I said hi to this chick at a party once & asked her a question & she didn't answer but referred me to her 'dom', a short, fat bald guy who looked & dressed like a wannabe biker dude. It wasn't a particularly personal question just a casual social one but he answer 'you don't need to know' like a douche. I found the whole situation utterly pathetic. I just shook my head & walked away. Putting some little kids fantasy game above basic social skills/interaction just seems very immature to me.
No offense but that's like someone claiming that the only gay couple they've ever met were wearing cowboy boots, matching thongs and leather harnesses while prancing down the street.
You've probably met tons of people who are into strange and kinky stuff. The couple you claim to have met are a tiny devoted fanatical minority at best.
It wasn't a particularly personal question just a casual social one but he answer 'you don't need to know' like a douche. I found the whole situation utterly pathetic. I just shook my head & walked away.
I'd have been unable to resist continuing the "conversation".
"Sure," I'd say. "I don't need to know and you don't need to tell me. But on the basis of needing to know things, human beings would say practically nothing at all to each other. And in any case you didn't need to tell me I didn't need to know."
From this point on the situation would be sure to escalate (going by past experience), ending with at least one person in hospital. And that person would probably be me.
And I'd have probably devoted an inordinate amount of time ogling the female during the whole confrontation. Whether she was particularly attractive or not.
You've probably met tons of people who are into strange and kinky stuff. The couple you claim to have met are a tiny devoted fanatical minority at best.
I really don't know how many people are into "kinky" stuff. It could be the majority, depending on how you define kinky.
As for the dominant/submissive paradigm, it seems to me that nearly all couples are composed of one partner who dominates and one who agrees to let them do it. Or one partner dominates in certain areas and is submissive (or compliant if you like) in others.
Truly equal partnerships are vanishingly rare. And may not exist at all.
Sexuality has a dark side to it but it's just the night, not the evil.
Not a moment of sex but I was once at a rather large event with all kinds of different things going on, and I decided to see how hard I could handle a flog, some leather straps being thwacked across my back. There's so many different levels of intensity and some of them just feel more good than bad.
I could see how if it was someone's thing, they'd be really into it. It totally would make it more better if it was my thing.
That's the thing. You haven't finished the book and you just based it in the movie wherein fact sometimes movie doesn't give justice to the book. Before you could say any judgment from the book you must at least read the book!
Thank you for sharing about the BDSM thing but sorry I am not interested about how things work about BDSM. I just want to point out that the story about the book is not about sex thing only - this is just a part of the story why cant you see that. In book 1 you will see more about sex thing but in book 2 and book 3 you'll get to know the depth in the lead characters.
The book is intriguing itself but its not just a non sense book. Is just tells a story of two individuals who are very different to each other but in the end be united as one though not perfect at least they understand and loved each other.
Yes of course stories are formed because of the creative mind of the writer. I'm not saying the whole plot of story is real but I couldn't to think why you are making a big deal about sex thing when the story does not revolve on that. You missed to see the 'depth' of the book because firstly you haven't finished even just the book 1 and based it solely on the movie.
Also, I don't quite grasp why you need to give example about normal straight guy loving a gay man. Can't we just focus on the lead characters because I could say your example has nothing to do with the lead characters and you are somehow being unrelated.
Also, I don't quite grasp why you need to give example about normal straight guy loving a gay man. Can't we just focus on the lead characters because I could say your example has nothing to do with the lead characters and you are somehow being unrelated.
Pardon me for not reading the whole thread. What the heck is an 'authentic Dom'?
I've only met (briefly) one dom/sub couple IRL.
I said hi to this chick at a party once & asked her a question & she didn't answer but referred me to her 'dom', a short, fat bald guy who looked & dressed like a wannabe biker dude.
Yeah, black leather is a common bit, and it turns out that height weight and hair retention don't correspond to whether they are dominant/sociopathic/douche-ish.
It wasn't a particularly personal question just a casual social one but he answer 'you don't need to know' like a douche.
And yeah, it also turns out that whether someone is dominant also don't relate to whether someone is a douche.
I found the whole situation utterly pathetic. I just shook my head & walked away. Putting some little kids fantasy game above basic social skills/interaction just seems very immature to me.
Not excusing the fellow (really, douchiness truly transcends all human boundaries), but it could be that your attitude was being unconsciously telegraphed by body language or phrasing, and he figured 'you don't need to know' was his version of shaking his head and walking away? Or he picked up conscious or unconscious signals from his sub, ditto?
