Diary of a New(b) God
- Thread starter yahzuk
- Start date
Mosher
Mushroom dad
Great story.
Dear Diary,
The palace guards bring before me a young man, little more than a child to my eyes. They had captured him approaching my court and mistook him for a wandering list maker. Instead I discover he is a Songhaiden choirboy, the minstrel boy of Askias army. His name is Pipsqueak and he brings me dire news. The pointy stick boys and the scouts have fallen in battle.
And how did you escape, and yet they did not, so mighty warriors as they were and only Woozy Chokonus to withstand them?
Even the mightiest man may be slain by one arrow, he said, and the pointy stick boys were pierced by many.
I order Pipsqueak to sing a song for me, and then allow him to be on his way.
Our scientists complete writing and being the study of philosophy, while Persia forms yet another research agreement, this time with Japan, and Napoleon enters the renaissance era.
Bismarck asks us to declare war on our ally Elizabeth. How dare he! Bismarck declares war on her anyway. We accept a pact of cooperation with Harun, who then builds the city of Fustat right on our borders.
Memphis completes a trireme and begins producing a work boat to fish near Helio. The trireme is sent West to explore but must past through Montezumas territory. Monty greets me warmly and accepts my offer to trade open borders.
I mourn the death of the pointy stick boys, but their widows take solace knowing the died in service to me against the terribly Woozies. All in all my people are still happy and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
The palace guards bring before me a young man, little more than a child to my eyes. They had captured him approaching my court and mistook him for a wandering list maker. Instead I discover he is a Songhaiden choirboy, the minstrel boy of Askias army. His name is Pipsqueak and he brings me dire news. The pointy stick boys and the scouts have fallen in battle.
And how did you escape, and yet they did not, so mighty warriors as they were and only Woozy Chokonus to withstand them?
Even the mightiest man may be slain by one arrow, he said, and the pointy stick boys were pierced by many.
I order Pipsqueak to sing a song for me, and then allow him to be on his way.
Our scientists complete writing and being the study of philosophy, while Persia forms yet another research agreement, this time with Japan, and Napoleon enters the renaissance era.
Spoiler :
Bismarck asks us to declare war on our ally Elizabeth. How dare he! Bismarck declares war on her anyway. We accept a pact of cooperation with Harun, who then builds the city of Fustat right on our borders.
Spoiler :
Memphis completes a trireme and begins producing a work boat to fish near Helio. The trireme is sent West to explore but must past through Montezumas territory. Monty greets me warmly and accepts my offer to trade open borders.
I mourn the death of the pointy stick boys, but their widows take solace knowing the died in service to me against the terribly Woozies. All in all my people are still happy and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
Spoiler Military Record :
DefoesRightBoot
Former Daimyo x3...
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2010
- Messages
- 201
The PSB's are dead? It's A Sin!
Dear Diary,
It seems my ally, Hiawatha, cannot play nicely with Nebuchadnezzar and wants our help settling his problems on the battlefield. Well, my people need something to help them get over the death of the PSBs and Neebs has been a little too cozy with Woozy, so I agree, but require some time to prepare. My warchar is complete and I immediately send them on their way to help the Iroquois. I order the construction of a catapult.
Helio grows. I ignore their whining. Darius forms another research agreement with Woozy. This is too much to bear! I can no longer trust Darius.
My empire continues to thrive and my cities continue to grow, my new warchars eagerly race off to punish the friend of my enemy, or is it the enemy of my friend? Either way, Neebs bowmen are going to suffer and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
It seems my ally, Hiawatha, cannot play nicely with Nebuchadnezzar and wants our help settling his problems on the battlefield. Well, my people need something to help them get over the death of the PSBs and Neebs has been a little too cozy with Woozy, so I agree, but require some time to prepare. My warchar is complete and I immediately send them on their way to help the Iroquois. I order the construction of a catapult.
Spoiler :
Helio grows. I ignore their whining. Darius forms another research agreement with Woozy. This is too much to bear! I can no longer trust Darius.
Spoiler :
My empire continues to thrive and my cities continue to grow, my new warchars eagerly race off to punish the friend of my enemy, or is it the enemy of my friend? Either way, Neebs bowmen are going to suffer and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
Mosher
Mushroom dad
Moar!
GHalfrunt
Just zis guy, you know?
This is hilarious! I can't wait for the next installment! Ramesses is pretty great.
