If anyone has the time and inclination, I'd like some feedback on another story. This one involves the Lizardfolk inquisitor introduced in a previous cut-scene. He's become a significant NPC in the game and so I wanted to flesh out his history a bit. I'm particularly interested in help with the religious aspects of the story - I'm not religious at all so I feel I tend to understate such things in writing.
So let the criticisms and suggestions fly!
- Niilo
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Thrill.
Intruders. Prey. Krasslik carefully stalked the humans. He chose his target. The white one in the middle. The others seemed to protect this one. This made Krasslik relish the thought of tearing the white one apart. He would spill its blood. It would not be white for long. He would prove himself to the elders. They would give him his warrior's name.
The signal. His tribesmen attacked. Krasslik eagerly pushed himself out of the swamp water. He easily leaped over an old, fallen tree. As he ran, faster than any of his kin, he let the Rage come. Scaly lips parted to show a sharp, toothy grin. Nothing felt better than the Rage.
The first human. It was covered in shiny metal and carried a long, pointed stick. Too slow for Krasslik. Shocked eyes followed Krasslik as he leaped over this human's stick. Over the human. He reached down as he flew past. With one taloned hand he clawed the soft flesh. Ripped open its throat.
The white one was ahead of him. The Rage burned inside. Krasslik hissed and charged at it. He raised both hands, fingers wide, ready to strike.
He stopped. No! He did not want to stop! The white one stood there, looking at him, holding one hand up toward Krasslik. Then it turned away. Krasslik seethed inside. His body would not move. His hands were still raised. His eyes were stuck forward, mouth still held open in anticipation of the kill.
His Rage dissipated, replaced by impotent anger.
The sounds of battle. Krasslik could not look. But he heard the fight. He heard the death. He did not hear humans screaming. He did not hear victory. Shame replaced his anger. Shame for himself. Shame for his tribe.
The sounds died down. The white one! It returns to him. It says some words. It looks Krasslik over.
After a moment, the white one waves its hands and speaks some more strange words. Krasslik feels something. This human in white.It doesn't seem so bad. Perhaps Krasslik was wrong about it.
* * *
Confusion.
"Inquisitor Jolon, this is quite unorthodox."
Krasslik stood near the entrance to the grand room. He did not understand the words they spoke. He knew that he must stay where he was.
"Grand Inquisitor. I understand your hesitance. But think of the possibilities! I have already tamed him. What better way to show the infinite reach ofJunil - the relentless power of Order - than to teach this savage creature not only the ways of Junil, but to be an agent of Junil himself!"
"Yes, but if you fail, this would make a mockery of us. We have more incidents every day that require our attention. If it is known that you, an Inquisitor of the Order, is playing master to a lizard folk beast..."
"I will not fail, Grand Inquisitor. I sensed something in this savage. He will see the Light, he will learn the Code, or, Junil bind me, he will die trying."
The white one. Now one of many in white. But still the white one. He approached. He said something and gestured. Krasslik knew that he must follow.
* * *
Nervous.
"This is a momentous day for you."
The words were not so foreign anymore. Krasslik shifted in anticipation of what was to come. He thought he understood the ceremony but it was still so strange.
Before him, the white one, the one who he now called Father, showed a rare smile. "This is your re-birth. The life you had before will be forgotten.Junil, in his limitless magnanimosity, will embrace you as you embrace him." Father gestured, and Krasslik turned to the alter. A wise-man - a priest - stood waiting. Nearby was a sword, incense, and special water.
"Kneel, my son." Krasslik obeyed the priest immediately, though his stomach was in knots. "Repeat after me: 'I, Fahren, lay myself bare before Junil, the Lawmaker.'"
"I, Fahren, lay myssself bare before Junil, the Lawmaker."
He wasn't yet comfortable with this language. But he had practised these words many times. He did not want to disappoint Father.
* * *
Panic.
