Are you addicted to this?

[Narz]

Do you feel like you have an addiction to internet/forums/news/social media?

I definitely feel like connecting with people I'll never meet to get emotional about issues I have no control over is not the most utility for my time but it definitely gives me dopamine and distraction from the annoying issues in my life.

This video

made me think about this subject again (something I've been thinking about since around the turn of the century when I started spending 4+ hours per day on gaming & internet).

I did get off another message board a couple years back that I'd been on for 10+ years that was full of angry men, mostly echo-chamber style getting worked up over things they didn't understand and couldn't change. This one is harder because there is most people & more variety and facebook is hard because there's people I actually know and occasionally local events I'm interested in.

Would be cool to do 50 weeks off and 2 weeks on but maybe passion must come first before denial. Not sure.

Probably the wrong place to be asking (like asking how to stay sober at a bar )

 

[Synobun]

Not really. I'm on the internet as much as I am due to not having a better alternative. When I have something else to do that I want to do, I'm not doing my aimless, mindless rotation of the same core websites again and again.

 

[Socrates99]

Something about Alex Becker posting about "anger porn" just makes me laugh. The guy's a nutjob grifter.

On topic though I think it's a catharsis thing. You can kinda go nuts on the internet while venting without harming RL relationships. I have to temper anything I say IRL. My parents are Christian fundamentalists which I generally disagree with. My father in law and one of the guys I coach with are hardcore Trump supporters. My bosses are both dyed in the wool Republicans. I can't stand Trump. I hate any religious fundamentalism. I try to temper my criticisms to not ruin relationships. My beliefs are very left wing. I like coach Pat, my bosses and my wife's dad Ron. Hell, Ron gives me fresh salmon every year and I love it more than either of his actual kids. Honestly, I often respect Ron more than my own dad.

I need the RL relationships. They make life livable. The internet gives me a vent for the bullfeathers that I can't vent irl. If I went hardcore purist lefty I'd burn RL bridges I need.

 

[Narz]

Something about Alex Becker posting about "anger porn" just makes me laugh. The guy's a nutjob grifter.

Who cares? Even if you're right (I dont really know his beliefs outside of personal development and internet marketing). You can learn from someone who is different from you.

That's kinda what he's talking about, this medium encourages division. IRL I dont get into it like I do here. I've lived w a huge spectrum of people* & generally get along w them & am not addicted to drama, in fact I avoid it.

I also don't waste time talking to people who's opinions I can predict, online it's kinda the opposite, it's a weird phenomenon.

And I would never read a 400page book about politics, history yes but not politics but I watch some 10min YouTube about some nonsense that no one will remember in a month.

Even right now I'm at the gym embarrassingly typing this post while hogging the bench press... and out

*raw vegans, paleos, a black Republican in the ghetto in Philly, autistic people, a 65 year old party/drug addict who had as roommates strippers, transgender escorts, 5 dogs and 3 cats, crazy elderly couples, alcoholics, teetotalers, crazy girlfriends (hopefully eventually a sweet one), bunch of juvenile delinquents (sometimes 12 to a room) in various boarding schools, a 40 year old virgin who my ex told me later she used to fantasize about seducing (and that's not even if top 1000 of evil things she said to me), another 45 yo virgin who kicked me out (of his sweet rent controlled Manhattan apartment) when I stopped spending as much time at home (not only females who can be jealous maniacs ), my best friend who I had a falling out w after he pulled out a kitchen knife on me and started screaming at me for almost banging a lady on his bed (we're cool now)... ok I guess some drama but I'm 40 now, no more of that

 

[Socrates99]

Who cares? Even if you're right (I dont really know his beliefs outside of personal development and internet marketing). You can learn from someone who is different from you.

That's kinda what he's talking about, this medium encourages division. IRL I dont get into it like I do here. I've lived w a huge spectrum of people & generally get along w them & am not addicted to drama, in fact I avoid it.

I also don't waste time talking to people who's opinions I can predict, online it's kinda the opposite, it's a weird phenomenon.

And I would never read a 400page book about politics, history yes but not politics but I watch some 10min YouTube about some nonsense that no one will remember in a month.

