Zpnesiii
- Thread starter Daftpanzer
- Start date
Pshhhhkkk. "Hello, this is ZPNES Alpha Antarctic fleet hailing Penguinskan Battlefleet. Come in Penguinskan battlefleet."
"Greetings Alpha fleet, this is Forgemaster-Admiral Hakk reporting."
"Who's reporting to whom here?"
"I'm not actually sure. Who's this speaking?"
"This is Commodore Itzel Stexyl of the Icetitan*."
"Um, I guess I outrank you. I think admiral is higher than commodore. And you're a human."
"Rank doesn't matter to me."
"Very well- so, how've things been going on earth?"
"Well, a lack of interest caused a freeze. We used freeze-resistant robots to drop all of our rivals into a black hole, then reactivated the planet. We've just kinda been hanging out since then."
"What about the ship falling into the canyon?"
"Well, your evil clone and I talked things through and decided we had no reason to fight."
"Damn, you didn't kill him?"
"I heard that!" cut in another transmitted voice.
"Tkip."
"Pikt. We meet... I guess this is the first time."
"Not face to face."
"I guess that will have to wait... are you available Saturday?"
"Aren't YOU busy then? Bombarding Mars and all that."
"Ah yes, so I am."
There was an awkward silence, then another hologram appeared.
"Hello? Hello? Gris, I don't think this is on..."
"It's on."
"Oh, is it? Excellent. Ahem, greetings. I'm Tekk, the only capable member of the current ruling Triumvirate of Hakk, Gris and I."
"Where's Trik?" asked Stexyl.
"Under a heavy board. Trigger happy clown... anyway, I've just finished some calculations and run a few simulations, IE: Replayed the Homeworld campaign, and determined the best way to solve our Martian problem."
"Yes?"
"You know what the Taiidan do to Kharak?"
Silence answered.
"Okay, well we're going to do something even more extreme. We're going to pump so much energy into the crust from orbital bombardment that it goes molten. Once we've liquified the planet, let's shoot for vaporizing some of it too."
"So it would be left as a hellish lava-world?" asked Tkip.
"Yes."
"Coooooool. Can we name it after me? I mean, rename it?"
"Sure."
"Coooooool."
"In summation: Fleet Alpha: Secure the Nebula then advance to the Sol system. Join Fleet Antarctic and pound the planet molten."
"Coooooool."
"Tekk out."
*Formerly Xibalba, until the damned Babylonians blew it up.
Does anyone remember Itzel Stexyl? Furthermore, does anyone remember how he wound up as captain of the Icetitan?
"Greetings Alpha fleet, this is Forgemaster-Admiral Hakk reporting."
"Who's reporting to whom here?"
"I'm not actually sure. Who's this speaking?"
"This is Commodore Itzel Stexyl of the Icetitan*."
"Um, I guess I outrank you. I think admiral is higher than commodore. And you're a human."
"Rank doesn't matter to me."
"Very well- so, how've things been going on earth?"
"Well, a lack of interest caused a freeze. We used freeze-resistant robots to drop all of our rivals into a black hole, then reactivated the planet. We've just kinda been hanging out since then."
"What about the ship falling into the canyon?"
"Well, your evil clone and I talked things through and decided we had no reason to fight."
"Damn, you didn't kill him?"
"I heard that!" cut in another transmitted voice.
"Tkip."
"Pikt. We meet... I guess this is the first time."
"Not face to face."
"I guess that will have to wait... are you available Saturday?"
"Aren't YOU busy then? Bombarding Mars and all that."
"Ah yes, so I am."
There was an awkward silence, then another hologram appeared.
"Hello? Hello? Gris, I don't think this is on..."
"It's on."
"Oh, is it? Excellent. Ahem, greetings. I'm Tekk, the only capable member of the current ruling Triumvirate of Hakk, Gris and I."
"Where's Trik?" asked Stexyl.
"Under a heavy board. Trigger happy clown... anyway, I've just finished some calculations and run a few simulations, IE: Replayed the Homeworld campaign, and determined the best way to solve our Martian problem."