Fire! Krasslik - no, Fahren - hissed at the flames before him. The acolyte of Order held a ball of flame in his hand. It did not burn him, but Fahren cringed from it nonetheless.
"You must conquer this fear, Fahren." Father's voice came from behind him. "Junil's Righteous Fire can cleanse this world of chaos and disorder. When true evil is found, there is nought left to do but purge its presence from Erebus."
Fahren forced himself to straighten his posture, like he had learned in his etiquette lessons. His pointed tongue licked across his upper lip in apprehension.
"Approach the flame, Fahren."
He obeyed Father, and stepped toward the acolyte. Now the female human held two balls of fire high, one resting in the palm of each hand.
"Junil'sss Will isss abssolute," he murmured as he felt the heat on his body.
* * *
Contempt.
Infidels! The woman cowered in the doorway like a trapped swamp rat.
"Please, sir," she pleaded, "Show us mercy. We had no choice."
"You knowingly aided your husband in his rituals, did you not?" Father asked her, though the answer was already known to all.
"But we had no choice." Fahren felt some disgust as she fell to her knees to beg. "He would have killed us. Or worse..." She held up clasped hands. "At least take my boys. The should not becondem-"
"Tell that to the families who still mourn their missing children." Father's voice was not angry, but it carried the power of Junil himself with every word. The force of it alone was enough to silence the tainted woman. Fahren was always impressed to see Father in action. "There is always a choice. You and your boys chose the path of evil. Praise Junil for saving your young daughter from your nefarious ways - she may yet be untainted by your deeds."
Father turned, nodding to the soldiers nearby. They rushed forward and pushed the woman, screaming, back into the shack. The door was blocked, just as the rear was, and the soldiers stepped back.Fahren, knowing this was his moment, stepped forward. He couldn't help but feel eager to unleash Junil's cleansing flame. With hands held before him, fingers splayed, he called for Junil's righteousness to wipe this evil from the land. A fan of flames burst forth before him, engulfing the entire front of the run-down abode. The structure quickly caught fire, andFahren stood there, enjoying the growing heat and the screams from within.
* * *
Calmness.
Father argued with another. Fahren stood placidly outside the chamber, the words spoken within having no ill effect on his mood. In fact, many of the words pleased him.
"Fahren is touched by Junil himself. You cannot deny that. He has served for two years now, faithfully enforcing the Code and purging heretics. It is time."
"Inquisitor Jolon, you know that he has not grasped critical studies. He lags behind in various religious doctrines. To be accepted into the Inquisitors of Order, he must show proper aptitude in all of these."
"And that he will. He excels in other areas, however. He is invaluable to the cause." A rustling sound as Father paused. "And the Grand Inquisitor agrees."
Silence.
"Very well, but you know this is a title only. Your pet-... Fahren... is not truly one of us."
* * *
Pride.
Father stood beside the orc strapped to the high bench. His smile, that rare smile, was unconstrained.
"So, Fahren, you have done it then?"
"Yes, Father." He was so eager to please Father. So eager to prove to him he was worth all of his love. So eager to prove himself to the Lawmaker above. "More than just a barrier toliess. But a sseeking of the truth. Speak falsse? Righteous fire boilss their blood. Deceive uss? Flames of justice ssear their thoughts. Withhold truth? Feel the wrath of the Inquisitors of Order in their boness."
Fahren moved to stand above the orc's head. The savage tried to look, but was too tightly tied down to see. Garbled sounds of protest came from it's tongueless mouth. Holding histaloned hands on either side of the orc's head, Fahren began to incant a prayer to Junil. It had taken him a long time, and many discarded test subjects, to get it right, but he finally had it.
"May Junil burn the truth from within," Fahren murmured as the spell took effect. Instantly, the orc stopped moving, feeling the budding heat grow in its body.
"Assk it a quesstion, Father."
Father hesitated momentarily as he discerned Fahren's plan. Switching to the beast's native language, Father asked it a series of questions it could not answer, it's voiceless screams gaining in intensity.Fahren couldn't help but expose his sharp teeth in a wide grin.
