Dumb Quotes

[Firestorm94]

someone in my history class
"Did Martin Luther become president before or after he posted his 95 theses?"

someone else in my history class
"I'm so glad Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves from Britain."

Best Friend
"I'm not a failure, I'm just awesome at failing"

Me in response to my friend
"That's weird, I always seem to fail at failing, can you give some pointers?"

 

[civiijkw]

A guy I know, bragging about how he's so smart: "I have an IQ of 4.0!"

Sounds like somebody with a room temperature IQ. By the way, doesn't most of the world use Celsius to measure room temperature?

 

[TheDS]

If by "most" you're counting the whole world's population, maybe, but "most" meaning people on the internet, I wouldn't count on it.

How old are these people who don't know thing 1 about history? I'd expect statements like that from 1st graders, not people who think they should be running their own lives.

 

[Onionsoilder]

Sounds like somebody with a room temperature IQ. By the way, doesn't most of the world use Celsius to measure room temperature?

Yes, the vast majority. The United States is the only major country that still uses Fahrenheit. Even the Germans, who invented the Fahrenheit scale, have switched to Celsius. The United Kingdom and it's former colonies are also the only countries that still use the Imperial system - everyone else has switched to Metric.

 

[Bigfoot3814]

"I'm not all here but I'm not all not."

My friend's brother when he was drunk like a skunk. I'm considering making that a catchphrase for something.

 

[Firestorm94]

In a class discussion a couple of years ago,
Teacher"Finish this sentence, you have one horse in the stable at the end of the day you have"
My friend"two bottles of glue"
dead silence, then hysterical laughter

 

[carmen510]

"What are your computer specs?"

"Ummm... I guess a playable computer?"

"What the hell is a playable computer??"

"I don't know! I think its a computer you can play games on. I'm only 5 years old. Does anyone know what that oval thingy on the front of my computer is? I can't read."

"You're shitting me right?"

"*massive whining in the background*"

"*me is textbox* This is why I support abortion."

-TF2 voice chat.

 

[GreatNinja]

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
- Ivanna Trump

 

[Onionsoilder]

"I don't know! I think its a computer you can play games on. I'm only 5 years old. Does anyone know what that oval thingy on the front of my computer is? I can't read."
.

He can't read?

How can he type without being able to read? Come to think of it, how can he read what is typed back to him?

 

[carmen510]

He was using his mic...

Sadly...

 

[lndm]

The United Kingdom and it's former colonies are also the only countries that still use the Imperial system

Australia changed to metric when the US changed to unleaded petrol.

 

[KaiserElectric]

"That's like me going down to Vietnam without a gun and facing all the Koreans"

My friend attempting an analogy.

 

[jlvfr]

UK has switched to metric for everything apart from pints for drinks, gallons for fuel and miles for long distances. metres, litres and kilos are in everyday use.

Not everything is on metric. Altitudes in aviation are in feet. Dephs (at sea) are also usually measured in feet.

 

[dagothar]

This Imperial system is... abomination! Why does anyone still use it? Also, altitudes and depths are often expressed in meters, not feet.

 

[lndm]

Altitudes in aviation are in feet. Dephs (at sea) are also usually measured in feet.

That's true. This was a old form of internationalisation like doctors speaking latin. Aviation took on the terms from navigation. It it specialised and somewhat shielded from civilian use so it's unlikely to change in too much of a hurry, and news reports and documentaries often convert to metres anyway.

 

[CCRunner]

My Coach: "You guys don't know how to use your brain cells good."

Kid on my Team: "We don't know how to use our brain cells well"

My Coach:

 

[carmen510]

"Ohmygodwhatthef#@$howdidyouknowIwasthereBullsh#tohmygoddamnyougoddammitwallhackingcrapa$$holef*ckyoudammit" -A total n00b. Sounds like 8 year old.

"Or it could just be you suck." -Three people simotaniously.

"Screw you a$$holes" - n00b.

*I kill him with a backstab*

"WHATTHEF*CKGODDAMMITYOUARESOHACKINGYOUFRIKKIN..." - n00b

"Shut up noob" -Me typing

"SHUT UP. YO' MAMA, YOU HACKING PIECE OF SH*T. I BET YOU'RE A PUBLIC SERVICE GUY." - n00b

"You're mom is a public service. Now shut up." -Me

"F*CK YOU." -n00b

*Vote kick starts, n00b is defeated 25 to 1*

"SCREW YOU ALL HACKERS" -n00b

"Warning: Please hit puberty before projecting your vocal cords into Valve's microphone system. Thank you." -Admin

*Kicked*

- Incident in TF2

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"He sounded like a Communist. He said everybody should be equal."

 

[philippe]

"Ohmygodwhatthef#@$howdidyouknowIwasthereBullsh#tohmygoddamnyougoddammitwallhackingcrapa$$holef*ckyoudammit" -A total n00b. Sounds like 8 year old.

"Or it could just be you suck." -Three people simotaniously.

"Screw you a$$holes" - n00b.

*I kill him with a backstab*

"WHATTHEF*CKGODDAMMITYOUARESOHACKINGYOUFRIKKIN..." - n00b

"Shut up noob" -Me typing

"SHUT UP. YO' MAMA, YOU HACKING PIECE OF SH*T. I BET YOU'RE A PUBLIC SERVICE GUY." - n00b

"You're mom is a public service. Now shut up." -Me

"F*CK YOU." -n00b

*Vote kick starts, n00b is defeated 25 to 1*

"SCREW YOU ALL HACKERS" -n00b

"Warning: Please hit puberty before projecting your vocal cords into Valve's microphone system. Thank you." -Admin

*Kicked*

- Incident in TF2

spies do that to poeple


a fun TF2 moment, it's CTF_well, and i'm playing as a hevy only punching poeple with my KGB gloves.


me:"GET BEHIND ME DOCTOR"

random medic: wait, what, wat u gonna do?

me: MY FISTS NEVER RUN OUT OF AMMO

random medic: oh lol, ok (overheals me)

Me charges in base, chasing a pyro who is about to jump in the water via the pipe

ME: RUN LITTLE MEN

Random medic follows

enemy pyro turns around, tries to shotgun me, I crit-punch him

ME: I AM A GIANT SHARK

random medic stands on opening valve of pipe, running away from scout, I jump out of opening valve, punch scout, sees medic falling in pipe.


then, I get stickied by a demo.

I immiatedtly respawn,

suddenly, random medic: OPEN THE VALVE

ME: I AM REBORN

random medic, OPEN THE F****** VALVE, IM DROWNING

ME: SWIM TO FREEDOM

RANDOM MEDIC: DAMNIT, HELP ME!

ME: DOCTOR, IS NOT POSSIBLE!

(skulls and bones sign: random medic has died)

 

[Endwar 005]

^^ Winsauce