Schnarrd
Panderer of Bad Jokes
Well, sorry about not being very prompt with getting this in, but
all my projects suddenly seemed to come to a head this weekend. I've finally finished everything, so I thought I might celebrate with a SG. Hope I committed no acts of weed, for I'm so tired I feel like a walking dead man. No sleeping in till Saturday, though.
After the death of King Axid, there was great controversy as to who would rule Greece. Some contended that the line of Carbon should lead Greece, while others shouted angrily that Greece did not need a new king; the corpse of Axid would serve perfectly well. In the midst of all this argument wandered Schirrasil, who had mistaken the capital for the beauty parlor (Schnarrd had such a bad case of acne that one might mistake his face for a basketball). In the ensuing confusion, Shearasil was declared emperor of Greece.
After Schirrasil became emperor, he promptly went to survey the kingdom. The first thing that struck him was that the kingdom was extremely small - only four cities! Despite the small number of cities, none of the cities were training settling parties! Schearasil did consider that they were building temples to pacify the people (the Greeks really seem to hate overpopulation), but there's more than one way to pit an olive. Schirrasil increased the amount of money spent on luxuries by 20% and ensured that nearly all cities were growing and were training settlers. Corinth had too many materials invested in a temple to switch immediately to training settlers, so it was told to finish its temple next turn under pain of death.
Next, Schearasil turned to the great project being constructed in Athens: the Great Library.
"It looks like it's just starting to be constructed," he mused. "I wonder whether any other civilizations are working on a similar wonder."
With that, Schearasil sent a page all over the countryside to gather rumors of other civilizations. When he returned, Schirrasil demanded to know what he had discovered.
"Milord," the page said, "it seems that nearly every other civilization has a similar project under construction in their capital city. I have also heard rumors of a massive wall under construction, as well as tremendous gardens to pacify the people, but what these are I do not know."
"Thank you, page," Schearasil said, dimissing him. Privately Schearasil did not like the sound of things at all, for if other civilizations had the technology for such things as large gardens and walls, who could tell how far they might be on the Great Library? With that, Schearasil ordered that Athens change production to a hoplite to protect the new cities soon to be built on the Greek frontier. Also, now that Schearasil knew how advanced the other civs were, he became resolved to meet them and profit from their scientific knowledge. He promptly ordered construction of . . . wait! Greece doesn't know how to build galleys? When Greece is isolated and there are no other civs on the continent?
Schearasil called his scientific advisor into his throne room.
"Tell me, what exactly are the scientists of Greece devoting their research to?"
"Well, they're very excited about answering such complex questions as 'Who am I?' and 'Why am I here?' "
"You are my science advisor and I called you to my throne room."
"No, milord. Our scientists, particularly Plato and Aristotle, want to know how to answer these questions."
At this, Schearasil grew very condescending. "Well tell these 'philosophers' that all they need to do is open their mouths and speak. Also tell them to devote all research efforts to discovering how to sail the ocean and contact other civilizations."
"But milord! Aristotle is already halfway through Politics!"
"Tell him that this is a the deviant form of a rule by one, a tyranny, not the correct form, a kingship, and he can stuff it!" (You won't get this one unless you know what Aristotle's Politics is about)
Aside: What exactly did past leaders have in mind for our research goals? When I looked at our science advisor screen, we had researched techs all over the tech tree; we had Mysticism (did someone plan on building the Oracle?) and Literature (obviously someone wanted to build the GL; it was being constructed at Athens) which are heading in two totally different directions. Mysticism implies that someone wanted to rush towards Monarchy, but then we went on the Writing branch of the tech tree to research Lit. What's going on here?
After the mad flurry of Schearasil's first turn, things began to settle down some. "Incense" was connected to the imperial trade network, and people "sniffed" the incense all throughout Greece, enabling Schearasil to lower the luxury rate by 10%. A few turns later, Schearasil had an inspiration while poring over his maps. Some pus from a particularly large pimple had leaked onto the map, and Schearasil was cleaning it up when he realized what the pus was covering. A Babylonian city! Greek scouts can see Babylon from their shores! A warrior was immediately dispatched to the area.
A little later, Schearasil was interrupted from picking his acne by the same page he had charged to seek rumors of other civs.