Dear Diary,
Heliopolis demands spices. Yeah, well I demand you lazy bums produce more tributes to my greatness, but it doesnt look like either of us will be getting what we want any time soon. Memphis completes a work boat and begins producing a swordsman.
Neebs wants open borders. Dont worry, my warchars will enter your kingdom soon enough.
Thebes grows, whine, whine! Memphis grows, whine, whine!
My people are happy, albeit demanding, lazy and whiny, but everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
Heliopolis demands spices. Yeah, well I demand you lazy bums produce more tributes to my greatness, but it doesnt look like either of us will be getting what we want any time soon. Memphis completes a work boat and begins producing a swordsman.
Neebs wants open borders. Dont worry, my warchars will enter your kingdom soon enough.
Thebes grows, whine, whine! Memphis grows, whine, whine!
My people are happy, albeit demanding, lazy and whiny, but everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
Dear Diary,
Hiawatha declares war on Neebs, and I am proud to lend the support of my valiant warchars to the task! But then the warchars sheepishly admit that they dont actually know where Babylon is, or even Iroquois for that matter. SO LOOK FOR IT! And dont come back until you find it.
The Oslons say they dont want to be our friends anymore, and they wont be giving us anymore food either. Well, so long and thanks for all the fish.
So my warchars are blindly wandering around the countryside in search of the people theyre supposed to be killing, but everyone else is pretty happy and everyone agrees Im pretty great, except apparently the Oslons whod now rather gorge themselves than share with us.
-Ramesses
Hiawatha declares war on Neebs, and I am proud to lend the support of my valiant warchars to the task! But then the warchars sheepishly admit that they dont actually know where Babylon is, or even Iroquois for that matter. SO LOOK FOR IT! And dont come back until you find it.
The Oslons say they dont want to be our friends anymore, and they wont be giving us anymore food either. Well, so long and thanks for all the fish.
So my warchars are blindly wandering around the countryside in search of the people theyre supposed to be killing, but everyone else is pretty happy and everyone agrees Im pretty great, except apparently the Oslons whod now rather gorge themselves than share with us.
-Ramesses
DefoesRightBoot
Former Daimyo x3...
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2010
- Messages
- 201
Douglas would be proud of you!
Just my thoughts.
And yes, pics would be very appreciated.
civfan1
Chieftain
Wnhen in the next few thousand years will the union boss die? Or does he have the same intestienal parisite? Or perhaps he is a God/Demigod/Ramsees/Deity? Or maybe annoying people live longer?The fololwing is what I feel like doing to the union boss:
Bowdown to Ramsees the God: 
Bowdown to Ramsees the God: Well, it’s always good to see people paying attention in class! There are at least half a dozen other references or homages in the text that no one has called out yet. I really ought to make a list of them…. No, better yet, I ought to get my students to do it for me! Your extra credit assignment is to find them and cite them. Of course, some of them are pretty blatant and others more subtle. A few may be so subtle that you’d have to actually be living inside my head to spot them, but do your best! Whoever finds the most by the end of our examination of the ancient text shall be crowned the “Ubergeek”!
Now, the question about the longevity of the union boss is an interesting one, and has been the subject of many late night discussions among the history department here at ACU. It’s known for instance that most of Ramesses’ army was actually made up of multi-generational clans, such as the pointy stick boys. Each generational would pass its skills and weapons down to the next. This is why they were able to replenish their numbers whenever they spent a few decades hiding out in the woods with nothing to do except train and procreate with any PSB groupies that came passing through. So some historians believe a clan of multi-generational union bosses survived in much the same way, and that Ramesses’ failure to note this in his diary only indicates that he didn’t consider the union bosses important enough to differentiate one generation from the next.
Personally, I think it is likely that the Union Boss was a single individual who shared Ramesses’ great person birth defect. Afterall, the Union Boss does seem to be able to go toe-to-toe with Ramesses in a way that few other Egyptians could. Sadly, we have no hard evidence to support one theory or the other.
I am almost loathe to bring it up, but there is one other theory out there, suggested by my… ah… rather… ah… eccentric?... colleague, Dr. Tovinkedpok. Dr. T believes Ramesses we simply have a flawed understanding of Egyptian methods of measuring time, and that Ramesses’ entire Diary is actually a chronicle of the events of a single day. Yes, yes, ridiculous isn’t it? Yes, it’s true! The “esteemed” Dr. Tovinkedpok would suggest that Ramesses’ concept of years are more equivalent to our minutes, and that his notations of “BC” and “AD” actually mean “Before Cake” and “After Desert”! Needless to say, the rest of us here at ACU believe that Dr. Tovinkedpok is an idiot and the cake is a lie. But, anyways, there you go, three theories about the union boss – draw your own conclusions!