Even right now I'm at the gym embarrassingly typing this post while hogging the bench press... and out

So, I'm a Star Wars nerd and got introduced to him during his angry criticism of TLJ. The guy just came off as fast talking angry venting. I hated TLJ but I found my reasons (Luke's depiction sucked) were different from Alex's and others in his crowd (Cantobite and Purple haired SJW feminist admiral sucked). Then the YouTube algorithm linked me to at least two channels decrying Alex Becker as a pyramid scheme grifter exposing his BS right down to the Lamborghini in the background of his vids.

Not knocking your post. It's a good, legit question. Alex is kind of a joke though.

 

[Narz]

So, I'm a Star Wars nerd and got introduced to him during his angry criticism of TLJ. The guy just came off as fast talking angry venting. I hated TLJ but I found my reasons (Luke's depiction sucked) were different from Alex's and others in his crowd (Cantobite and Purple haired SJW feminist admiral sucked). Then the YouTube algorithm linked me to at least two channels decrying Alex Becker as a pyramid scheme grifter exposing his BS right down to the Lamborghini in the background of his vids.

Not knocking your post. It's a good, legit question. Alex is kind of a joke though.

I don't doubt you, I just discovered his channel a few days ago. I tend to admire people who use the internet to make money instead of just wasting thousands of hours killing time like myself

 

[Socrates99]

I don't doubt you, I just discovered his channel a few days ago. I tend to admire people who use the internet to make money instead of just wasting thousands of hours killing time like myself

He does. It just sounds like it's from a pyramid scheme style setup. I used to think the same thing. He definitely comes across as respectable.

 

[Gorbles]

I'm aware that as an adult dude who's been online for a decent (but not huge) amount of time, I'm Extremely Online as a consequence. I like Twitter and use it a lot, and I don't always read the news as in, actual outlets. I get them through Twitter, or more rarely through Facebook. Facebook for me mainly exists as a relatives-only thing these days, with some organising of water polo games because Everybody's Parents still use it and we have an aging team. I still have a huge soft spot for forums, especially ones with solid moderation and decent activity (hi CFC!).

Forums were my first real introduction into being online, and that kinda stuck with me. I wouldn't call it an addiction anymore than I call my phone one. I use it, it doesn't use me. I don't get twitchy if I don't, but it's something neat to pass the time if I'm unable to do other things (or it's something that I really care about).

Something you said @Narz about "using the Internet to make money", I dunno. I don't think that by itself is admirable? I mean, what's killing time really? If you're just doing it because it's there and vaguely enjoyable, sure! Nothing wrong with that either in my opinion. But a lotta folks use the Internet (and here, OT, on the CFC forums) as a place to discuss real stuff - that's a good use of time, in my opinion. Especially when even with my disagreements, I'm at least guaranteed 1,000% more of a discussion here than literally any other forum community I'm aware of / a part of these days. CFC is that old-school forum throwback, and as far as I'm concerned I hope it keeps going forever.

With me it's all about managing my time. I suck at it

I've gotten better, but the Internet, or even a computer itself isn't the problem. I used to do it with books. Or with pencil art. Then it become Internet forums, and after that, games modding. And so on, and so forth. I have quite an addictive personality; it's easy for me to get into things, but it's hard to stick with them - which in a way is good, because I rarely struggle with giving up anything.

 

[MaryKB]

I can disconnect myself very easily (I'm not even on social media anymore), and I'm mostly online when I'm bored (like when I'm working) or I'm generally feeling lonely. There are certain people here I find myself quite emotionally attached to, I don't think that's really an "addiction?"

 

[Narz]

Something you said @Narz about "using the Internet to make money", I dunno. I don't think that by itself is admirable? I mean, what's killing time really? If you're just doing it because it's there and vaguely enjoyable, sure! Nothing wrong with that either in my opinion. But a lotta folks use the Internet (and here, OT, on the CFC forums) as a place to discuss real stuff - that's a good use of time, in my opinion.

I dunno, when I feel like I'm not making measurable progress part of my brain tells me I'm wasting my life.

