The Rules of Being a Man

[Rambuchan]

Indubitably, I consider the statment previously expressed as completely unerroneous, and is a stapel in the quasi-hierarchical machivellian societal structure we currently inhabit, while maintaining the dignity of being homo sapiens sapiens and maintaining that existant, yet humble, superiority.

Sorry can you repeat that please? I was too busy looking at the birthmark on your head.

 

[JoeM]

Real men dont eat quiche.

That should either be a movie quote, a slogan or at the least in your sig..!

 

[Cuivienen]

If a girl says she wants to pay she really wants you to pay, unless she absolutely insists on paying, in which case she's feeling guilty for something.

I'm sorry, you're wrong. She doesn't want you to pay. In fact, she doesn't care who pays, she's just being polite. If she doesn't offer, then she either can't afford to pay or is being extremely rude.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Suntan Lotion Rule: Never apply lotion to another man's back unless that man is a close relative and then only in the complete absense of women. If a friend nags you into breaking this rule you then must only apply a smear of lotion with no rubbing unless you are trying hide the spelling of a word or drawing of a picture.

Youd apply lotion to a male relatives back? *coughcoughso gaycoughcough*. And if a friend is pestering you to rub lotion all over him, he wants to take the relationship to a new level, if you know what I mean

 

[nonconformist]

Sorry can you repeat that please? I was too busy looking at the birthmark on your head.

It's all in the glasnost, Towarische.

 

[Rambuchan]

Good list of rules Rambuchan. (except the last one, I think you're only allowed to wear lotion while playing the field, once you are in a committed relationship of any duration a man who wears lotion should be referred to as whipped)

Actually there is an ethnic dimension to this rule. Generally men with darker skin need to moisturise as a matter of course, as dark skin is more prone to dry out. It's a fact and being Indian I shall be doing this well into my grave, with my partner/gf/wife watching or not. Actually they find it quite attractive that a man does this

Suntan Lotion Rule: Never apply lotion to another man's back unless that man is a close relative and then only in the complete absense of women. If a friend nags you into breaking this rule you then must only apply a smear of lotion with no rubbing unless you are trying hide the spelling of a word or drawing of a picture.

Excellent contribution! This is the second rule going into the OP!

Sorry noncon but you language reason has definitely been slapped down by Hitro. Language is a class issue you revolting pleb!

 

[Bozo Erectus]

That should either be a movie quote, a slogan or at the least in your sig..!

Not mine, its the title of an old book, which dealt with the same topic as the thread.

 

[Jawz II]

id like to add a few rules of my own

1. never rough up a dame [/sin city]

2.dont be affraid to hug and kiss your kids

3.if youre using anything other than the following on your body, stop immediately:

soap, aftershave, axe (armpit)spray, and i guess 1 kind of shampoo for people with hair

 

[King Alexander]

Hey, Rambuchan! What about crying? You forgot to mention it!

 

[Cuivienen]

Only Axe? Ugh. Any man who uses only Axe won't be very popular with me! Use real deodorant, at least.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

An arch-paleoconsie rule:

Real men dont put any sort of gels in their hair, and then artfully 'mess up' their hair in the mirror.

 

[nonconformist]

A real man is one who can air-guitar to a Bryan Adams song.
Now THAT takes skill.

 

[Jawz II]

well whatever kinda spray you got, to get that armpit smell camouflaged

i can wash my armpits for days, and still the smell wont go away, because of the hair in there

 

[Bozo Erectus]

A real man is one who can air-guitar to a Bryan Adams song.

Only if nobody is watching.

 

[Sparta]

Another rule: always use the same lanugage as the lowest-denominater, unless trying to batter opposition into submission using long words.

Yeah, I'd definitely agree with that. Hitro's got a point in that it's not really a metro v retro type issue, but it's still a solid guideline for social interaction in general it seems. Which is why I need CFC for the occasional intelligent discussion, like what the rules of being a man are.

Oh yeah, and I'm staunchly opposed to proposed rule seven as well.

 

[Bozo Erectus]

i can wash my armpits for days, and still the smell wont go away, because of the hair in there

Too bad one of the arch-paleoconsie rules is that real men never shave their armpits.

 

[nonconformist]

Only if nobody is watching.

No, a real man dares to do it while everybody's watching.

 

[King Alexander]

Well, judging from the responses so far, I'll say that a REAL Man has to be/look like a Neaderthal-specie (j/k)

btw: is the (j/k) 'thingy'(!) a sign of weakness???

 

[Bozo Erectus]

No, a real man dares to do it while everybody's watching.

If people are watching, only Chuck Berry is permissable. Yngwie Malmsteen is right out of the question.

 

[ummmm........]

I've violated all of these rules except 2 & 8.

I'm only a quarter of a man!