"Yes?"
"You know what the Taiidan do to Kharak?"
Silence answered.
"Okay, well we're going to do something even more extreme. We're going to pump so much energy into the crust from orbital bombardment that it goes molten. Once we've liquified the planet, let's shoot for vaporizing some of it too."
"So it would be left as a hellish lava-world?" asked Tkip.
"Yes."
"Coooooool. Can we name it after me? I mean, rename it?"
"Sure."
"Coooooool."
"In summation: Fleet Alpha: Secure the Nebula then advance to the Sol system. Join Fleet Antarctic and pound the planet molten."
"Coooooool."
"Tekk out."
*Formerly Xibalba, until the damned Babylonians blew it up.
Does anyone remember Itzel Stexyl? Furthermore, does anyone remember how he wound up as captain of the Icetitan?
JosefStalinator
Я буду снова здесь
Coming soon, from the inventors of the Algea Super Fun Time Happy burger; Polar Beargurs! Skating to your local McObesia's soon!
TerrisH
Mischief?
"Sir, their fireing on me... can I return Fire yet?"
"No Dalarik. Not until the main fleet Arrives."
"but it Itiches! I wanna fire i wanna fire, I WANNA FIRE!!"
*Warning, Interlocked disengaging*
"Override McClaim 32424324. engage Interlocks"
"aw, captain.."
"I said NO Dalarik. no until the main fleet Arrives in Orbit."
"can I atleast hack their ships? one has a interesting AI...."
"*sigh* sure, fine, whatever. as long as you don't reveal where you are."
"yay! juan's going to be so jellous."
"will not."
"blleeha!!"
"we really need to let these AI mature a bit more befor installing them.."
"No Dalarik. Not until the main fleet Arrives."
"but it Itiches! I wanna fire i wanna fire, I WANNA FIRE!!"
*Warning, Interlocked disengaging*
"Override McClaim 32424324. engage Interlocks"
"aw, captain.."
"I said NO Dalarik. no until the main fleet Arrives in Orbit."
"can I atleast hack their ships? one has a interesting AI...."
"*sigh* sure, fine, whatever. as long as you don't reveal where you are."
"yay! juan's going to be so jellous."
"will not."
"blleeha!!"
"we really need to let these AI mature a bit more befor installing them.."
"Sir, we're receiving threatening messages from Mars. I think the Yggrasil watchamacallits are real."
"Bah. NOTHING can get through our shields.
"What was that?"
"A very disturbing side-reference/premonition. Do we have Hakk with us?"
"The Psychic? He can project. He's wherever he wants his mind to be."
"Okay... but I'm still creeped out. The sooner we finish blasting the planet, the better- what's our progress so far anyway?"
"We've liquified an area the size of... the mantle."
"It was already that way."
"Hmm, we'll need to increase our working speed. Intensify forward firepower!"
"What was that?"
"I'm not sure, but I don't like it one bit.
"Bah. NOTHING can get through our shields.
"What was that?"
"A very disturbing side-reference/premonition. Do we have Hakk with us?"
"The Psychic? He can project. He's wherever he wants his mind to be."
"Okay... but I'm still creeped out. The sooner we finish blasting the planet, the better- what's our progress so far anyway?"
"We've liquified an area the size of... the mantle."
"It was already that way."
"Hmm, we'll need to increase our working speed. Intensify forward firepower!"
"What was that?"
"I'm not sure, but I don't like it one bit.
TerrisH
Mischief?
"Can I fire Yet? they are Starting to notice my shields.."
"fine. I was hoping to wait until the main fleet, but I guess we will have to do this on our Own."
