Diary of a New(b) God

[yahzuk]

Egads! Here you guys go, jumping all around this forum thingy, talking about how stories compare to each other.... tread carefully, lest Ramesses should mistake you for wandering list makers!

Seriously though, thank you all.

BTW - got the warning email that I'm nearing my photobucket bandwidth limit, so if the screenshots links suddenly stop working for a few days that would be why.

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

Darius wants to share open borders. He’s always been friendly to us, but I cannot ignore his frequent research agreements with China. He will not be allowed into our land.

We’ve shut down another one of Barbara’s annoying parties. The Oslons can finally get a good night’s sleep, and begin sending out muffin baskets to all my cities in appreciation.

Spoiler :

Our third great city is founded on the peninsula to our north, near iron, fish and whales. The great lake is bountiful! My people become a little less happy due to our new city, but I’m sure that’s only because they haven’t yet built a monument to my greatness. Fix that at once!

Spoiler :

Woozy warmonger wars with Warsaw! Our exploring trireme spots several Woozy Chokonus. They attack some woozy spears from the sea. The spearmen shake their fists impotently as arrows rain down upon their heads, while my trireme crew just laughs and laughs.

Spoiler :

It is a glorious time to be an Egyptian! Our golden age rages on, my people are happy, I have a new city (complete with a lake house), we have a new friend sending us food, and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.

-Ramesses

 

[Arexander]

You should have rained death on the Chu-ko-nus in the boats.

 

[shaglio]

Woozy warmonger wars with Warsaw! Our exploring trireme spots several Woozy Chokonus. They attack some woozy spears from the sea. The spearmen shake their fists impotently as arrows rain down upon their heads, while my trireme crew just laughs and laughs.

So apparently your empire also knows SBA (ship-based archery) as well. I'm sure it's not easy firing arrows from the deck of a boat on the rolling seas!

 

[Guardian_PL]

It's the unions, I'm telling ya

Good stuff yahzuk, please keep it going. If you ever need a donation or something let me know - I haven't read such a fun story in a long time, since Flouzemakers stories I think...

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

The Memphites complete the workboat. I order the Heliopolites to purchase the nearby territory with whales and order the workboat there. Thebes completes a workboat as well which begins collecting pearls. Memphis begins training more pointy sticks and the Thebians begin training more laborers.

Woozy is still delusional about the prospects for peace. Warsaw wants help killing at least 6 of Woozy’s soldiers, so my trireme sinks an embarked Chokonu. “Doesn’t count!” taunt the Warsawns. They’re lucky I enjoy killing Woozies so much or I’d simply abandon them to their fate.

Spoiler :

After shutting down Barbara’s party, the pointy stick boys and the war chariot archers find themselves outnumbered by Woozy forces. It appears Chinese spears are trying to flank us. The warchars lay down cover fire while the pointy stick boys withdraw to Oslo.

Spoiler :

With our new whales and pearls, my people are now the happiest they have ever been and everyone agrees I am pretty great!

-Ramesses

Spoiler Military Record :

 

[Civ'ed]

Make a column for Chinese (by Barbarians) and Barbarians (by Chinese)

 

[Bill_in_PDX]

Great story!

 

[Bluebird]

Great story, great Ramesses. I'm looking forward to the next update.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

I'm greatly troubled by the stagnation of this most excellent story, because I have to agree, it's pretty great.

Moar!

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

Our scientists have deciphered the ”mysteries of archery”. The union boss sure is smug about it. I try to keep the news quiet and tell them to begin studying maths, but somehow Napoleon finds out and makes an announcement that “Egypt has entered the remedial era.” Screw you and the horse you rode in on!

Spoiler :

News spreads that Singapore has been conquered. Another nation gone that we’ve never even heard of. Be careful world – there are tyrants out there!

Oda ends his war with Suleiman, but Darius picks up where he left off. Persia also forms a research agreement with the Aztecs.

The warchars are killed protecting the PSBs. My trireme is critically injured by Woozies Chokonus and has no choice but to retreat to Thebes for repair. She sinks some embarked Chinese spears on her way.

Memphis grows and complains about it. I’m starting to get tired of hearing everyone whine about babies. The great lake trireme spots a beautiful little piece of real estate outside Dublin – iron, horses, wheat, sheep. Sadly, Darius will probably claim it before I can.

Spoiler :

We finally know things we should have known 100 years ago, but my empire continues to grow and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.

-Ramesses

Spoiler Military Record :

 

[yahzuk]

I was hoping to get 2 segments up last night but ran out of time. Unfortunately, I won't be able to work on it again until the weekend. Hoping to be back on the near daily updates next week.