Like w chess, I enjoy it, but getting to the next level of skill takes more effort than I'm willing to put in so my ability has been stagnate for almost a decade now and it annoys me, I feel like I should either quit or improve, or at least quit playing blitz and bullet (where you have 1-5 min for the whole game ). I also play a lot of this game Dominion online (also a board game) when I'm stressed and want to not think. I've reached my max rating range (around 50-54) and never improve and don't really focus hard while playing and while it's kinda fun it's more of an escape than anything.

It's a fine line to allow oneself some escape to hiding behind something that's giving you fake connection (in the case of online friends), competence (online games that aren't earning you dollars or status IRL), when these activites keep you up late and interfere w real life friendships and jobs I guess it can be considered a problem but you can be a functioning addict and its still a problem.

I'm not saying Internet friends are fake but they are not friends in the sense that they can't help you move a dressor or get together in the park or whatever. I did have one guy from here that I'd consider a close friend even tho we've seen each other only twice in the last 15 years. And I did meet my babymomma on a raw food forum back in '04-'05 (although that relationship was horrible)

I dunno, I just want to get max utility out of everything and not feel like I'm distracting myself.

I could be learning to code or something and not doing peasant work at age 40 (dishes, busing)

I've gotten better, but the Internet, or even a computer itself isn't the problem. I used to do it with books. Or with pencil art. Then it become Internet forums, and after that, games modding. And so on, and so forth. I have quite an addictive personality; it's easy for me to get into things, but it's hard to stick with them - which in a way is good, because I rarely struggle with giving up anything.

Sounds familiar. Reading books gives me a different feeling that internet tho, it's a more alive feeling.

There are certain people here I find myself quite emotionally attached to, I don't think that's really an "addiction?"

It's not for me to decide for other people. I'm just curious how others feel.

I've been off of any forums/social media for weeks at a time and feel fine (tho it's been at least a year since I've done that) but I see addictive/unhealthy elements to my time online.

I could say I'm doing it to kill time while nothing is going on but would more be going on if I spent my free time better?

The digital minimalism argument is kind of like the nofap argument (mostly male-focused so probably not relatable) that when you watch porn when you are actually craving a real life partner you destroy your motivation w a quick fix and perpetuate your dependence on it (instead of going out to mingle you load up the Hub and once you're done the desire to do the legwork of socializing w the opposite sex/dating is dramatically reduced)

 

[Gorbles]

Yeah @Narz, like, I have no real answers. A lot of it is walking that line for yourself, so to be honest even if I could figure out a nice-to-read piece of advice, chances are it wouldn't even help anyone who isn't me!

I have the same kind of mental nag, that push that I should be doing more even if I fail at following it through (notably, I used to be pretty good at chess. Unfortunately, also like my pencil drawing, it's a dead hobby / sport for me now). I guess the best thing I can say is think on where that push comes from. You might find it started from someone else - or it might simply be you pushing you to be more, I don't know. For me, it came from my parents, and my schooling. A lotta pressure to do well that really backfired, hah.

 

[MaryKB]

I dunno, when I feel like I'm not making measurable progress part of my brain tells me I'm wasting my life.

To me, what you're saying sounds like an aversion to "living in the moment" or "stopping to smell the roses," and so on. You could say while you're travelling somewhere, and if you stop to enjoy something along the way (those proverbial roses!) then you're wasting time, right?

I don't feel there's anything wrong with indulging in temporary pleasures at all. What's the point of progressing if you're not going to enjoy yourself when you're there?

 

[Narz]

To me, what you're saying sounds like an aversion to "living in the moment" or "stopping to smell the roses," and so on.

More of an aversion to habitual activities that aren't really getting me anywhere.

You could say while you're travelling somewhere, and if you stop to enjoy something along the way (those proverbial roses!) then you're wasting time, right?

I don't feel there's anything wrong with indulging in temporary pleasures at all. What's the point of progressing if you're not going to enjoy yourself when you're there?

I don't think most people have trouble indulging. We're heard media telling us to "enjoy", "go ahead", "you earned it" since the cradle.

Not being able to fully accept myself if I feel undeserving is perhaps somewhat of a flaw but it's also an impetus. I don't think it's really possible to be happy in mediocrity. The tribes of humans that happily smelled that flowers while their neighbors did military drills were genocided away.

 

[Dekker]

I dunno, I just want to get max utility out of everything and not feel like I'm distracting myself.