*Warning, Interlocked disengaging. thermo-photon Cooling initiated. dumping surface Heat to weapons. Plasmonic-thurmological Cascade discharge in 360 second. Estimated average energy release at 40 Tertra's.*
"releasing Cascades 18001 to 36000"
*Cascades released. Average energy release increassed to 129 Tertra's*
"Juna, Sitari, Uralki, break solar Orbit with you companion fleets, and cover their Lines of retreat. Plrua, command the Outer solar pickets and watch for incoming reinforcements. Vurals, mover to earth orbit and assist Luna with their defense. Nerphra, maintain Solar Orbit, and intercept and delay any Penguin Reinforcements. Terra, the Antarctic continent is contaminated. Jettison it immediately. Luna, once it clears Acceptable safe distance, obliterate it. Mura, Maintain solar orbit and defend the Interface Gate."
"Yay! playtime!"
"heh, time for a slice and dice! all planetoids, prepare to move out!"
"humph."
"at once, master."
"stop calling me master Plura!"
"of course, master"
"AAHHRRGHH!!"
"guard duty, why am i always stuck with guard duty.."
"why do i always get teamed up with the flirty one.."
"oh dear my Poor children. atleast their deaths will be quick. but it's going to take me months to reknit the continet."
"..."
------
and behold the Surface froze, and the Icy wasteland floated free. as the Heavenly orbits shifted, the planets moved, and brought death to the foes of Earth...
"fine. I was hoping to wait until the main fleet, but I guess we will have to do this on our Own."
*Warning, Interlocked disengaging. thermo-photon Cooling initiated. dumping surface Heat to weapons. Plasmonic-thurmological Cascade discharge in 360 second. Estimated average energy release at 40 Tertra's.*
"releasing Cascades 18001 to 36000"
*Cascades released. Average energy release increassed to 129 Tertra's*
"Juna, Sitari, Uralki, break solar Orbit with you companion fleets, and cover their Lines of retreat. Plrua, command the Outer solar pickets and watch for incoming reinforcements. Vurals, mover to earth orbit and assist Luna with their defense. Nerphra, maintain Solar Orbit, and intercept and delay any Penguin Reinforcements. Terra, the Antarctic continent is contaminated. Jettison it immediately. Luna, once it clears Acceptable safe distance, obliterate it. Mura, Maintain solar orbit and defend the Interface Gate."
"Yay! playtime!"
"heh, time for a slice and dice! all planetoids, prepare to move out!"
"humph."
"at once, master."
"stop calling me master Plura!"
"of course, master"
"AAHHRRGHH!!"
"guard duty, why am i always stuck with guard duty.."
"why do i always get teamed up with the flirty one.."
"oh dear my Poor children. atleast their deaths will be quick. but it's going to take me months to reknit the continet."
"..."
------
and behold the Surface froze, and the Icy wasteland floated free. as the Heavenly orbits shifted, the planets moved, and brought death to the foes of Earth...
"The Planets!"
"What?"
"They're... ships!"
"Holy carp, you're right!"
Wideband alert! This is Cruiser Nunak of the Antarctic Fleet. We've detected the Yggra-whatevers. They've apparently converted the planets of the Sol system into ships. Possibly other bodies as well.
"Sir! They've jettissoned Antarctica!"
"So much for our back up supplies. Have all personnel evacuated?"
"Enough- carp!"
The Nunak began to take heavy fire. It dodged down out of the firing arc.
"Prepare broadcast to enemy forces."
"Yes sir."
"Ahem: HEY! Don't call us children!"
"What?"
"They're... ships!"
"Holy carp, you're right!"
Wideband alert! This is Cruiser Nunak of the Antarctic Fleet. We've detected the Yggra-whatevers. They've apparently converted the planets of the Sol system into ships. Possibly other bodies as well.
"Sir! They've jettissoned Antarctica!"
"So much for our back up supplies. Have all personnel evacuated?"
"Enough- carp!"
The Nunak began to take heavy fire. It dodged down out of the firing arc.
"Prepare broadcast to enemy forces."
"Yes sir."
"Ahem: HEY! Don't call us children!"
TerrisH
Mischief?
yep, roughly moddled after Dahak from "Mutineer's Moon". and their individual diamaters are about 1000 milles smaller then the planets they represent. juna's. quite big.