"Milord, I have word that Egypt have finished the Great Library."
Schearasil went a little pale (if that's at all possible underneath so much red
), but said nothing. "Thank you, page. You are dismissed." The Egyptians must be extremely advanced. The warrior headed towards the shore off of the Babylonian city was told to make haste.
A few turns later, success!! Greece has contact with Babylon! Schearasil was dismayed to see how advanced the Babylonians were. They were almost out of the ancient age! Schearasil thought that he might get cheated by Babylon alone, but if he got contact with every civ on Babylon's continent, he might get better deals. To this end, he traded his world map plus 265 gold for contact with the Egyptians. From the Egyptians, his world map plus 25 gld for contact with the Persians, and from Persia, contact with the Romans plus Masonry for his world map plus 15 gold. Finally, from the Romans his world map plus 28 gold for the Wheel, Code of Laws, Warrior Code, and Iron Working. After this round of negotiations, Schearasil did another round of negotiations, which netted Philosophy for 27 gold (so Socrates could finish Politics and perhaps so Plato could write the Republic) and Mathematics for 23 gold.
A turn later, the page again.
"Milord, we have received word that Babylon has completed the Hanging Gardens. Also, there are rumors that Persia has 'cascaded' to the Great Wall."
"Cascades? I thought that mountain range was in California! This is most disturbing. Dismissed."
A few hours later, the page was back.
"You again? I thought I told you that you were dismissed!"
"You did, milord. But people are saying that Persia has completed the Great Wall."
"Already?! This is even more disturbing. These "cascades" must be bad news. Maybe if I kill the messenger they will stop. Guards! Take him away!"
There was no more word of "cascades" during Schearasil's reign.
During the final turns of Schearasil's reign, two new cities were founded: Pharsalos and Delphi. Polytheism was also bought from Caesar for 40 gold. During Schearasil's last turn, it is said that his acne finally cleared up, after which his brain atrophied and he died in a puddle of blood. Historians are unsure whether there is a direct connection between the his acne clearing up and his brain atrophying, but it seems likely.
Miscellaneous notes:
Wow, that was a busy turn! It was rather a nasty shock to see us so small, and with not one settler in production! I made it a goal to expand as quickly as possible, but I only managed to build two settlers. Most of our cities are still building settlers, and although we need infrastructure and workers, I think we can expand some more before we have our core cities build those.
I knew we had no chance at any ancient wonders as soon as I checked F7. Hopefully we will be better off in the Middle Age wonders.
Also, a MAJOR weed alert - someone saw that Babylonian city I mentioned (Lagash?) and did NOT contact the Babylonians!
Post patch, in terms of research, contacts are EVERYTHING - no other factor counts for as much as how many contacts you have with other civs. That's why isolated civs tend to be so behind in research - not only do civs with contacts have the benefit of being able to purchase the techs that any other civ has, but the research rate of civs with contacts is actually sped significantly. When I bought the contacts of all the civs from the Babylonian continent, the research time for Map Making went to two - down from something like 12.
Also, as mentioned above, our research has been a bit weedy IMHO. It may have been a somewhat weedy decision to change the research goal to map making as we discovered all the civs without it, but we didn't lose many beakers as a result. We are researching Republic right now, but nothing is invested in it. If we want it immediately so that we can revolt (and I'm not sure this is such a good idea as we probably won't be able to handle the happiness constraints), you can get it for an arm and a leg from Cleo. Also, I have us on minimum science so we can collect cash and buy our way back up the tech tree.
Athens will build a granary in one turn and I STRONGLY recommend that it finish this one. Granaries are extremely important in the early game because growth is everything. After Athens finishes it, it can pump out settlers and the other cities can build granaries after they finish their own settlers.
Also, sorry about selling our world map, but I felt it was the only way we could clamber up the tech tree. Hopefully the AI's won't colonize too much of our continent.
If you check F8 you can see that we're pretty far behind, but the situation is far from hopeless - after all, we've got this huge continent all to ourselves! Unless, of course, the AI's go on a colonization frenzy . . .
