Trotsky walks into a bar.....

[Flying Pig]

Olympic Games, announcing the results:

Positions in the medal table are: Uk, first, USA, second, and USSR third. So, that's 20 golds for Britain, 15 golds for America, and three years hard labour for the traitors to the motherland

 

[Yeekim]

A Russian tourist arrives to the border at Narva, Estonia.
Border guard notices he has left a few fields blank on the admission form, takes a pen and asks:
"Occupation?"
"Nah, just a visit..."

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

It's a pun right? Or am I missing something...?

 

[Flying Pig]

A homonym - where two words spelt and pronounced the same have two meanings:

occupation - job
occupation - a military force staying in a foreign country

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

That's what I meant by asking whether it was a pun. Although yes, the word is "homonym". Well, learn something every day...

 

[Bobbtjoe]

1917:
1918:
1919:
1920:
1921:
1922:
1923:
1924:
1925-1988:
1989:
1990:
1991:

I know. It's lame.

That, my friend, is epic.

 

[Flying Pig]

I don't get it... Is it Russians getting hammered?

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

"Epic" seems to be thrown around a lot these days. It's beginning to lose its meaning.

 

[Bobbtjoe]

1917:
1918:
1919:
1920:
1921:
1922:
1923:
1924:
1925-1988:
1989:
1990:
1991:

I know. It's lame.

Spoiler :

stop! Hammer time!

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Fulfilling the premise of the thread, here's a joke about a Soviet Russian leader:

At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!" -- applause. "O!" -- more applause. "O!" -- yet more applause. "O!" -- an ovation. "O!!!" -- the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, that's the Olympic rings, you don't need to read it!"

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Fulfilling the premise of the thread, here's a joke about a Soviet Russian leader:

At the 2008 Olympics, BUSH begins his speech. "O!" -- applause. "O!" -- more applause. "O!" -- yet more applause. "O!" -- an ovation. "O!!!" -- the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "GEORGE BUSH, that's the Olympic rings, you don't need to read it!"

Fixed!
Moderator Action: Broken, not on subject (svoiet jokes)
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

 

[nonconformist]

What's a Soviet string quartet?

The Moscow orchestra returned from a US tour.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Bush jokes? How avant-garde!

More of the jokes this thread is asking for:
To sum up the Russians' experience with political leaders thus far: Lenin showed how a country can be ruled; Stalin showed how a country should be ruled; Khrushchev showed that a moron can rule a country; Brezhnev showed that not just any moron can rule a country.

 

[nonconformist]

This is a true story.

Karl Radek once made an unwise joke to Voroshilov about being Stalin's arse.

Stalin later came face to face with Radek, and asked him, "Did you write the joke about Voroshilov being my arse?"

"Yes. But I did not write the one about you being the leader of the international proletariat".



Radek disappeared ten or so years later.

 

[Huayna Capac357]

Here's a really lame pun joke:

Trotsky and Stalin are planning Russia's future while Lenin is off on a trip. They get bored and decide to watch an American movie. Trotsky really likes it and proposes that they should have a Hollywood in the Soviet Union. Stalin asks Trotsky where Hollywood is. Trotsky replies "Southern California." Stalin replies, "No! I support So. Cal. ism in one country!"

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Here's a really lame pun joke:

Trotsky and Stalin are planning Russia's future while Lenin is off on a trip. They get bored and decide to watch an American movie. Trotsky really likes it and proposes that they should have a Hollywood in the Soviet Union. Stalin asks Trotsky where Hollywood is. Trotsky replies "Southern California." Stalin replies, "No! I support So. Cal. ism in one country!"

homage to so. California, where I live.

 

[Huayna Capac357]

No, it's a pun on "Socialism in one country."

 

[Bobbtjoe]

No, it's a pun on "Socialism in one country."

I know, but they mention Southern California.

 

[Weik]

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill:

One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian.

The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: One Finn is better than one hundred Russian.

Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence.

The calm Finnish voice calls out again: One Finn is better than one thousand Russians from:

The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, Do not send any more men......it is a trap. There is two of them.

 

[Flying Pig]