Heerlo
Jedi Master Hearlo
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2012
- Messages
- 2,438
Hence why I didn't mention doing it in my thread.
That's where we're different.
-
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Giant Death Robots With Atomic Bombs
- Thread starter CountAccountant
- Start date
Hence why I didn't mention doing it in my thread.
That's where we're different.
MikeIII the 2nd
Warlord
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 241
in a world where people spontaneously hate you for no reason, I show no sympathy for punks like them.
MikeIII the 2nd
Warlord
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 241
I just kill them all and let god sort out the rest. when will u get a new update? or is the story done?
CountAccountant
Warlord
I hope to have a new update sometime today
CountAccountant
Warlord
Update #10
Turns 240 – Present Day
General Note: Going forward, I expect to post updates 2 – 3 times per week. I am returning to work after a weeklong vacation, so my playing/writing time will be more limited than it was last week. Still, I am excited about seeing this game through to its conclusion.
Also, let me get to the part we’ve all been waiting for: Here’s a screen shot of me dropping an Atomic Bomb on the Ottomans before the hordes of Giant Death Robots swarm in.
●●●●●The Wars to End All Wars●●●●●
Textbooks make a big deal about the exact divisions between America’s wars during the last hundred years. They list start dates and end dates for World War I / World War II / The Vietnam War / The Korean War / The Persian Gulf War / the Second Iraq War (“Operation Iraqi Freedom” / The War in Afghanistan (“Operation Enduring Freedom” and about a hundred different “police actions” and similar military interventions.
But when I was watching the historical simulation, I couldn’t really tell where one war stopped and the next war began. It all just looked like never-ending American warfare all over the globe.
There were far too many battles for me to describe each one here. So instead, I’ll describe some of the key moments in America’s journey to Liberate the Entire Western Hemisphere from Zulu, Babylonian, and Byzantine communists and then to heroically defend the world from an even blacker force of tyranny by Declaring War on the Ottoman Empire.
●●●●●20th Century Warfare: Selected Highlights●●●●●
One of the most famous commanders in modern history is Great Admiral James Tiberius Cook of the USS Enterprise. James T. Cook is probably most famous for liberating the western hemisphere and for his many sexual liaisons with aliens (a term defined in US law as meaning "any person not a citizen or national of the United States.") However, the admiral’s greatest legacy may be the spirit of Exploration and Naval Tradition that his command inspired in the naval commanders that followed him (+1 move/sight for naval units & +1 happiness for harbors/lighthouses/seaports).
Meanwhile, the Golden Age of Piracy had begun on the seas of Europe and Northern Africa. Turkish corsairs and Dutch privateers captured and recaptured each other’s ships frequently, sometimes even multiple times on the same turn. The swashbuckling Dutch captains appear to have delayed the Ottoman’s naval supremacy by hundreds of years, but in the end they were powerless to stop the Ottoman land invasion that caused the Complete Destruction of the Netherlands.
James T. Cook liberated many locations of religious significance, but the Sacred Oil Wells of Constantinople must surely rank amongst the most peculiar. These oil wells extract five standard units of oil per year, but they also generate more religious faith and attract more pilgrims each year than literally any other location in the former Byzantine Empire.
●●●●●Phenomenal Cosmic Power●●●●●
In 1954 AD, the Great Scientist Socrates designed the first functional Atomic Bomb after pioneering the core theories behind the Discovery of Nuclear Fission. His protégé Plado later expanded his master’s theories to develop a fun, non-toxic modeling compound for children’s crafts projects, or maybe he wrote some famous philosophical allegory. I forget which.
In 1966 AD, the top-secret Optimus Prime Project successfully Completed the First Giant Death Robot at a research facility in Roswell, New Mexico. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered the CIA to leak false intelligence reports about extraterrestrial visitors at Roswell. The ensuing antics of prominent conspiracy theorists made stories about Giant Death Robots at Roswell seem equally ridiculous.
In 1978 AD, President Jimmy Carter announced that Atomic Bombs had been added to the regular US Military arsenal. America’s remaining allies – Ethiopia, Spain, and Polynesia – instantly became ‘Afraid’. Fear led to anger, anger led to hate, and hate led to Denouncements By All Former Allies within the next twenty years.