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

Helio grows and guess what? They whine about it – bah humbug! The Thebians demand dyes. Yeah, well I’m still waiting for my silver tribute so we’ll see.

Spoiler :

The Iroquois leader approaches my court. “Hiya Watha!” I great him cheerfully. He asks for a pact of cooperation and I happily agree. He says that a stranger in a faraway land has built the wonder and/or what? I don’t know! I’ve never even met these people, Watha, how should I know what they’re building?

Spoiler :

Askia forms a research agreement with the Woozy one, and another with Darius. The Bucharettes ally themselves with England.

The warchars sacrifice pays off and the PSbs make it to Oslo. My scouts find a lone woozy chariot archer in the woods. The woozies brag about their numerous commendations, so my scouts beat the snot out of them. They are rewarded with a promotion in survivalism and then they finish off the woozy chariot. After healing, the PSBs go to join the scouts.

Spoiler :

The Bucharettes change their mind and abandon England for Arabia. Such a fickle people. We hear runors that the Almighty has been conquered. No, no, I, god Ramesses am still alive and well.

Thebes finishes training the workers, who go off to mine the iron outside Helio. We begin building a barracks to train our military units. After all, we don’t have as many oppurtunities for combat as the warmongering woozies. Memphis completes the pointy sticks and begins constructing another Trireme.

As our golden age of prosperity draws to an end, a wandering list maker approaches my court. I order him brought before me. I’m about to begin questioning him, when he does something completely unexpected. He begins to sing….

“I am the very model of a wan-dring list maker who sings
I’ve information all about the people who love shiny things
I know the richest leaders, and I’ll quote their rankings one and all
From Zetian to Napoleon, in order economical

I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand archery, both the roof-based and the ground-based too
Of math, arrows and triangles I’m teeming with a lot o’ news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.”

Even if I could ignore the insults, I simply can’t take anymore of his singing and I pummel Pythagoras until he runs out of cheerful facts.

Spoiler :

My people are happy, our golden age has ended but I have a new ally and everyone agrees I am pretty great. If only I could get that stinking song out of my head…

-Ramesses

Spoiler Military Record :

 

[Shakira42]

LOL, great update! Love the song.

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

Helio grows. Their displeasure is offset by the discovery of the Great Barrier Reef, which excites everybody. Helio’s territorial borders have expanded to include an iron deposit as well.

Spoiler :

The damaged Trireme cannot reach Egypt without going through Arabia. Fortunately Harun grants my request for open borders.

We meet Bismarck of Germany, who seems friendly enough, and I agree to cooperate with Elizabeth. Nebuchandnezzar forms a research agreement with the Woozy one, and Darius announces he’s entered the Renaissance era. Meanwhile, Egypt’s scientists complete mental math and Pythagoras’ lyrical ramblings make a little more sense to us now. I order the scientists to figure out writing.

Spoiler :

My list of allies continues to grow, my people are happy, despite having to do long division in their heads, and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.

-Ramesses

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

Songhai and Siam both declare war on China! I don't know what Woozy did to offend them, but who cares. It's always something with her. Someone Woozy takes this to mean that surely I must be ready to trade my right arm for peace now. She is crazy, that one!

Spoiler :

The Thebians complete the barracks. The workers are still digging the iron mine, so I order them to being another warchar.

My trireme discovers a lovely little arcipeligo that I am already eying up for a future naval base.

Spoiler :

My people are happy, I have two new allies in the war against Woozy and everyone agrees that I am pretty great.

-Ramesses

 

[yahzuk]

Dear Diary,

My workers finally complete my iron mine, and I immediately order a warrior outfitted with a new sword. It time to construct roads to connect my three great cities, so that my citizens can travel between them, visiting their fellow Egyptians and swapping pleasant little annecdotes about how great I am.

The pointy stick boys and their little scout buddies find a Songhaiden war party marching on Nanjing. The noble PSBs bravely offer to lead the charge!

Spoiler :

My people are happy, my army gains a valuable resource and my fellow Woozy-haters gain the benefit of our military leadership. And most of all everyone agrees that I am pretty great.

-Ramesses

 

[DefoesRightBoot]

Nobly leading the charge from the rear, eh?

Brilliant writing yahzuk, KUTGW. Almost onto the fifth page and it's still BC!

 

[Arexander]

I don't think that blue nation is China so it must be to the north or north-west. So technically the Pointy Stick Boys are leading the charge.

 

[DefoesRightBoot]

Nanjing is at the bottom centre of the screen.

The PSB's (I always think Pet Shop Boys ) are in the rear.