500 ways you know your computer sucks

[Perfection]

283. It wrote half of these "jokes"...

 

[Genocidicbunny]

284. It would take it 100 years to rewrite all of Perfections Spam posts

 

[Pentium]

284. It would take it 10 years to rewrite all the spam Perfection ever posted

That's very fast, you know...

 

[Truronian]

285. Your Caps lock has a large metal key.

 

[Leatherneck]

286.
You still have to type ...

c:\ edit c:\autoexec.bat

or

c:\ edit c:\config.sys

 

[LLXerxes]

287. All IE's 'cookies' are from Chips Ahoy.

 

[ggganz]

288. It is actually the voting machine that did this in 2004.

 

[Kapn Skwishy]

288. It is actually the voting machine that did this in 2004.

my sucky computer wont let me see that, what was it?


289. it its proccesor is to slow to run solitare.

 

[ggganz]

288. It is actually the voting machine that did this in 2004.

290. It won't let you see this page, so here it is in word form in the spoiler:

Spoiler Florida Voting Machine :

A guy is voting for President in Florida and he clicks on John Kerry. It asks if he's sure and he clicks yes. "Are you really sure?" it asks, and he says, "What the [beep]? Yes!" "Ok, last chance, is John Kerry your vote for President?" appears on screen. He says, "Yes, I"m sure," and clicks yes. Nothing happens. So he goes to click on John Kerry again and it shrinks and George Bush grows. Then they go back to normal size, but start swithching places when he mouses over Kerry. He thinks he has it but then it says, "The state of Florida thanks you for voting for George Bush"

291. Opening the CD drive takes up all the memory.
292. It also causes a power outage because it is so huge.
293. It is so huge that your grandmother tried to put one of your CD's in her record player.
294. It worked.

 

[puglover]

294. It worked.

BTW, Pong sounds really weird played on a record player.

 

[ggganz]

295. The record player was gutted to make a better computer than yours.

 

[Snakelover]

296. Your computer weighs so much, that if it sat in the bed of a Nissan Titan, the truck would collapse.
297. A computer with 10 viruses works better than yours.

 

[Genocidicbunny]

298. You dont need a heater in the winter
299. The vat that holds the cooling liquid is bigger than your house and can withstand a direct nuclear blast.
300.The direct nuclear blast creates less heat than your computer does..
301. The cooling liquid is below absolute zero ( yes i know it cant be done but for the sake of the jokes..)

 

[LLXerxes]

302. Sexual predators are deterred due to your laggy connection speed.

 

[Maniacal]

303. Aliens dig up the computer five million years later and it only just connects to the internet.

 

[Truronian]

304. Your scanner is actually a fixed position camera.

 

[Maniacal]

305: DosBox is a better OS than what you have.

EDIT: There are some great idea in here!

 

[Snakelover]

306. A Dell ccomputer with no processor works better.
307. Your computer restarts due to a memory overload when the desktop appears.
308. Your computer is less complex than a catapult.

 

[Maniacal]

309. Your computer is so complex that you must higher a much more evolved and advanced computerized alien species to solve tech probkems.

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

309. Your computer is so complex that you must higher a much more evolved and advanced computerized alien species to solve tech problems.

310. And it still sucks.