America celebrated the liberation of the western hemisphere during the presidency of George H. W. Bush, who was affectionately nicknamed “Papa Bush” by the Iraqi Smurf Constituency. But in 1990 AD, that joy turned to trepidation when the communist Venetian Worker’s Paradise announced that they had completed their own Venetian Manhattan Project. The idea of a nuclear nonproliferation treaty was tossed around, but almost every world leader became angry at the mere suggestion that the world could better off without total, constant nuclear war. When asked why, world leaders tended to offer one of two explanations: 1) “Nukes are awesome!” and 2) “I lack even a rudimentary understanding of basic science.”
●●●●●Count Chocula’s Revenge●●●●●
Count Chocula was the last of the Great Merchant-Princes that ruled Venice before the uprising of the proletariat (okay, his name wasn’t really Count Chocula, but I forgot to write it down before I closed Civ 5). The Count is most famous for winning Control of the United Nations for Venice, despite Venice only possessing 7 delegates to America’s 32 delegates. The American delegates were simply unprepared to understand the extremely complex backroom deals and financial transactions they were offered before the vote.
Despite winning the United Nations for Venice, Count Chocula was afforded no special treatment under Venice’s egalitarian communist Utopia. After a simple cost-benefit analysis, the Count deserted and set sail for America, where he would be free to own as much chocolatety-deliciousness as he could ever desire (Received Merchant of Venice).
Count Chocula then led the negotiations with the Ottomans, where he convinced the Turks to declare war on every single other nation for free. The Turks were somewhat perplexed when they realized what they had agreed to, and asked to renegotiate terms. Count Chocula then agreed to throw in one of the American’s famous Atomic Bombs to sweeten the deal.
“How much will that cost?” asked the Turkish negotiator. A smile slowly spread across Count Chocula’s lips as he pressed a big red button on the detonator pad. “For you, my dear Ottoman pigs? No charge.”
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
 
●●●●●Other Notes●●●●●
Turns 240 – Present Day
General Note: Going forward, I expect to post updates 2 – 3 times per week. I am returning to work after a weeklong vacation, so my playing/writing time will be more limited than it was last week. Still, I am excited about seeing this game through to its conclusion.
Also, let me get to the part we’ve all been waiting for: Here’s a screen shot of me dropping an Atomic Bomb on the Ottomans before the hordes of Giant Death Robots swarm in.
Spoiler :
●●●●●The Wars to End All Wars●●●●●
Textbooks make a big deal about the exact divisions between America’s wars during the last hundred years. They list start dates and end dates for World War I / World War II / The Vietnam War / The Korean War / The Persian Gulf War / the Second Iraq War (“Operation Iraqi Freedom”
/ The War in Afghanistan (“Operation Enduring Freedom” and about a hundred different “police actions” and similar military interventions.But when I was watching the historical simulation, I couldn’t really tell where one war stopped and the next war began. It all just looked like never-ending American warfare all over the globe.
There were far too many battles for me to describe each one here. So instead, I’ll describe some of the key moments in America’s journey to Liberate the Entire Western Hemisphere from Zulu, Babylonian, and Byzantine communists and then to heroically defend the world from an even blacker force of tyranny by Declaring War on the Ottoman Empire.
●●●●●20th Century Warfare: Selected Highlights●●●●●
One of the most famous commanders in modern history is Great Admiral James Tiberius Cook of the USS Enterprise. James T. Cook is probably most famous for liberating the western hemisphere and for his many sexual liaisons with aliens (a term defined in US law as meaning "any person not a citizen or national of the United States.") However, the admiral’s greatest legacy may be the spirit of Exploration and Naval Tradition that his command inspired in the naval commanders that followed him (+1 move/sight for naval units & +1 happiness for harbors/lighthouses/seaports).
Spoiler :
Meanwhile, the Golden Age of Piracy had begun on the seas of Europe and Northern Africa. Turkish corsairs and Dutch privateers captured and recaptured each other’s ships frequently, sometimes even multiple times on the same turn. The swashbuckling Dutch captains appear to have delayed the Ottoman’s naval supremacy by hundreds of years, but in the end they were powerless to stop the Ottoman land invasion that caused the Complete Destruction of the Netherlands.
