Swedishguy
Deity
Electronic Arts - We will be on Civ 7 now.
What if Civilization was created by...
- Thread starter Jafendel
- Start date
aimeeandbeatles
watermelon
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2007
- Messages
- 20,112
AimeeAndBeatles: All you would see is a bunch of units bouncing around the screen 
(PM me if you want to know what I really mean. it's funny)
(PM me if you want to know what I really mean. it's funny)
Mauritania
Warlord
The Sorry I haven't got a clue team: All the cities will be replaced by the names of London tube stations and the game ends when Mornington Crescent is built. The music is by Colin Sewell.
flyingchicken
Deity
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2007
- Messages
- 3,783
Flagship Studios: London will be scary.
TheBladeRoden
Deity
Firaxis licensing the Unreal 3 engine: They will be strongly tempted to replace all scenery with gothic cyberpunk urban ruins. Each and every military unit must a bulky superhuman covered head to toe in power armor (except for the head), superwomen units, however, will only require bikini armor.
ArneHD
Just a little bit mad
GSC: Just pray that you never have a nuclear meltdown: there will be creatures, artifacts and any military units deployed to the area will be wiped out by S.T.A.L.K.E.R.'s.
aimeeandbeatles
watermelon
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2007
- Messages
- 20,112
John Lennon: There would never be war. 
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
Paul McCartney: Instead of barbarians, there would be evil one-legged women that ransack your treasury and make off with half your gold.
ParadigmShifter
Random Nonsense Generator
Continuing the Beatles theme...
George Harrison: India wins
Ringo Starr: Railroad requires the fat controller to build Thomas the Tank Engine units
George Harrison: India wins
Ringo Starr: Railroad requires the fat controller to build Thomas the Tank Engine units
Ambidexter
Edjumacated Idjit
Microprose: Everyone remembers how great Civ1 and Civ2 were, but nobody plays them. In Civ3 the Governor can't be turned off and it builds stuff nobody would ever want. All the players hope that the next patch will fix this, even though the last dozen patches didn't.
Hitti-Litti
Deity
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2006
- Messages
- 3,767
SI Games, the guys who made Championship Manager and Football Manager series: New version every year, this year it will be Civilization 2008. Previously it was Civilizations, but after a fight with Eidos they had to change the name. Humongous database, and bunch of weird bugs.
pay-t
Lazy historian
Atari: The game will be full of DBZ character riding rollercoasters.
The Dutch: We could defeat Germany in soccer.
Hideo Kojima: Every civilization is cloned just so they can appear in a sequal as the hand of another civilization. Metal Gear replaces ICBM.
Uwe Boll: It has nothing to do with the video games,,,, while it is one.
Rock Star Games: You would get sued for playing it.
Ubisoft: The units won't have a neck, arms or legs.
Adobe: Nobody would get it.
Unix: It just won't work.
The Dutch: We could defeat Germany in soccer.
Hideo Kojima: Every civilization is cloned just so they can appear in a sequal as the hand of another civilization. Metal Gear replaces ICBM.
Uwe Boll: It has nothing to do with the video games,,,, while it is one.
Rock Star Games: You would get sued for playing it.
Ubisoft: The units won't have a neck, arms or legs.
Adobe: Nobody would get it.
Unix: It just won't work.
White Stripes: Every time a beat is made someone moves
The Internets: It wouldn't be a game, it can't be! It's a series of tubes!
King Leonidas: The greeks can build holes in their cities and when the Persians invade, you kick them down in.
The Internets: It wouldn't be a game, it can't be! It's a series of tubes!
King Leonidas: The greeks can build holes in their cities and when the Persians invade, you kick them down in.
DvD-IT
Busy Legionary
France: Human player always controls the French, which always get owned by every sort of military, including barbarians and mere warriors, and occasionally roaming workers. French military have the special ability to surrender to everyone like non-combat units, including themselves, immigration, culture expansion. Every kind of industry will refuse to work because there's city unhappiness "We strike against everything!", yet they produce their finest material, White Flag. Also, France and Germany always start close to each other. That close...
The USA: It keeps referring the USA as "the World" in every circumstance. Other Civs will be labeled equally as "Rest of World". US Military units will defeat everyone and everyone that get across their way, except in jungles, and lately, in deserts. Has an itch for invading countries that are distant from its homecountry. Also, USA cities have negative culture value.
Germany: German civ always shares boundaries with France, which is German citizens' main source of happiness and fun, and main vacation place for German military. In times of war, everyone hates Germany.
Italy: In the Italian civ a change of goverment happens every turn. People blame the government for everything - more specifically, whenever something usual happens, i.e. weather change, government collapsing, or France getting owned, while they don't care if their civ has not a proper military, a proper industry, proper lines of transportation. It manages in some way to be a - somewhat - Great Power in the late period of the game, but no one cares. Italy will also join the - supposed- winning side in a war, and swaps sides quite frequently, but luckily for her no one cares. All other civs behave as usual.
Poland: Everyone forgets about Poland, Germany finds it accidentally in 1939, then everyone forgets, then Russia finds it accidentally in 1945, then it's left into oblivion for the rest of time.
Russia: The Russian civ controls 50% of world space, the USA control the other 50, every other civ is vassal of the former or of the latter. Occasionally, a war would start...
Also, the Russian leader is really immortal. Whenever one leader dies, they just hibernate him, appoint another leader and claim that the first one is still alive from the dawn of humankind.
