The logic behind it being selfish to not have kids is that you are then essentially just a waste of resources. If you aren't going to contribute to the survival of humanity through procreation, then why should the rest of us allow you continue to use up precious resources?
Now that's not logic that I necessarily agree with, that's just the basic gist of what I have heard others say.
O-kay...
For anyone who dislikes my personal anecdotes, feel free to move along.
My mother died last September, at the age of 71. She had cancer of practically everything. It started some years ago, and she had surgery. It appeared to have worked. Then later it recurred and she had to have chemo. That was thought to have worked. Then she had to have chemo yet again, because the cancer came back. She lost a leg after this. At a time when my mother had moved into a seniors' lodge, the cancer came back
again. That time it was even more aggressive, spreading throughout her abdomen and finally to her brain. There was nothing that could have saved her, and it was only a few months between her knowing that and the time she died, when she didn't know much of anything, not even herself.
Her sister died of cancer, too, that was also very aggressive. Her sister's daughter (a cousin I never met) had cancer, but I don't know if she's alive or dead.
My mom's mother had cancer, but survived (she's my only living grandparent now). One of
her sisters had the aggressive form of cancer that spread throughout her body, and she died. And so on. There were still other women in my mother's family who had cancer.
Now tell me I'm selfish for choosing to never have children. Given the family history, it would have been more selfish to allow this to continue in yet more generations. Thank goodness my only surviving aunt had boys. Thank goodness my uncle's kids were both adopted.
I am contributing to the survival of humanity by
not having children.
You're welcome.
And we culturally encourage dispersing from our relatives, living a distance, so that grandparents can't be highly active in parenting, necessitating older-parent wisdom to do a good job. It's all twisted.
I grew up in a household that consisted of my parents and me, plus my dad's parents, and assorted pets. This kind of household was considered quite normal in the farming community my grandparents lived in, and many of their friends also had such multi-generation households even after moving to the city. I can't relate to the parents+children nuclear family because I've never lived in that kind of household.
I still think my favorite story of 3 teenage girls is one of my father-in-law's:
"Where are you going?"
"To mow the lawn!"
"It's pouring outside."
"I KNOW!"
My dad and grandfather would go out and mow the lawn when they were upset, too. But never when it was already raining.
clue·less
ˈklo͞oləs/
adjective informal
having no knowledge, understanding, or ability.
synonyms: oblivious, unaware, unmindful, insensible, ignorant, unobservant;
No mention of dumb or stupid. That must be a Canadian thing.
Actually, I heard it used that way on an American TV show.
First, my original post was not directed at Valka. Nothing from her post was mentioned. She was not quoted. In fact in her post she made no claims about parenting and said she had no interest in being a parent. My post was directed at those non parents who were talking about what it was like to be a parent. It happened to follow hers and she felt it was directed at her specifically. I tried to clear that up.
Words and smilies are all we have to communicate with here and, in English, words and their meanings can be complex. It is when we start changing the meaning of words to suit other agendas that we can get into trouble. I posted the definition of clueless so everyone could see just what it means. If Clueless now means dumb and stupid to you, to Valka, and to others, that is good to know. "Ignorant" is a perfectly good word to describe a non parent when they talk about parenting. It doesn't mean dumb or stupid and wasn't calling her or anyone else an idiot. It means
ignorant.
Would you have preferred my first post to have been:
"I'll be blunt: until you actually raise a child, you will be ignorant about parenting."?
Moderator Action: We are getting way off topic with this conversation; would you like me start a new thread about language where we can continue it without interfering with the parenting topic? I could move relevant posts over to it. If not, then you and Valka can have the last word.
Let's review my actual post, and remember that there was a grand total of ONE person before me who outright stated that he is not a parent. Birdjaguar, you have read enough of my posts over the years to know that I don't have kids. But in any case, it should have occurred to you that your post could have been taken as being insulting.
Yes, the word 'ignorant' would have been more suitable, because it doesn't carry the outright negative, insulting connotation that 'clueless' does.
I voted 'other' because some people get downright livid if I say that my cats consider me a mother-surrogate. But that's how it is when you adopt a kitten, especially one that really should have had more time with its biological mother.
As for human children, I decided 30 years ago that I would not be having any, and if for some reason I were to become pregnant, I would not carry the child to term. I've explained my reasons for this stance in other threads in OT.
Yes, by saying the bolded part, I am making it plain that I am a surrogate parent to my cats. Most of the cats I ever raised came to me as tiny kittens - newborns, in a couple of cases. They aren't human, but the relationship I have with them is not one of owner/property. They are a part of my family and I could no more part with them or neglect them or fail them than I could if it were my father I was caring for.
No, I don't have to worry about sending them to school or worrying about them growing into responsible citizens. There are many, many things that go along with raising human children that I don't have to worry about. But there are other issues I do have to be concerned with, when raising non-human adoptive children.
I know it's not the same. But I've babysat kids of all age groups, and I was a teacher for awhile. Those aren't the same as parents either, but I am not completely ignorant of what it takes to raise a child.
You put the child's welfare above your own, always, and care for and teach the child what you can, as best you can.
Judging by the number of horrific cases of child neglect, abuse, and murder, there are a lot of parents who don't know even
that much.