Spoiler :
James T. Cook liberated many locations of religious significance, but the Sacred Oil Wells of Constantinople must surely rank amongst the most peculiar. These oil wells extract five standard units of oil per year, but they also generate more religious faith and attract more pilgrims each year than literally any other location in the former Byzantine Empire.
Spoiler :
●●●●●Phenomenal Cosmic Power●●●●●
In 1954 AD, the Great Scientist Socrates designed the first functional Atomic Bomb after pioneering the core theories behind the Discovery of Nuclear Fission. His protégé Plado later expanded his master’s theories to develop a fun, non-toxic modeling compound for children’s crafts projects, or maybe he wrote some famous philosophical allegory. I forget which.
In 1966 AD, the top-secret Optimus Prime Project successfully Completed the First Giant Death Robot at a research facility in Roswell, New Mexico. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered the CIA to leak false intelligence reports about extraterrestrial visitors at Roswell. The ensuing antics of prominent conspiracy theorists made stories about Giant Death Robots at Roswell seem equally ridiculous.
In 1978 AD, President Jimmy Carter announced that Atomic Bombs had been added to the regular US Military arsenal. America’s remaining allies – Ethiopia, Spain, and Polynesia – instantly became ‘Afraid’. Fear led to anger, anger led to hate, and hate led to Denouncements By All Former Allies within the next twenty years.
America celebrated the liberation of the western hemisphere during the presidency of George H. W. Bush, who was affectionately nicknamed “Papa Bush” by the Iraqi Smurf Constituency. But in 1990 AD, that joy turned to trepidation when the communist Venetian Worker’s Paradise announced that they had completed their own Venetian Manhattan Project. The idea of a nuclear nonproliferation treaty was tossed around, but almost every world leader became angry at the mere suggestion that the world could better off without total, constant nuclear war. When asked why, world leaders tended to offer one of two explanations: 1) “Nukes are awesome!” and 2) “I lack even a rudimentary understanding of basic science.”
Spoiler :
●●●●●Count Chocula’s Revenge●●●●●
Count Chocula was the last of the Great Merchant-Princes that ruled Venice before the uprising of the proletariat (okay, his name wasn’t really Count Chocula, but I forgot to write it down before I closed Civ 5). The Count is most famous for winning Control of the United Nations for Venice, despite Venice only possessing 7 delegates to America’s 32 delegates. The American delegates were simply unprepared to understand the extremely complex backroom deals and financial transactions they were offered before the vote.
Despite winning the United Nations for Venice, Count Chocula was afforded no special treatment under Venice’s egalitarian communist Utopia. After a simple cost-benefit analysis, the Count deserted and set sail for America, where he would be free to own as much chocolatety-deliciousness as he could ever desire (Received Merchant of Venice).
Count Chocula then led the negotiations with the Ottomans, where he convinced the Turks to declare war on every single other nation for free. The Turks were somewhat perplexed when they realized what they had agreed to, and asked to renegotiate terms. Count Chocula then agreed to throw in one of the American’s famous Atomic Bombs to sweeten the deal.
“How much will that cost?” asked the Turkish negotiator. A smile slowly spread across Count Chocula’s lips as he pressed a big red button on the detonator pad. “For you, my dear Ottoman pigs? No charge.”
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
Spoiler :
 
●●●●●Other Notes●●●●●
- I didn't realize that Stealth Bombers aren't really restricted by range. I didn’t research them for a long time because I saw that I couldn’t load them on carriers.
- Regarding not researching Stealth Bombers earlier: I am an idiot. Those things are amazing.
- Policies: Exploration, Capitalism, Naval Tradition
- New Ideologies: Order (Babylon) Autocracy (Spain – they broke my heart), Freedom (Netherlands, Shoshone)
- World Congress: Scholars in Residence, Repeal City State Embargo
- Everyone is now Guarded with me. Almost everyone has denounced me. The fools.
- I accidently put Venice in control of UN permanently. It was the last election, too. I played Venice in my previous game, and it was just force of habit.
- I received a Merchant of Venice.
- I lost 170 points of influence after Spain successfully backed a coup in a city state that was providing me with 4 uranium.