An actual dominant male doesn't need to keep his woman on a leash or restrict her freedom. And a woman who'd want such treatment shouldn't be surprised when it turns to abuse. If you cannot handle freedom you should live with mommy & daddy.
You would probably be surprised at how little abuse there is in the community. That aside, there are plenty of submissive-leaning folks who can 'handle freedom' just fine (some percentage of them being business and social leaders), but prefer to give decisionmaking responsibilities (inside the bedroom, outside of it, or both) to someone they trust, in a coherent, mutually-agreed way.
Sexuality has a dark side to it but it's just the night, not the evil.
Not a moment of sex but I was once at a rather large event with all kinds of different things going on, and I decided to see how hard I could handle a flog, some leather straps being thwacked across my back. There's so many different levels of intensity and some of them just feel more good than bad.
I could see how if it was someone's thing, they'd be really into it. It totally would make it more better if it was my thing.
Yep, even just with floggers, there's a scale of "thuddy-to-sting-y", and most masochists seem to have a strong preference on that scale and places they like it and places they don't (and places where impact is always medically ill-advised, like spine, kidneys, stomach).
Wow. You sure sound like a believer, dude. But let us get back to the topic. Your educated opinion: Mr. Grey's character is a victim of child abuse/statutory rape or authentic Dom?
Ah, come on. How the whole thing can be even more irrelevant? What eyes? If you are serious about sex -- you don't have to get laid to get laid. Your eyes act as sexual organs and spiritually you are getting laid every single day, pretty much. How can it still be fresh and exciting? Instead of talking about getting laid -- try to replace that word with "establishing a meaningful relationship". Now that is not forbidden but, mind you, much, much harder. And happening less often. And should be more exciting, if we follow your logic. Any luck so far?
I understand that sexuality expresses itself in diverse ways. I can only speak from an American perspective. I wouldn't presume to discuss this as a global issue.
None of this is medical advice, but only used for illustrative purposes. If you have questions, perhaps you should discuss them with a trained specialist in human sexuality within medicine, and not some anonymous person on the Internet, who either encourages or discourages BDSM behavior.
Within our culture and medicine, then sexuality takes on three main forms: that which fits into societal norms, that which is a gray area (to make a pun), and that which is forbidden and even illegal. BDSM fits into medical criteria that makes it a gray area and one that can easily fit into an illegal area.
Do you know what the DSM is within psychiatry and in behavioural science in general in the USA? The DSM stands for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and is published by the American Psychiatric Association.
Do you know what a paraphilia is? https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/paraphilias
"A paraphilia is a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on fantasizing about and engaging in sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. A paraphilia can revolve around a particular object (children, animals, underwear) or around a particular act (inflicting pain, exposing oneself). Most paraphilias are far more common in men than in women. The focus of a paraphilia is usually very specific and unchanging."
All of us have urges, often deep seated ones, and one model proposed by Freud is that in early childhood, some experience resulted in imprinting a sexual desire as a result of those experiences. The act etched upon pleasure in some manner.
There are other models, but that's a common model. Lest you think this is not true, consider that in the case of spousal abuse or child abuse, often the abuser was formerly abused. Since disempowered when young, then upon reaching a majority, there is a balancing act within the psyche to then seize power and dominate others. That can manifest as sadism.
Likewise early trauma and in poor abusive relationships, one may begin doing self-harm, have an extremely low sense of self-worth, seek out new lovers who act within the same manner as the abuser, and so perpetuate a cycle of abuse.
I am not saying that each Dom and Sub fits that pattern. Some expression of BDSM as experimentation does occur with something akin to 20% thinking about it or mildly expressing it. I am saying that there are common roots to our experiences that may then cause a paraphilia to occur to disrupt the typical expression of sexual behaviour.