Here's the roster:
Carbon Copy >>> Up Next
Shadowlord >>>On Deck
Hammurabi II
Axid
Schnarrd
Good luck, Carbon! May your reign be prosperous.
all my projects suddenly seemed to come to a head this weekend. I've finally finished everything, so I thought I might celebrate with a SG. Hope I committed no acts of weed, for I'm so tired I feel like a walking dead man. No sleeping in till Saturday, though.
After the death of King Axid, there was great controversy as to who would rule Greece. Some contended that the line of Carbon should lead Greece, while others shouted angrily that Greece did not need a new king; the corpse of Axid would serve perfectly well. In the midst of all this argument wandered Schirrasil, who had mistaken the capital for the beauty parlor (Schnarrd had such a bad case of acne that one might mistake his face for a basketball). In the ensuing confusion, Shearasil was declared emperor of Greece.
After Schirrasil became emperor, he promptly went to survey the kingdom. The first thing that struck him was that the kingdom was extremely small - only four cities! Despite the small number of cities, none of the cities were training settling parties! Schearasil did consider that they were building temples to pacify the people (the Greeks really seem to hate overpopulation), but there's more than one way to pit an olive. Schirrasil increased the amount of money spent on luxuries by 20% and ensured that nearly all cities were growing and were training settlers. Corinth had too many materials invested in a temple to switch immediately to training settlers, so it was told to finish its temple next turn under pain of death.
Next, Schearasil turned to the great project being constructed in Athens: the Great Library.
"It looks like it's just starting to be constructed," he mused. "I wonder whether any other civilizations are working on a similar wonder."
With that, Schearasil sent a page all over the countryside to gather rumors of other civilizations. When he returned, Schirrasil demanded to know what he had discovered.
"Milord," the page said, "it seems that nearly every other civilization has a similar project under construction in their capital city. I have also heard rumors of a massive wall under construction, as well as tremendous gardens to pacify the people, but what these are I do not know."
"Thank you, page," Schearasil said, dimissing him. Privately Schearasil did not like the sound of things at all, for if other civilizations had the technology for such things as large gardens and walls, who could tell how far they might be on the Great Library? With that, Schearasil ordered that Athens change production to a hoplite to protect the new cities soon to be built on the Greek frontier. Also, now that Schearasil knew how advanced the other civs were, he became resolved to meet them and profit from their scientific knowledge. He promptly ordered construction of . . . wait! Greece doesn't know how to build galleys? When Greece is isolated and there are no other civs on the continent?
Schearasil called his scientific advisor into his throne room."Tell me, what exactly are the scientists of Greece devoting their research to?"
"Well, they're very excited about answering such complex questions as 'Who am I?' and 'Why am I here?' "
"You are my science advisor and I called you to my throne room."
"No, milord. Our scientists, particularly Plato and Aristotle, want to know how to answer these questions."
At this, Schearasil grew very condescending. "Well tell these 'philosophers' that all they need to do is open their mouths and speak. Also tell them to devote all research efforts to discovering how to sail the ocean and contact other civilizations."
"But milord! Aristotle is already halfway through Politics!"
"Tell him that this is a the deviant form of a rule by one, a tyranny, not the correct form, a kingship, and he can stuff it!" (You won't get this one unless you know what Aristotle's Politics is about)
Aside: What exactly did past leaders have in mind for our research goals? When I looked at our science advisor screen, we had researched techs all over the tech tree; we had Mysticism (did someone plan on building the Oracle?) and Literature (obviously someone wanted to build the GL; it was being constructed at Athens) which are heading in two totally different directions. Mysticism implies that someone wanted to rush towards Monarchy, but then we went on the Writing branch of the tech tree to research Lit. What's going on here?
After the mad flurry of Schearasil's first turn, things began to settle down some. "Incense" was connected to the imperial trade network, and people "sniffed" the incense all throughout Greece, enabling Schearasil to lower the luxury rate by 10%. A few turns later, Schearasil had an inspiration while poring over his maps. Some pus from a particularly large pimple had leaked onto the map, and Schearasil was cleaning it up when he realized what the pus was covering. A Babylonian city! Greek scouts can see Babylon from their shores! A warrior was immediately dispatched to the area.
A little later, Schearasil was interrupted from picking his acne by the same page he had charged to seek rumors of other civs.
"Milord, I have word that Egypt have finished the Great Library."