- I bribed the Ottomans into declaring war on EVERY OTHER PLAYER, and then declared war on him by dropping an atomic bomb. I never had to pay him a dime.
- I have a lot of Giant Death Robots
- Venice has built the Manhattan project.
Heerlo
Jedi Master Hearlo
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2012
- Messages
- 2,438
redwings1340
Emperor
Looks like a lot has happened here. I'm pretty sure this game won't last forever, but instead you'll just pretty easily conquer the entire world.
Notes here
1) I've never seen Venice have more than one or two cities before. This is impressive.
2) Stealth bombers are fantastic. Like, really, really, fantastic. In vanilla I would tech to them really quickly when they were a lot earlier in the tech tree, because they were just ridiculously good.
3) I'm curious what will happen to the world congress hosting when you wipe out Venice. In my first game of BNW I was playing as Venice, and I decided to give the world congress to Indonesia because I figured that first, there would probably be more sessions of hosting the world congress in the future, and secondly, I wanted them as my ally, because I was already having enough trouble with the mayans. Unfortunately, they just proceeded to hate me and submit proposals like embargoing me and stuff, and I could never get those delegates back. I still ended up winning a diplo victory in that game, but it came at a cost. I was in a position to wipe out the Mayans completely with 6 nukes the turn before I won (it took a while because there weren't many city states still alive, so I had to go through a lot of world leader votes before I could make up the host delegates I lost), but I couldn't, because I wouldn't have had enough votes because I needed their diplomat vote from globalization. This was also the game where I declared war against the mayans at one point, and then lost 7 bombers and 3 jet fighters to one nuke before my next turn. I did not like the mayans that game. In fact, my entire continent was evil, and the Zulu (runaway on the other continent and had an insane military) were my only friends by the end of that game.
I have taken Berlin before when they were host of the world congress, but it remained in Germany.
4) I didn't know Kirk was a great Admiral. That's awesome! EDIT: whoops... wow...
Notes here
1) I've never seen Venice have more than one or two cities before. This is impressive.
2) Stealth bombers are fantastic. Like, really, really, fantastic. In vanilla I would tech to them really quickly when they were a lot earlier in the tech tree, because they were just ridiculously good.
3) I'm curious what will happen to the world congress hosting when you wipe out Venice. In my first game of BNW I was playing as Venice, and I decided to give the world congress to Indonesia because I figured that first, there would probably be more sessions of hosting the world congress in the future, and secondly, I wanted them as my ally, because I was already having enough trouble with the mayans. Unfortunately, they just proceeded to hate me and submit proposals like embargoing me and stuff, and I could never get those delegates back. I still ended up winning a diplo victory in that game, but it came at a cost. I was in a position to wipe out the Mayans completely with 6 nukes the turn before I won (it took a while because there weren't many city states still alive, so I had to go through a lot of world leader votes before I could make up the host delegates I lost), but I couldn't, because I wouldn't have had enough votes because I needed their diplomat vote from globalization. This was also the game where I declared war against the mayans at one point, and then lost 7 bombers and 3 jet fighters to one nuke before my next turn. I did not like the mayans that game. In fact, my entire continent was evil, and the Zulu (runaway on the other continent and had an insane military) were my only friends by the end of that game.
I have taken Berlin before when they were host of the world congress, but it remained in Germany.
4) I didn't know Kirk was a great Admiral. That's awesome! EDIT: whoops... wow...
Js_9001
Indefatigable
Kirk isn't a great admiral, that guy's name was Cook.
Also, that is a greatly placed atomic bomb. That must've wiped out 10 units (including horses and wooden ships
) and hurt the city too.
Also, that is a greatly placed atomic bomb. That must've wiped out 10 units (including horses and wooden ships
) and hurt the city too.
redwings1340
Emperor
Oh... lol. Whoops, Well, Count, your writing is good enough that I definitely read Kirk when I was reading that. Congrats?
Js_9001
Indefatigable
It was a reference to Kirk, because of the James Tiberius.
redwings1340
Emperor
Yeah, I know. Sometimes when my mind just fills in some words when I'm reading. Until I saw the movie Eragon I could have sworn to you that Galbatorix was spelled Glatterbox. Seriously, I got through the first 3 books of the series while thinking of the name the second way every time I read it. When I saw the USS enterprise reference, I just assumed that the game decided to put Kirk in as a great admiral as an easter egg. It kind of fits. Oh well.