But, I am rambling again. Back to the text, back to the text!
-Professor Yahzuk
Sorry, sorry, one final comment – if any of you are actually living within my head, please get out! Now, back to the text, back to the text!
Now, the question about the longevity of the union boss is an interesting one, and has been the subject of many late night discussions among the history department here at ACU. It’s known for instance that most of Ramesses’ army was actually made up of multi-generational clans, such as the pointy stick boys. Each generational would pass its skills and weapons down to the next. This is why they were able to replenish their numbers whenever they spent a few decades hiding out in the woods with nothing to do except train and procreate with any PSB groupies that came passing through. So some historians believe a clan of multi-generational union bosses survived in much the same way, and that Ramesses’ failure to note this in his diary only indicates that he didn’t consider the union bosses important enough to differentiate one generation from the next.
Personally, I think it is likely that the Union Boss was a single individual who shared Ramesses’ great person birth defect. Afterall, the Union Boss does seem to be able to go toe-to-toe with Ramesses in a way that few other Egyptians could. Sadly, we have no hard evidence to support one theory or the other.
I am almost loathe to bring it up, but there is one other theory out there, suggested by my… ah… rather… ah… eccentric?... colleague, Dr. Tovinkedpok. Dr. T believes Ramesses we simply have a flawed understanding of Egyptian methods of measuring time, and that Ramesses’ entire Diary is actually a chronicle of the events of a single day. Yes, yes, ridiculous isn’t it? Yes, it’s true! The “esteemed” Dr. Tovinkedpok would suggest that Ramesses’ concept of years are more equivalent to our minutes, and that his notations of “BC” and “AD” actually mean “Before Cake” and “After Desert”! Needless to say, the rest of us here at ACU believe that Dr. Tovinkedpok is an idiot and the cake is a lie. But, anyways, there you go, three theories about the union boss – draw your own conclusions!
But, I am rambling again. Back to the text, back to the text!
-Professor Yahzuk
Sorry, sorry, one final comment – if any of you are actually living within my head, please get out! Now, back to the text, back to the text!
Dear Diary,
Woozy offers to accept half my empire. No thanks crazy lady! Oda wants a pact of secrecy against Darius and I agree, Darius has been far to o close to Woozy lately. Caesar enters the Renaissance era.
We learn that another city state we never met, Copenhagen, is conquered. All these city states would be wise to ally themselves with stronger nations, which only saddens me more that the Oslons have rejected our friendship. We hear a rumor that the Oslons desire silk. Perhaps we can find some for them
I talk to our allies, Monty, Napoleon and Hiawatha all have silk, but none will trade it to me. Hiawathas refusal particularly upsets me no more units for you, friend! With friends like these ..Of course, I will still declare war on Neebs because Im not letting the warchar come home until they find Babylon, and once they get there, they might as well fight.
My empire remains strong, even though none of my allies understands what fair means, and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
Woozy offers to accept half my empire. No thanks crazy lady! Oda wants a pact of secrecy against Darius and I agree, Darius has been far to o close to Woozy lately. Caesar enters the Renaissance era.
Spoiler :
We learn that another city state we never met, Copenhagen, is conquered. All these city states would be wise to ally themselves with stronger nations, which only saddens me more that the Oslons have rejected our friendship. We hear a rumor that the Oslons desire silk. Perhaps we can find some for them
I talk to our allies, Monty, Napoleon and Hiawatha all have silk, but none will trade it to me. Hiawathas refusal particularly upsets me no more units for you, friend! With friends like these ..Of course, I will still declare war on Neebs because Im not letting the warchar come home until they find Babylon, and once they get there, they might as well fight.
Spoiler :
My empire remains strong, even though none of my allies understands what fair means, and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.
-Ramesses
Hooray! This is great!
Indeed.
Oops, err, it should be
not (Stupid me just looking for the sign with an arrow instead of looking at the code)
Indeed.
Oops, err, it should be
(Stupid me just looking for the sign with an arrow instead of looking at the code)
Similar threads