* * *
Confidence.
Fahren had helped Father uncover some damning evidence of Commander Petras' activities. No, he no longer deserved any such recognition. Mergwynn. The tainted human only had his first name left for him. And, once they got all the information they needed, he wouldn't even have that.
Lieutenant-Commander Mugain returned from the door, their interruption over. Father waited for her return, then nodded to Fahren. Fahren positioned himself above the dishonoured Bannor officer and held his scaled hands on either side of the man's head. The prayer was spoken and the spell wrapped their prisoner in its power.Fahren nodded to Father, the pride at using his spell once again invading his mind.
"Tell us everything about the cult presence here at Helm's Crest." Father's voice, as powerful as it ever was, filled the small room.Mergwynn didn't say a thing, his eyes wide. Droplets of sweat sprouted on his brow.
"You cannot keep the truth from us. Tell us, and your pain will come to an end."
"I... know... nothing!" The words were spat out by the former commander of Helm's Crest. The man was obviously uncomfortable, but not in pain.Fahren's pride dissipated. He focused harder on the task. Something was not right. This cultist obviously was countering his spell somehow, butFahren wouldn't let it last. He would burn the truth from this despicable human if the flames consumed them both.
Father asked some more questions. Mergwynn's discomfort increased, but still did not answer. Finally, Lieutenant-Commander Mugain stepped forward.
"Perhaps Mergwynn is innocent after all?" she suggested.
Before Father could answer the absurd notion, a maniacal laugh escaped their subject.
"Innocent?!" His eyes seemed consumed with madness. He looked everywhere but nowhere, sweat now pouring from him. "Yes, I'm innocent! Wait... am I... innocent?...Nooo..." An evil grin came to Mergwynn's face. Fahren almost lost focus, but resumed his efforts. "You have no idea.. heheh.. your time has passed!"
"What is your purpose at Helm's Crest?" Father pressed him suddenly. "Who is your master?"
"Master?... Why should I tell..." Mergwynn winced as the fire of justice burned him within. He mumbled to himself, seeming to have a conversation alone. More pain became evident. "Heheheh! It will do you no good. Yes, I can tell you, but you cannot do anything. It is too late."
"Tell us! Who do you take orders from?"
Mergwynn sneered, but it was cut short by more pain. His eyes temporarily lulled, but they gained focus once more. "It's Ibrahim... Yoshiah Ibrahim!"
* * *
Resoluteness.
Father faced off against this local lord. This Ibrahim amounted to nothing even before his duplicity was revealed by Mergwynn. Fahren stood back, calm, enjoying this moment of absolute Justice. These people would be taken, and Questioned, and Junil's Way would be followed.
"You have no right to come here and make demands!"
A human man, a mercenary or men-at-arms of some sort, stood before Yoshiah with his sword drawn. Fahren's eyes narrowed. He would enjoy Questioning that one.
Yoshiah put a hand on the shoulder of the angry mercenary and spoke to him quietly. Fahren could sense the confidence in this nobleman. He obviously didn't know what he faced. The Inquisitors of Order - not just any, but Father andFahren - would break through any deceptions he could weave. No cultist magic could protect him from the Question.
"You know it is for the best, Lord Ibrahim." Father's voice carried far in these manor grounds. "Come with us, peacefully, and we can determine your innocence."
"I will cooperate, Inquisitor Jolon," the middle-aged man stepped forward past his guard. He stopped just short of the two Bannor soldiers who held chains to hold him. "However, I hope you can see the need for prudence. We should talk, just you and I. This stand-off can only g-"
A shot! Two shots! A crossbow bolt hit one of the Bannor soldiers before Ibrahim, and an alert crossbowman nearby retaliated with a shot at the nobleman himself. Fahren jumped to Father's side as more shots were fired by the waiting Bannor crossbowmen. The Ibrahim household guards charged forward. Fahren could hear Father shouting over the sudden din, commanding futilely for everyone to stand down.