Js_9001
Indefatigable
Glatterbox. I know how you feel, that happens to me too, although I didn't have a problem with Galbatorix.
CountAccountant
Warlord
To be denounced by those I once called "Friends"... surely that must be suffering incarnate.
Kirk isn't a great admiral, that guy's name was Cook.
Also, that is a greatly placed atomic bomb. That must've wiped out 10 units (including horses and wooden ships
Strategists, take note: I have verified that Atomic Bombs are VERY effective against horses and wooden ships.
Yeah, it's starting to look that way. I probably should have done this game on Immortal. Oh well, live and learn.
Strongly agree, on both accounts. Though obviously I was a little bit late to the Stealth Bomber party.
I will let you know. Sounds like quite the frustrating experience with the Mayans, though.
Ha, I do the same thing. Well, something similar: I don't really read most names, at least not most fantasy names. I just look at the first letter and shape of the word, and I can usally identify which character is talking. But I cannot tell you what most character's actual names are to save my life until the book gets made into a movie. I don't know why I read this way, it just kind of happened naturally, I guess.
Not surprisingly, this system doesn't work well for fantasy series with lots of background characters. I usually don't finish those.
Great read, thanks again. I loved the ABomb shot, well placed one to just avoiding your CS ally.
BTW I never said it, but when I thought about your game and approach to taking over the world I saw the same way, taking over Western Hemisphere and then duking it out with the Asian Superpowers.
I am curious, did You gift MoV to a CS ? If so I wonder how they would use him, if you have not gifted him yet, please try it on one that has a next door neighbor, maybe they will take it over?.
BTW I never said it, but when I thought about your game and approach to taking over the world I saw the same way, taking over Western Hemisphere and then duking it out with the Asian Superpowers.
I am curious, did You gift MoV to a CS ? If so I wonder how they would use him, if you have not gifted him yet, please try it on one that has a next door neighbor, maybe they will take it over?.
CountAccountant
Warlord
Thanks, on both accounts.
It has proven very effective, I must admit. Starting in the communist Americas gave me two huge advantages: 1) it gave me time to build up a massive bomber fleet, and 2) it gave that bomber fleet plenty of experience. Now that I'm fighting the (relatively) powerful empires, it's nice to have more than a dozen stealth bombers with Logistics and Air Repair. Having militaristic city state allies and a bunch of left over land units back home made me feel confident that I could defend Africa from Suleiman if he attacked. Of course, it was a bit of a gamble - if Suleiman had been more powerful, he could have gained enough strength in the meantime that I wouldn't have had a chance of stopping him at all.
No, I haven't gifted him yet - I'll give him to city-state with a close neighbor. I had been sending him towards the city state that Spain backed the Coup in. I've been bitter about losing 170 influence from that city state, but all I really need to do is get the city state back from Spain. Just gifting him and some gold would accomplish the same objective in fewer turns, and it will be an interesting experiment regardless.
Quebec City's borders are literally adjacent to Kabul's borders, so it should be an ideal target for the testing.
Update: I have gifted the merchant. I tried gifting him through the city state menu as you suggested and it worked just fine.
Now we just wait, since you are allies you should be able to see him in action if the CS knows what to do with MoV.
By not attacking Sully directly you also gave him a chance to bring the thread title closer to reality, or maybe your own ABs and GDRs is enough
I hate fighting against nuclear opponents, good thing that outside of Ghandi they rarely use it in non retaliatory manner. I am thinking of banning them in my game if I have a chance (of course after building a bunch myself)
By not attacking Sully directly you also gave him a chance to bring the thread title closer to reality, or maybe your own ABs and GDRs is enough
I hate fighting against nuclear opponents, good thing that outside of Ghandi they rarely use it in non retaliatory manner. I am thinking of banning them in my game if I have a chance (of course after building a bunch myself)
Js_9001
Indefatigable
I don't understand what logic they used to determine that a nuclear ban should only prevent people making nukes, and that using them is ok as long as you don't make them.
