cheese?
Nacho cheese
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
the pirates reply: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR It's drivin' me nuts"
What do you call someone else's cheese?
Nacho cheese
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
the pirates reply: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR It's drivin' me nuts"
Pirate
Emperor
Hats off to you. That one is funny!
(And not just because of the whole pirate thing. How one sided do you think I am?)
Ok, another lame joke:
On his 12th birthday a father gives his son a fur coat that has been in their family for generations. This fur coat has exactly 10,000 hairs and the father says, "Son, if on your wedding day this coat has all 10,000 hairs then you will inherit my fortune of $100 million. If even one hair is missing, then you get nothing!" So the son locks the coat away in a trunk, never wanting anything to happen to it lest he lose all the money.
20 years go by and finally the boy is getting married. He also knows this is the day he is going to be rich so he gathers all his friends, family, wife and father together to open the trunk and recieve his inheritance. But when he opens the trunk they gasp to see that the coat is completely bare. Then a single moth flies out and lands on the son's hand. They all begin to cry when they realize what had happened - over the past 20 years this one moth has eaten the entire coat!! So sad is this occasion that the son is sobbing, the wife is bawling, the father is bawling, the family is bawling, even the moth (when it realizes what he has done) begins bawling his little eyes out. The father sees the moth crying, looks at his son and asks, "have you ever heard of a moth bawl?"
the mormegil
Emperor
It adds even more lameness is they're the long and then end poorly.
A joke a science teacher told the class:
There was this guy who was obsessed with tractors. Over time he had aquired many tractors at a big price. Then one day he decided to give up collecting tractors and sold them all at an auction. He ended up getting a quarter of a million for them and understandably was very happy. So he went to celebrate at his local pub with all his mates. He decided to splash out with his money and cried out, "cigars and champagne on me!". Everyone cheered for him and went about his offer. After a while the barman had run out of champagne and needed to get another crate from the cellar, "the thing is," he said, "I can't see my way down for all the smoke. "No worries", said the man and started sucking in all the smoke from the air till the air was totally clear. All the people in the pub were stunned, "How did you do that!?". The man replied, "Don't you know, I'm an ex-tractor fan."
CrazyScientist
Those crazy scientists...
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree?
I was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree?
Thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall down?
Thought it was a monkey.
A woman holds a costume party with a theme. Every guest must come dressed as an emotion. The first guest shows up dressed all in blue. "Ah, I get it," she says, "you're feeling blue."
The second guest shows up all in green.
"Why you must be green with envy!"
The third guest shows up completely naked, except that his privates are plunged into a bowl of custard. The host ponders this for a while and then says, "I give up, what emotion are you supposed to be?"
He says, "I'm f**king disgusted!"
It was dead.
Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree?
I was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree?
Thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall down?
Thought it was a monkey.
A woman holds a costume party with a theme. Every guest must come dressed as an emotion. The first guest shows up dressed all in blue. "Ah, I get it," she says, "you're feeling blue."
The second guest shows up all in green.
"Why you must be green with envy!"
The third guest shows up completely naked, except that his privates are plunged into a bowl of custard. The host ponders this for a while and then says, "I give up, what emotion are you supposed to be?"
He says, "I'm f**king disgusted!"
The Person
Deity +2
No problem, boobah. Seems like I started the right thread for you.
)
FireBall
Friendly Ball of Fire
What did the sheep say to the wolf?
This is a bh-a-a-a-ad joke...
This is a bh-a-a-a-ad joke...
Dabomb18359
Link Has Become A Jedi
Two muffins were in an oven. One miffun says, "Boy it's getting hot in here." The second one says, " AHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Goober
Turning Right ...
I may have posted this before, but here goes -
"A little birdy said, 'tweet, tweet!'. A BIG Birdy says 'TWEET, TWEET!!!"
"A little birdy said, 'tweet, tweet!'. A BIG Birdy says 'TWEET, TWEET!!!"