"Hold your fire! Do not attack!" Father yelled to the surging squad of soldiers. "We need the-" Fahren grabbed Father and pulled him back, cutting off his words. The unruly mercenary from before had cut his way through several soldiers, screaming a battle cry as he charged them.
Fahren's lips almost parted in a grin. This human had proven himself - he was beyond redemption. Fahren could have easily disabled the man but was eager to cleanse Erebus of his lawless presence.
"Junil's flame remove thiss taint." A fan of flame engulfed the man in mid-stride and he fell screaming to the ground. Fahren stood passively over the burning heretic, satisfied, the flames licking at the edge of his robes.
* * *
Determination.
Fahren slowed his paced and caught his breath as he trotted down the road. He saw the horses, and the savage Doviello with its wolf, waiting outside one of the houses. There would be many of them, but Junil would guide his hand. He would take them all, the rest of the Ibrahim family as well as their accomplices, and deliver them to Father.
He paused briefly, calling upon Junil to prepare him for what may come. It was likely that this savage would fight - all savages were the same - and he would try to dispatch it quickly. Quickly, but inJunil's way. Once ready, he calmly approached, incanting the prayer that would hold the barbarian in place.
The wolf, as feral as its master, sensed his presence. Fahren pulled back his hood, looking up at the Doviello frozen in place in his saddle. He couldn't help but express his disdain. "Ssavage."
He was about to dispatch the growling wolf when the barbarian suddenly dismounted. Hmm, this savage was lucky to break the spell so soon. But it was not a concern.
"Drop your weapon." Fahren stood tall, but the man almost matched him in height.
The Doviello hefted its large, two-handed flail. "I'll drop you before I drop my weapon."
Fahren didn't expect any better from this savage. So be it. It's pathetic life would not be missed on Erebus.
Fahren began chanting as the savage swung its flail. Dodging to the side, he was able to maintain the spell. He would burn the sight from this feral human's eyes. The wolf attacked as well, but was largely ineffectual against his thick Inquisitor's robe. Each danced around the other, andFahren was soon able to touch the man's arm to deliver the spell. The large man barely paused as he fought off the effect.
Disappointment came to Fahren, and he heard noise from within the house. He loathed to do it, but he relented to his instinct to handle this barbarian with more mundane means. Each clawed hand swiped down on the man, tearing into both hide armour and skin. The man roared in defiance of the pain, butFahren knew he dealt a serious blow.
Just as the front door to the house opened up, spilling lamplight onto the road, a cloud of golden dust enveloped Fahren. A sharp hiss escaped his lips and he tried to cover his eyes, but to no avail. Not knowing how long he'd remain blinded, he instinctively called to Junil for respite. His prayer was heeded, and he could hear the gouts of flame erupt from the ground around him. He could not see the result, but he knew that a high wall of Junil's fire now encircled him and this barbarian and wolf. None would be able to interrupt him as he dispatched these two foes.
Before he could next act, though, Fahren found himself losing his balance. The ground had suddenly grown moist and slippery beneath him, and he couldn't help but fall to his hands and knees. He hissed again, anger threatening to break through his training. His anticipation of releasing Junil's fire to purge these infidels grew, and he needed to see again in order to do it.
"Junil! Expel this foul magic from my eyes." Satisfaction came with his renewed ability to see. Fahren looked up to see that young Mordecai Ibrahim had somehow joined the barbarian within the circle of flames. Under the influence of some foul magic, he was twice the size he normally was, and held his large sword before him. The lordling was calling for a truce while the savage Doviello looked ready to swing away with his own immense weapon.
Fahren hated negotiations. However, the realization that he may be outmatched was coming to him. He had no fear of death, not in Junil's name, but he had fear of failure. Father told him to wait for reinforcements if he met any considerable resistance while hunting down Sora Ibrahim. How long would it take? Perhaps he could stall them until daybreak.
"Sstep inside."