[RD] Ask a trans person II: 2 trans 2 sexual

[dusters]

Would you mind talking about this a bit more? How and why did it fail?

I was on HRT using estrogen pills from 2016 to 2017. Then on estrogen patches from 2018 to 2020.

So I was on HRT for 4 years +- some months IIRC. Almost all of my body changed, but face. In 2019 I did surgery
to stop taking androgen blockers and it didn't help. I mean my testosterone levels dropped to like 0,03, but face was still unchanged.

So after 4 years of HRT my face was practically unchanged. I couldn't pass at all. I didn't want to resort to putting tons of make-up.
Plastic surgery was way too expensive.

As some doctors would say: it was body resistance to estrogen more or less.

As a teacher working with kids from public schools and coming from rather transphobic country at the time I was advised not to transition or transition perfectly, or leave the country. So I chose to remain a teacher in Latvia and de-transition.

To be honest, it was one of the most existential things I experienced. After I woke up from surgery, still on painkillers, the surgeon came to me, an older gentleman, and told me: "Leave Latvia if you can. It is not safe for people like you here".

At that point i had gone through so much abuse that hearing such empathetic words from a guy in 60s or 70s, a man who was raised in USSR and probably didn't know too much about how trans people really felt on inside; I felt heard and understood.

It was both eye opening and scary. I was able to get a new ID soon after. Yet somehow I dreaded to walk around in skirts after lunch time in city, because I realized I don't pass unless I use make-up. And learned to use make-up.

So I got to achieve what I wanted from time when I was 14. I got a female name and ID. I got people calling me right pronouns. It took me 15 years, but I arrived at the fact later that people who supported me, because I was trans, rejected me when I de-transitioned and I had to restart my life. I had been using female name for 14 years at the time. Getting new friends at 33 was hard, but I did it.

That was the most eye opening thing for me - some people loved the LGBT idea. They loved cheering me up, but didn't help me to get a job when I was mid-transition. Working was hard. I looked weird for a man and I didn't look like a woman yet. I did lots of low paying stuff just to fund HRT.

And when I de-transitioned and lots of people stopped caring about me, I felt betrayed by own naivety. This black and white thinking is a symptom of autism and I have had to deal with it again and again.

In my case as an autistic and asexual person there was nothing to de-transition to anyway. At 14 I was a very feminine kid. At 25 I was a trans-woman. After HRT failed at 32 I couldn't go back
to being a very feminine kid. I looked 23-25, nor 14 or 32. So I had to pretend I'm a young man just to keep my job as a private tutor.

 

[IglooDame]

I was on HRT using estrogen pills from 2016 to 2017. Then on estrogen patches from 2018 to 2020.

So I was on HRT for 4 years +- some months IIRC. Almost all of my body changed, but face. In 2019 I did surgery
to stop taking androgen blockers and it didn't help. I mean my testosterone levels dropped to like 0,03, but face was still unchanged.

So after 4 years of HRT my face was practically unchanged. I couldn't pass at all. I didn't want to resort to putting tons of make-up.
Plastic surgery was way too expensive.

As some doctors would say: it was body resistance to estrogen more or less.

As a teacher working with kids from public schools and coming from rather transphobic country at the time I was advised not to transition or transition perfectly, or leave the country. So I chose to remain a teacher in Latvia and de-transition.

To be honest, it was one of the most existential things I experienced. After I woke up from surgery, still on painkillers, the surgeon came to me, an older gentleman, and told me: "Leave Latvia if you can. It is not safe for people like you here".

At that point i had gone through so much abuse that hearing such empathetic words from a guy in 60s or 70s, a man who was raised in USSR and probably didn't know too much about how trans people really felt on inside; I felt heard and understood.

It was both eye opening and scary. I was able to get a new ID soon after. Yet somehow I dreaded to walk around in skirts after lunch time in city, because I realized I don't pass unless I use make-up. And learned to use make-up.

So I got to achieve what I wanted from time when I was 14. I got a female name and ID. I got people calling me right pronouns. It took me 15 years, but I arrived at the fact later that people who supported me, because I was trans, rejected me when I de-transitioned and I had to restart my life. I had been using female name for 14 years at the time. Getting new friends at 33 was hard, but I did it.

That was the most eye opening thing for me - some people loved the LGBT idea. They loved cheering me up, but didn't help me to get a job when I was mid-transition. Working was hard. I looked weird for a man and I didn't look like a woman yet. I did lots of low paying stuff just to fund HRT.

And when I de-transitioned and lots of people stopped caring about me, I felt betrayed by own naivety. This black and white thinking is a symptom of autism and I have had to deal with it again and again.

In my case as an autistic and asexual person there was nothing to de-transition to anyway. At 14 I was a very feminine kid. At 25 I was a trans-woman. After HRT failed at 32 I couldn't go back
to being a very feminine kid. I looked 23-25, nor 14 or 32. So I had to pretend I'm a young man just to keep my job as a private tutor.

Oh my god, that sucks, I'm so sorry.

 

[Evie]

That sounds...so very horrible, @dusters . Sending so much love and sympathy your way.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I was looking for some stuff a couple weeks ago and found this gem.
CW: suicide, so I'm going to spoilertag everything.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38699117/ is the study, and it resulted in news articles claiming "study finds that people that undergo gender affirming surgeries have a much higher suicide rate"
Some of the articles very strongly implied that the surgeries were the cause of the higher suicide risk. But if you read the study, the control groups were adults with emergency visits but no gender-affirming surgery;
adults with emergency visits, tubal ligation or vasectomy, but no gender-affirming surgery; and adults with pharyngitis. Which is to say, the control groups were not composed of transgender folks. So like every other study done in recent memory, they found that being transgender results in much higher risk of suicide, and news orgs then either intentionally or unintentionally implied that surgery was the reason, not that being trans was the reason, and meanwhile any data on whether surgery lowers suicide rates among trans folk - an actually useful result - didn't happen.

So is there no research or statistics as to whether surgery increases or reduces the risk of suicide?

 

[Yeekim]

That sounds horrible @dusters
Hope life still sends something good your way.

 

[Senethro]

So is there no research or statistics as to whether surgery increases or reduces the risk of suicide?

Recent highly cited published work on sample sizes greater than 25k exist.

What would it mean to you though?

 

[Manfred Belheim]

What would it mean to you though?

I don't believe this is a discussion thread.

 

[Senethro]

I don't believe this is a discussion thread.

Doesn't have to be a discussion. You could just say in advance: "This might inform my opinion which was formed in the absence of good evidence".

Would give a little faith that you weren't just fishing for a negative answer.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

The thread is for asking questions. As far as I'm aware there isn't a "justify your curiosity to the satisfaction of Senethro" clause. And unless you're of the opinion that sharing factual information is a bad thing then it's hard to see what objection you could have in any event.

 

[Birdjaguar]

Moderator Action: Yes, this is not a discussion thread about LGBT. If you have a question, by all means ask it. If your goal is to discredit LGBT and its issues, do it elsewhere. Thanks.