Oh, and Dalarik just dumped all that delightful energy you've been providing him into his weapons systems. about a quarter of those used will fail witht eh force of a megaton explosion, but ehe, he's got a Lot more of them, and he's only using half.
Oh, and Dalarik just dumped all that delightful energy you've been providing him into his weapons systems. about a quarter of those used will fail witht eh force of a megaton explosion, but ehe, he's got a Lot more of them, and he's only using half.
TerrisH
Mischief?
"but you are my children, for you were born of my womb, of my biosphere. Or one of my many sisters.. please. stop this fighting. I don't want to fight you"
"Terra, shut up. they started this fight, but we will end this.."
"but Vurals..."
"aahhrrgh.. why did I get stuck babysitting the pacifist.."
"Terra, shut up. they started this fight, but we will end this.."
"but Vurals..."
"aahhrrgh.. why did I get stuck babysitting the pacifist.."
knigh+
.
alcinicia
Chieftain
lurker's comment: Very interesting NES! May have to join it. We shall see
Nylan
Characters Welcome
The Metal Heads crank up the volume on their amps in order to over-blow the techno music. Furthermore, they're like totally building a lot more ships and stuff, since it's the annual guitar sale and whatnot. So yeah, BIG FLEETS.
Story or something sometime something sumpm' sump'm
DEATH TO RAPCAT!
Story or something sometime something sumpm' sump'm
DEATH TO RAPCAT!
Daftpanzer
canonically ambiguous
Very nice stories 
!
@Lord_Iggy, I seem to recall Itzel Stexyl was in the first ZPNES, though I don’t recall how he ended up in command of the Icetitan, or what the babylonians have to do with anything – is that from another NES?
@TerrisH, sorry I realised halfway through updating that I didn’t know what your ships and stuff should look like, and I was too lazy to make something up
To Zombies
From Hamsters
Ahh, sure, we will take you to the brains, just don’t eat us please!
!@Lord_Iggy, I seem to recall Itzel Stexyl was in the first ZPNES, though I don’t recall how he ended up in command of the Icetitan, or what the babylonians have to do with anything – is that from another NES?
@TerrisH, sorry I realised halfway through updating that I didn’t know what your ships and stuff should look like, and I was too lazy to make something up
To Zombies
From Hamsters
Ahh, sure, we will take you to the brains, just don’t eat us please!
@Daftpanzer- He was a major character in Coinich's 'World War 1- In 2051 AD'. Captain of the only Mayan Destroyer ever, the MSV Xibalba. He was killed, but his spirit was caught by the Icetitan, who was in Hyperspace at the time. They were aware of his prowess, and offered him the job.
JosefStalinator
Я буду снова здесь
To Psychic Polar Bears
From Obesia
...*
How about it?
*Oh psychic polar bears, we the Obesians have an offer to make you. Read our thoughts of the great Obesian lifestyle; do you not also wish to live as an obese king? Join forces with us, and we will send you more than ample supplies of food, prey, and whatever luxuries you desire on your ice planet. All we ask is a small... sacrifice on your part. But trust us, you will be amply rewarded.
From Obesia
...*
How about it?
*Oh psychic polar bears, we the Obesians have an offer to make you. Read our thoughts of the great Obesian lifestyle; do you not also wish to live as an obese king? Join forces with us, and we will send you more than ample supplies of food, prey, and whatever luxuries you desire on your ice planet. All we ask is a small... sacrifice on your part. But trust us, you will be amply rewarded.
OOC: How does having your surface melted make your weapons more powerful? Until that detail is solved...
*****
The Nunak dodged fire in a spiraling motion, firing haphazardly at any planetary body that came into its sights.
"Sir! Our standard weapons are not enough to take down these ships. And further intercepted transmissions suggest that Mars grew even stronger from our bombardment."
"Impossible."
"It may be a bluff."
"Yes, but regardless, we need to find something that can damage something so massive..."
"You're not thinking that, are you captain?"
"I am."
"But we need express permission from command to use weapons of that power."