Introduction
When an individual exhibits a propensity to engage in courtship or sexual behaviors considered outside of the norm, they may qualify for diagnosis of a paraphilic disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., DSM-5, The American Psychiatric Association, 2013) subdivides paraphilic disorders based on the nature of the sexual abnormality. These abnormal sexual preferences must involve a significant risk of physical harm, as well as causing psychological distress, in order to be diagnosed as a paraphilic disorder (The American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Algolagnic disorders are a class of paraphilic disorders wherein sexual arousal is dependent on pain and suffering. Sexual sadism disorder is a specific algolagnic disorder wherein sexual arousal occurs from the physical or psychological suffering of another individual (The American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Symptoms of Sexual Sadism Disorder
Sexual sadism disorder is hallmarked by intense feelings of sexual excitement when fantasizing about or witnessing another individual undergoing physical or psychological pain. Acts of sexual sadism may occur with a consenting partner, or as assault on a nonconsenting individual (The American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Diagnosis of Sexual Sadism Disorder
If an individual experiences recurrent and intense sexual arousal from fantasies regarding or behaviors resulting in the physical or psychological harm of others for at least six months, along with either significant distress or impairment in functioning, or having acted upon these urges with a nonconsenting person, then diagnosis of sexual sadism disorder is appropriate. The diagnosis should indicate whether the individual is in a controlled environment preventing contact with others or if symptoms have been in remission for a minimum of 5 years without psychological distress (The American Psychiatric Association, 2013). In addition to the use of patient report and criminal records, the Severe Sexual Sadism Scale (SSSS), shows strong criterion validity for the diagnosis of sexual sadism disorder (Mokros, Schilling, Eher, & Nitschke, 2012).
This falls within the criteria of being a Dom in BDSM
Introduction
The DSM-5 explains that sexual masochism disorder is diagnosed in individuals who openly acknowledge and freely admit fantasy and urges to be beaten, bound or humiliated during sex (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Although behaviors associated with sexual masochism disorder are very prevalent, diagnostic criteria requires that the patient experience distress, such as shame, guilt to anxiety related to sexual fantasy, urges or experience. Many consenting adults who enjoy sexual masochism consider themselves to be part of a healthy subculture. Although many enjoy participation, certain types of sexual masochism can result in serious injury or death. Sexual masochism disorder can be treated using an integrative approach to therapy.
Symptoms of Sexual Masochism Disorder
Sexual Masochism Disorder is characterized by a pattern of sexual arousal for being made to suffer through physical violence or humiliation. According to changes in the DSM-5, common manifestations include being beaten, bound, or verbally abused. In some cases, asphyxiation is used to achieve sexual desire and patients often enjoy pornography or erotic literature involving masochism. To be diagnosed, the symptoms must cause impairment or distress. If the patient is not experiencing anxiety, guilt, shame or other negative feelings related to masochistic sexual desires, it I considered a sexual interest, not a disorder. In all diagnosed cases, the patient must admit to having these fantasies and urges (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Onset of Sexual Masochism Disorder
The average age for onset of sexual masochism disorder is 19.3 years. The DSM-5 explains that in some patients, sexual desires related to violence or humiliation may develop earlier, as young as 12 years old (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Sexual Masochism and Subculture
All patients who present with sexual masochism disorder have an erotic interest in a significant power discrepancy between partners. The common term for these relationships is Bondage discipline sadism and masochism (BDSM). Although most patients with sexual masochism disorder prefer to play a submissive role in sexual encounters, many assume both roles at different times with different partners (Shindel and Moser, 2011). In general, the BDSM community is strongly marginalized, and experiences stigma. Many who engage in BDSM within consensual relationships and do not experience guilt, shame or other negative emotions view the behavior as a subculture or alternative lifestyle choice, not a sexual deviance (Stiles and Clark, 2011).
BDSM subculture is so prominent that professionals, called a dominatrix, are hired to physically and verbally abuse paying male clients with sexual masochistic fantasies and desires. These women rarely, if ever, engage in sexual intercourse with clients, but instead use control and humiliation to foster sexual fantasy. When using these services, men with sexual masochistic fantasies and desires tend to experience a therapeutic response. One study reported that clients experience a psychological revitalization through shame, develop control over past trauma, and find alternatives to sexual repression (Lindemann, 2011).
Prevalence of Sexual Masochism Disorder
Although the DSM-5 explains that the prevalence of adults who meet diagnostic criteria of sexual masochism disorder are unknown (American Psychiatric Association, 2013), fantasies related to sexual masochism are fairly common. 12% of women and nearly a quarter of men respond sexual to erotic stories with masochistic themes. About 5% of women and 12% of men engage in fantasy in fantasy with masochistic themes, such as being beaten, whipped, spanked or tied up. As many as 50% of sexually active adults enjoy being bitten or scratched during consensual sexual activity. Prevalence of masochistic sexual behavior is even higher among lesbian and bisexual women (Shindel and Moser, 2011).
Note the prominent indications and discussion of the BDSM community and those who practice BDSM. Also note the concern about injuries and death.
