Branson, MO—Saturday night the Showboat Branson Belle fell into the dangerous grip of the Branson Triangle, an area where a number of aircraft and surface vessels allegedly and mysteriously disappear. The Branson Triangle, a region near State Park Marina on Table Rock Lake, was blamed for creating gusts of 45-miles-per-hour and causing a problem with the Belle’s propulsion system.
Captain Rotten Swagger said, “I ne’er dare travel down dem Branson Triangle waters. Dey be dark waters indeed.” Swagger confirmed that the 4:00 cruise of the Branson Belle was off course and encountered some electronic failures leading to the loss of propulsion causing the ship to run “quiet” and wait for a tug boat’s rescue when it was blown into a rocky, ice shoreline.
The 600 stranded passengers and crew were finally unloaded after spending 15 hours on the disabled boat. Louis Gennbrat, a passenger, said, “fortunately we didn’t have to resort to spam and pop-tarts to eat, but we did consider which passengers would be most likely to be eaten first. I think most agreed that Todd Oliver and his dogs were at the top of the list to cannibalize.”
Strange behavior was reported by other passengers; one woman – saved from an suicide attempt by a poor artist – apparently left her snobby fiancé after spending the night dancing in the bowels of the Belle with said pencil-sketch artist.
Due to confusion and a lack of lifeboats, the artist was the only person unaccounted for and considered perished. The Showboat Branson Belle plans to remedy the lifeboat situation in the future by affixing Ride the Ducks vehicles to the side of the ship.
All stranded passengers were offered refunds as well as ironic free tickets to the Titanic Museum attraction in Branson, MO.