CountAccountant
Warlord
I expect to have the next update ready sometime this evening, hopefully in the next few hours or so. In the meantime, responses to the community:
Unlike most of the other units that I've given to city-states, the Merchant of Venice never appeared on the map. I assume that Great People given by Sweden are disappearing instead of joining the city state. I haven't bothered to pay attention to the gifted Great People until now, but I'll try to watch my next gifted Great Person to confirm. In related news, the gifted Merchant of Venice and 500 gold were all I needed to regain my Ally status after the 170 influence coup. The gap had somehow fallen to 138 just a few turns later (right before the gift), and I don't think that I rigged any elections or completed any quests. Maybe I missed a notification or something.
More on this in my next updateBy not attacking Sully directly you also gave him a chance to bring the thread title closer to reality, or maybe your own ABs and GDRs is enough
Do you ever post your games online? I would enjoy learning more.
I completely agree. I can't even begin to see the logic, either.
CountAccountant
Warlord
Update #11
Turns 272 – 280 (2000 AD)
●●●●●Ottomania●●●●●
Policy analysts had no doubt been advocating for military action against the aggressive and rapidly expanding Ottoman Empire for centuries. I believe that the most influential of these in recent times was the esteemed J.S. the 9001st, Executive Dean of the newly completed Oxford University (free technology upon completion – Mobile Tactics selected). But despite the brilliance of Dr. Js 9001 and other men of learning, I can confirm through first-hand experience as an American citizen that well-reasoned and evidence-based arguments rarely resonate with the American public.
But in spring of 1992 AD, they did exactly that. America, the self-appointed World Police, refused to stand aside while the warmongering Ottoman Empire issued half a dozen unprovoked declarations of war. As antagonism towards the Turkish Imperium grew, the newly elected President Bill Clinton presented shocking evidence that made the case for war beyond all doubt: 1) Supreme Lord Commander Suleiman of the Ottoman Empire wears a turban, and 2) some people who wear turbans have occasionally turned out to be terrorists. At that moment, the American Declaration of War on the Ottoman Empire was inevitable.
Now Every Nation Had Joined the War Against the Ottoman Empire. Freedom’s glorious triumph against the forces of imperialism, autocracy, and needlessly complex Ottoman Divan poetry seemed assured.
●●●●●Battle for the Sea and Air●●●●●
The Turkish Imperium launched the war’s opening salvos with the pride of its armed forces: the Imperial Navy. The Ottoman navy had recently added a handful of modern battleships, but the bulk of the fleet was comprised of wooden frigates and privateers. Nevertheless, Ottoman morale was probably very high. If I am remembering my Avalon Hill board game titles correctly, their motto was “Wooden ships with iron men will always defeat iron ships with wooden men.”.
Unfortunately for the Ottomans, the Global Alliance’s unofficial and somewhat less-catchy motto proved to be a better description of the actual conflict: “Iron ships with biological, carbon-based men will always defeat wooden ships with biological, carbon-based men. Especially when the iron ships are supported by aluminum stealth bombers.” The Ottomans did successfully plunder a few American trade routes during the early months of the war, but the American Navy Demolished its Ottoman Counterpart soon afterwards.
The Enemy Triplanes and Great War Bombers of the Imperial Ottoman Airforce were even more hopelessly outclassed by the American Jet Fighters and Stealth Bombers. Without a doubt, the expression “He enlisted in the Imperial Air Force” eventually became a Turkish euphemism for “He passed away.”
Both the oceans and the skies had been secured. America and the Global Alliance were ready to authorize ground forces to attack the Imperium directly.
●●●●●Battle for Istanbul●●●●●
Above: An Imperial Ottoman Great War Infantry (LEFT) and Sipahi (RIGHT)
The Ottoman Imperium had once been the mightiest nation in the world. It had swallowed Korea, Carthage, Germany, India (via Korea), Florence, the Vatican, and a smattering of cities from other nations. Its most brilliant minds had unanimously flocked to sexy war and avoided nerdy science. Now the Empire would pay the price for its anti-intellectualism. High tech superweapons wielded by the Americans and the other Global Alliance nations Destroyed the Ottoman Empire in Just Seven Turns.