It's a small practical matter to look at the potentials for injury within BDSM for anyone involved in medicine. There are any number of insults to the human body which can easily occur either accidentally or by misadventure, so simply as a matter of infection due to the prevalence of Strep, Staph, and Yeast (Candidiasis).
The skin provides a remarkably good barrier against bacterial infections. Although many bacteria come in contact with or reside on the skin, they are normally unable to establish an infection. When bacterial skin infections do occur, they can range in size from a tiny spot to the entire body surface. They can range in seriousness as well, from harmless to life threatening.
Many types of bacteria can infect the skin. The most common are Staphylococcus and Streptococcus. Skin infections caused by less common bacteria may develop in people while hospitalized or living in a nursing home, while gardening, or while swimming in a pond, lake, or ocean.
Some people are at particular risk of developing skin infections. For example, people with diabetes are likely to have poor blood flow, especially to the hands and feet, and the high levels of sugar (glucose) in their blood decrease the ability of white blood cells to fight infections. People who are older, who have human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) or AIDS or other immune disorders, or hepatitis, and who are undergoing chemotherapy or treatment with other drugs that suppress the immune system are at higher risk as well because they have a weakened immune system. Skin that is inflamed or damaged by sunburn, scratching, or other trauma is more likely to become infected. In fact, any break in the skin predisposes a person to infection.
Yeast which causes Candidiasis is also just as prevalent. Regardless of boiling sex toys, cleaning them with chemical agents, treatment of clothing and accessories within BDSM, you WILL be introducing microrganisms into orifices, welts, bites, piercings, etc.
This makes the risk of infection very high, and why I specifically mentioned them, not only externally, but internally. Because of the very high chance of abrasions and lacerations, and these can be minscule due to the thinness of the skin or mucous membrane, then you're risking these things.
If one does some rudimentary searches of handcuffs and injuries, or the injuries of prostitutes (due to the much rougher sex within that occupation), or looks at a BDSM FAQ (which I definitely will NOT link to), or looks at medical statistics, then you WILL see that BDSM practioners DO try to educate one another because of the risk of injuries. In fact many will specifically mention a wrist injury like a broken wrist, or temporary nerve damage.
Higher risk folks, say within the Homosexual community who engage in rough sex and who at a much higher risk of HIV injection, might take pause to contemplate whether engaging in that form of sexual expression is worth the risk.
One of the number one issues with the wrist in America is carpal tunnel syndrome. Any stress can result in temporary or permanent injury to the median nerve. A classic presentation is experiencing tingling in the thumb, index, or middle finger of the palm side.
BDSM practioners specifically mention tingling and numbness as one of the outcomes of rough sex. The radial, medial, and ulnar nerves are HIGHLY likely to see temporary nerve damage during a BDSM session. The peripheral nerve system does NOT always heal from this. Superficial radial nerve damage is a well known hazard from BDSM. See: http://medic.wikia.com/wiki/Handcuff_injury
These injuries all involved what we'd think of as sex toys -- the full range you might imagine, and a few you might not. (Follow to the CPSC data and dig into product code 1610 for the full R-rated descriptions.)The figures are estimates from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System, which is a nationally representative annual survey of hospital emergency room data, with an emphasis on injuries involving consumer products. Patient information is completely anonymized to protect privacy. According to the CPSC, it collects this data "to measure the number of injuries associated with the thousands of different consumer products in the marketplace."
The CPSC has tracked ER visits related to "massage devices and vibrators" going back to 1991. Until the early 2000s, there were a small number of these injuries each year -- hence, the lighter shaded bars in the chart above represent low-confidence estimates. But around 2003, the number of these injuries surpassed the agency's significance threshold, giving a greater degree of confidence in the numbers for the years after 2004.
In analyzing the data, I omitted incidents involving plain old run-of-the mill massage devices -- primarily people getting hurt by massage chairs at the mall, people burning themselves on heated massagers at home, and little kids putting back-scratchers in their mouths and jumping off furniture, injuring themselves in the process. These accounted for about 20 percent of the records in this product category.
The agency shares the demographics of this group of patients. The median sex toy injury victim is a middle-aged man -- 58 percent of the patients are male, and the median age among this group is 44. The women skew younger, with a median age of 30. The oldest man in the dataset is 85, while the oldest women is 67.
One in Seven get injuries in BDSM in the Netherlands.
