Trotsky walks into a bar.....
- Thread starter Rambuchan
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Fr8monkey
Deity
A Russian citizen is trying to protest against the communist regime, therefore he throws leaflets, papers around on the Red Square in Moscow. KGB agents arrest him and question him, then they observe that there was nothing on the papers, they were all plain white.
The KGB agents ask him why the papers are blank, then the prisoner replies: "It's obvious anyway, why should I write it down?"
A Russian peasant visits the Lenin mausoleum near the Kremlin, in Moscow. Without buying a ticket, he goes to a guard and whispers to him. "Pssst! 'ay, komrade, I wanna talk to Lenin!"
Russian guard responds; "He's dead, he's laying in his coffin in the mausoleum!"
The next day, the peasant comes back and asks the same thing again..."Pssst! 'ay, komrade, I wanna talk to Lenin!"
Russian guard: "Lenin is dead! He can't hear ya nor talk to ya, so go home, komrade!"
The peasant goes home, but comes back the next morning and asks again. Then the guard gets mad and violently shouts at him; "I told ya, Lenin is dead! Whooat the hell is wrong wit' ya, komrade? Whooay do you keep repeatin' this krap?"
Russian peasant replies, "'Cause it's so good to hear that he's finally dead!"
There was a joke contest organized in the Socialist Communist Republic Of Romania.
The KGB agents ask him why the papers are blank, then the prisoner replies: "It's obvious anyway, why should I write it down?"
A Russian peasant visits the Lenin mausoleum near the Kremlin, in Moscow. Without buying a ticket, he goes to a guard and whispers to him. "Pssst! 'ay, komrade, I wanna talk to Lenin!"
Russian guard responds; "He's dead, he's laying in his coffin in the mausoleum!"
The next day, the peasant comes back and asks the same thing again..."Pssst! 'ay, komrade, I wanna talk to Lenin!"
Russian guard: "Lenin is dead! He can't hear ya nor talk to ya, so go home, komrade!"
The peasant goes home, but comes back the next morning and asks again. Then the guard gets mad and violently shouts at him; "I told ya, Lenin is dead! Whooat the hell is wrong wit' ya, komrade? Whooay do you keep repeatin' this krap?"
Russian peasant replies, "'Cause it's so good to hear that he's finally dead!"
There was a joke contest organized in the Socialist Communist Republic Of Romania.
Spoiler :
Stewie0416
Who Cares?
I don't get it...
SS-18 ICBM
Oscillator
It's obvious that the USSR sucks.
Anyway,
"Comrade Brezhnev, is it true that you collect political jokes?"
"Yes"
"And how many have you collected so far?"
"Three and a half labor camps."
Anyway,
"Comrade Brezhnev, is it true that you collect political jokes?"
"Yes"
"And how many have you collected so far?"
"Three and a half labor camps."
Gelion
Retired Captain
By the way, the one with "Lenin is dead" is communist blasphemy. No soldier smart enough to be guaring Lenin's tomb will be saying that.
Lone Wolf
Deity
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2006
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- 9,908
Marshal Zhukov, leaving Stalin's room after an audience, mutters:
-Scum with a moustache. Completely ruined the country.
Poskrebyshev hears it and immediately informs Stalin. Stalin calls Zhukov back:
-Whom did you mean by "scum", comrade Zhukov?
-I meant Hitler, comrade Stalin.
-And whom did you mean, comrade Poskrebyshev?
-Scum with a moustache. Completely ruined the country.
Poskrebyshev hears it and immediately informs Stalin. Stalin calls Zhukov back:
-Whom did you mean by "scum", comrade Zhukov?
-I meant Hitler, comrade Stalin.
-And whom did you mean, comrade Poskrebyshev?
Weik
Warlord
In East Germany there was a farmer who managed to save enough money to purchase a Trabant of his own. He made the journey to the local distributor of automobiles and waited his turn in queue.
When he reached the counter the official told him, "Ok, you can come back to pick up your new car," the official ran his finger down a list, "you can pick up your car 15 years from tomorrow."
The farmer asked, "Morning or afternoon?" The official replied, "What do you care, it's 15 years from now?"
The farmer replied, "Well the plumber is coming in the afternoon."
When he reached the counter the official told him, "Ok, you can come back to pick up your new car," the official ran his finger down a list, "you can pick up your car 15 years from tomorrow."
The farmer asked, "Morning or afternoon?" The official replied, "What do you care, it's 15 years from now?"
The farmer replied, "Well the plumber is coming in the afternoon."
