But this is providing he is still reading this as he totally stopped commenting on my stories since I accidentally insulted his childhood...
That's right! Im sorry Joe!
Awesome! HopeliteJoe is back and Steps forgives me! Let's celebrate!
UPDATE!!!
Yes! You read well my friends! Its time for a new episode of RandomLand!
Oh I love it each time I write this... I guess its the anticipation of good things to come!
In this new exceptional episode, things are going to happen! YES!! THINGS!!! <Inhabitants of RandomLand>Hurray! THINGS!
Beside THINGS! : ( as if things were not cool enough...)
We will also dive headfirst into a deep introspection of Asoka's perception of life, which will unleash a tumultuous period of reorientation for the Indian empire. Furthermore, we meet fascinating new beings and THINGS! HAPPEN!!
The last episode concluded with the utter demise of the Cow-Queen Victoria. Her vicious army has been defeated and the survivors were incorporated in the slave camps for the glory of India! But now, with all of India's traditional enemies vanquished, what will happen of the ever-conquering Indian Army and what will Asoka decide to do?
Here's what happened:
Our latest discovery:
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Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to another - Plato
Plato could not have said it better! With this discovery the people of India finally realized that the stars in the sky were not holes in the huge thing that covers the sun every night, but are in fact; Billions of other RandomLands! Throughout the Cosmos!!
A staggering idea! Thinking of all the possible different type of RandomLands, animals and crazy leaders that might live there in the infinity.... Asoka was literally flabbergasted. The fact that this discovery happened exactly at the same time as the victory against Victoria seemed to beckon to something greater.
Was this a sign that Asoka was to change his view of the world? Was warmongering not his true destiny? Maybe he was to build a huge flying thing that would send him to explores the other RandomLands of the Cosmos? Exploration of the unknown seemed so tempting... He was no longer sure that war was the answer to the glory of the Indian empire...
But then Randomland Itself still held some unknown... Such as what is Gilgy's favourite color? What thing had hit Isabella's head when she had the crazy idea of building the Apostolic Palace? Why is Mansa so in need of affection? And undiscovered land! Yes! there was still a lot of black zones in the world of RandomLand, all of them wanting to be explored! And furthermore, the majestic seas themselves were like a brand new playground!!
Asoka finally realized what he needed to do... He would no longer be Asoka the warmonger, this was the past... From now on he would be known as... :
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Captain Asoka!! "Aaarrr!"
And so Captain Asoka boarded the nearest Ship and went for a new life of adventure on the high seas! The seas offered many new opportunities! Now lets look at the state of Indian Empire at the time. As you can see there's more land all around to explore and colonize!
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And then soon after, another important discovery happened!
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When this latest discovery was announced Captain Asoka was quoted for saying:"YArrrRRRR!!" And ordered all coastal cities to start building the new stealth ships called privateer. I mean it! Like every frigging cities!! ( well, ok, most of them anyway...)
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In the meantime, aboard his swift Caravel, Captain Asoka was determined to keep exploring the marvels of the world through the vast seas!!
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As a first destination he wanted to have a closer look at the mysterious foreign land spotted earlier ( See this screeny from last episode ).
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Then, upon getting nearer, Captain Asoka saw them... Awestruck, he dropped his monocular on the deck and muttered something to the powers above.
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MUTTONS!!
"Quick!" Captain Asoka Yelled!! "Get us near this land!!" Shacking from excitement, he kept staring at the approaching land So this is where the angels live He thought. Upon getting closer the sight was even more beautiful than his dearest dreams. There was so many of them!
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As if beckoned by this moment of utter magnificence, Isabella also came to watch with her own boat and just then... A huge godlike creature of the sea erupted from the water and Saluted Captain Asoka and his crew with a spray of water. Everyone in the boat fell to their knees and cried for long minutes from shear emotion.
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Eventually, Captain Asoka got a hold on himself and ordered his crew back on the homeland. The news had to be spread: Muttons! and SpermWhales! Both at the same place! This must be the promised land... it would need to be colonized!!
In the meantime, THINGS! happened on the mainland. Max Gogf, the great spy joined our ranks, he was sent to work in the city to bolster our intelligence capabilities.
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More cities are founded for the glory of India!
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...And Mansa tries some ridiculous deal attempts on us.. No but really... We already have better Cows! than him anyway.
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Then we start to mass some troops in order to annex the Barbarian city of Tartar to the glorious Indian empire. It seems Gilgy also has some plans, we'll just have to capture it before he does.
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Then Mansa comes again... <Mansa> Ahhh Its so tragic!!! <Captain Asoka> Avast Mansa! Yer crown looks a tad on th'heavy matey! Will drop ya like a rock in them waters this thing! <Mansa> No! We dont have chemistry! Give it to us!! <Captain Asoka> HaHahahaHAHAHAHAH!!!! well... no! Chemicals, th'r'too dangerous for little cats like ye!
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Then we found yet another city.
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In the historic turn 294 ( aka 1370 BC ). A bucket load of great THINGS! happen. First: the technology of printing press is unveiled. Substantial economic boost for the empire.
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Second: The first boat of the incoming Privateer Legion is ready! This is the very beginning of what will be the biggest maritime trolling campaign in history!! "Arrrr!"
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Third: The Taj Mahal is completed! The completions of this titanesque architectural beauty produces a chain reaction that teleports a huge shipment of win to the Mausoleum of Maussollos. A 15 turns golden age begins!
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Fourth: A small task force, led by General Abdul, assaults the Barbarian city of Tartar! It is a bloody battle and many of our knights perish! ( this is what happens when you are too impatient to wait for the slow catapult stack that's on the other side of the friggin realm). But who cares since we have the city now!