The USA: It keeps referring the USA as "the World" in every circumstance. Other Civs will be labeled equally as "Rest of World". US Military units will defeat everyone and everyone that get across their way, except in jungles, and lately, in deserts. Has an itch for invading countries that are distant from its homecountry. Also, USA cities have negative culture value.
Germany: German civ always shares boundaries with France, which is German citizens' main source of happiness and fun, and main vacation place for German military. In times of war, everyone hates Germany.
Italy: In the Italian civ a change of goverment happens every turn. People blame the government for everything - more specifically, whenever something usual happens, i.e. weather change, government collapsing, or France getting owned, while they don't care if their civ has not a proper military, a proper industry, proper lines of transportation. It manages in some way to be a - somewhat - Great Power in the late period of the game, but no one cares. Italy will also join the - supposed- winning side in a war, and swaps sides quite frequently, but luckily for her no one cares. All other civs behave as usual.
Poland: Everyone forgets about Poland, Germany finds it accidentally in 1939, then everyone forgets, then Russia finds it accidentally in 1945, then it's left into oblivion for the rest of time.
Russia: The Russian civ controls 50% of world space, the USA control the other 50, every other civ is vassal of the former or of the latter. Occasionally, a war would start...
Also, the Russian leader is really immortal. Whenever one leader dies, they just hibernate him, appoint another leader and claim that the first one is still alive from the dawn of humankind.
Deep Thought
S.A.G.A.P.O
*One year bump* 
And the enemies are mad bunnies and just scream "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!".
And the enemies are mad bunnies and just scream "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!".
_random_
Jewel Runner
Travelers' Tales: There would be hundreds of units, but they would all just be reskinnings of three different types. When a civilization is destroyed, it will return immediately, with a slight deficit in production that can be easily repaired. Also, the graphics would be strangely blocky...
Square Enix: Every time a unit moves we see a 30 minute, unskippable cutscene about the unit's motives for moving that turn: Love triangles, lust for revenge, love triangles, metrosexual tenancies, love triangles, sadness over home town's destruction, love triangles, something to do with crystals, love triangles, emotional bonds with Disney characters, and love triangles. Unfortunately, each time the unit moved, you'd have to watch the cutscene, no matter how many times you'd seen it before.
Douglas MacArthur: Units would not have to obey orders, and would frequently do the exact opposite.
A Beka Books: The leader for the Americans would be Ronald Reagan. Religion would play a huge role in the games but there would be only be three types: Heathenism, Distorted Christianity, and their specific brand of Protestantism. The game would begin in 3000 B.C., because any earlier would deny the global flood which, of course, is an indisputable historical fact. Also, the math behind everything would be unnecessarily complicated.
That last one may have confused you, but anyone who's been to Christian school will know exactly what I'm talking about.
Square Enix: Every time a unit moves we see a 30 minute, unskippable cutscene about the unit's motives for moving that turn: Love triangles, lust for revenge, love triangles, metrosexual tenancies, love triangles, sadness over home town's destruction, love triangles, something to do with crystals, love triangles, emotional bonds with Disney characters, and love triangles. Unfortunately, each time the unit moved, you'd have to watch the cutscene, no matter how many times you'd seen it before.
Douglas MacArthur: Units would not have to obey orders, and would frequently do the exact opposite.
A Beka Books: The leader for the Americans would be Ronald Reagan. Religion would play a huge role in the games but there would be only be three types: Heathenism, Distorted Christianity, and their specific brand of Protestantism. The game would begin in 3000 B.C., because any earlier would deny the global flood which, of course, is an indisputable historical fact. Also, the math behind everything would be unnecessarily complicated.
That last one may have confused you, but anyone who's been to Christian school will know exactly what I'm talking about.
Clam Spammer
Prince
DMA Design - You must use a combination of eight different skills to guide the 60 people of your civilization through the maze to a safe house. After you lead your civ through ten mazes they reach the ark in the center of the continent which they use to escape. (They didn't like the coastal start on Pangaea - maybe they didn't get any seafood 
) Three of the 12 civs get a sequel but the rest are left behind. Your people ascend to the next dimension but grow obese.
EDIT: Turns out it wasn't Pangaea - it was Terra. However, when they set out for the new world, they found the third world (islands) instead
Clover Studios - Civilization is epic and groundbreaking in many ways, but there will never be a sequel. You kill enemy units by drawing lines through them on the strategy layer.
Insomniac Games - Every sequel has a completely new set of units, but they all do the same thing. However, after you have played through the game once you can use units from the previous game. Bolts, nuts and screws are universal currency.
) Three of the 12 civs get a sequel but the rest are left behind. Your people ascend to the next dimension but grow obese.EDIT: Turns out it wasn't Pangaea - it was Terra. However, when they set out for the new world, they found the third world (islands) instead
Clover Studios - Civilization is epic and groundbreaking in many ways, but there will never be a sequel. You kill enemy units by drawing lines through them on the strategy layer.
Insomniac Games - Every sequel has a completely new set of units, but they all do the same thing. However, after you have played through the game once you can use units from the previous game. Bolts, nuts and screws are universal currency.
holy king
Deity
this must be among the unfunniest threads ever made in this forum... 
_random_
Jewel Runner
^
Well, if you don't like it, do you really need to post? Besides, I thought mine was pretty funny...
Well, if you don't like it, do you really need to post? Besides, I thought mine was pretty funny...
Clam Spammer
Prince
Same here. I wouldn't have posted if I didn't think it was funny, why did you?
Then again, I'm not sure that it was funny enough to warrant a one year bump...
Then again, I'm not sure that it was funny enough to warrant a one year bump...
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