Spoiler:
One in seven people who participate in BDSM, a variety of erotic practices involving roleplaying, bondage, dominance and submission and other interpersonal dynamics, have had to visit the doctor afterwards for injuries sustained.
This is according to research done on behalf of Minister Ivo Opstelten (Security and Justice) among people who have a profile on sites for S&M and bondage. He wrote a letter to the Tweede Kamer (lower house of parliament) regarding this study today. According to the study, the Netherlands has a hard core of an estimated 5 thousand to 10 thousand active participants.
The researchers did a survey among members of the websites Fetlife and BDSMzaken. They consider the results indicative, if not completely accurate as there is no way to know the degree of representativeness for certain. The survey showed that 23 percent of respondents have felt abused at some point. A vast majority of the respondents believe that abuse is less common in BDSM than in the “vanilla” (regular) world, because with BDSM you clearly express your wishes and limits in advance.
The chance of someone experiencing abuse is greatest for women and underage newcomers. Interviews with BDSM experts also indicate that inexperience increases the risk of abuse. The abuses often involves violating the agreed upon “rules”. The abuses are most commonly discussed with other BDSM’ers or friends and family. Only a small number (5 percent) report the abuse to the police or care facility.
It looks that way. Twenty to 30 years ago, surveys suggested 10 to 15 percent of Americans had tried it at least once. Five to 10 percent had engaged occasionally in BDSM—an umbrella term for bondage, dominance/submission, and sadomasochism. Fewer embrace it as a lifestyle or identity: Even in big cities, attendance at BDSM conventions is said to be only 1,500 to 2,000. But in the last year, the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has sold more than 65 million copies. The membership of FetLife, a social networking site for BDSM enthusiasts, has doubled to nearly 2 million. Sales of books and equipment have increased. So has attendance at BDSM events. BDSM-related Internet searches (domination, master, sex slave, sadism) went up 70 to 80 percent. College groups devoted to “kink,” largely BDSM, gained official recognition at Tufts and Harvard. Pillars of the media establishment—ABC, Fox News, the New York Times—are exploring the rise of kink in unflinching detail.
Political advocates for BDSM see themselves as successors to the gay rights movement. They cite Lawrence v. Texas. They call themselves “sexual minorities” and depict kink as a “sexual orientation.” They seek “legitimacy” by bringing BDSM “into the mainstream eye.” They ask to be “accepted,” “validated,” and “normalized.” They wonder, according to the Times, whether “they are approaching a time when they, like the LGBT community before them, can come out and begin living more open, integrated lives.”
Don’t count on it.
I don’t mean to be cruel. I know people who have lived this life. I’ve watched others tell their stories on YouTube. I’ve read the writings of BDSM teachers, advocates, and organizers. These people are conscientious. Many of them have worked hard to draw boundaries to distinguish domination from abuse. At its best, BDSM is a willing power exchange enveloped in love. But it differs from homosexuality in ways that make it much harder to integrate into normal life.
To start with, BDSM isn’t an orientation. It’s a lifestyle. In the words of one aficionado, “It’s not who you love, it’s how you love.” That makes it much more reasonable to limit this kind of sexual expression. It’s hard to hide the fact that you’re in a lesbian relationship. But it’s not hard to hide the fact that you like to tie up your girlfriend. You can bring her to the office holiday party. You just can’t bring her on a leash.
Second, S&M, by its nature, hurts people. Mild bondage is no big deal. But for sadomasochists, pain is the whole idea. Some stick to spatulas and wooden spoons, but others move on to electric shocks, skewers, knives, and butterfly boards. Women who do S&M porn scenes have described electrical burns, permanent scars from beatings, and penetrations that required vaginal reconstructive surgery. While these injuries were accidental, the BDSM subculture doesn’t regard intentional harm as wrong. According to the “Statement on Consent” developed by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, injury is wrong only if it “was not anticipated and consented to.” The coalition hopes to embed this principle in law, “ensuring that consent will be recognized as a defense to criminal charges brought under assault laws.”[/
The diverse ways one can inflict pain, push the envelope of sexual expression, and induce near torture is ASTOUNDING. If I were to show photos of what happens and the manner of domination that might occur, then most people would be completely repulsed and not perceive any love within this form.
That is not to say that those who practice very mild restraint and roleplay are deviant. I'm showing you the medical information and letting you decide.
There is a very slippery slope in eliminating paraphilias from the DSM such that what once was forbidden becomes acceptable. Please ponder this.
