Coming Out As A Bisexual

[Arakhor]

I have a number of amusing T-shirts like that, but I'd advise holding off on purchases until (a) you're sure and (b) you're not dependant on anyone who might disapprove.

 

[EgonSpengler]

I started having these feelings in late 7th grade, but I began to fully understand them this year when I developed crushes on some boys I knew. When I found out about it, I realized that I was bisexual (I'm fine with a relationship with intersex/nonbinary/agender etc...). So, how do I tell people that I am bi? And what if they don't like that fact?

Regarding the bolded part, I think the term "pansexual" has come into vogue lately. As I understand it (and I'm not 100% sure that I do) the difference is that "bisexual" implies attraction based on the traditional binary distinction of genders. I dated a woman like that once, who was definitely bisexual and not pansexual, even though we didn't have that word back then: She was attracted to girly girls and manly men. She wasn't attracted to effeminate men or masculine women, or to anyone who might be called nonbinary today.

'Nonbinary' and 'pansexual' weren't in the lexicon back then, and without the concepts in our language, the people who might've been nonbinary or pansexual were instead slotted into the existing conceptual framework as best as we could. David Bowie and Annie Lennox presented public personae that we might call nonbinary today, but back then, we just saw them as sort of being in drag. I was a big fan of Eurythmics back in the day, and was never quite satisfied with the notion that Lennox was dressing "like a man." I didn't think she was. I didn't think she was trying to look masculine. Her makeup seemed feminine to me, for one thing. But I didn't know how else to describe her. I didn't have the word nonbinary. Back then, we would have been content to call someone like Ian Alexander 'gay' and leave it at that, even though 'gay' implies a person's preferences, not their presentation, and I have no idea what Ian Alexander's preferences are. They're clearly nonbinary, but I have no idea who they're attracted to. I don't think Lennox was called gay for the way she dressed, because we knew she was in relationships with men. Bowie dropped the gender-queer stage persona after a while, but he may have been what we would call pansexual today.

 

[Arakhor]

I think these days, bisexual now means "attraction to one or more genders", but how that contrasts with pansexuality is something best left to the pan/bi communities.

 

[Plains-Cow]

I think these days, bisexual now means "attraction to one or more genders", but how that contrasts with pansexuality is something best left to the pan/bi communities.

It disappoints me greatly that "pansexual" has nothing to do with being aroused by pans/cookware.

 

[EgonSpengler]

I think these days, bisexual now means "attraction to one or more genders", but how that contrasts with pansexuality is something best left to the pan/bi communities.

Well, "bi-" anything couldn't mean just one. If you wanted to group heterosexual and homosexual people together, I suppose you'd call us "monosexual"? As I understand it, "pansexual" means either the other person's gender identity isn't a factor in whether you find them attractive, or you find a myriad of gender identities and traits attractive, in their own ways and in various combinations (e.g. not just the two traditional genders, where particular sets of gendered traits are grouped together).

 

[schlaufuchs]

bi: “such and such genders are attractive to me”
pan: “gender does not factor into what I find attractive”

It’s a subtle difference. But also the obsession with taxonomizing identity is lowkey gross. Use the labels that feel right to you. Nobody should aspire to be the Carl Linnaeus of queer people. You just sound like one of the freaks who threw us in institutions 60 years ago.

 

[Arakhor]

Well, "bi-" anything couldn't mean just one.

Yeah, I meant two or more genders. My mistake.

 

[Ajidica]

You just sound like one of the freaks who threw us in institutions 60 years ago.

 

[schlaufuchs]

Specifically, one sounds like these freaks

 

[NovaKart]

Regarding the bolded part, I think the term "pansexual" has come into vogue lately. As I understand it (and I'm not 100% sure that I do) the difference is that "bisexual" implies attraction based on the traditional binary distinction of genders. I dated a woman like that once, who was definitely bisexual and not pansexual, even though we didn't have that word back then: She was attracted to girly girls and manly men. She wasn't attracted to effeminate men or masculine women, or to anyone who might be called nonbinary today.

'Nonbinary' and 'pansexual' weren't in the lexicon back then, and without the concepts in our language, the people who might've been nonbinary or pansexual were instead slotted into the existing conceptual framework as best as we could. David Bowie and Annie Lennox presented public personae that we might call nonbinary today, but back then, we just saw them as sort of being in drag. I was a big fan of Eurythmics back in the day, and was never quite satisfied with the notion that Lennox was dressing "like a man." I didn't think she was. I didn't think she was trying to look masculine. Her makeup seemed feminine to me, for one thing. But I didn't know how else to describe her. I didn't have the word nonbinary. Back then, we would have been content to call someone like Ian Alexander 'gay' and leave it at that, even though 'gay' implies a person's preferences, not their presentation, and I have no idea what Ian Alexander's preferences are. They're clearly nonbinary, but I have no idea who they're attracted to. I don't think Lennox was called gay for the way she dressed, because we knew she was in relationships with men. Bowie dropped the gender-queer stage persona after a while, but he may have been what we would call pansexual today.

I think it really just has to do with their style and in the case of David Bowie, a costume. Cause I think non-binary just has to do with someone not identifying as male or female but they could have any sort of style.

 

[Zardnaar]

I think it really just has to do with their style and in the case of David Bowie, a costume. Cause I think non-binary just has to do with someone not identifying as male or female but they could have any sort of style.

Bowie was bi back then.

Lennox I always thought it was theatre. No idea about her views.

Others you just kinda assumed they were gay fair or not (eg Mercury, Boy George, Pete Burns).

Talking about then not now (80's/90's).