I will not attempt chronicle each repetitive battle and skirmish here. Instead, I will describe the storming of the Imperial Capital (Istanbul) to showcase a typical engagement. NOTE: I did not insert any extra jokes into the blue descriptive text below. I believe that the situation is ridiculous enough to stand on its own.
Imagine, if you will, that you are an elite soldier in the Ottoman Imperial Guard – the most storied military in the world. Like every other solider in your battalion, you have mastered the art of wielding your rifle effectively from the trenches; for close combat, an elegant, curved sword is still standard issue. Your primary battlefield support comes from horse-mounted noblemen (The Sipahi), who physically charge high-priority targets with lances and swords.
During particularly important battles you might also receive limited support from primitive Ottoman Triplanes and Biplanes, but these Imperial flying machines can only lift off successfully if weapon weight is reduced to an absolute minimum. Each week brings a new rumor about the devastating Venetian Rocket Artillery that is said to be inflicting horrific casualties on the Imperial battalions stationed near the eastern border with Venice. These rumors do not unsettle you, of course, for you are eager to die for the glory of the Ottoman Imperium.
Then you see this:
Nuclear fires wash over Istanbul. Your platoon’s messenger is forced to abandon his mission to request new orders from the High Command when ordinance from American Stealth Bombers vaporizes the entire senior command tent and nearly every local command tent within your field of vision. Two squadrons of the Ottoman Empire’s most advanced combat triplanes alter course to support your position, but are ripped apart by the mere sound waves emitted by the hypersonic American Jet Fighters screaming overhead.
Within minutes, you begin to hear the death screams of your squadmates as a Missile-Launching, Fire-Spewing, Laser-Blasting, Chainsword-Swinging Giant Death Robot the size of a sky scrapper closes in and begins mopping up the surviving Imperial foot soldiers. Then another giant robot appears over the horizon. Then another. And another. With a heavy heart, you realize that you will bring no glory to the Empire when you perish in today’s massacre, for your death here is as meaningless as it is inevitable.
●●●●●Other Notes●●●●●
The World Map, 2000 AD
Turns 272 – 280 (2000 AD)
●●●●●Ottomania●●●●●
Policy analysts had no doubt been advocating for military action against the aggressive and rapidly expanding Ottoman Empire for centuries. I believe that the most influential of these in recent times was the esteemed J.S. the 9001st, Executive Dean of the newly completed Oxford University (free technology upon completion – Mobile Tactics selected). But despite the brilliance of Dr. Js 9001 and other men of learning, I can confirm through first-hand experience as an American citizen that well-reasoned and evidence-based arguments rarely resonate with the American public.
But in spring of 1992 AD, they did exactly that. America, the self-appointed World Police, refused to stand aside while the warmongering Ottoman Empire issued half a dozen unprovoked declarations of war. As antagonism towards the Turkish Imperium grew, the newly elected President Bill Clinton presented shocking evidence that made the case for war beyond all doubt: 1) Supreme Lord Commander Suleiman of the Ottoman Empire wears a turban, and 2) some people who wear turbans have occasionally turned out to be terrorists. At that moment, the American Declaration of War on the Ottoman Empire was inevitable.
Now Every Nation Had Joined the War Against the Ottoman Empire. Freedom’s glorious triumph against the forces of imperialism, autocracy, and needlessly complex Ottoman Divan poetry seemed assured.
●●●●●Battle for the Sea and Air●●●●●
The Turkish Imperium launched the war’s opening salvos with the pride of its armed forces: the Imperial Navy. The Ottoman navy had recently added a handful of modern battleships, but the bulk of the fleet was comprised of wooden frigates and privateers. Nevertheless, Ottoman morale was probably very high. If I am remembering my Avalon Hill board game titles correctly, their motto was “Wooden ships with iron men will always defeat iron ships with wooden men.”.
Spoiler :
Unfortunately for the Ottomans, the Global Alliance’s unofficial and somewhat less-catchy motto proved to be a better description of the actual conflict: “Iron ships with biological, carbon-based men will always defeat wooden ships with biological, carbon-based men. Especially when the iron ships are supported by aluminum stealth bombers.” The Ottomans did successfully plunder a few American trade routes during the early months of the war, but the American Navy Demolished its Ottoman Counterpart soon afterwards.