If you love the special Other in your life, then you have to always ask if your treatment of them and their treatment of you is life-affirming. What someone asks of us is not always healthy. It could actually be a curse by expressing some forms of sexuality by imposing our desires on to another, who then feel compelled to comply.
You might wish to read this concise article about informed consent, the Law, and BDSM.
Spoiler:
BDSM activity, even where clearly consensual, can be and frequently is prosecuted under state criminal laws dealing with assault, aggravated assault, sexual assault or sexual abuse. Such criminal prosecution can arise in various circumstances, including:
The BDSM “scene” turns out to be more intense or painful or harmful than the submissive participant anticipated, and she or he goes to the police.
Injury is caused that is sufficiently serious or sufficiently visible that it is brought to the attention of the police by an observer, by hospital personnel or by a friend or relative of the submissive participant.
The police raid a BDSM event and observe conduct that they interpret as unlawful.
A BDSM relationship ends, leaving the submissive partner with bad feelings, and he or she complains to the police about assault or abuse.
Someone with a grudge against a participant in the BDSM scene or relationship makes a complaint to the police.
Or pictures, videos, emails, film or sound recordings of BDSM conduct somehow come into the hands of the police.
The Critical Issue: Consent
The nature of the criminal offense here is that one person causes physical harm—injury and/or intense pain—to another person. It is important to understand that the law sees this as causing harm, not engaging in mutually beneficial conduct. This means that the law treats BDSM as violence, not as sex. That explains why the issue of consent is different in BDSM cases than in rape cases. In a rape case, the sex act is not viewed as criminal unless it can be shown that one party did not consent. In a BDSM case, however, the causing of physical harm is, in and of itself, criminal. The question is whether and to what extent the law will allow such criminal conduct to be excused by the fact that the injured participant consented to have harm done to her or him.
As long as courts and lawmakers put BDSM practice in the same category as criminal assault—which is a view that the “Consent Counts” campaign will try to change—it is not surprising that they will be reluctant to allow consent as a defense to anything more than minor harm or injury. And sure enough, that is the pattern shown by the court cases, even where a court is interpreting a statute that seems on its face to allow consent to be a defense in any case where there is “serious” injury. Moreover, the courts’ reluctance to allow consent as a defense is undoubtedly influenced by the general public’s misunderstanding of and adverse reaction to BDSM as a “perverse” or even “immoral” practice.
Any sub can point out an injury to a 3rd party. Any sub can say they were compelled by threat of violence. Any sub can show photographs. Any concerned party can get mental health authorities or law enforcement involved and that road is extremely dangerous for the Dom and the Sub.
BDSM is playing with FIRE. Momentary pleasure is not worth incarceration or social stigma. One scandal involving the law in which the appearance of impropriety then results in a lifetime of regret and possible issues with loss of your occupation or business.
Hm, AFAIK this book sells almost exclusively to women. And going by women who read books that i know of, they read romance-sex stories as a pass-time. I often hear it paralleled to a supposed analogous male need for porn, but i doubt that is very accurate.
That said, one of those female readers had noted that she found the repetition and absurdity in the 50shade books way too dumb even for this category. But she still reads such books, and is not of the view they are good literature anyway.
I understand this may be a weak attempt at humor. The reality is that there are legal and medical issues in the USA regarding BDSM. That consent alone does nothing and can result in problems with law enforcement based upon self-disclosure or evidence of BDSM practices. Such things can ruin someone.
If someone is immune compromised, fits within a risk group, or engages with a lover who fits within either or both categories, then they could be harmed by BDSM.
Some BDSM practioners are not merely having innocent fun, but have strong paraphilias which are actually medically defined as medical disorders.
We know there are medical statistics of sexual injury. We know the reporting of injuries and abuse are vastly understated on police reports due to stigma, shame, and fear of charges for their lovers.
On top of all of these issues, there are Christian principles which restrict the manner of sexual expression. Certainly there are moral standards which preclude engaging in anything more than mild restrait, or light spanking, or roleplay.
I see no positive aspect of BDSM. It's a lifestyle not an occasional sexual practice when done any stronger than this.
Such practices can fit within the "Furry" community i.e. those who physically dress up as animals in various degrees with some or both practicing it.
Or what you VAGUELY described can be the result of a foreign object with a tail attached and inserted into the anus. Then that sub is treated to a bout of humiliation.
Does either fit within typical expression of human sexuality within America, or does it fit within a paraphilia? As such, the answer is self-evident.
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