Funny jokes you have heard about recent world politics

[cubsfan6506]

Just tell jokes about world leaders and stuff.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

I heard recently that people wanted to open relations with Cuba!

 

[CaptainF]

I heard recently that people wanted to open relations with Cuba!

Or send 20,000 troops to Iraq!

*knee slapper*

 

[Kraznaya]

Last week, someone said that if there was a Bush and Gore rematch, Bush would win!

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Or send 20,000 troops to Iraq!

*knee slapper*

that was a good one!

 

[Perfection]

I recall this one joke that portrayed president Bush as acting incompetant in parody of his failed Iraq policy. I can't think of it, but I recall that it was rather amusing.

 

[CaptainF]

I recall this one joke that portrayed president Bush as acting incompetant in parody of his failed Iraq policy. I can't think of it, but I recall that it was rather amusing.

Must have been mine, hence you have poor short term memory.

 

[Stylesjl]

I heard they put a monkey in the white house 7 years ago. Oh I'm really clever for calling Bush an ape, now i'll go and show everyone else how clever I am by regurgitating crap

 

[Perfection]

Must have been mine, hence you have poor short term memory.

Nah, the one I'm thinking of was funny.

 

[CaptainF]

Nah, the one I'm thinking of was funny.

Bah, mine was a knee slapper you humorless Minnesotan.

 

[Swedishguy]

GW Bush and Göran Persson was talking to each other.

Bush: Göran! If you want to know if your henchmen are competent enough, ask them this: If my sister's sibling hasn't died, and she only has one sibling, who did not die?
Göran: OK. And another thing.
Bush: Yes?
Göran: Who was it?
Bush: Me, of course!

When Göran was home, he decided to try it out on Pagrotsky.

Göran: Pagrotsky!
Pagrotsky: Yes?
Göran: If my sister's sibling hasn't died, and she only has one sibling, who did not die?
Pagrotsky: You?
Göran: No, you idiot! GW Bush!

 

[Tee Kay]

GW Bush and Göran Persson was talking to each other.

Bush: Göran! If you want to know if your henchmen are competent enough, ask them this: If my sister's sibling hasn't died, and she only has one sibling, who did not die?
Göran: OK. And another thing.
Bush: Yes?
Göran: Who was it?
Bush: Me, of course!

When Göran was home, he decided to try it out on Pagrotsky.

Göran: Pagrotsky!
Pagrotsky: Yes?
Göran: If my sister's sibling hasn't died, and she only has one sibling, who did not die?
Pagrotsky: You?
Göran: No, you idiot! GW Bush!

Reminds me of this one.

Spoiler :

Bush and Queen Elizabeth II are having a nice conversation over tea

Elizabeth: the secret to ruling effectively is to surround yourself with intelligent people.
Bush: how do I know if the people around me are intelligent.
Elizabeth: You test them (calls in Tony Blair)
Blair: Yes what can I do for your majesty?
Elizabeth: I'm going to ask you a question. If your parent had a child, who's not your brother and he's not your sister, who is he/she?
Blair: it's me your majesty.

So Bush decided to try it on Dick Cheney.

Bush: If your parent had a child, who's not your brother and he's not your sister, who is he/she?
Cheney: um...I don't know give me some time to think.

Cheney went to ask Colin Powell.

Cheney: Hey! George asked this question and I don't know the answer. If your parent had a child, who's not your brother and he's not your sister, who is he/she?
Colin Powell: it's me of course.

Cheney returns to Bush.

Cheney: I know Mr President! It's Colin Powell.
Bush: You idiot! It's Tony Blair!

 

[FriendlyFire]

Shesh slow start:

On traveling to texas one picked up an old story. People were refering to Bush as a post turtle. (a turtle on its back stuck up height above ground on a fence post) a silly childish ploy.

You know the turtle didnt get up there by itself
It has no place being up there
Its completely helpless and useless
and you just want to help the poor [censor] get down.

found the source and orgianl story

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House.
The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."
Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued. "You know-- he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor bastard get down."

 

[FriendlyFire]

Another great story:
so I'll post it verbatain from just after the 2006 election

AUSTIN, Texas -- Do you know how to cure a chicken-killin' dog? Now, you know you cannot keep a dog that kills chickens, no matter how fine a dog it is otherwise.

Some people think you cannot break a dog that has got in the habit of killin' chickens, but my friend John Henry always claimed you could. He said the way to do it is to take one of the chickens the dog has killed and wire the thing around the dog's neck, good and strong. And leave it there until that dead chicken stinks so bad that no other dog or person will even go near that poor beast. Thing'll smell so bad the dog won't be able to stand himself. You leave it on there until the last little bit of flesh rots and falls off, and that dog won't kill chickens again.

The Bush administration is going to be wired around the neck of the American people for four more years, long enough for the stench to sicken everybody. It should cure the country of electing Republicans.

 

[FriendlyFire]

Aha Dick Cheney running thats a good one

George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"

The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."

George W. laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"

"Republicans," the child says.

"Oh that's cute," George W. says and he runs off.

A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.

George W. says to Dick, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box. George W. says, "Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."

The boy replies, "They're Democrats."

"Whoa!", George W. says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"

"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now"

 

[FriendlyFire]

LAMO .

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

 

[FriendlyFire]

. .

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

 

[FriendlyFire]

Groans .

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;

8. One to viciously smear #7;

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;

10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

 

[Sophie 378]

Have you heard the latest news on the bird flu?


Apparently there's no tweetment.