The LAMEST jokes you can think of...

[ggganz]

Ok I dont have anywhere to copy+paste, (I heard this one) so here goes:

There are three blondes stuck on an island. They find a magic lamp and a genie grants them each one wish. First blonde asks to be 25% smarter. She turns into a brunet, swims half way to shore, then drowns. Second blonde asks to be 75% smarter. She turns into a red-head, swims 3 quarters to shore, but she also drowns. Last blonde asks to be 100% smarter. She turns into a man and walks across the bridge.

That's not even close to it!

The first blond asks to be 100% smarter. She turns into a red head.
The second blonde wants to be smarter but not a redhead so asks to be 50% smarter and turns into a brunet.
Third wants to be 10% dumber and turns into a man.

Also:

Three blondes on an island find a lamp. Genie gives 3 wishes. First blonde whishes she were home. Second whishes she were home. Third gets lonely and wishes the other two blondes were back.

 

[marc_v3]

to get back to the topic of lame jokes.......

Why did the punk-rocker cross the road?

He was stapled to the chicken.

 

[ggganz]

Why did the elephant cross the road?
It was stapled to the whale who was stapled to the cow who was stapled to the platypus who was stapled to the punk rocker who was stapled to the chicken.

 

[Synobun]

That chicken must have some muscles.

 

[Angst]

Joker: Why did the farmer say he lost his arm?
Me: I dunnow.
Joker: Me neither, but it's something about cream.

 

[Swedishguy]

That chicken must have some muscles.

It wasn't alive.

Got it? Not alive!

 

[ParadigmShifter]

Swedishguy walks into the doctors with a parrot stuck to his head with superglue.

The doctor says "What can I help you with?".

The parrot says "Get this weirdo off my feet!"

(Sorry Swedishguy, your post was directly above mine so it was the first name that popped into my head).

 

[marc_v3]

Yo! you told that joke wrong. I guess its differant in the lamest joke you heard of thread, but the real version is like this:

An Ohio State student goes to the doctor. When he takes off his hat there is a toad on his head. When the doctor says how can I help you? The toad says: Yeah, can you get this wart off my butt?

And a blonde joke:

So one day a blonde contractor hires a blonde to build a house. So one day the blonde is on a ladder nailing nails into the side of the house. But the contractor notices that every time the blonde takes out a nail, she throws one over her shoulder every once in a while. Then the contractor says, "why the heck are you wasting all those nails?" the blonde says "because sometimes when I take out a nail, it doesnt point to the house so I throw it away." The contractor then replies, no you dummy, those are for the other side!"

This is the lame jokes thread..........

 

[Catharsis]

This is the lame jokes thread..........

*kick to the chest*

---

What do you say to a three-headed policeman?

Spoiler :

'Ello 'ello 'ello!

What do you get if you dial 666?

Spoiler :

The Australian police force.

 

[Angst]

Swedishguy walks into the doctors with a parrot stuck to his head with superglue.

The doctor says "What can I help you with?".

The parrot says "Get this weirdo off my feet!"

(Sorry Swedishguy, your post was directly above mine so it was the first name that popped into my head).

HAHAHHAHAHHAHASHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHH!"H!NHHAEAYH8yhaihyu1!!!21 xD

 

[marc_v3]

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
wave.

How do you get a blonde to drown?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

 

[ggganz]

Yo! you told that joke wrong. I guess its differant in the lamest joke you heard of thread, but the real version is like this:

An Ohio State student goes to the doctor. When he takes off his hat there is a toad on his head. When the doctor says how can I help you? The toad says: Yeah, can you get this wart off my butt?

And a blonde joke:

So one day a blonde contractor hires a blonde to build a house. So one day the blonde is on a ladder nailing nails into the side of the house. But the contractor notices that every time the blonde takes out a nail, she throws one over her shoulder every once in a while. Then the contractor says, "why the heck are you wasting all those nails?" the blonde says "because sometimes when I take out a nail, it doesnt point to the house so I throw it away." The contractor then replies, no you dummy, those are for the other side!"

This is the lame jokes thread..........

It's Swedes, not blondes.

 

[Love]

No, its not

 

[Love]

No, its norse

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

It's <generic stupid group>.

 

[marc_v3]

Swedes? WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

It should be Mexicans. (Duh!)

Ways helen keller's parents punish her:

* leave the plunger in the toilet

* put her in a round room and tell her there is a penny in the corner.

* pasting doorknobs on the wall

* rearainging the furniture

how did hellen keller lose a hand?
she tried to read a stop sign going 40 mph

Did you know Helen Keller had a doll house?
Neither did she.

Why did no one hear helen keller when she fell off a cliff?
she was wearing gloves.

 

[Angst]

It's <generic stupid group>.

As usual, one of your brilliant, humoristic and yet sophisticated answers

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

You people want awful, do you?!

Who was Ivanhoe?

Spoiler :

A Russian gardener.

Spoiler :

:suicide:

 

[Paradigne]

What do you do with an elephant that has three balls

Spoiler :

Walk him and pitch to the rhino


Baseball humor

 

[plarq]

One farmer went to a big city and found a prostitute on a street. He was somewhat aroused and ask for the price. The girl said, "$50 for doing on the grassland, $100 for doing on chair, $150 for doing in on sofa, and $200 if doing it on bed." The farmer gave two $100 notes without hesitation. The girl was shocked by this ill-dressed, mannerless brute, and said, " You're quite stylish and romantic..." The farmer shouted, "No, four times, on the grassland!"