Funny IM messages

[Strider]

found a pretty neat website called bash.org. It's basically a database of funny IM messages. I recommend checking it out, but here's acouple from the website:

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

---------------

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

---------------

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

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<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

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<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

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<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

 

[SoCalian]

so you just found bash, eh? well then you are in for a treat. probbably the best is from bloodninja, but there is a whole site for that.
http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

wanring, sexual humor, and offensive language.

 

[Dr. Yoshi]

Thank you for posting the URL for that site, I had completely forgotten its address and I missed checking it regularly. Now to bookmark it before I forget about it again!

 

[CivFan91]

Owned (10chars):

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

I love the inverted b one.

 

[CivFan91]

<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado

---

<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard

I swear, from now on I'm typing my posts in tags.

 

[Taliesin]

That was hilarious, thanks! I haven't laughed that much for a while.

 

[CivFan91]

<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.

 

[SoCalian]

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK ****
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

I love this one. just insert a commont term for the male sex organ for ****.

edit heres another

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

Edit: and another

<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.

 

[CivFan91]

<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4

 

[Heretic_Cata]

<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.

I did smthing similar to that some time ago. My cousin was here and we were fighting for the keyboard and we typed lots of nasdcv ,amxnc vo3uwq2d ndlkqsfkljan xzc, an,s a. messages and sent them.

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

I do like reading bash. Most of it is pretty standard stuff, but every so often there's an exceptionally funny gem that keeps me giggling for a while.

 

[Strider]

Acouple of other good ones:

<spungles> ooh
<spungles> hot chick in the park
<spungles> bbl
<moleman> WAIT
<moleman> give us a URL first!
<xanex> no
<xanex> I think he means IRL

--------------

* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?

--------------

<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
<NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know.
<NotOneOfUs> Oh wait
<NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert?
<SRG> yes

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<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what? i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health Organization

--------------

<Nori123> You don't know jack ****
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose

 

[Zelig]

qdb.us is good too, the only other quote database that comes close to bash.

 

[FriendlyFire]

ave actually chortled coke through my nose

Those crazy nutcases

 

[Swiss Bezerker]

I knew about this before, its hilarious.

 

[bhsup]

<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what? i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health Organization

Bahahaha!!!

Who's on first?

 

[CivFan91]

<CivFan91> What's on second?

 

[bhsup]

<CivFan91> What's on second?

For those of you who grew up in a different spiral arm of the Milky Way than this one, and are at a loss as to what CivFan91 and I are going on about...

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml

 

[CivFan91]

<CivFan91 & VRWCAgent> THIRD BASE!!!

<CivFan91> Something I don't get about this IRC stuff... what's +b and +o and +i and all the rest?