And I got to say those have to be the most sophisticated Barbarians I have ever seen! 11 Pop city, fully improved land, high culture!! Its a shame we burned all the buildings!!
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Then Mansa still tries to make some outrageous deals with us. At this points we do not really care to trade techs anymore... Our research has skyrocketed to a level high enough that it seems preferable to just leave them in the dust...
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Then the firsts boats of the incoming legions of privateers are reaching Mansa and Isabella's territories and are starting to pillage, destroy and blockade everything in sight! YaaaaRRRRR!!!
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On the next turn we receive what must be the most exciting Civ Quest ever!! It's as if the RNG gods had guessed Captain Asoka's new seafaring career!! COLONIZE 10 LANDMASSES AND RECEIVE TEH SURPRISE!!! SO EXCITING!!!
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And so, Captain Asoka ( Arrrr! ) Is now in command of a technologically leading Pirate superpower on a spiritual quest to colonize every damned islands in the sea!
If this is not the kind of epic things you see in movies, then i don't know what it is!!
...To be continued...
Seriously, with the ungodly amount of privateers i'm currently building, I think the future of this story will be sort of funny! They wont know what hit them !!!
Ahoy Matey! Welcome back to RandomLand! RandomSea! Today's aquatic special episode is all about promoting Davy Jones' locker as a touristic hotspot. I hope ye know how to swim, Aarr!!
Tales of swashbuckling heroes bolster the morale of the Indian nation as Captain Asoka's ever-looting buccaneer army grows to obscene proportion. But more importantly, we study the intriguing natural phenomenon of Barbarian Galley?
Here's what happened:
We will start this episode with the construction of our latest city! You may notice that the spot is somewhat crappy. Well, however it is right beside Gilgy's latest city! Which is awesome! The goal here is to steal his fish resource via expanding borders so he gets angry with us and makes some demands that we will then refuse. Pretty cool uh?! ^^
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Oh my... they should never have let this thing slip in Asoka's hands...
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Which makes me think, a good constitution is paramount when you live at sea, Aarrr!
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In 1395 the first ships from the buccaneer fleet reach Gilgic¹ waters.
It is a very Bad-Tibira for Gilgy. I actually don't know what a Bad-Tibira is but it is the name of this city... Presumably Tibira was some dude who did something awful and they decided to name the place after him. In the traditional fashion of Sumerian humor they themselves probably did something awful to him right before naming the city in his honor. We will keep up with the local tradition of awful things by starving this sorry excuse for a place to live.
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Of course, the locals do not immediately agree with our interpretation of their customs but as it will be learned throughout this episode, the pink pirates have their own traditions involving cannonballs and Davy Jones' Locker.
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One more glorious ship for the ever-looting Indian fleet!!
But oh noes! Its on the wrong side of the continent... Actually, No problems!!
Thanks to Asoka's patented Awesome city placement engineering system® . Those issues are totally eliminated and ships can go wherever they damn well please! The Panama canal is a water leak compared to this stuff!
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In the meantime, in Mansa's waters, more floating firewood...
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Barbarian galley?
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Ahhh!! The Spanish island city of Vitoria!! Such a beautiful place ( for pirates ). Too bad we don't like the name, it reminds us of someone...
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Piracy seems to have a very positive impact on the Indian Morale.
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Barbarian galley?
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Firewood!
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Hmmm, one turn its not there, the next turn its there. Probably another manifestation of the strange natural phenomenon behind Barbarian galley?
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Don't get me wrong here... We'll keep running slavery for as long as we can.
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Then Mansa comes over... <Mansa> Ahhhh!! unspeakable woe has fallen upon us! <Captain Asoka> Ahoy Mansa! What be so terrible? <Mansa> Those awful pirates! Destroyed all our boats and we no longer have fishies! to eat! \(O_o)/ <Captain Asoka> By the Powers!! This be terrible! But fear not me hearty, we have a few left down there in the bilge and will sell them to ye for a couple doubloons! <Mansa>
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Oh no!! The golden age has ended...
Well! Let's slap around those layabout great people and start another one!
That's it for 15 more turns!
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In the meantime... Barbarian galley?
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Recent surveys show that emigration toward Davy Jones' locker has skyrocketed in the last 10 turns. The place must be getting pretty crowded by now!
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Replacable parts: Cor Blimey! If only that was available when I lost me eye! Aarrr!
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Shiver me timbers! Whoever keeps sending all those wobbly crates must be loaded to the Gunwales!
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Then Grumpy Gilgy comes over: <Gilgy> Tell us all you know! <Captain Asoka> We don't know nothing! <Gilgy> YOU LIE!!! <Captain Asoka> <Gilgy> Now trade us Chemistry!
*Captain Asoka runs away* <Gilgy> ლ(ಠ益ಠლ
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And now that wench Isabella adopts emancipation...
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Damn you wench!!! Now we have no choice... we'll miss you slavery... Cya next game!
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There's no end to them!!
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Come forth lubbers! There be cannonballs for everyone!
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Get off Scallywag! This port belongs to us!
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Ahhh!! It appears the screeny quota has been reached, what a shame! ...I guess it only means one thing, we'll have to remove some Barbarian Galleys?
No way! Can't do that! Well, until next episode then!
...to be continued...
1. Gilgic : The adjective referring to Gilgy. ex: He sent me one of those creepy Gilgic stares.
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Nice Update 
YAARRR!!!! Privateer campaigns are always fun 