Spoiler :
The Enemy Triplanes and Great War Bombers of the Imperial Ottoman Airforce were even more hopelessly outclassed by the American Jet Fighters and Stealth Bombers. Without a doubt, the expression “He enlisted in the Imperial Air Force” eventually became a Turkish euphemism for “He passed away.”
Both the oceans and the skies had been secured. America and the Global Alliance were ready to authorize ground forces to attack the Imperium directly.
●●●●●Battle for Istanbul●●●●●
Above: An Imperial Ottoman Great War Infantry (LEFT) and Sipahi (RIGHT)
The Ottoman Imperium had once been the mightiest nation in the world. It had swallowed Korea, Carthage, Germany, India (via Korea), Florence, the Vatican, and a smattering of cities from other nations. Its most brilliant minds had unanimously flocked to sexy war and avoided nerdy science. Now the Empire would pay the price for its anti-intellectualism. High tech superweapons wielded by the Americans and the other Global Alliance nations Destroyed the Ottoman Empire in Just Seven Turns.
Spoiler :
I will not attempt chronicle each repetitive battle and skirmish here. Instead, I will describe the storming of the Imperial Capital (Istanbul) to showcase a typical engagement. NOTE: I did not insert any extra jokes into the blue descriptive text below. I believe that the situation is ridiculous enough to stand on its own.
Imagine, if you will, that you are an elite soldier in the Ottoman Imperial Guard – the most storied military in the world. Like every other solider in your battalion, you have mastered the art of wielding your rifle effectively from the trenches; for close combat, an elegant, curved sword is still standard issue. Your primary battlefield support comes from horse-mounted noblemen (The Sipahi), who physically charge high-priority targets with lances and swords.
During particularly important battles you might also receive limited support from primitive Ottoman Triplanes and Biplanes, but these Imperial flying machines can only lift off successfully if weapon weight is reduced to an absolute minimum. Each week brings a new rumor about the devastating Venetian Rocket Artillery that is said to be inflicting horrific casualties on the Imperial battalions stationed near the eastern border with Venice. These rumors do not unsettle you, of course, for you are eager to die for the glory of the Ottoman Imperium.
Then you see this:
Spoiler :
Nuclear fires wash over Istanbul. Your platoon’s messenger is forced to abandon his mission to request new orders from the High Command when ordinance from American Stealth Bombers vaporizes the entire senior command tent and nearly every local command tent within your field of vision. Two squadrons of the Ottoman Empire’s most advanced combat triplanes alter course to support your position, but are ripped apart by the mere sound waves emitted by the hypersonic American Jet Fighters screaming overhead.
Within minutes, you begin to hear the death screams of your squadmates as a Missile-Launching, Fire-Spewing, Laser-Blasting, Chainsword-Swinging Giant Death Robot the size of a sky scrapper closes in and begins mopping up the surviving Imperial foot soldiers. Then another giant robot appears over the horizon. Then another. And another. With a heavy heart, you realize that you will bring no glory to the Empire when you perish in today’s massacre, for your death here is as meaningless as it is inevitable.
Spoiler :
●●●●●Other Notes●●●●●
- Obtained the policy Urbanization (+1 happiness for Water Mills, Hospitals, Medical Labs)
- The Ottoman war was about as much of a cakewalk as the narrative describes. It almost felt like a letdown. More on this in the post below.
- I liberated two of the Ottoman’s cities that used to belong to Korea, which brought Korea back to life. Of course, Korea immediately decided to hate me as much as everyone else does.
- I also liberated two city states (Florence and Vatican City). They are now my allies.
- I gave every Ottoman city that I did not directly liberate to Venice. These cities included Carthage, Seoul, Delphi, Munich, and Edirne (a normal Ottoman city in the British Isles). Let’s assume that Venice defeated me at the United Nations negotiating table when the victorious Global Alliance sat down to allocate the conquered Empire's lands among the victors, much the same way that the allies divided Germany after WW2. Venice now controls most of Europe and Asia, but I still have Death Robots and other units sitting inside the borders of some of the European city states.
The World Map, 2000 AD