Bobbtjoe
Emperor
read the comments. http://www.wikihow.com/Discussion:Understand-the-Russian-Revolution
Acrux
Warlord
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2006
- Messages
- 141
A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase vodka from a liquor store, however due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is excessively long, the man loses his nerve and screams "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now and I am going to kill him!"
After 40 minutes the man returns, and begins elbowing his way back to his place in the vodka queue, as the crowd watch on, they begin to ask if he succeeded in killing Gorbachev, to which the man replies: "No, I got to the Kremlin, but the line to kill Gorbachev was far too long, so I decided to come back and wait for my vodka."
After 40 minutes the man returns, and begins elbowing his way back to his place in the vodka queue, as the crowd watch on, they begin to ask if he succeeded in killing Gorbachev, to which the man replies: "No, I got to the Kremlin, but the line to kill Gorbachev was far too long, so I decided to come back and wait for my vodka."
This one is about some ingenious russian technology from the time when there was some small disputes between USSR and China: Russian tractor has been peacefuly ploughing a field when twoo chinas tanks has crossed the border and started attacking it.But the tractor fired back and after finishing off both tanks it flew away.
A report from TASS:
"Yesterday morning, a tank brigade of Chinese diversionists-terrorists, in an act of shameless and unsolicited provocation, crossed into USSR and attacked Soviet tractor, peacefully ploughing a field in demilitarized border zone. The tractor, after having destroyed the attackers with a full volley from all large-caliber deck armaments, proceeded to Earth's orbit.
In an interview to our correspondent, foreman of the kolkhoz "Red October", polkovnik I.S.Ivanov, assured that all further attacks from Chinese extremists shall likewise be decisively retaliated against with entire power of our agricultural technology."
I know number of jokes, but my English too suck
Year 1961. Small boy hears from radio about Gagarin in universe.
He goes for his grandfather :"Grandpa, Granpa, Russians sent man to universe!"
"To universe?! They are not sending them to Siberia anymore?"
Year 1961. Small boy hears from radio about Gagarin in universe.
He goes for his grandfather :"Grandpa, Granpa, Russians sent man to universe!"
"To universe?! They are not sending them to Siberia anymore?"
classical_hero
In whom I trust
We would say, "to space".
Pim
Stadtholder
This is a joke i heard from two polish guys on a holiday two years ago(the told me it was a russian joke out of the '90's);
Lenin, Stalin and Gorbatsjov Are in a train heading to Leningrad. Suddenly the train stops. All three irritated and annoyed start complaning to the mechanic. The mechanic tells them he can't do anything about it and that he's sorry.
The three socialist think for a while as suddenly Lenin stands up. He grabs his bag en pulls the 'communist manifest'from Marx out of it. He runs to the front of the train and start to read the book loudly to all the personel and the train, hoping the socialist flame would light up in them(and the train) so they could continue there journey. After a half hour of lecturing the train still aint working and he gives up.
Back at Stalin and Gobatsjov he admits that the socialist flame has gone out in the train and he can't do anything about it. For Stalin this is his moment to shine. He runs to the engineers of the train. After a couple of minutes he gets back and tells his comrades; soon we will be departing again'. How did you do it? 'well, just like normally i told the train and its personel that if we wouldn't be moving soon i would kill there childeren and wife and deport the rest of there families to Siberia'.
Apperently it didn't work because after half an hour they still weren't moving. Then Gorbatsjov stands up, grabs the window curtains, closes them and says; Well, lets pretend we're moving then!
Lenin, Stalin and Gorbatsjov Are in a train heading to Leningrad. Suddenly the train stops. All three irritated and annoyed start complaning to the mechanic. The mechanic tells them he can't do anything about it and that he's sorry.
The three socialist think for a while as suddenly Lenin stands up. He grabs his bag en pulls the 'communist manifest'from Marx out of it. He runs to the front of the train and start to read the book loudly to all the personel and the train, hoping the socialist flame would light up in them(and the train) so they could continue there journey. After a half hour of lecturing the train still aint working and he gives up.
Back at Stalin and Gobatsjov he admits that the socialist flame has gone out in the train and he can't do anything about it. For Stalin this is his moment to shine. He runs to the engineers of the train. After a couple of minutes he gets back and tells his comrades; soon we will be departing again'. How did you do it? 'well, just like normally i told the train and its personel that if we wouldn't be moving soon i would kill there childeren and wife and deport the rest of there families to Siberia'.
Apperently it didn't work because after half an hour they still weren't moving. Then Gorbatsjov stands up, grabs the window curtains, closes them and says; Well, lets pretend we're moving then!
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