A sudden shock rocked the Nunak. Several window plates shattered, and a screaming penguin was sucked out into the vacuum. Power flashed off for a few moments, then reappeared.
"Seal off the area, retreat to B-Deck! I think this forces us to play our ace. Prepare the Gravitic Charging decices!"
The Nunak's engines cut off, and thrusters redirected the ship to face the planetoid pursuing it. In the bowels of the ship, strange machinery began to hum. In the center, a point appeared where one simply couldn't look. A fold in reality, to be simple. The humming noise stopped, and a pulsation sent the black hole hurtling out of the ship, straight towards the planet. It hit, and the point of contact seemed to crumple. The whole surface cracked, and began to open, then snapped back into place. A gaping, molten hole was left where the black hole had hit.
"Heheh, if you can't feed it energy, take it away."
"It's working, but it's not enough sir!"
"I can see that!"
The Nunak continued barreling towards the planet. Withering fire smashed apart the front-facing regions of its hull. A second black hole was fired, with similar results to the first.
"It's still not-"
"I know! Prepare the escape pods. That's an order."
"Ye- yes sir."
Outside of the ship, pods burst out of the rapidly disintegrating hull. Several were hit and exploded, others whizzed past the enemy's firing arc and set course for the other Penguinskan vessels in the system.
The captain remained on board. A new black hole was beginning to generate within the ship. The holocom flashed on.
"This is Tekk repr- What the hell are you doing!?!"
"They're Planets! They are fighting, spaceship planets!"
"You're using the-"
"It's our way to take them out!"
The connection phased out as the growing strength of the black hole crushed the transmitter. Alarms started to go off as the near-destroyed vessel began to warp under the strain.
A look out of the failing viewscreen showed the gaping wound in the planet so close that lava features were visible.
"Child of a planet? Hah! I am a creature of the mind, not the spawn of dirt and rock!"
The penguin now felt his own body crushed to the metal floor, wrapped around the black hole generator. His eyes were held wide open by the force, as he gazed at the planet.
3... 2... 1... 0!
The ruins of the Nunak plunged into the lava. The planet rumbled, then began to drain into nothing. Its crust held a position briefly as the molten lava faded to darkness. Then, the outermost layer of the planet cracked like a broken plate, and compacted into nothingness...
*****
The Nunak dodged fire in a spiraling motion, firing haphazardly at any planetary body that came into its sights.
"Sir! Our standard weapons are not enough to take down these ships. And further intercepted transmissions suggest that Mars grew even stronger from our bombardment."
"Impossible."
"It may be a bluff."
"Yes, but regardless, we need to find something that can damage something so massive..."
"You're not thinking that, are you captain?"
"I am."
"But we need express permission from command to use weapons of that power."
A sudden shock rocked the Nunak. Several window plates shattered, and a screaming penguin was sucked out into the vacuum. Power flashed off for a few moments, then reappeared.
"Seal off the area, retreat to B-Deck! I think this forces us to play our ace. Prepare the Gravitic Charging decices!"
The Nunak's engines cut off, and thrusters redirected the ship to face the planetoid pursuing it. In the bowels of the ship, strange machinery began to hum. In the center, a point appeared where one simply couldn't look. A fold in reality, to be simple. The humming noise stopped, and a pulsation sent the black hole hurtling out of the ship, straight towards the planet. It hit, and the point of contact seemed to crumple. The whole surface cracked, and began to open, then snapped back into place. A gaping, molten hole was left where the black hole had hit.
"Heheh, if you can't feed it energy, take it away."
"It's working, but it's not enough sir!"
"I can see that!"
The Nunak continued barreling towards the planet. Withering fire smashed apart the front-facing regions of its hull. A second black hole was fired, with similar results to the first.
"It's still not-"
"I know! Prepare the escape pods. That's an order."
"Ye- yes sir."
Outside of the ship, pods burst out of the rapidly disintegrating hull. Several were hit and exploded, others whizzed past the enemy's firing arc and set course for the other Penguinskan vessels in the system.