The problem with capitalism, everything must be about maximizing utility. What's wrong with enjoying chess for the sake of chess, you may not be getting better but each game is still testing your skill vs. the other opponent but more importantly, is meant mainly just to be a fun distraction.

Don't get me wrong I'm right there with you in not being happy with presumed mediocrity, but some habits/pasttimes aren't meant to help you achieve anything but enjoyment. If you achieved all you want, you'd still have habits/pasttimes, so why prevent yourself from enjoying them in your current state instead of waiting to in some future where you feel more accomplished?

 

[MaryKB]

What do you mean by mediocrity? I can understand if I'm not happy with something in my life, I'd want to see if I could change my situation. But I'm never going to achieve "greatness," like I'm not going to be mentioned in any history books or anything. But that doesn't keep me from being happy with my life and enjoying each day.

 

[Narz]

The problem with capitalism, everything must be about maximizing utility. What's wrong with enjoying chess for the sake of chess, you may not be getting better but each game is still testing your skill vs. the other opponent but more importantly, is meant mainly just to be a fun distraction.

Don't get me wrong I'm right there with you in not being happy with presumed mediocrity, but some habits/pasttimes aren't meant to help you achieve anything but enjoyment. If you achieved all you want, you'd still have habits/pasttimes, so why prevent yourself from enjoying them in your current state instead of waiting to in some future where you feel more accomplished?

Dunno.

I don't think you can blame captialism solely, I think it's deeper than that.

What do you mean by mediocrity?

I want to be an overachiever instead of the opposite.

 

[Birdjaguar]

Dunno.

I don't think you can blame captialism solely, I think it's deeper than that.


I want to be an overachiever instead of the opposite.

Wanting to be an over achiever is like wanting to be a writer or sports star. I think most of those people (over achievers) are born to be that. My sister is one of those. I am not. To be identified as an achiever you need two things: something you are good at doing and a group of people who will recognize your action as valuable.

 

[Narz]

Wanting to be an over achiever is like wanting to be a writer or sports star. I think most of those people (over achievers) are born to be that.

That's gotta be BS otherwise there would be no relationship between culture & achievement when there clearly is. Also this guy wrote a book about how to supposedly bring up geniuses and then proceeded to do that, having three daughters who were in the top 99.99% for what they did.

I do think there are differences in drive but if you have it you will be forever dissatisfied being "normal" (and probably be annoying to be around for others trying to just smell the flowers). The worst thing is to raise your kids with the drive but not the tools to achieve.

Part of the drive for me is realizing at a young age (around 7 or 8) that I will never be a normal person having a normal life. I'll always be on the fringe, so I can be on the fringe as a cautionary tale or a unconventional success

 

[Birdjaguar]

That's gotta be BS otherwise there would be no relationship between culture & achievement when there clearly is. Also this guy wrote a book about how to supposedly bring up geniuses and then proceeded to do that, having three daughters who were in the top 99.99% for what they did.

I do think there are differences in drive but if you have it you will be forever dissatisfied being "normal" (and probably be annoying to be around for others trying to just smell the flowers). The worst thing is to raise your kids with the drive but not the tools to achieve.

Part of the drive for me is realizing at a young age (around 7 or 8) that I will never be a normal person having a normal life. I'll always be on the fringe, so I can be on the fringe as a cautionary tale or a unconventional success

Nice link; interesting. But he was a pretty smart guy himself. I would expect him to have smart kids too. It would be much harder for him to raise other people's kids to be geniuses. Anecdotes are usually exceptions that prove the rule in this kind of situation. Sure culture can influence individual achievement, but those cultural influences have to work with/on personal traits. If you have the "drive", you'd be doing things. Most over achievers have lots of self discipline and the ability to to focus. How do you measure on self discipline and focus?

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

The majority of my online time - mostly Twitter and forums - is spent while I am at work, so the only addiction I have is to stealing back some of my unpaid labor.

But yeah. I don't use the internet nearly as much at home, and if I am, it's usually to play an actual video game. I can't use my phone for long anyways, my eyesight isn't great and it just gets uncomfortable pretty quickly.

I probably would have been considered addicted to the internet in my late teens and early 20s when I spent 8-12 hours a day on it, but those days are over.