Schearasil went a little pale (if that's at all possible underneath so much red
), but said nothing. "Thank you, page. You are dismissed." The Egyptians must be extremely advanced. The warrior headed towards the shore off of the Babylonian city was told to make haste.A few turns later, success!! Greece has contact with Babylon! Schearasil was dismayed to see how advanced the Babylonians were. They were almost out of the ancient age!
Schearasil thought that he might get cheated by Babylon alone, but if he got contact with every civ on Babylon's continent, he might get better deals. To this end, he traded his world map plus 265 gold for contact with the Egyptians. From the Egyptians, his world map plus 25 gld for contact with the Persians, and from Persia, contact with the Romans plus Masonry for his world map plus 15 gold. Finally, from the Romans his world map plus 28 gold for the Wheel, Code of Laws, Warrior Code, and Iron Working. After this round of negotiations, Schearasil did another round of negotiations, which netted Philosophy for 27 gold (so Socrates could finish Politics and perhaps so Plato could write the Republic) and Mathematics for 23 gold.A turn later, the page again.
"Milord, we have received word that Babylon has completed the Hanging Gardens. Also, there are rumors that Persia has 'cascaded' to the Great Wall."
"Cascades? I thought that mountain range was in California! This is most disturbing. Dismissed."
A few hours later, the page was back.
"You again? I thought I told you that you were dismissed!"
"You did, milord. But people are saying that Persia has completed the Great Wall."
"Already?! This is even more disturbing. These "cascades" must be bad news. Maybe if I kill the messenger they will stop. Guards! Take him away!"
There was no more word of "cascades" during Schearasil's reign.
During the final turns of Schearasil's reign, two new cities were founded: Pharsalos and Delphi. Polytheism was also bought from Caesar for 40 gold. During Schearasil's last turn, it is said that his acne finally cleared up, after which his brain atrophied and he died in a puddle of blood. Historians are unsure whether there is a direct connection between the his acne clearing up and his brain atrophying, but it seems likely.
Miscellaneous notes:
Wow, that was a busy turn! It was rather a nasty shock to see us so small, and with not one settler in production! I made it a goal to expand as quickly as possible, but I only managed to build two settlers. Most of our cities are still building settlers, and although we need infrastructure and workers, I think we can expand some more before we have our core cities build those.
I knew we had no chance at any ancient wonders as soon as I checked F7. Hopefully we will be better off in the Middle Age wonders.
Also, a MAJOR weed alert - someone saw that Babylonian city I mentioned (Lagash?) and did NOT contact the Babylonians!
Post patch, in terms of research, contacts are EVERYTHING - no other factor counts for as much as how many contacts you have with other civs. That's why isolated civs tend to be so behind in research - not only do civs with contacts have the benefit of being able to purchase the techs that any other civ has, but the research rate of civs with contacts is actually sped significantly. When I bought the contacts of all the civs from the Babylonian continent, the research time for Map Making went to two - down from something like 12.Also, as mentioned above, our research has been a bit weedy IMHO. It may have been a somewhat weedy decision to change the research goal to map making as we discovered all the civs without it, but we didn't lose many beakers as a result. We are researching Republic right now, but nothing is invested in it. If we want it immediately so that we can revolt (and I'm not sure this is such a good idea as we probably won't be able to handle the happiness constraints), you can get it for an arm and a leg from Cleo. Also, I have us on minimum science so we can collect cash and buy our way back up the tech tree.
Athens will build a granary in one turn and I STRONGLY recommend that it finish this one. Granaries are extremely important in the early game because growth is everything. After Athens finishes it, it can pump out settlers and the other cities can build granaries after they finish their own settlers.
Also, sorry about selling our world map, but I felt it was the only way we could clamber up the tech tree. Hopefully the AI's won't colonize too much of our continent.
If you check F8 you can see that we're pretty far behind, but the situation is far from hopeless - after all, we've got this huge continent all to ourselves! Unless, of course, the AI's go on a colonization frenzy . . .
Here's the roster:
Carbon Copy >>> Up Next
Shadowlord >>>On Deck
Hammurabi II
Axid
Schnarrd
Good luck, Carbon! May your reign be prosperous.
, move one there. Athens builds settler, start worker.
:grad: ![[party]](/images/smilies/partytime.gif "Party [party]")