The captain remained on board. A new black hole was beginning to generate within the ship. The holocom flashed on.
"This is Tekk repr- What the hell are you doing!?!"
"They're Planets! They are fighting, spaceship planets!"
"You're using the-"
"It's our way to take them out!"
The connection phased out as the growing strength of the black hole crushed the transmitter. Alarms started to go off as the near-destroyed vessel began to warp under the strain.
A look out of the failing viewscreen showed the gaping wound in the planet so close that lava features were visible.
"Child of a planet? Hah! I am a creature of the mind, not the spawn of dirt and rock!"
The penguin now felt his own body crushed to the metal floor, wrapped around the black hole generator. His eyes were held wide open by the force, as he gazed at the planet.
3... 2... 1... 0!
The ruins of the Nunak plunged into the lava. The planet rumbled, then began to drain into nothing. Its crust held a position briefly as the molten lava faded to darkness. Then, the outermost layer of the planet cracked like a broken plate, and compacted into nothingness...
TerrisH
Mischief?
OOC: Matter-energy-magic conversion. they converted the thermal energy from the molten surface to magic, dumped it into the weapons, then re-converted it back to energy. any way. Abandon ship!!!
IC:
"ahhrrghh!!"
"ouch.. point-blank singularity attack. resourceful little buggers. Dalarik, looks like your going to need a new body. Com-"
...
...
*thamlogical core Breach. temporal distortion In Progress. countering. unstable. Initiating Time-stop...*
...
...
*done.*
"Blllaahahhrrgghhh... uhhgrrghh feels like I got starched out fo.. Ah DANG it.. we're next to the event horizon. dang it. Computer Status!"
"Locality for 1000 miles surrounding Penguin singularity weapon removed from time stream. Power supply Critical. 3 minutes into tachyon Gearators fail"
"dang it. any survivors on their ship?"
*13 penguin life signs, 1 human, and one AI life-spark*
"shoot. status of Dalarik's core?"
*compleat cascade failer and loss of life-spark. unrecoverable.*
drat. he was a nice AI. computer, Initiate Reality shunt to Valhalla for myself, and the crew of the enemy ship. leave their weapons though. then Initiate-a full-spectrum matter-magic conversion. *sigh* looks like we're all out of this little war. at least the system will be intact. mostly..."
*initiated.. goodbye sir.*
----
OOC: well, he's out. kept your crew alive for you. they'll be sent back to yay as soon as the war ends.
hmm, a One to one exchange rate, and we had surprise on our side. nice going Iggy! of course, the ships learn, and they won't fall for that trick again...
IC:
"ahhrrghh!!"
"ouch.. point-blank singularity attack. resourceful little buggers. Dalarik, looks like your going to need a new body. Com-"
...
...
*thamlogical core Breach. temporal distortion In Progress. countering. unstable. Initiating Time-stop...*
...
...
*done.*
"Blllaahahhrrgghhh... uhhgrrghh feels like I got starched out fo.. Ah DANG it.. we're next to the event horizon. dang it. Computer Status!"
"Locality for 1000 miles surrounding Penguin singularity weapon removed from time stream. Power supply Critical. 3 minutes into tachyon Gearators fail"
"dang it. any survivors on their ship?"
*13 penguin life signs, 1 human, and one AI life-spark*
"shoot. status of Dalarik's core?"
*compleat cascade failer and loss of life-spark. unrecoverable.*
drat. he was a nice AI. computer, Initiate Reality shunt to Valhalla for myself, and the crew of the enemy ship. leave their weapons though. then Initiate-a full-spectrum matter-magic conversion. *sigh* looks like we're all out of this little war. at least the system will be intact. mostly..."
*initiated.. goodbye sir.*
----
OOC: well, he's out. kept your crew alive for you. they'll be sent back to yay as soon as the war ends.
hmm, a One to one exchange rate, and we had surprise on our side. nice going Iggy! of course, the ships learn, and they won't fall for that trick again...
