Dumb Quotes

[mechaerik]

I was eating some candy in a sandwhich baggie (cuz thatz how i rollz), and someone asked me for some. I gave him some, he inspected them and said, 100% sincerely:

"Where did you get M&Ms with S's on them!"

 

[DroopyTofu]

"Hey guys I don't think I'm a U.S. citizen because I was born in Ohio"

She was absolutely serious

Poor Ohio, people always forget it's in the US. I don't exactly remember the conversation, but someone said they were going to Clevland this Summer. One girl was seriously impressed about that (its maybe a 4 hour drive). Turned out she thought it was in some foreign country. First she thought it was in Columbia but changed her mind to Ireland.

 

[Gigaz]

Poor Ohio, people always forget it's in the US. I don't exactly remember the conversation, but someone said they were going to Clevland this Summer. One girl was seriously impressed about that (its maybe a 4 hour drive). Turned out she thought it was in some foreign country. First she thought it was in Columbia but changed her mind to Ireland.

But it's logical. Cleveland must be a nation of its own because it ends on -land. Like England, Portland or Disneyland!

 

[Flying Pig]

"They have GUNS! Oh my God they have real GUNS!!"

This being a kid signed up for RIFLE SHOOTING merit badge at a Scout Camp, hearing the rifles fire every day up to that point, and hearing the rifles and shotguns fire as he was walking down the hill to get to the rifle range....

Even better - before they were deployed to Ireland, new recruits to the British Army were trained on bolt-action rifles, and so one of them said, seriously:

"Why can't I get so many shots out, sir? I swear I put in a full one..."

To which the reply came:

"You only pull the handle once"

 

[CCRunner]

Teacher: "This author is portraying how men think women are only good for sex!"
Student: "Nobody thinks that-- they're good for cooking and cleaning too!"

 

[The Omega]

Our school's been implementing a lot of new policies because of the swine flu panic. I happened to be working in the front office when she was explaining them to the staff.

Principal".... and we're putting anti-bacterial hand wash in every room of the building, and we want you to encourage students to use it frequently."
*I raise my hand*
Principal: "Um.... Yes?"
Me: "Isn't the swine flu a virus?"

She just kinda gave me an odd look then hurried away.

 

[Sharwood]

Our school's been implementing a lot of new policies because of the swine flu panic. I happened to be working in the front office when she was explaining them to the staff.

Principal".... and we're putting anti-bacterial hand wash in every room of the building, and we want you to encourage students to use it frequently."
*I raise my hand*
Principal: "Um.... Yes?"
Me: "Isn't the swine flu a virus?"

She just kinda gave me an odd look then hurried away.

Never let logic get in the way of a good scare. Be sure to wear your surgical masks everywhere.

@CCRunner: I don't see what's dumb about that. It's true.

Heard today:

"Why is my neck sore?"

This from an idiot carrying a WOODEN CHAIR by pushing his head between the seat and backrest!

 

[Firestorm94]

Someone at school-"Ugh, you mean we actually have to do work?"
Me (sarcastically)-"Ugh, I know, it's like we're at school or something."

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Plenty here.

Here's one:

"Such startling announcements as these should be deprecated as being unworthy of science and mischievious to its true progress."

-William Siemens, on Edison's light bulb, 1880.

 

[mechaerik]

Plenty here.

"You would make a ship sail against the wind and currents by lighting a bon-fire under her deck? I have no time to listen to such nonsense."


If you don't know that one....

 

[Zack]

Plenty here.

"Democracy will be dead by 1950." -John Langdon-Davies, A Short History of The Future, 1936.

What was he even thinking with that one??

 

[Zack]

Double post.

 

[Sharwood]

"Democracy will be dead by 1950." -John Langdon-Davies, A Short History of The Future, 1936.

What was he even thinking with that one??

Wishful thinking. And mechaerik's was Napoleon. Pretty big mistake on Nap's part.

 

[Flying Pig]

That is the biggest fool thing we have ever done [research on]... The bomb will never go off, and I speak as an expert in explosives.

In '44, from a Manhattan Project scientist - oh the irony...

 

[W|M]

Some people are SO wrong about computers:

* I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year.
o The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.

* [By 1985], machines [computers] will be capable of doing any work Man can do.
o Herbert A. Simon, of Carnegie Mellon University, one of the founders of the field of artificial intelligence – speaking in 1965.

* But what... is it good for?
o IBM executive Robert Lloyd, speaking in 1968 about the microprocessor, the brain of today’s computers.

* There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
o Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation (DEC), maker of big business minicomputers, arguing against the PC in 1977.

 

[KaiserElectric]

"This is, indeed, a great wall."
-Richard Nixon, observing the Great Wall of China

"The history of saints is mainly the history of insane people."
-Benito Mussolini

 

[aronnax]

Ahh Prince Phillip

You managed not to get eaten then?
Said to a British student in Papua New Guinea

Do you still throw spears at each other?
Said in 2002 to a Indigenous Australian businessman

You are a woman, aren't you?
After accepting a gift from a Kenyan citizen;

Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf.
On a visit to the new National Assembly for Wales in Cardiff, said to a group of deaf children standing next to a Jamaican steel drum band

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

[That fuse box] it looks like it was made by an Indian*
Whilst on a tour of a factory in Edinburgh, Scotland

You can't have been here that long — you haven't got a pot belly.
Said to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?
Said to a driving instructor in Scotland

Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease." (in 1992 in Australia, when asked to stroke a Koala bear)

"Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (in 1994, to an islander in the Cayman Islands)

 

[Huayna Capac357]

He is pretty much the least sensitive person ever.

I'll add one:

"You'd better leave soon or you'll all get squinty-eyed" (Prince Philip to a bunch of British students in Beijing)

 

[Taras Bulba]

"Iraq is a country!?!? That makes SOO much more sense!"

"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol"

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

 

[Sharwood]

He is pretty much the least sensitive person ever.

I'll add one:

"You'd better leave soon or you'll all get squinty-eyed" (Prince Philip to a bunch of British students in Beijing)

Which is why I want him as a monarch. He's awesome.

I'll add one said by his grandson, Prince Harry:

"You don't sound like a black chap."
To Black British comedian Stephen K. Amos.