First, I'd like to say that I did, in fact, read each and every post, top to bottom. I appreciate all of the sincere responses. Forgive me if I do not reply to every one of you.
Dawgphood001 said:
If I may ask, why do you fear cynicism?
I fear that being a true cynic would make me unhappy.
The Yankee said:
John, maybe you mean politics (certainly applies) or maybe you mean meaningless squabbles that people find themselves in with friends, family, and strangers that take away valuable moments of time, but all the same, I think it's very beneficial to take a step back and look around, see where you're headed and whether you want to change course or not.
Certainly, it'd be best to keep this in mind all the time, but I'll admit, I may not be able to do it. It makes me feel terrible when I reflect on it minutes, hours, days, even years later, especially when I know very well the value of such relationships or the condition of other people or how much time is left with someone or something.
Perhaps it is because that we do not find ourselves doing something meaningful that we end up in pointless fighting (maybe politics aside, as it can be thought-provoking in the right cases).
I've seen it on the road...someone driving foolishly for the sake of getting to the next red light three seconds earlier, always in a "rush" but not taking care to protect what is here and now.
These are thoughts that require some self-examination and a devotion of some time. It's very deep, but definitely not without value. I suppose if everyone poked their heads above the ground to take a look around once in a while, things may be better off. Maybe.
I very much appreciate this post. In all honesty, I did not get the chance to read it until now, but it spoke volumes about the solutions. I did have to step back and think about the situation. I still am.
MobBoss said:
My wish is for you to have the wisdom to make the right choice for you and the courage to see it through.
PM me if you want. At the very least I can lend a listening ear.
"
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I very much appreciate your concern. You have always struck me as an honest and sincere poster, regardless of your position on the issues.
CurtSibling said:
I am surprised you got through that 1st post without any theology!
But on the serious side, I hope your crisis can be resolved, whatever it is.
You won't want a heathen's help, so I'll leave it to your fellow religionists to sort you out.
You may not want to hear this, but God's work is not only for the believers. It is my observation that he will work through non-believers, as well. Even so, it may be that your point of view is just as valid as any other, and worth something considering where you stand. Never believe that I hold you as worth any less consideration due to your spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof.
IglooDude said:
John,
I related what you posted to my wife (she's gotten handed a lot of reality checks in her life), who commented "God doesn't give people tests He knows they can't pass."
I know this may sound trite coming from an agnostic, but if you've got a fundamental choice to make, take a bit of time away from thinking about it and do some Bible reading. I'll bet your decision becomes very clear.
Please feel free to PM me if you'd like.
I have heard this before. It is a favorite quote of mine. I had never thought, for even a second, that this was something that I was not able to overcome. It is only that with respect to this situation and the other issues, I feel a deep saddness that certain things have to be this way.
I also appreciate your concern.
Rad Chris said:
If theres one thing that I had to learn the hard way its that you dont always win, but thats where your character shows through, those things like honour and dignity.
This is probably the most profound statement that I had the pleasure of reading, here. I did not get a chance to read it before my choice was made, but in the end, that was my conclusion. Thankyou for this.
I have a saying that is similar and that I was fortunate enough to remember after reading your post.
"
Sometimes doing the right thing is not always that which will save you."
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In the end, there were a lot of things bothering me. I don't know if I will regret some of the decisions that I have made, but I do know that I have succeeded in doing something very important. I made a choice. When a situation presents itself where there are two choices, both equally unsatisfactory, it is not uncommon for one to find oneself failing to make any decision at all. The problem festers and more damage is done by not having made a decision. Once again, I do not know that what I have done will come without regret, but I do know that I have done what I had to do.
I suppose that when you consider any individual issue that I was facing, it is always the same thing. I know what and whom I wish to be. I know how I want to feel and act. It is just so hard to maintain the discipline and fortitude to be that way.
For example. Tonight, I have had a serious moment of clarity. When I awake tomorrow, it may or may not still be with me. Inevitably, however, a day will come when it is all, but gone. It will take another horrible circumstance to return to this place for which I never wish to leave to begin with. I feel an incredible guilt and saddness, because I am not strong enough, not merely for myself, but for others.
I am trying hard. I am trying real hard to be everything that I believe in and everything that a good man should be. I am terrified that I can never be that person. What other choice do I have, but to keep trying?
