The Recollections of an Aged Veteran
My later days have been kind to me. I have a good home, on a hillside by the sea. My wife and children tend to me, leaving me to sit in the sun and watch the fishing boats on the water below. There is food, and there is money, and in all things I am content to live out my waning days by the grace of Hagia Sophia Sôteira. It is said, that when men were created, the first people lived out the day in joy. And when the orb of the sun began to disappear, and all became dark, they thought that this was death. That all their life had been encompassed in one golden, innocent day.
And they were content.
And so am I. Through all the robes and trappings of life, I have thought myself good and wise, but now, only one understanding returns to me. We are no different from those innocent, naked beings who first walked upon the world. The light of my eyes now grows dimmer each day, as it did for my fathers, and their fathers. Each of us, alone, must face the dark beyond with an absolute lack of knowledge. In death, we are the ultimate innocents.
Just as those first men, laying their heads to rest with the expectation that they will not see another morning. They know not even that morning exists. We are just as innocent, just as naked, as those first sleepers. I choose to great this great night as they did: With boundless joy at what I have seen and done, and at peace with myself, with my place, and with my fate. For this story has an ending, and it is sweet. The first men awake on the second day, to find that sleep is not death. That every day is literally a new life...that light waits, beyond the darkness.
I close my eyes...
---
"Konon!"
"Konon! KONON!"
I saw Anastasios Makhaneus, scrabbling for purchase on the hillside. His staff officers...Sophia, where were they, had dwindled to a banner carrier and an adjutant winding a crossbow, firing bolts into the melee above on the ridge line. The barbaroi scum had penetrated the skirmish line without a word of warning from the scouts, damn it, what do we pay these men for? Behind me, a milling press of men. Before me, a knot of horses, occasionally a barbaric yell or a snatch of koine, be it curse or rallying cry.
I called to my lieutenant. "Anastasios! We must order the retreat! Their arrows fall too thick!" He had managed to find another mount, I saw. When the first charge of Aorsi smashed into the flanks, I saw him fall, or rather his horse, and thought, ah. His father will be so displeased. Remarkable that he lived.
So this is what it is like...a commander without a command. In battle it is all a castle of sand. The unit commanders were managing, though.
I was just a naval commander...less so, a politician...I had never asked for this, or wanted this. But Makhaneus, he had the trumpet, and was blowing it, and then the front two ranks of pikes managed to form up just as the cavalry disengaged. Ah, my staff officers. How nice. They had returned to me, or realized that I had sought to command the engagement, in contravention of my own orders from the polemarchos.
"Sikeliotes!" He forgets himself. "Commander, we must...we must prepare the phalanx for retreat." His breaths came in gasps. A shock of light brown hair was marred by a trickle of blood coming down across his forehead. I knew his name...
"And the settlement," I replied, almost in a daze. "The men there are lost."
"Yes, lord, it was ambush. We MUST be away!"
"Away. Yes. Tell the rear arcuballistai to form up for a volley to cover the retreat of the cavalry. Over their heads. Not until they have reached the base of the hill." I hastily withdrew on my own mount. The dignity of a strategos.
This was one tactic my men had trained to do. As the Aorsi came thundering down the hillside, pursuing our bands of mauled cavalry, the arcuballistai let fly as one. A flock of bolts downed the fiercest riders in the front of the screaming mass, and the force of their charge was broken. Some horses milled riderless, but less than half of the Aorsi continued forward, their gallop losing more momentum across the muddied ground at the base of the hill, to finally plow into the phalanx, which met them, spears raised. Those particular Aorsi did not live out the day.
But it was merely bought time. The main force of Aorsi cavalry had finished killing off the last bands of reckless or unlucky Panorman cavalry who were unable to make the retreat, and they now turned to loose a volley of their own, which fell among the thorakitai, bringing wails and groans of pain from the phalanx as they struck. We withdrew out of range though, filing into the forests beyond the killing fields that were once the...I suppose it might be called the chorai of this barbarian settlement. I pray to Sophia that this field flowers bright next spring. We leave on it so many of our dead.
Turning after the bulk of the infantry had entered the forest, their retreat still ordered, thank all that is good, I saw that the Aorsi had elected not to pursue. They too had been bloodied, though it was clear the day was theirs. We will never conquer this land, I thought to myself. Not as long as these horsemen inhabit it.
Soon, the ships. That was all I could say to keep myself sane. Soon, the ships.
---
"You wish to resign your command."
The Archon was seated, of course, before a beautiful table covered in maps. He was impeccable, as Mystakon always was, with that preternatural beauty and the gray eyes that always seemed to be staring into the distance, as if waiting for the sculptor's chisel.
"I have disgraced my command. Polemarchos Deukalion strictly forbade any engagement with enemy armies during my raids. I had thought that a reconnaissance in force would yield more plunder. I allowed hundreds of my men to die."
The Archon rose. "You once sat this seat, Konon. And I count you as a friend. If you will not sit, then I will stand."
He walked over to where I was. "Know that there is no ill will towards you among the bouleutai. If anything, the rumors of your tension with Deukalion have gained you more favor."
I sighed, exasperated. "Philippikos, I killed those men! How can I..."
"No." The Archon's voice stayed level, but there was a flash of anger in those normally placid grey eyes. "The polemarchos killed those men when he told you the Sannic lands would be free of troops. The Aorsi killed those men when your officers sought to plunder more than they should. The MEN forfeited their own lives when they took the silver of the politeia."
He paused. "But you, Konon. You are a skilled commander of men. And I will not throw away a useful tool before its time."
I nodded. It is the merit of friends to accept the generosity of a friend with little emotion. And it is simply the way of men. But he had earned my loyalty that day, just as I had somehow earned his forgiveness. I attributed it to the shifting political winds that my fate was saved, and not tied to the anchor of the old polemarchos and his failed war, despite my thoughts that the old polemarchos had only tried to defend his homeland. But I was no stranger to the will of the politeia, that perpetually jilted lover of the people.
Mystakon called after me as I left the room. "Compatriot. This is not the end for either of us."
I certainly hoped not.