The Person
Deity +2
Rating till now: (1 - 6)
Jawz II
Oh Dear
this one was lame
http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=86808
an explorer is out exploring jungle when all of a sudden he finds himself surrounded by tribals wielding big spears
the man realizing his life is about to come to an end falls on his knees,and says oh god,oh god, help me,im so fu**ed now,im sooo fu**ed..
from nowhere the clouds part and god speaks to him:no my son you arent fu**ed yet,theres still hope, you see the large man in middle?
hes the chief of the tribe,grab his spear and stab him in his chest
the explorer dose as he is ordered,then turns to god,again,ok god now what?
-now youre fu**ed!
another one
a man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey,he downs it and orders another and another,after 5 whiskeys the bartender walks up to him and asks: are you celebrating something?
-well sort of,my first blowjob!
bartender smiles and says: well, then maybe you should have a whiskey on me?
-no,if 5 whiskeys didnt wash the taste of c**k outta my mouth i dont think another one will!
http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=86808
an explorer is out exploring jungle when all of a sudden he finds himself surrounded by tribals wielding big spears
the man realizing his life is about to come to an end falls on his knees,and says oh god,oh god, help me,im so fu**ed now,im sooo fu**ed..
from nowhere the clouds part and god speaks to him:no my son you arent fu**ed yet,theres still hope, you see the large man in middle?
hes the chief of the tribe,grab his spear and stab him in his chest
the explorer dose as he is ordered,then turns to god,again,ok god now what?
-now youre fu**ed!
another one
a man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey,he downs it and orders another and another,after 5 whiskeys the bartender walks up to him and asks: are you celebrating something?
-well sort of,my first blowjob!
bartender smiles and says: well, then maybe you should have a whiskey on me?
-no,if 5 whiskeys didnt wash the taste of c**k outta my mouth i dont think another one will!
A boy at school was talking to a classmate when all of the sudden the boy cried out, "BLUEBERRY!" The classmate looked shocked and attacked him. Soon a terrible fight ensued. The classmate called the teacher. "What happened?" asked the sympathetic teacher.
"Said the word, got in a fight."
The teacher had been in situations like this before and calmly asked, "What was the word?"
"Blueberry."
The teacher jumped back yelling, "You're going to see the principal!"
The boy went to the principal and the principal started questioning him, "What exactly happened out there?"
"Said the word, got in a fight, said the word, got scolded by the teacher."
The principal rolled his eyes. "What was the word this time?"
"Blueberry."
The principal stared at the boy with shocked eyes, "I'm calling your father!"
The boy's father comes, "What did you do?"
"Said the word, got in a fight, said the word, got scolded by the teacher, said the word, got sent to the principal's office."
The father asked what the word was.
"Blueberry."
The father punished the boy with a two-week grounding. The principal almost expelled him, but he narrowly escaped the horrible punishment.
The boy was eventually released from his grounding early. But as we crossed the street he was hit by a car. He was sent to the hospital, but he made a complete and full recovery.
The moral? Look both ways before crossing the street.
"Said the word, got in a fight."
The teacher had been in situations like this before and calmly asked, "What was the word?"
"Blueberry."
The teacher jumped back yelling, "You're going to see the principal!"
The boy went to the principal and the principal started questioning him, "What exactly happened out there?"
"Said the word, got in a fight, said the word, got scolded by the teacher."
The principal rolled his eyes. "What was the word this time?"
"Blueberry."
The principal stared at the boy with shocked eyes, "I'm calling your father!"
The boy's father comes, "What did you do?"
"Said the word, got in a fight, said the word, got scolded by the teacher, said the word, got sent to the principal's office."
The father asked what the word was.
"Blueberry."
The father punished the boy with a two-week grounding. The principal almost expelled him, but he narrowly escaped the horrible punishment.
The boy was eventually released from his grounding early. But as we crossed the street he was hit by a car. He was sent to the hospital, but he made a complete and full recovery.
The moral? Look both ways before crossing the street.
nonconformist
Miserable
That is the lamest one I've heard so far
Suppersalmon
Think Safely think again
A man walks in to a supermarket he sees a couple with barcodes on their T'shirts he goes up to them and asks
' are you two an Item'
' are you two an Item'
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